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Overwieght - 1/27/2007 7:53:16 AM

Devilslilsister

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Joined: 8/3/2006
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Ah HA! You thought this would be another fat thread - but its not... but it is... but its not... but it is.... hmmmm

I know there are alot of ladies that have weights over the prescribed doctor recommendation. I also see alot of ladies being perfectly happy and comfortable with themselves. (For this i completely applaud them)

I dont know if i'm just shallow or screwed in the head (i take the second), but as i am gaining weight (the reasons so unimportant for this thread) - i keep running into MAJOR issues with it. i waiver between not caring and feeling - point blank - ugly, unattractive, not sexy, and well, add your negativity.

I have always brought it down to self esteem. Ladies who are comfortable with themselves no matter their size have a very good dose of self esteem. (I've always known i have very little self esteem. ) Personally, i think its awesome. i would also like to be more like them. i want to be bigger and feel sexy, attractive, pretty and add your postive attribute!!

i wanna be like you guys!! Some one teach me how.......... plssss.............. tell me your secrets!

(aye and i'm sort of nervous about posting this - because of all the negativity associated with it - but i mean it all in a very POSITIVE light.)

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

Post #: 1

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 7:56:00 AM

bandit25

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Joined: 6/18/2005
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The reason isn't unimportant. You are pregnant...of course, you are gaining weight. But I do know what you mean. There's a woman who writes a column...Sensuous Sadie. She is overweight and is absolutely amazing. I think you could google her and read some of her stuff.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 2

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 8:12:53 AM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
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it's hokey, it's simplistic, but try focusing on the positive...leave out the belly, the butt, the chin, whatever it is that brings you down...focus on your hands, your eyes, your hair, your smile. it's a habit, and habits take a long time to break, but it can be done. flopping out of bed and looking forward to something you like about yourself and know appeals to other people is a lot easier than starting the day with, "God, I hate my __________"

hth

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 3

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 8:15:52 AM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
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For me, the comfort with my body has had a lot to do with embracing ancient goddess imagery. THere is something, amazing, nurturing and goddess-like about a rounder form. Also, from being around incredibly sexy women of all body types, I realized that if they could be amazing and look that way, I shouldn't be so nervous myself. I actually think there should be more events where women can be around one anouther naked. I think the more we saw other women, the more we would come to realize that no one is perfect and whether women are incredibly skinny, extremeely fluffy or somewhere in between, we can all be gorgeous.
It certainly helps that my husband thinks I am sexy and wonderful exactly the way I am. I also read The Fat Girl's Guide to Life, which is both entertaining and helpful. You may wish to read that.

Currently though, I am attempting to lose some weight so that I can have an easier, healthier pregnancy. I decided I wanted to lose 50 lbs. not aesthetically, but merely from reading research about pregnancy, before I am willing to start trying to concieve. It is not just about weight, either, as I am exercising three times a week for the first time in my life too.

You should try to focus less on the weight itself and more on health. If you are healthy, then that is fine.

Good luck on continuing to accept yourself whatever shape you may be!

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 4

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 8:45:37 AM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
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I'm not female, but I have an opinion on this... from the male perspective, if you will.

I'm overweight, always have been, and probably always will be. But like another reply mentioned, there's no need to focus on the negative. Sure, maybe you've got a big butt, or a gut, or thunder thighs, or whatever... but you might have fantastic eyes, or a great smile, or a tremendous personality.

It took me until I was twenty-one to be even remotely comfortable in my own skin- I hated everything about myself even as a three sport athlete in high school. It didn't matter how much other people liked me, or the fact I was dating the consensus best looking girl in school... I was convinced I was a pathetic loser.

Then I spent a year single. I spent a year hanging out with my friends, not worrying about whether or not girls were interested in me, and just having a damned blast. And through them, I found a lot of things about myself that I really liked. Through a few wonderful females, I found a few other things I really liked. And then I realized that really, there's not much about me I don't like.

I think I left my main point some time ago... but the bottom line is, everyone has something redeeming about them. Everyone has good and bad aspects. Personally, I'd rather mine be something physical that I could change if I really wanted than something like no sense of humor.

