Not looking for another debate

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Not looking for another debate

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Not looking for another debate

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:00:10 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

i have been debating posting this thread for a while because i did not want to spark another endless debate on what is the difference between a slave and a submissive, but a situation has arisen to which i would like some opinions.

Recently at a BDSM party, i was cleaning in the kitchen during and after the party and another attendee commented as he went past that i was a good house slave. Although i do not identify as a slave, but rather as a submissive (for personal trust reasons alone), i did not correct him. But the comment got me to thinking.

The question that arose is if someone is service oriented are they more likely to either self identify or be identified by others as a slave? i am asking this question not only of those who are service-oriented, whether they identify as a slave or not, but also of Doms/Tops etc who when You see someone who is service-oriented, do You mentally put them in the slave "category" so to speak.

Thank you in advance for your responses.

heartfelt

Post #: 1

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:08:45 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

If that Dom had been submissive orientated, i.e. preferred submissive over slaves, his comment could have been you are quite a good house submissive/sub/girl. It is our perceptions that we often cast on others.

Some one may say; you are one evil bastard. I consider my self a wicked bastard, but I don't need to correct them, they are in the same ball park.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 2

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:11:03 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

Did i phrase my question badly, it was not about how He addressed me, but rather if You saw someone who was very service oriented, woud You mentally categorize that person as a slave or a submissive? Hope that makes sense.

*Edited to add

i see what You meant Troll, i misread it the first time.

heartfelt

< Message edited by heartfeltsub -- 3/2/2007 1:12:04 PM >

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 3

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:11:24 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

No, I haven't noticed a difference in that.

People tend to use the words they are most comfortable using and projecting. It says more about their own preferences than rea life situations.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 4

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:12:48 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

That makes sense LA, i hadn't thought about it that way.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:13:36 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

i see what You meant Troll, i misread it the first time.

heartfelt

No sweat my pet!

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 6

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:17:39 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

sometimes, submissives/slaves are solicited to serve at a BDSM party-function...and they are referred to as "house slaves", for the party only.

this slave posted the information to such a party here: http://www.collarchat.com/m_862026/tm.htm . at this particular party, the "house slaves" will be identified with red bow ties and aprons. they will be performing various duties, massaging feet, fetching beverages, etc.

He might have thought since you were cleaning up, you were one of the "house slaves" and wasn't making comment as a reflection of his perception of your self-identity, outside of the context of the party.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 7

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:20:21 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

That is another interesting thought that hadn't occurred to me, that would make sense. The party in question didn't have "assigned" house slaves, but he might have been at such a party before. Thank you for another way of looking at it beth.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 8

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:20:23 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I think, as FT said, he could have said either.....as we don't usually speak with a slash ......sub/slave.

I, personally, see someone who is service-orientated as someone that is service-orientated. The overwhelming majority of subs and slaves seem to have a service bent of some kind, so I'd surmise that he was using his a term from his own point of reference.

agirl

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 9

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:22:18 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

i've seen some slaves, self-identified and otherwise, who are not service oriented in the least and some submissives who are extremely service oriented, but i see your point agirl. Thanks for the response.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:27:32 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I'm much more apt to label a non-sexual service oriented person as a slave. Self -identification is important, though. I self-identified as a Master before I was recognized as one. My girl and I actually had the sub vs slave conversation in the beginning. We found that our definitions were pretty damned near the same, but the labels for exchanged. Of course, she decided to use MY definitions after that and identified as a slave rather than a submissive. It's good to be the Master!

A funny thing along self-identification lines: if my girl was to use all her labels in a honorific, she'd be "little slave girl Syr anne". LOL

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 11

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 1:28:33 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

if You saw someone who was very service oriented, woud You mentally categorize that person as a slave or a submissive? Hope that makes sense.

Not at all... For myself, a slave who shares my understanding of what it means, simply makes my life easier in that there is less checking in on his comfort/agreeability, and more teaching and doing of what I want and expect from mine. I expect any submissive in my life to be service oriented or be ready to train and become that.
My experience with men who call themselves slaves has been that they tend to call selves slaves because of a desire for what I/they consider edgier play, like denial, sadism, cuckoldry, scat play, predicament bongage, etc... Of course to some men, housework is edgy play.

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 12

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 2:28:27 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

Thank you for your answer. i think that was the same thing that he did, as he saw me doing lots of non-sexual service at the last couple of parties.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 13

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 2:29:46 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

lol, very true, housework is definitely edge play.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 14

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 2:39:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

But this lets me share a story- at the last party, my partner and I hung out afterwards to do clean-up. I suggested he do some vacuuming as we had done a wax play scene and everyone knows that no matter how careful or spread out your cloth is, wax bits get everywhere. So we asked one of the people where the vacuum was, they pulled it out for him and he went to town working on the whole area.

About a half hour AFTER he starts, this girl (who is a well known owned local slave) comes over and meekly tells him that he doesn't need to do this because the owners of the establishment have their own service do that. And she's been there the WHOLE TIME watching him do the vacuuming and just now thinks to come over to tell him.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 15

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 2:39:28 PM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Did i phrase my question badly, it was not about how He addressed me, but rather if You saw someone who was very service oriented, woud You mentally categorize that person as a slave or a submissive? Hope that makes sense.

I would never assume someone was a 'slave' or 'submissive' So, no I would not mentally categorize a person one way or the other.

But I do agree with LA in a later post "People tend to use the words they are most comfortable using and projecting. It says more about their own preferences than rea life situations."

I have noticed that people do tend to address others by the own preferences.

rayn

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 16

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 2:45:02 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

lol, good story.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 17

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 2:45:09 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Did i phrase my question badly, it was not about how He addressed me, but rather if You saw someone who was very service oriented, woud You mentally categorize that person as a slave or a submissive? Hope that makes sense.

heartfelt

If I saw someone doing the sorts of things you describe at a get-together, I wouldn't even assume they were submissive in any way... they could just as easily be a dominant who felt like or volunteered to help out.

If I *knew* them to be someone submissively-oriented and they were doing a bunch of help with the arrangements, my guess to them being submissive or slave would be led by the *way* they went about doing the work... their general body language, how they phrased their comments to other people, etc. -and even then I wouldn't assume I was right with whatever my guess was and address them one way or the other as sub or slave.

If I wanted to know for sure what they were, I'd ask. I'd also wouldn't make comment to them being "a good ______" unless I knew that it was okay between us for me to do so, it seems rather rude and presumptuous to make that statement to someone I didn't know for sure would appreciate it and I wouldn't want to mistakenly offend.

So, short answer: No, I'd not really assume they were sub, let alone what type.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 18

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 2:46:24 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

i'm getting that that is the consensus. Thank you for your response.

(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 19

RE: Not looking for another debate - 3/2/2007 2:49:39 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

That is a very good point, about the person could just as easily be a Dominant who is also helping to clean up. i guess my "slip" (bias) was showing. i didn't take his comment as rude, or offensive, as it doesn't really bother me how others identify me, but i do know some fellow submissives who might have been. Thank you.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Not looking for another debate

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.125