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Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 5:18:38 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		OK me and Master have talked about this a few times and it has gotten to the point where he has said to come here and ask because he doesnt know much about sub drop and i cant really help him because it baffles me as well... Last monday Master and I had our most intence scene ever.. we hadnt done anything any harder then normal exept the fact that Master had his friend watch because of something that had happend between me and his friend (a minor dissagrement) Master had invited him to watch our scene but had told me if I was really against it he would cansel... I was nervouse but ok with it.. things went a little longer then we had antisipated and there wasnt a much time befor I had to leave and even though I tried to get Master to hold me he wasnt comfertable doing that with his friend there, so I wound up leaving without aftercare which to me is a big deal, Master has never denied me after care befor and he didnt relise the effect it would have on me. The next day I experianced savear sub drop total depretion I couldnt stop crying I talked to Master on the phone that night but it didnt do much to get rid of the feelings I wound up calling a lot last week but I never told Master that I was still feeling things from the scene and feeling clingy he got the wrrong idea and wound up scolding me about clinging and suffocateing him. He didnt know I was needy at the time he thought I was just beeing an attention getter and bratting.. So I totlay withdrew and stoped talking to him all together stoped calling even cansled out plans for the weekend and turned my phone off so he couldnt get a hold of me we did finaly get to talk the other day and got all the feelings out in the open and apologised for what had happend and I apologised for not comeing out and saying what I needed... I know I cant expect him to read my mind. Anyway I know I was experiancing sub drop but I have never had it blow up into full blown depretion like this Im rather confused and neather of us are real sure what to do.I should add that I am also bi poler and have always been more prone to sub drop because of it.. it was never a huge problem becuase I always got all the after care I needed... I guess we are just seeking a better understanding of sub drop how to prevent it why it happens and if there is a real way to avoid it or treat it.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-


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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 6:16:25 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
.... I tried to get Master to hold me he wasnt comfertable doing that with his friend there, so I wound up leaving without aftercare which to me is a big deal...

This is a problem. you need this. He didn't meet your need. If he's not willing or able to meet your needs, reevaluate the relationship.

quote:

...I never told Master that I was still feeling things from the scene and feeling clingy...

The second problem. You didn't express how you were feeling due to his actions. That does you and him a disservice.

He needs to learn to meet your needs even when it "embarrasses" him and you need to learn proper communication skills even when you're simply wanting him to just "get it".

Master Fire


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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 6:21:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		And it's "depression"

Honestly it sounds a lot like a re-occurrence of what happened at the New Years party.  The specifics are different, but the dynamics, process and current feelings are the same.

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 6:22:30 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Like MasterFireMaam said always communicate. It is hard to prevent sub drop but you can care for it. I would just be upfront with him and tell him of your needs. If he is not open to this then that is another issue all together.

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 6:33:40 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Yes the communication helped... but the major thing was was that the phone calls wherent makeing me really feel better I just wanted to be held and the physical contact I needed wasnt able to be met over the phone... We tried something and it didnt work.. I know now that haveing someone watching cant be an opetion if with that after care goest out the window. I understand Master is uncomfertable snuggling me if his friend is watching but then I guess he has to understand at that point his friend cant watch.

But what Im really seeking is more info on slave drop so I can bring it back to Master and help explain it to him.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 6:39:33 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		      Magik,   
     I am not sure if I am a good person to answer this question because in all my years I have yet to experience sub drop or maybe I have and just didn't know it.    I can relate to your feelings though.   
     I think though that you are really on the right track because you have already discussed your feelings with him.    You both seem to know that after care is a must now just knowing that steps can be taken to make sure that it is provided.        
     Everyone gets depressed from time to time, I do not think there is a way to avoid it, but for me, there are some things I do help me get over it faster.   Number one, is making sure I get enough rest and eat right, which I have to force myself to do because when I get depressed, I quit eating and quit sleeping.   Rest never fails though because things always seem a little better in the morning.   Secondly, I write.   I normally do not journal my day to day activities but I do journal when I feel I must work out some problem.   Sometimes I keep my writings sometimes I discard them, but venting on paper makes me look at all side of a situation and it's on paper where I can be totally honest with myself especially when I know that if I need to I can toss out whatever I wrote.   Eventually I find a light bulb goes off and I can find the root of my depression or make my problem a little less stressful.    The very last thing I do is believe in myself and know that no matter what happens, I am strong and will get through no matter what is bothering me.   That sometimes takes the most effort but it helps me greatly.
       I am not sure if this helps, like I said you seem to be on the right track with things and best wishes.   

