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RE: How can they claim to be.... - 1/28/2007 2:30:45 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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Ja, I hear you--but day to day it works out that you do what I say and you say what I do............and we are one and there aint nothing else to consider.

Ron

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RE: How can they claim to be.... - 1/28/2007 2:34:23 PM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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Celeste, i'm so glad you brought this up. i have a real problem being obedient online because i think online interactions should be just a filter to see whether people want to meet in real life. i am a horrible cuber-sub because i hate it, i don't consider it "real" and often the requests are not reasonable or take into consideration that i have an actual life away from the keyboard. i cannot stay up all night waiting for an IM, i don't know why i need to run out and buy a webcam even if it's not that expensive, i don't think its reasonable for anyone i have never met to demand i purchase anything.

In real-life dynamics, i am obedient. i have, at times, asked for compromise. For example a compromise to the skirts and dresses issue is to make sure HE never sees me in anything other than the required attire. i've even suggested that pantyhose be allowed when i'm at work because one could always consider them a chasity device *laughs*

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RE: How can they claim to be.... - 1/28/2007 3:28:39 PM

dawntreader

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i suppose i have been fortunate in the relationships i have been in that when a request was made of me and i could not see how to accomplish it, simply communicating my concern with a willingness to comply - a creative solution was devised :-) As LA is so diligently reminding us, communication and honesty are key - especially to obedience... i think disobedience has motives that need to be addressed.
but that is just my opinion - i am sure many enjoy pushing the obedience envelope, but i prefer to expend my energy in more enjoyable activities and i have usually been rewarded well for obedience :-)

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RE: How can they claim to be.... - 1/28/2007 6:13:28 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

....how can a Dom claim to be a strict Dom, if his rules are not enforced....?

interesting question... and I ask the following...

and how can a sub claim to be an obedient sub if she doesn't follow the rules established by the strict Dom?

So what do you think.. I have own thoughts.. but maybe you can share yours too..

I do think it goes both ways. If a sub isn't will to obey then why is she there? A sub has to want to be one. No one can make a sub be obedient. It is a two way street.

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RE: How can they claim to be.... - 1/28/2007 6:38:45 PM

NControlofU

Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
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I have only 3 rules for my slave to obey and they are strictly enforced. They are: 1) Always obey me, 2) Never disrespect me, 3) Be in bed by 11:00PM (sharp) Sun - Thurs.

That's it. No others. No reason to complicate things with a lot of rules. But, I have no tolerance for disobedience from my slave and I don't allow her to stray from my rules. In other words, I am very strict about her following my rules. My slave either obeys these rules or she is punished. Usually, the only one she has a problem obeying is her bedtime, especially on the nights that I am working. On those nights, she is on the "Honor System" and I have to trust that she will comply. I have only caught her staying up late a couple of times and she recieved corrective punishment for it the following day.

quote:

ORIGINAL: newsubseeking61

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

to me, strict implies that there -are- a lot of rules. my dominant isn't necessarily strict, imho, because he doesn't choose to have a lot of rules. i think the idea of "enforcing" rules is silly, if you have an obedient submissive, and if you don't have an obedient submissive, then no amount of forcing will probably change what's wrong with the situation in the long term.

Perhaps,

But I think that a Master can be strict and have only one rule...if the expectation presented is: that one specific rule MUST BE obeyed. ...... Sortof a quality versus quantity dynamic.

Is it really the responsibility of the Master enforce the rules if He/She has stated the expectations? I think not. If expectations are clear, the responsibility of obedience falls to the submissive. If the submissive fails to obey out of ignorance/naivte or misunderstanding, corrective clarity is required. However, if the submissive intentionally disobeys....then something is wrong with this picture. That sort of disobedience does not make the Master any less strict. It just reveals the insolence of the submissive.

jmt
best!

jessica

(in reply to newsubseeking61)

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RE: How can they claim to be.... - 1/28/2007 8:42:29 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear Celeste43, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Having only addressed 'in house' protocols and or rules and in BDSM friendly enviorment 'protocols and or rules'; you have added what your views are on work enviorment situations.

To address that area; communications are extremely important, as well as a recognition that regardless of their status with a Master, Mistress, Dominant and the like; a slave and or submissive must be assured that minimum intrusions by the Owner, Master, Mistress, Dominant and or other title(s) by them while engaged in their place of employment and or during their employment.

