RE: Dom/Domme aftercare

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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/6/2007 11:10:43 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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Two questions I thought up here, interested in hearing from others about.

How many of you have made the subs aftercare an immediate priority over your own.
I'm Interested most, when hearing how to deal with things, when they are going through an intense moment afterwards. When they are teared up and crying or in a state of shock. What you did to help.

How many of you have had experiences that required a higher level of aftercare then your sub.
interested in hearing how your sub/slave reacted if they have ever seen you in such as state as well, what they did to help.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

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Post #: 21

RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/7/2007 4:06:12 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Two questions I thought up here, interested in hearing from others about.

How many of you have made the subs aftercare an immediate priority over your own.
I'm Interested most, when hearing how to deal with things, when they are going through an intense moment afterwards. When they are teared up and crying or in a state of shock. What you did to help.

How many of you have had experiences that required a higher level of aftercare then your sub.
interested in hearing how your sub/slave reacted if they have ever seen you in such as state as well, what they did to help.

Because of the nature of the relationship involved, the intensity and emotions and psychological 'twisting' that I am apt to involve a partner, I find that my entire focus is on them and their needs. Aftercare is part of that. To be honest, with this and other questions that are floating about, I have yet to fathom why people think it could possibly be anything different. I guess I'm just a little less human than the rest

Which leads me to the second question. I think I answered this fairly bluntly the last time. I tend to stay so deeply 'within' myself that this sort of thing is unthinkable. If you think about it, this type of situation is not much different than a person (dominant or not) going into a blind rage. At some point in time, 'control' was lost. Only the end effects are different (abuse vs. pile of goo). A submissive might find having to tend to a dominant endearing in that it sounds as another mechanism for bringing the two closer together, but it's difficult for two potential 'piles of goo' to be much of any use to the other.

This is not to say that I won't craft some pretty nasty situations, or that I won't find myself breaking through barriers of my own. I'm all too keenly aware when I do. But my observations of this is so innate that my attentions are still on my partner. The emotions that come about during these times have a different outlet, and it is more important and responsible to maintain focus on the other rather than myself.

I see my own needs as so few, and I 'arrange' for them (rather than take them or ask for them) many times without specific knowledge by my partner. I don't see many here describing themselves or their partner in that way, so I am definitely aware how different this sounds.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

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Post #: 22

RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/7/2007 5:38:38 AM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
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When I bottom, one of the first things I ask during negotiations when we get to the discussing the aftercare requirements is, "And is there anything that I can do for you?" Usually the response I'd get is, "As long as I have a cigarette and a sit-down while making sure you're alright, I'll be fine."

When I read my Daddy's profile for the first time, I noticed that he listed his aftercare requirements right there on the page. I thought this was a wonderful idea. Perhaps if more people saw this casually addressed online, fewer bottoms would be so surprised by the idea.

During my initial few experiences with topping, I experienced a bit of alarm when the community bottom has said, "I'm okay" and wandered off. Usually I assumed that I did something horribly wrong and they wanted to get away from me as quickly as possible rather than actually talk to me about it. But given that this person was a community (sometimes nicknamed "user friendly") bottom, the liklihood of that is rather low. Indeed, once the person in question told me that he didn't need any aftercare because I'd been pretty much giving it during the scene. *blink* I must admit, having a reason for the lack of expected aftercare did make me feel a bit better, though I was a little adrift afterwards.

Now, I have a new stunt bottom who I'll be playing with solo for the first time this coming Saturday. While we negotiated his aftercare, we didn't really negotiate mine past the point that I'd be sitting with him while he recovered ... which seemed to be the minimal requirement that I need: "Are you okay? Are you going to take this to the papers tomorrow because you don't want to tell me how I screwed up tonight?" However, this sort of thread keeps reminding me of what my aftercare needs as a top might be in the future depending on what sort of scene I'm doing, and my emotional connection to as athe person I'm playing with.

Thank you.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

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Post #: 23

RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/7/2007 5:49:49 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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quote:

I find that my entire focus is on them and their needs.

Same here with me as well. I just wanted to present two sides of the coin, and see what responses come from it. I was wanting to see, if anybody had any experiences to where they focused more upon themselves then the sub, after the whole experience.

I have always put the subs immediate needs for aftercare before my own. If anything, I will delay it until I know they are alright or in a state where I can deal with my own issues, if any.

(in reply to mstrjx)

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Post #: 24