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Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 10:12:05 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		With so much being said about sub aftercare I have a question. What about Dom/Domme aftercare. It seems to me they have just as much emotion involved in a scene as a submissive does.
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 10:13:50 AM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		Agreed. and by providing aftercare to their submissive they are completing their role and hopefully will gain a sense of fulfillment from that as well as they play.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 10:25:06 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar
With so much being said about sub aftercare I have a question. What about Dom/Domme aftercare. It seems to me they have just as much emotion involved in a scene as a submissive does.

Yup.  And it should be discussed and agreed upon BEFORE any play occurs.

For me it's about the same as it is no matter what part I play in the scene- I just want to feel connected and close and know that we're all back together and happy.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_772983/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#773055
how much is "too much" aftercare?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_725006/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#725011
aftercare, the top side?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_598726/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#599129
aftercare in ltr and casual play

http://www.collarchat.com/m_495421/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#496775
aftercare- when to offer it and how much?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_491455/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#492065
aftercare


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 10:26:57 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		YES some doms have spaced.,who provides after care for them smiles..I remain in control and yet enjoy the journey..A warm blanket some juice and a pat on the ass telling her what a good slut she has been while kissing away her tears..bounty

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 10:31:14 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I have found this an important facet myself.  Even more so when uping the levels of play or doing something which I've never done to another human being.

Sort of time to let it all sink into my head.  Perhaps even think to myself, I can't fucking believed I actually did that.  Time to get my mind back inorder a little, regroup emotionally with my partner.. be she a sub or Domme.

Yes, there were times in my Dom/Domme relationship where we both had to simply unwind together, and be extremely relaxed and mellow... Express a lot of affection and tenderness with each other..  Not even a hint of wanting to play, or even make smart ass jokes to one another.  Slowly we'd begin to laugh at what happened...  After the aftershock started to ease... generally a few day.. 2-3-4 to just unwind completely.  This was when we ended up getting so carried away, that we managed to rock our own limits... 




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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 10:32:07 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Once, the first time I ever did a rape scene.  It opened those places inside of me that I had always been afraid of and I was a mess .  I needed a bit of aftercare to get my thoughts back together.  Normally I just have a high that I float on while I see to the little one.

K

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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 10:37:12 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		Of course we need aftercare and we even are susceptible to drop. The difference is, that being the Dominant, we're expected to deal with it and take whatever steps we need to get the aftercare. I make sure after a scene that my physical, emotional and mental needs are met. Before I was married, I did have a few instances where the sub was unwilling to engage in any ritual aftercare even after I explained that it was as much for me as for him. He was shocked when I told him that due to that, we'd no longer be playing. For some reason, he felt that the sub's aftercare needs were all that mattered.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 10:39:33 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

Once, the first time I ever did a rape scene.  It opened those places inside of me that I had always been afraid of and I was a mess .  I needed a bit of aftercare to get my thoughts back together.  Normally I just have a high that I float on while I see to the little one.

K



I know exactly what you are talking about!  And you need to reconnect with the person which you played the scene out with.

I was just thinking back to my early years, with playing with the girl next door, at times we left some really bad marks on each other.. or some injuries.

Who ever did it, was dealing with guilty consious issues.  You know what, she came over one day, to check up on me.. she was feeling bad about what happened.  I told her no problem, I enjoyed it when it happened, had lots of fun. Don't worry about it, I am OK... I still remember the look of great relief on her face!! Totally Priceless.  she teared up... and I made a stupid joke to make her laugh and We Ended up hugging each other!! Moments of Bonding like this to another human being! Fucking Priceless!  Guess, what she did the same for me, when I was troubled by what I did to her.. and her injuries!! Priceless!! Pure fucking Priceless....







(in reply to PlayfulOne)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 10:42:00 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I'm going to be bold here!!  You know what I enjoy the most after play!! Is the Bonding and connecting with another!!  This one aspect of BDSM, I find priceless and some people don't understand. 

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 10:50:59 AM   
bellanotte


Posts: 125
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Tornado Alley, USA
Status: offline 		The Dominant I played with two nights ago said that during the scene he felt as though he could almost "feel" everything I was feeling: every stroke of the singletail, every caress of the fur flogger.

Feeling those things, there is absolutely going to be some aftereffects he experiences. I believe part of what helps him is simply the interaction with me, as the aftercare I still require right now is mainly closeness and talking about whatever, so it's just a cozy time.

I would guess that much the same applies to a Dominant as to a sub -- lots of rest and sleep, lots of water, proper food. The Dominant of course has to make sure the sub is doing this but from watching my Protector, I believe it helps him that he does it himself as well.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 12:19:47 PM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		I definatly need some kind of aftercare after a scene.  Like LA said its nice to get the feeling that everyone is back together and happy.  I feel responsible to take his aftercare into consideration first, when I am reasured he is ok I like the long talks and cuddling up or just being close.
The only time ive ever not experienced some form of aftercare from him I came crashing back down to earth with a thump and had what I can only describe as a bad comedown after a class A filled bender so i make sure now no scene is left unfinished without us both feeling perfect

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Proud mistress

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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 12:22:38 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

With so much being said about sub aftercare I have a question. What about Dom/Domme aftercare. It seems to me they have just as much emotion involved in a scene as a submissive does.