I'll close with what most of my friends feel is the best advice I ever give- no matter who you are, or what you look like, you're someone's perfect match... someone's kink... someone's dream.

Best,

M.C.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to beltainefaerie)

Post #: 5

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 8:52:54 AM

onestandingstill

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Joined: 8/3/2006
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Hey Girlie,
I think the key in feeling good about yourself from the inside out is in learning there's so much more to you as a human being other than your skin.
I think so many people want social acceptance. We are judged by the physical image we project. Thus we go through body image issues on the surface trying to be accepted by others.
I think this in the end does not leave people feeling better about themselves. I think it makes people have more self image issues as it promotes the notion that say if you don't have your hair and make up done, you have a handicap, you have scars, or you don't have on the right clothes or that you carry weight you as a person are not as beautiful as you could be.
What you have to do is temper your external self with your internal self. Find those other things in you you personally excel at and are good at.
If others want to sell you short on your physical self without even delving into your eternal self before they decide if they like you so what.
If you like who you are on the inside of you your self image, self pride, and self worth are not longer governed by the physical image you project.
Then the eternal parts of you are what counts and not those on your surface.
Find the spirit inside you that's the things inside you feel are awesome. Cling to them while you push away the part of yourself you don't like much by growing beyond them in your spirit.
Then you'll have peace when you see you're so much more than the cover of a book
Hugs, and smooches,
suzanne

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 6

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 9:05:20 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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For me, it was a matter of realising that what I was REALLY thinking wasn't "I think I'm unattractive," but "I know they think I'm unattractive." Once I realized that I was projecting onto myself what I was sure they were thinking, I was able to start to work on the self love a bit. Whether or not they really did think I was attractive or not wasn't the point. The point was how I viewed myself.

I still stuggle with this, BTW. I think we all stuggle with body image in one way or another.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 7

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 9:47:16 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I think you have to decide where your sense of attractiveness and sexuality comes from.

Like a piano player who damages his fingers and cannot play- it is only natural for him to be upset and wonder how he will be happy again and think that he is no longer valuable or not longer has his place in himself.

I think it's natural for someone who changes a big part of themselves to wonder if they are still "themselves" and worry if they are still valuable as they were.

The choice then is to reform your vision of yourself and learn to be who you are in this new place.

And I think when it comes to weight, getting to a healthy weight is a very excellent goal and one which should be supported fully. Serious problems arise here when one's perception of "healthy weight" becomes very skewed from reality.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 8

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 10:18:12 AM

Wildnfreehrt2004

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/30/2006
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There are sadists I know who take their partner who have problems accepting their appearances and make their partners kneel naked in front of a full length mirror (the bigger the mirror the better) and look at themselves..... truly look at their reflection, in full, every part of them, open, naked (ugh). This exercise continues until the partner can find things about themselves that they appreciate, approve of, or like. And the exercise is repeated until it is not longer difficult or painful. It also helps if the sadist, at some point, shares what they appreciative, like and get turned on by.

Then there are the Master/Doms/Daddys who tell their partners you are beautiful/sexy/desirable because I said so - do you question me? Are you telling me I'm wrong? To which their partner replies no, of course not. And they have just been given external permission to accept themselves.

Then there's the metaphysical/spiritual outlook of if we are all here to learn and/or teach, if everything happens for a reason, and God doesn't make mistakes, and everything in my life has brought me to this exact moment, then I am exactly where I'm supposed to be - doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, and this is the perfect spot for me to be in right now - as everyone is in their uniquely perfect spot to be in right now.

Wildy
“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the Master calls a butterfly."
Richard Bach, author

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 11:25:19 AM

Siona

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Joined: 10/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildnfreehrt2004

There are sadists I know who take their partner who have problems accepting their appearances and make their partners kneel naked in front of a full length mirror (the bigger the mirror the better) and look at themselves..... truly look at their reflection, in full, every part of them, open, naked (ugh). This exercise continues until the partner can find things about themselves that they appreciate, approve of, or like. And the exercise is repeated until it is not longer difficult or painful. It also helps if the sadist, at some point, shares what they appreciative, like and get turned on by.

Then there are the Master/Doms/Daddys who tell their partners you are beautiful/sexy/desirable because I said so - do you question me? Are you telling me I'm wrong? To which their partner replies no, of course not. And they have just been given external permission to accept themselves.

