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My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 12:10:03 AM

Rumtiger

Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline

-Sigh- Okay I got this friend, if you have a long enough memory about the last time I asked for advice in a situation involving this friend then yes, its the same friggin girl.

After the last "incident" she went and found another boyfriend, yep another dom (to prevent any of the same stuff going on like last time i'm making sure not to say "master") ect ect. fine, everythings dandy right?

Until early this morning, I get a call, nothing special, she calls just to talk to a friend...You should know right now, nobody calls me just to talk to me....kinda wish they would though...I like to talk too you know?(awww poor Tiger).

Anyway so I can tell already this is bullshit and I ask whats wrong, which brings us to the meat of this little posting of mine.

Turns out her bf has the habit of making her late to everything, using his "dommness" to say when she can leave and the such, we're talking about things like making her late to work, dentist appointments, salon appointments (which I joked she was propably most irritated at) and such like that, the first two types of things which I can understand are most important to her life, apparently she tried talking to him about it, but was simply put off, another guy with too much of a control steak in him it seemed.

Now okay, I kinda told myself a little bit I wouldent try to get as deeply invoved in this kinda shit with her again since last time, but this time around she actually comes to me with the problem, her only request is...as I remember it directly from the phone:

C: So...you think you can help me with him?
Me: Help you how?
C: Hell if I know just help me out.
Me:...grrr...fuck....lemme see something, why cant you fuck with some regular dickhead so it becomes easy?

So...here I am thowing myselves upon you guys again with more flung shit, if i'm gonna help this gal (and hopefully force her into a convent or something afterwards so she stops fucking with these kinds of doms), what should I do?

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

Post #: 1

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 12:27:12 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

i would ask what's more important to her: being collared, or being collared to someone who actually realizes that yes, vanilla life does exist, and yes, human beings must occasionally answer to it, and yes, she is property but she is also a human being with school, work, life, appointments, and all the other mundane bs that comes along with, you know, breathing...at least in western society.

i mean, honestly...it would be one thing if the guy wasn't obviously just doing this to be a dickhead (which i am saying with full knowledge that i am speaking with only part of the story, before anyone jumps on me, so i might be wrong). but, hey, i work full time and go to school full time and i barely have time to make ANY appointments, so if i've found a free morning to get to the dentist, the last thing He'd do would be to purposefully make me late so i have to wait ANOTHER month just to get that done.

this guy sounds more like your run of the mill control freak idiot than a dominant, imho.

(in reply to Rumtiger)

Post #: 2

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 12:34:16 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

If someone really wants help, they have to be willing to help themselves first.

I'd let the girl know that she should sit down with him, tell him how frustrating it is to be late, and that it could cost her job (among other things.) Maybe he just thinks it's cute, and hasn't taken the time to really understand what's going on in her head.

If he turns into a garden variety jackoff, then it's her issue. She can stick with him, or move on - when communication fails, it's time for action.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 3

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 12:46:01 AM

Rumtiger

Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline

Thats the main problem I think, she did just as you said, talked to him, and he just blew it off. So now i'm thinking she needs help in dealing with the guy and moving on.

Okay shes a sweet girl and all, but shes like....friggin superman with kryptonite up the ass when it comes to assholes, shes weak to them and they fuck her up immensly, but for some reason she keeps winding up in situations with them.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 4

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 12:51:56 AM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

It is not "for some reason" that she keeps ending up with this type. You said it yourself, she is weak for them.

You can help her out all you want, but be ready to help her out endlessly. Until her boy picker gets fixed (and yes, i do mean "boy", real men don't act like this), she'll be haunting you as long as you let her.

Just be ready for some burn out here. i have no idea how long the people on the boards will want to participate.

Master's dorei

(in reply to Rumtiger)

Post #: 5

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 12:55:32 AM

Rumtiger

Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline

I dont exactly intend to even be sticking around very long, but I always help out my boys (or girls in this case) no matter what, so...-shrug- here I am.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Post #: 6

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 3:08:21 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Tell her to look up. WAAY up.

