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If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 2:01:26 PM   
SilverShadows


Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		If YOU say humiliation

If YOU say you like humiliation in your profile, I would like to know what YOU mean by it.  It’s not really relevant to me what others think YOU mean. I want to understand what YOU are trying to communicate.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet


Come Kiss the Guillotine
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Profile   Post #: 1
RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 2:08:52 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Feeling intensely humbled before another who consciously is choosing to provoke that feeling in me.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_726534/mpage_1/key_humiliation%252Cessay/tm.htm#727071
Another Female Objectification Question

http://www.collarchat.com/m_354018/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#354196
humiliation???

http://www.collarchat.com/m_412944/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#413037
what is good humiliation to you?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_426015/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#426025
humiliation vs degradation

http://www.collarchat.com/m_489256/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#489324
humiliation and vulnerability

http://www.collarchat.com/m_310209/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#310223
Humiliation- verbal and physical

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266448/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#266532
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Humiliation and Degradation

Erotic Humiliation

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Asking for humiliation

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Why such problems with humiliation?

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Help with humiliation please!

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Questions about humiliation


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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SilverShadows)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 2:20:14 PM   
SilverShadows


Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		By humbled, do you mean that you have increased respect for the other. Do you mean you feel less of yourself than before, i.e. your self esteem decreases?

To me the word implies feeling degraded, like a piece of trash, made to feel worthless. From watching your posts, I can’t imagine that is what you mean. You list it as a like so how you see the word is important to me.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet


Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 2:26:12 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverShadows
By humbled, do you mean that you have increased respect for the other.

Not necessarily.  It impresses me when someone can do it to me well, but there's not automatic respect that goes with it.

quote:

 Do you mean you feel less of yourself than before, i.e. your self esteem decreases?

That's what I call degradation.  I do that also, but it's not the same as humiliation.

quote:

To me the word implies feeling degraded, like a piece of trash, made to feel worthless. From watching your posts, I can’t imagine that is what you mean.

That's exactly why I love it so much- it's not easy to do.

quote:

You list it as a like so how you see the word is important to me.

It's a definite love/hate relationship :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 2:30:10 PM   
SilverShadows


Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Thank-you. I have some understanding of what you mean by humble. I feel humble when listening to a great teacher, or reading the sutra. They do not make me feel less than, but the free me of the weight of my ego. They lift one up at the same time making one realize how small one is.

Does this come close to what you are trying to describe to me.

< Message edited by SilverShadows -- 3/13/2007 2:39:35 PM >

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet


Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 2:49:16 PM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		humiliation... punishment in public [read: in front of the roommate], fat grabbing [yep, He loves to grab my fat areas and tell me how fat i am - but this does not lead to feeling degraded, its a huge turn on for me, and Him too [surprised both of us on both counts], being peed on, or deep throating so much i vomit [and if were not in the shower, boy!! how humiliating!], being forced to *do myself* for Him [very sensitive area still] as punishment, and the classic name calling during sex or play ["look at you, you're such an unsatisfiable slut it takes an inhuman touch" -vibrator]

this is still a new facet for me.

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"


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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 3:42:12 PM   
Masstohr


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverShadows

If YOU say humiliation

If YOU say you like humiliation in your profile, I would like to know what YOU mean by it.  It’s not really relevant to me what others think YOU mean. I want to understand what YOU are trying to communicate.


Thank you for asking that. There definitly isnt any singular "definition" out there for humiliation and such.  I especially love when subs say "no limits".. then you find out in person otherwise.  Im just like "well what in the hell did you think 'no limits' meant?"

(in reply to SilverShadows)
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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 4:17:46 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverShadows

If YOU say humiliation

If YOU say you like humiliation in your profile, I would like to know what YOU mean by it.  It’s not really relevant to me what others think YOU mean. I want to understand what YOU are trying to communicate.