Then there's the metaphysical/spiritual outlook of if we are all here to learn and/or teach, if everything happens for a reason, and God doesn't make mistakes, and everything in my life has brought me to this exact moment, then I am exactly where I'm supposed to be - doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, and this is the perfect spot for me to be in right now - as everyone is in their uniquely perfect spot to be in right now.

Wildy
“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the Master calls a butterfly."
Richard Bach, author

Thank you for your response. Definitely gave me food for thought!

(in reply to Wildnfreehrt2004)

Post #: 10

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 11:56:28 AM

tetherboy

Posts: 38
Joined: 11/19/2004
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I am going to have to agree with Master Fire on this one. I have over the course of time, met considerably larger women who exuded a level of confidence which attracted me to them in the first place. But I also noted that despite the confidence, they were not happy with the way they were. Because of that, I'm inclined to agree that we ALL suffer from appearance issues, some of us are just better at hiding it than others.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 11

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 12:35:07 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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What a day to find this post. Since being released from Physical Therapy a while back, I've been eating right for the most part and have done pretty well at dragging my ass to the gym at 5 am every other morning, today was to have been a day out with an unmentionable... until I went to get dressed. The clean pair of jeans I wore only 2 weeks ago today might have been painted on. Needless to say, my motivation has vanished into thin air. Negitive thoughts abound. Hell right now just the thought of dinner out makes me wanna puke.
I suppose this is an area where having another in your life can help as long as they are accepting and encouraging.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to tetherboy)

Post #: 12

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 12:58:51 PM

tesoro

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Joined: 6/24/2004
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speaking from my point of view only, i have my good days and my horrible days just like everyone else. ive been a bigger girl, even when i was young. i was always made fun of and thought the world was going to end, but im still here. ive just learned over time that, those that choose to judge and say hurtful things about me, are obviously so unhappy with themselves that they have to put all the attention on my faults, rather than fix their own. i have never been unhealthy and i think that is the main point.
i have also come in contact with some wonderful people over the years. being not what society considers "acceptable" forces people to look deeper into who i am. they see my personality, soul and heart which weeds out the shallow people who are really not worth my time. the amazing people i call my friends see me for who i am, and they think that is beautiful, so who am i to question?

~tesoro
ps. i have this strange fear of what would happen if i was thinner and looked like everyone else. would people stop trying to learn about me and just put me into a stereotype? would they just see me as the "dumb blonde" and shove me aside? oh well, im just me, the only person i know how to be.

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 13

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 1:10:26 PM

BabyNyla

Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
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I have always struggled with my weight, and for a long time I was ashamed of it. Then I met a Dom here on collarme who... no matter how often I told him to go away ... he wouldn't. He's young and hot and I couldn't imagine what he saw in me. But I finally gave into his stalker-like behavior and got to know him. I think the turning point for me was when I wouldn't see him for a few days and I would walk into the room, he'd get an instant hard-on, which still happens and I love it. I knew he found me attractive, which made me find myslef attractive. Now I buy clothes that make me look good (albeit somewhat slutty). And since last summer I have lost weight without even really struggling over it ... I think because I am happy and content. I found someone who loves me for me and it made me love myself even more.

So here I am sitting on this couch wearing a new pair of size 20 jeans .. when 4 months ago I was sitting here wearing a size 24 pair of jeans. Now I don't see myself as losing an extreme amount of weight until I wear a size 14 or 12, but it's just an added bonus when things take shape (literally and figuratively). When you love yourself and show confidence, I think people will feed off what exhibit ... but that's just my two cents.

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My Journal

(in reply to tesoro)

Post #: 14

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 1:19:05 PM

mymasterssub69

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
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sorry, i don't have any secrets to share with you because you have to find that for yourself. only you can tell yourself that you're beautiful inside and outside ...only you have the confidence to hold your head high and walk proudly knowing you are beautiful no matter what anyone else tells you.

it took me awhile to figure that out for myself after many years of hearing my military father repeatedly telling me that to be popular and to be loved i had to be thin. i did crash diets and fads to follow my father's advice though i did lose some weight, i wasn't happy as i thought i would be. i still didn't see myself beautiful as i led to be and i still didn't have my father's love until i stood up to him and his harshness.

i apologize for not giving you any quick or easy answers. you will have to discover this on your own. once you have found your self-esteem and confidence, then you can embrace the inner beauty of you.