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 6:43:28 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		There are about a million links on sub drop.  Go up to "Search"  Find the spot where you write what you are looking for and type "sub drop"

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 6:56:41 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Yes the communication helped... but the major thing was was that the phone calls wherent makeing me really feel better I just wanted to be held and the physical contact I needed wasnt able to be met over the phone... We tried something and it didnt work.. I know now that haveing someone watching cant be an opetion if with that after care goest out the window. I understand Master is uncomfertable snuggling me if his friend is watching but then I guess he has to understand at that point his friend cant watch.


It blows me away that it is okay with him if his friend watched whatever else you were doing but not okay for the friend to see some snuggling?  Your reaction doesn't sound like drop to me ... it sounds like something more serious - and entirely rational.

MaryT

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 7:04:48 PM   
justinasamerk


Posts: 153
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		your absolutely right Lucky, does sound like a replay...

my advice to magiks'  which will extend to you a lesson her Sir is teaching...
"Back down, roll over, act nicely"  no not talking about being a bow wow...talking about the  insolence you are exhibiting by
1)"Master had his friend watch because of something that had happend between me and his friend (a minor dissagrement) "
so from this you are  being  punished because you got into a minor disagreement with his friend...Back down  roll over, head on floor and beg for mercy to your master and his friend.
2) "things went a little longer then we had antisipated and there wasnt a much time befor I had to leave and even though I tried to get Master to hold me he wasnt comfertable doing that with his friend there, so I wound up leaving without aftercare which to me is a big deal, Master has never denied me after care befor and he didnt relise the effect it would have on me. "
Mistake  1-Not informing your master of time contraints 2-not communicating with him your "Want" of aftercare 3-Questioning what your Masters comfort level is among other dominants compared to your comfort level
3)"So I totlay withdrew and stoped talking to him all together stoped calling even cansled out plans for the weekend and turned my phone off so he couldnt get a hold of me we did finaly get to talk the other day and got all the feelings out in the open and apologised for what had happend and I apologised for not comeing out and saying what I needed."
you become whiny because your dominant  didnt give you enough  attention since you appeared to be throwing a tantrum and became "clingy" so what the hell  just withdraw yourself and cater to your own needs rather then that of your dominant.
4) I know I cant expect him to read my mind
Wow...talk about  self centeredness...you know  you cant expect  something  of him...wow expect?...shouldn't it be your dominant  'expecting" something from you.
How about saying "magiks slave understands that perhaps she has not conveyed to her Master what  is on her mind"...take responsibility for yourself for a change, not blaming him.
5)I guess we are just seeking a better understanding of sub drop how to prevent it why it happens and if there is a real way to avoid it or treat it.
Sorry what the hell you set it up, how about learning to physically and mentally drop to your  Sir before you worry about why he is not holding, kissing,hugging, getting all cuddly  wuddly because you  have had an intense scene and got pissy because even though you called him a million times  you couldnt accept that maybe you  were being too clingy...
Take advice from your own Master..
wound up scolding me about clinging and suffocateing him

Ok...everyone else...I know you can bash me and hate me for this post..Thank you so much and appreciate all the negative feedback you will give her as she causes an uproar on this posting....
Good Luck Magick's......Happy New  Years once a gain...

With love and light,
Justina

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 7:12:52 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		ok, It seems really stupid to be ok to scene around a friend but not offer after care. sounds fishy to me.

(in reply to justinasamerk)
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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 7:20:12 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justinasamerk

your absolutely right Lucky, does sound like a replay...

........  Ok...everyone else...I know you can bash me and hate me for this post..Thank you so much and appreciate all the negative feedback you will give her as she causes an uproar on this posting....
Good Luck Magick's......Happy New  Years once a gain...

With love and light,    Justina


No bash here,,, sounds like you hit it on the head for most of it.

Aftercare is a great thing but i don't understand where and when it became "expected, required and demanded and if i don't get it i will act out until i get my way the next time".

If you don't get what you need on a regular basis (after communicating said need (or is it want?)) then it is time to talk and figure out what you are doing in the relationship that does not meet your needs.

If you don't get want you need once in a while, you suck it up and serve to the best of your ability. if possible you can talk about it later.. but you don't act like a 2 year old.