"You see that roof over your head? That's YOUR responsibility. Unless he's paying the bills, that's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. It's winter. Isn't it lovely that there's such a thing as heat? That's YOUR responsibility. Unless he's paying the bills, that's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Hungry? Need clothes to go places? Need to support kids or whatever else her life situation is? That's YOUR responsibility. If you fuck up your job, is he going to cough up the bucks it takes to keep that roof, that heat, that food, clothing etc? Cause if he's not, then you'd damn well better get a handle on what HIS responsibilites are verses YOURS. Believe me! The gas company does not listen to such nonsense as "my boyfriend/dominant/master wouldn't let me get to work on time, and I lost my job, but hey, until I can get another one, can you just leave the heat on?" And employers don't usually give a rat's ass about whether someone said their employee could leave the house or not.

And for God's sake! QUIT turning over your responsibilities to people who want to destroy you!!"

That's what I'd tell her - and in no uncertain terms. Nicey nicey doesn't always save the day. If she's allowing someone who calls himself a dominant to jeopardize her livelihood, then she needs something significantly more than nicey nicey.

Oh, and I'd also tell her that the problem is not the dominant. He's just seeing how much she'll take. It's her for allowing him to jeopardize her in that manner.

(And I am not saying the dominant is innocent or credible or anything like that. It's just that "personal responsibility" begins with the word PERSONAL.)

juliet

(in reply to Rumtiger)

Post #: 7

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 3:48:47 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

juliet is right. If he's testing her or playing with her, she needs to speak up...now and in no uncertain terms. If he doesn't understand, then who the hell needs him? Good jobs are too damn hard to find.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 8

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 4:10:39 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Turn Dom and collar her yourself! Then you can advertise as male submissive with a female slave and the lucky Mistress gets two for the price of one.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Rumtiger)

Post #: 9

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 4:33:42 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

If he was a Masater punctuality would be something he'd strive to keep, not prevent from happening.
He's a loser and she knows it. Tell her to do the right thing or keep being embarrassed by this man who has no control of time.
suzanne

(in reply to Rumtiger)

Post #: 10

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 4:51:00 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Let's see what we know about this woman:

She can't choose good partners
Doesn't have the ability to deal with and speak directly with the man in her life.
Drags other people into her own drama

Why exactly are you getting involved with her? THAT is the question I would be asking myself.

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 11

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 5:14:06 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rumtiger

I dont exactly intend to even be sticking around very long, but I always help out my boys (or girls in this case) no matter what, so...-shrug- here I am.

With respect hun i think there is very little you can do. You can advise her shes with an 'ass hole' but from what you have said she isnt going to listen. You could speak to the guy in question but if he isnt listening to her the chances are he aint going to listen to you.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Rumtiger)

Post #: 12

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 6:30:28 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I kjnew a guy like that once in high school. He was in my physics class. Followed me and my boyfriend around literally for the last 2 years of high school.
He asked me out on a date almost every day of my life for 4 years. When my boyfriend and I broke up I figured what the hell? See what he has to offer.
Although after having never liked him in the first place in that way I put a whole bunch of stipulations on our date before I went anywhere with him.

I have to work in the am...need to be up at 4am which means home no later than 9. You will not try to kiss me...etc.
He tried to respect my wishes the best he could. He picked me up, took me to his sisters house to introduce me. Then off to the state fair to meet his father. They had a whole family trip planned...it all ended with a ring which I had to turn down in front of the entire family.
He was my only real wackjob I've ever been associated with in my life. After that night I made his life such a hell he never wanted anything to do with me after.
It pleased the both of us very well.

People are right you need to tell her to stand up for herself. Unless you want to step in and take complete control for her. If she can't do it she needs to suffer the consequences. Not you.

(in reply to Rumtiger)

Post #: 13

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 6:37:10 AM

Kondolinni

Posts: 67
Joined: 4/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Tell her to look up. WAAY up.

"You see that roof over your head? That's YOUR responsibility. Unless he's paying the bills, that's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. It's winter. Isn't it lovely that there's such a thing as heat? That's YOUR responsibility. Unless he's paying the bills, that's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Hungry? Need clothes to go places? Need to support kids or whatever else her life situation is? That's YOUR responsibility. If you fuck up your job, is he going to cough up the bucks it takes to keep that roof, that heat, that food, clothing etc? Cause if he's not, then you'd damn well better get a handle on what HIS responsibilites are verses YOURS. Believe me! The gas company does not listen to such nonsense as "my boyfriend/dominant/master wouldn't let me get to work on time, and I lost my job, but hey, until I can get another one, can you just leave the heat on?" And employers don't usually give a rat's ass about whether someone said their employee could leave the house or not.