Absent is seen the area of 'trust' involved, when stating that a Dominant cannot enforce dressing protocols and or acting as a chaperone. Perhaps there are some Dominants that over micro-manage their slaves/submissives. I rather have a practical approach.
Even practical approaches can be deemed 'strict.' For example, taking my first slave michael being in the military. Choice of attire was not my choice at all but, required due to his job. I still required a protocol while he was at work, using his job's 'uniform of the day' as the protocol. He left our premise in the 'uniform of the day' and came home the same way. True, it was US Government military dress code but, I made sure he was dressed accordingly. I didn't make a big deal with it but, we used it as a line between work and home to detach from slave mode into his military officer mode. When coming home, there was a detachment of military officer back into slave mode. It worked for us--our protocols, rituals and the communication and trust that was special between us.

I didn't call my slave at work. He called me. When I was working, he didn't call me. I called home when he got there.

In summary, there are times or 'windows' where there can be a strict Dominant and obedient slave. In relationships as well as situations, it requires flexibilities, requires trust, requires communication, requires understanding and compassion, as well as listening to the other person as to how best to create protocols and or the boundaries, rules and such which may appear 'strict' by other's measures--which works for the individuals involved.

I wish I could say that people use common sense when it deals with M/s and or D/s outside the living quarters, privacy of home and hearth, dungeons and dining rooms. The only authority I can realize is when I am in actual control of the slave, given in certain circumstances and or situations. Work and or distant separation, I must depend on trust and commitment by the slave. Cyberland--well, I don't do cyber. I use the PC as a communication tool/aid.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: How can they claim to be.... - 1/28/2007 9:05:19 PM

reamer

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I also think a lot depends on what the agreements were as per the limits of the relationship would be before anyone "played" or had sex together. anyone whom changes the expectations in midstream of relating can't really complain if the other person decides to leave staing there has been a "bait and switch", and such things happen.

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RE: How can they claim to be.... - 1/28/2007 11:44:07 PM

LDRandAstarte

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Joined: 12/31/2005
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quote:

....how can a Dom claim to be a strict Dom, if his rules are not enforced....?

Ohhhh this is one question that has brought Us to logger heads with many people subbies and other Dom/ms alike.
We have only one rule for a subbie. After all the talk, consideration and negotiations have been trundled through and it is time for the rubber to meet the road, that one rule is;

We expect complete obedience, if you can not obey, hit the road!

LordDR & Mistress Astarte

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RE: How can they claim to be.... - 1/29/2007 6:45:15 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
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quote:

This conversation is why I hate labels.

When a woman seeks someone "strict" we need to know why.

I agree. The labels we use are bandied about and disagreed with so often that using one and making an assumption that what it means to you is exactly what it means to someone else is a recipe for disaster. So it is important to delve deeper than an original post or profile before jumping into a relationship with your "ideal" mate (whether Dom or sub).

What exactly is it you want? Why do you want it? What are your expectations? yadda yadda

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RE: How can they claim to be.... - 1/29/2007 7:53:23 AM

Devilslilsister

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Joined: 8/3/2006
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Kudos to your posts Owned. You put all of that a very well.

i honestly do not claim to be obediant. i try, i fail. i try again, i fail some more. i've also honestly given up several times on my submission. i cant do it. i just can not be obediant. Good lord and if i succeed in one area, i'm failing in another. Would i like to be completely obediant in all areas? Hell yes. Will i ever be? Doubtful. i have a long history in life of always screwing up. For some reason or another. i just do.

i'm sure alot of other Dominants would have tossed me after the first week, but not Master. God only knows what he sees, except no matter how many times i fail, i almost always pick myself back up and try again. Sometimes i need a hand back up. Along this loooong road of trying and failing - i have managed to become about 100% better behaved then when i first stepped foot on it. (so now i'm like 50% obediant). Eventually i am sure i will succeed.

Is Master strict? God only knows what you all want to the word to mean. Does he have alot of rules? Oh hell yes. Master has tons and tons of rules. Loads. Does he enforce them all the time? Thankfully no. It would take a miracle for me to be able to obey all the rules at this point on the road and Master does not expect a miracle from me.

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