_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 15

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 1:23:15 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
I have always brought it down to self esteem. Ladies who are comfortable with themselves no matter their size have a very good dose of self esteem. (I've always known i have very little self esteem. ) Personally, i think its awesome. i would also like to be more like them. i want to be bigger and feel sexy, attractive, pretty and add your postive attribute!!

i wanna be like you guys!! Some one teach me how.......... plssss.............. tell me your secrets!

So you want to know everyones secrets of having self esteem while they are fat?

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 16

RE: Overwieght - 1/27/2007 2:23:45 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

There was this book I saw once. I WISH I knew the name of it or who published it or WHATEVER I could find that would lead me back to it.

At any rate, in the book, they were talking about perception of weight, and at the bottom of the page there were three similar pictures of women from behind.

The first picture was captioned, "How women see themselves" and the woman was definitely not pretty. She was heavy in all the wrong places and well, I looked at that picture and just KNEW I didn't want to be her.

The second picture was captioned, "How men see women" and the woman was positively voluptuous. She was drop dead gorgeous. It was the same woman, same pose, same everything, but based on some research, they'd somehow determined that that was how men saw women.

The third picture was captioned, "How women really are" and the woman was neither drop dead gorgeous nor ugly as sin. She was a normal woman. She carried a few pounds, but it wasn't anything that was detestable. She was pretty, but she wasn't going to win any miss america contests. She was just fine...

So, I finally came to the conclusion that mirrors are like fun-house mirrors and my perception is not always to be trusted when it came to how I felt I looked. And like goldilocks, I realized I had three choices in how I looked at myself. While I'd love to believe that I was the drop-dead gorgeous model of a woman, I am realistic enough to realize that I am also not ugly as sin, so I must just be normal. I also figured that if I had three choices, why in the world would I choose the less attractive view of myself. How I view myself IS up to me, so I opted to choose normal.

And normal's a good way to be.

juliet

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 17

RE: Overwieght - 2/1/2007 7:04:12 AM

saphira2

Posts: 46
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline

i have to tell you devils us larger women may seem larger than life and full of self esteam but underneath we are all not like that on the inside people who meet me think wow she is a totally outragouse funny easy going person but those that are close to me and now you lot who read this knows if you look closer enough you will see the tracks of my tears !

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 18

RE: Overwieght - 2/1/2007 7:17:29 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

The reason isn't unimportant. You are pregnant...of course, you are gaining weight. But I do know what you mean. There's a woman who writes a column...Sensuous Sadie. She is overweight and is absolutely amazing. I think you could google her and read some of her stuff.

i agree, she is awesome!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 19

RE: Overwieght - 2/1/2007 7:33:00 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tesoro

speaking from my point of view only, i have my good days and my horrible days just like everyone else. ive been a bigger girl, even when i was young. i was always made fun of and thought the world was going to end, but im still here. ive just learned over time that, those that choose to judge and say hurtful things about me, are obviously so unhappy with themselves that they have to put all the attention on my faults, rather than fix their own. i have never been unhealthy and i think that is the main point.
i have also come in contact with some wonderful people over the years. being not what society considers "acceptable" forces people to look deeper into who i am. they see my personality, soul and heart which weeds out the shallow people who are really not worth my time. the amazing people i call my friends see me for who i am, and they think that is beautiful, so who am i to question?

~tesoro
ps. i have this strange fear of what would happen if i was thinner and looked like everyone else. would people stop trying to learn about me and just put me into a stereotype? would they just see me as the "dumb blonde" and shove me aside? oh well, im just me, the only person i know how to be.

i just loved your reply to this topic :-)

i myself have been on both sides and there are always people waiting to judge you for your looks and then there are the few friends that love you no matter...
Since i started focusing on my inner spiritual journey and started pursuing activities that excite me, i worry less about what others think...but i am still hard on myself and that probably needs to change.

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to tesoro)

Post #: 20

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