And for God's sake! QUIT turning over your responsibilities to people who want to destroy you!!"

That's what I'd tell her - and in no uncertain terms. Nicey nicey doesn't always save the day. If she's allowing someone who calls himself a dominant to jeopardize her livelihood, then she needs something significantly more than nicey nicey.

Oh, and I'd also tell her that the problem is not the dominant. He's just seeing how much she'll take. It's her for allowing him to jeopardize her in that manner.

(And I am not saying the dominant is innocent or credible or anything like that. It's just that "personal responsibility" begins with the word PERSONAL.)

juliet

Amen.

The first advice this girl needs to hear from a real freind is; "get your shit together". Instead of trying to help this girl recover from poor choices/decisions, try helping her to not make them in the first place.

This girl needs lessons in responsibility in general, as well as personal responsibility.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 14

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 6:57:23 AM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

I know you want to help....but this really isn't something you can help with.

Your job as a friend....listen to her. Her job for herself.... get the hell out of the relationship if the Dom can't figure out where mature responsabilities are. She has to do this herself! If you try to fix this, you will be inabiling her to get into another relationship just like this. She has to learn the lesson on her own.

I know how cut throat of me....but honest.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to Kondolinni)

Post #: 15

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 6:58:36 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Tell her to give him an itemized bill of what he's costing her. Net pay, missed appointments that she still needs to pay for etc. Next time he tries to make her late, have her stick out a hand and say "Fine, but then you pay me the $600 I would have made this week, in advance because I don't trust you".

I'd also suggest she think really hard about why she picked a man who wants to ruin her life and suggest she kick him out and make a list of ways in which a partner could help spur her on to greater things. He's obviously very insecure and feels threatened by the fact that she is competent, has a good job, takes care of herself in all kinds of ways. She ought to be domming him and making him shape up, because he's proved he can't be trusted being in charge of her.

(in reply to Kondolinni)

Post #: 16

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 6:59:23 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Why do you feel the need/desire to constantly rescue/protect her? By doing this, you're enabling her behavior of choosing crappy guys over and over. Unless she need to be moved to a safe house, I say back off and let her make her own mistakes. She'll either simply continue to make them over and over OR she'll wise up and figure out that doing the same thing over and over gets her the same results.

You cannot control "her stuff". You can only control "your stuff" and how you react to her stuff. Doing this makes you unhappy. So, don't do it.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Rumtiger)

Post #: 17

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 7:10:43 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

You can't do it all for her. She needs to take responsibility for herself. If he tells her she can't leave when she's headed for work and can't be late...uhhh...geee...keep going out the door, get in the car and drive to work. Sooner or later she's going to have to face reality and the choices she made and the way she's going, from the info given, she's going to be alone to deal with it because friends do get tired of the drama and such repeatedly being enacted, and tend to back away when they've had enough. Until she steps up and works to straighten out herself and make better choices the cycle will continue indefinitely.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 18

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 7:34:09 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I find it odd you don't see yourself as just another in her cadre of men who don't make her stand on her own?

You are annoyed that people only call you to vent- they do that because you've taught them to do it.

Venting is fine, but she needs to be addressing these issues directly with him and you need to stop letting yourself get used.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 19

RE: My Friend...again - 1/30/2007 7:41:00 AM

LycanHorde

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rumtiger

Thats the main problem I think, she did just as you said, talked to him, and he just blew it off. So now i'm thinking she needs help in dealing with the guy and moving on.

Okay shes a sweet girl and all, but shes like....friggin superman with kryptonite up the ass when it comes to assholes, shes weak to them and they fuck her up immensly, but for some reason she keeps winding up in situations with them.

How about you let her, and all other such people, handle their own problems?
I don't mean to be rude and I'm not trying to be an internet tough guy, I'm just saying that if you let people involve you in their petty bullshit all the time you're both losing out. She doesn't learn how to deal with her own problems and you lose out on precious time that could be better used in your own life.

(in reply to Rumtiger)

Post #: 20

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