I know that I am in need of a certain amount of care after a scene.  This is one reason why when I used to play in a club, if I was asked to play with a submissive that did not like any aftercare after the scene, I either made sure one of my submissive friends was around or I refused to play.  I get very intense when I play and I need some sort of re-connect with the "real" world after.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/5/2007 12:30:18 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		In my experience, part of what I have to say is that of 'controller of action', and part of it is my demeanor.

As the controller of the scene, I am building great intensity in the mind/heart/body of my partner.  For the most part, I am able to be quite serene.  Not quite detached, but definitely on an even keel emotionally.  I rarely deviate too far from a middle area emotionally anyway.

I think this works quite well, as the sub/slave is in such a state that when they see that I am so passive (so to speak), it further messes with their emotional equilibrium because of what is going on with them.

'How can I be going through so much turmoil, and you're just standing there?'

(Shhh, don't tell anyone, but it was all part of the plan all along.)

Aftercare, like a few other things, would be lost on me.  I give all that I need and then some, but I do not need anything in return.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/6/2007 1:27:33 AM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		Excellent post!

I have to agree with BeachMystress in that sometimes there isn't the realization that it's needed on both sides, or that as dominants we're expected to just handle it for ourselves. I get to such an amazing place during play that when it ends I need that emotional connection and closeness as much as the submissive does. A soft place to land. I've gotten to the point where the aftercare I provide tends to be what's needed for both the submissive and myself. 

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/6/2007 2:23:50 AM   
MotherEve


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Regarding aftercare, such a simple way to say thank you and maintain the balance of the relationship. Appreciation and tenderness are not outdated modes nor do they indicate weakness.  Quite the contrary.

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/6/2007 4:56:09 AM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
...
I know exactly what you are talking about!  And you need to reconnect with the person which you played the scene out with.



I think this sums it up. When the Captain does a really mean scene to me. He is in need of aftercare as much as i am. Mostly He needs to reconnect and know that down deep the connection is still sound and firm and i am ok emotionally. For us it does not take much a simple look and "thank you" or "i love being your slave and used like this". lets Him know i am OK emotionally.  That is what He needs to hear.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/6/2007 10:05:32 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Yes, I do think the aftercare is just as much for Me as for the submissive.  During a session, I do get into something of a power zone that is a different frame of mind and while there, I am more harsh than I would be regularly.  The nurturing part of Myself comes out when the scene is over and I am providing aftercare.  This post made Me think more of it being also geared toward Myself as well as the sub.  Always something I did just out of instinct.  Not something I necessarrily sat back and thought about from My angle.  Thank you for provoking My thought on this matter.

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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/6/2007 10:14:12 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:


I think this sums it up. When the Captain does a really mean scene to me. He is in need of aftercare as much as i am. Mostly He needs to reconnect and know that down deep the connection is still sound and firm and i am ok emotionally. For us it does not take much a simple look and "thank you" or "i love being your slave and used like this". lets Him know i am OK emotionally.  That is what He needs to hear.


I know exactly what you are talking about here.  Matter of fact have went through some teary eyed relief moments myself, and with others.

For me, it's hit the hardest when I have pushed or crossed my edge a little more, be in level or play or a new activity.  You know the kind, which make you question how mean and nasty you truely can be.

It means a lot to be loved or appreciated by another, after you have been so cruel and mean.  Another reason why I would want to have or own a sub/slave type which was not into the affectionate levels of a 24/7 relationship.  Fuck that noise, because I myself have emotional needs.  To have a sub/slave or even a Domme to simply lay there emotionless or cold after play time.. would be cold to a degree...

God, here I go ranting again.  But this is what is or is not right for me.  Others may agree or disagree.   I'm just showing how I feel, and the state I tend to be in after play like this.   All depends upon the personality of a person and their soul.





(in reply to goodpet)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/6/2007 10:17:16 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Yes, I do think the aftercare is just as much for Me as for the submissive.  During a session, I do get into something of a power zone that is a different frame of mind and while there, I am more harsh than I would be regularly.  The nurturing part of Myself comes out when the scene is over and I am providing aftercare.  This post made Me think more of it being also geared toward Myself as well as the sub.  Always something I did just out of instinct.  Not something I necessarrily sat back and thought about from My angle.  Thank you for provoking My thought on this matter.


I'm so with you on this, it's not funny!  That Power Zone feeling! then crashing back down to earth and being a complete nurturing human being... the whole cycle one big trip. 

Tell me, does it make you feel more alive going through it all?

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Dom/Domme aftercare - 3/6/2007 10:23:30 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

With so much being said about sub aftercare I have a question. What about Dom/Domme aftercare. It seems to me they have just as much emotion involved in a scene as a submissive does.


Valyraen says his aftercare is just laying there trying to catch his breath while I cuddle him happily.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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