It's definately a delicate area to tread unless you really trust that person well.  When my dom asks me to do something that i find difficult to do, it's probably because i find it humiliating.  The odd thing is, the closer i feel towards someone, the less i am inclined to feel humiliated by something they ask me to do - when i am at a point that i adore them so much i am willing to do anything to please them (this would take a long time to get to this phase) the doing of it at that stage probably won't feel humiliating. 

i have been urinated on - didn't feel humiliated by it
have been naked in public - didn't feel humiliated by it
eaten out of a pet dish on the floor - always thoguht this would be humiliating - but actually when i saw his delight in my doing it - did not feel humiliated by it. 

i was chastized in a public place by him and that was very humiliating for me. 

i am sure there are many things that could be done that i would find humiliating, i just won't know till i am faced with them.

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to SilverShadows)
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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 6:09:26 PM   
SilverShadows


Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Were you degraded, humiliated, embarrassed, humbled or something else. Velvet I am not hearing the emotions you are feeling – you know what they are. Any of the actions you mentioned could be degrading, humiliating, embarrassing, or humbling depending on the person. The action does not in and of itself contain the emotion experienced. If the right person bitch slaps me I might be exhilarated. I had another partner who it reminded of past abuse and it was humiliating, hard limit – no face slapping.  Some people love gender play, I find gender play humiliating, not embarrassing, humbling, or exhilarating.

When someone says they want to be debased or made to feel like a piece of meat, I know they want something I am not willing to do to another person. When someone says they like humiliation, I feel like we are talking two different languages. So I’m trying to figure out what others are saying.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet


Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 6:23:31 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverShadows

If YOU say humiliation

If YOU say you like humiliation in your profile, I would like to know what YOU mean by it. It’s not really relevant to me what others think YOU mean. I want to understand what YOU are trying to communicate.


LA pointed to a lot of threads regarding this subject. I think one of the reasons that people keep coming back to the idea of humiliation is that there is such a wide disparity of what it means to people.

In a BDSM/D/s context, I view humiliation and degradation as two separate areas. To me, degradation is making a person feel worthless and, as you called it, like a piece of trash. There generally tends to be no good progress or growth or sexual excitement that comes out of it. Humiliation does bring on sexual excitement and a feeling of being humbled through techniques such as name calling or exhibition of your submissive in public or private, etc.. They are usually difficult for the submissive to do and yet, exciting and embarassing and arousing to her.

The levels are what vary from person to person. For some submissives, being told they are "such an unsatisfiable slut that a vibrator must be brought in" (thanks for the visual and the illustrative phrase, mixie) can fit right into their humiliation bag. For other submissives, it would be a hurtful, degrading thing to say because it does not cause arousal...it cause them to feel shame or unworthy or any other deep, bad feeling you can think of.

That is how I approach it...and define it...to others when I am discussing this with them.

(in reply to SilverShadows)
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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 6:28:50 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		when someone goes for the gut and calls me a black nigger bitch who loves to suck her Master's white cock or something to that effect which will either spark rage and/or tears  in my eyes. OR if you really want to go deeper, treat me like a slave ...no not that kind but back in the plantation days for a Master to use and abuse (raping, beating, whipping) ...paraded around in the nude and fondled unappropriately as if i was on the auction block to be bought and sold. i went through a scene like that with one of my formers - it was the hardest and broke me down as a person until i was utterly nothing but a shell.

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 6:33:42 PM   
SilverShadows


Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		And your definition is close to mine. I also note you list humilation as a hate.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet


Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 6:54:39 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		     I see 'Humiliation' as being closely linked with 'Shame.'  It's a mind game.  I'm currently learning just how imprecise a term it is.  What is going to cause one person to have trouble looking at themselves in the mirror the next morning, might merely excite another and completely squick a third.

    Perhaps it should be viewed more as a variety of subspace to achieve, rather than a list of activities.

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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 7:14:00 PM   
SilverShadows


Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		I too link humiliation with shame. Others are not. It is the dimensions of this sub-space I am trying understand. Not the activities.