Justina, do you want to hide behind my shield with me for the bashing?


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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 7:26:52 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justinasamerk

Ok...everyone else...I know you can bash me and hate me for this post..Thank you so much and appreciate all the negative feedback you will give her as she causes an uproar on this posting....


Yours is the only post that looks "uproarious" to me. 

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 7:28:02 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodpet

If you don't get want you need once in a while, you suck it up and serve to the best of your ability. if possible you can talk about it later.. but you don't act like a 2 year old.


Who doesn't?  Please be specific.

MaryT

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 7:29:18 PM   
justinasamerk


Posts: 153
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		aww thank  you good pet Ma'am  could definately   use some protection.
(ps Love the armor:)) 
good blessings  to Captain and yourself.  thanks for the vote on her side ;) plus...just waiting for the rest of the responses...particularly love the ones how they say they respect my opinion but i am dead  wrong..*shrugs* and *raises  behind the shield with a  little wooden spoon*

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 7:36:18 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		ok so I should add thae befor we where collard it was negotiated that scenes needed to always have aftercare because that is just how I work and OMG Justina we are all human who ever would have thought that.. Im not sure why your so pissy.

We are both new to this neather of us have had a real relationship like this befor and we are feeling out way through it we have only been together since august... heck Im not gunna defend our relationship.


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 7:42:19 PM   
justinasamerk


Posts: 153
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		not pissy just realistic...but ask yourself about the  "We" collared...ummm...who is collaring  who in this relationship???
Oops..wait..i forgot your Master is also looking for a Mistress as well....
sorry,  answered my own question..
(ok..that  was a pissy response..lol.there you go..now you got  a pissy response from me Magiks.....gives up and runs back behind the good pet........)

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 8:00:13 PM   
Viciousbabe


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		Magik's slave, if you are bipolar, you need to be very careful in what you do and how you play. There are numerous triggers for depression/mania that one can be completely unaware of. More so, if your Master knows how things effect you, he should be willing to take the time to be with you after the scene.

That said, depression lasts for at least 6 weeks, on a constant basis. Depression is not a word to use lightly as it has all kinds of implications that go with it. Perhaps you were feeling isolated, hurt, or even sad.

My Mom is Bipolar and I know how hard it can be to communicate what you are feeling when you are extremely upset/happy, especially if you don't know why you are unhappy. Likewise, it is frustrating for people who are trying to understand you when you don't say clearly what you would like or need.

That said, some times humans just need that contact. Either plan time in for it after the scene, or arrange to see Him in the next couple of days. Then you'll know why he didn't cuddle (time constraints) and that you'll have that time soon.

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 8:08:14 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justinasamerk

not pissy just realistic...


How ever *real* you think you are being, your posts are just plain pissy.  I know - I make a lot of pissy posts.

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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/8/2007 8:12:26 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		justina.. I dont know where you get off beeing so judgmental of my relationship...Im not sure why you seem to think you are the self proclaimed perfect BDSMr.. but i guess I forgot the only "real' way to do this is your way my apologies for ever pretending to be a slave you sure have shown me the light.. I am off tomarow to join the monestery I see now that is my true place.....


any way viciousebabe, your right there are triggers that even im not aware of I am on medication but even that is not a garontee of emotional stability as I still manage to have my emotional swings we play things by ear and deal with these things as they pop up..

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



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RE: Sub Drop turning to full blown depretion - 2/9/2007 7:49:01 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Justina, you have missed several times the reference to her being bi-polar, a debilitating mood disorder. Either you've missed it or you don't know what it means. It means that small things can trigger major depressive episodes as happened here. She didn't get the aftercare he contracted to give. He didn't ask his friend who presumably had a watch to tell him the time, she sure couldn't do it as she was occupied being punished at the time. He made her do something that she admitted she was nervous about without bothering to watch her reactions. And made something that was already difficult much worse by then abandoning her.

He came down hard on her for being emotionally depressed and contacting him so she took what he said literally and withdrew, which is dangerous during a depressive episode.

I am presently in remission from depression, suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and my dom keeps a careful eye on my emotions. I have never been punished for suffering from a disease or mistreated because of it. Seems like Magiks'slave's Master needs to learn how to take care of her properly. Hell he sounds like the sort who would punish a diabetic by starving them.

< Message edited by Celeste43 -- 2/9/2007 7:51:56 AM >

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