I have concluded that the use of degrading communicates better what I don't want to do to others not humiliation. Since most people seem to agree on the emotional space associated with being degraded.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet


Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 7:18:10 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		For Angel and I, humiliation consists of my telling him how he lacks in certain areas, and how much better I could do than what he has to offer.  Ive learned that although he knows he lacks in certain area, which I remind him of when we are in scene, it causes him to desire to make up the difference in other areas.  Overall, his adiction to humiliation makes him a better slave as a whole, even though I am not expecting an improvement in those areas he lacks.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 7:48:17 PM   
servicewithsmile


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/6/2007
Status: offline 		Humiliation, objectification, degradation.  Doesn't matter what anyone else says.  Whomever your potential partner is, if you're willing to cater to his fantasy, when he says he wants to be treated like a piece of trash and he can either verbalize or write a fantasy for you that explains exactly his mental perception and the physical acts that will arouse him when indulging this kink, you might very well find that you can do these things for him. 

Note, FOR him, 'cause it's unlikely that it will arouse you 'cause you've already said it's not really your thing.  Still, if what he wants is as simple as being used as a piece of furniture, you might just give him what he wants as a treat -not to subvert your authority or anything.

In the past when I've scened as a sub, the humiliation details were gone over extensively before we started.  Even then, a few pretenders did not quite 'get it' which pretty much ended the scene and the playing relationship.

I've got a very strong ego, but if I am feeling put-upon by circumstances/life, I don't play out the humiliation kink.  Tears are a bad sign from me, as I am wont to forget or refuse my safeword and expect the Dominant to intuitively grasp the situation when I am in an alter ego state.

And for an example of a humiliation scene, please read my recent post in the slave/sub section about fellatio.  Squick warning.

ymmv
-sws

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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 8:13:10 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		 
Ahhh, humiliation is difficult for me to describe.  There are many things that I not only enjoy but find arousing which leads me in a circle.  During the activity, I may feel the burn of shame but afterward I glow with pride. But if I have enjoyed it, how can it be humiliating?  It’s complicated and usually requires a lot of discussion with the dominant before hand. 

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 8:35:56 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline 		I do not have humiliation categorized in my profile for a like or dislike…but put me in for a “like”..
 
In humiliation, I love that “exciting uncomfortable feeling” and having to adapt back to my comfort zone through converting it through my mind…
 
Just like if you have a “lucy” moment where you come out of the restroom and your skirt tucked in your waistband and wearing no panties…some may cry, get embarrassed, but I generally convert it to humor, just to get back to my comfort zone.
 
I am a very hard person to humiliate, I used to say I couldn’t be humiliated…I had to back up and punt on that statement. (grin)…I’ve learned on my journey, it only takes very simple things to humiliate me….some of the things another person wouldn’t give a second thought about and the things that would send most into hiding, doesn’t humiliate me…a very ironic twist.
 
I will add,. I do enjoy that sinking uncomfortable feeling and I stand in awe of the person that helps me find it.
 
For me the world of BDSM is largely about “FEEL”.. and humiliation is just another thing to “FEEL” for me.

(in reply to catize)
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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 8:53:25 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		If YOU say you like humiliation in your profile, I would like to know what YOU mean by it.




For me it is about stripping away and removing the barrier of pride which often manifests itself as arrogance and egoism.





< Message edited by SlyStone -- 3/13/2007 8:54:11 PM >

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Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

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RE: If YOU say humiliation - 3/13/2007 9:15:32 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

For me it is about stripping away and removing the barrier of pride which often manifests itself as arrogance and egoism.


I have to agree.  I can build up these walls of pride without blinking an eye.  Those moments he takes my pride from me I am so humbled and small and closely connected to him.  It's asdflkj;alskdf amazing.  And that closeness would be one of the reasons I enjoy humiliation.


_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

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