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Miss_Meowu4 -> Local Community (1/14/2007 9:42:24 AM)
I'm curious as to others experiences in the local community - ie local BDSM community. I've gotten more involved in the offline community since I relocated to the DC area. I've had good experiences and horrible experiences - I'm hoping that others will share thier experiences in their areas. M

Caitriona -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 9:44:58 AM)
I've had a very positive experience in my local community - it has done wonders for my submission by reinforcing positive aspects of my relationship and making me doubt myself less. I've made some great friends and learned quite a few new things - in fact next weekend I'm learning about violet wands.

toservez -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 9:55:20 AM)
I am one giant mixed message. I am a strong proponent of beginners to get involved in their local community and then decide if it is for them or not and have several life long friends that I met by being active in a local community. That being said, I no longer participate or have any desire to participate in them in the future. For me it was part my personality, my views on who I am and the actual relationship with my Master and too many bad experiences on many levels.

topcat -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 10:04:23 AM)
Begs the question: Which local community? In my area 'the scene' as I am aware of it, consists of six or seven different communities, with varying degrees of overlap... For the most part, I avoid the more acessible groups- there are too many people that I wouldn't be associating with, without the common ground of SM ( and given what I have often exprianced, we do very different things and call it by the same name, so it's no as common a ground as it might be<g>). On the other hand, some of smaller, more tightly knit groups are some of my favorite people in the world, and I greatly enjoy the chance to see them... Stay warm, Lawrence

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 10:11:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Miss_Meowu4 I'm curious as to others experiences in the local community - ie local BDSM community. I've gotten more involved in the offline community since I relocated to the DC area. I've had good experiences and horrible experiences - I'm hoping that others will share thier experiences in their areas. M I've been on good dates and bad dates. Same think happens in the kink community. Master Fire

Subbie4real79 -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 10:25:33 AM)
I have only begun to be involved in the local community, and one problem for me is that virtually everyone is nearly twice my age. Very few younger people involved. I would bet the communities in larger cities, like Philadelphia, would have younger people.

mstrjx -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 10:26:21 AM)
I've been in groups in the past. Distant past. Back in the dinosaur days before munches. Recently I went to a munch, just to see. Not much has changed. Too social and clique-y. My needs are not those of others, so I'm not the best representative. The only thing I really miss is hosting play parties. If there isn't anything going on, such as at a munch, I'm totally lost. Jeff

julietsierra -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 10:57:12 AM)
When I moved back to this state after being gone for a very long time, the friends I had from before had moved on or out of the town I lived in (which is also the town I came back to). So, while I was moving home, other than my family, I knew no one and had to develop new friendships. At the same time, I was just entering this life. So, I combined the two and got involved in the munches, events. etc around this area. I had a great time. It was difficult to get to the point of knowing people and becoming friends with them, but patience and a willingness to wait for them to get to know me rather than pushing my way through paid off. Along the way, I met a wonderful man I have the honor of calling my Master. Now, eight years later, I don't go to many munches. My feelings about this have been mixed. I used to be able to take the odd comments, being hit on, etc in stride. Afterall, that's what everyone was ultimately there for - to get to know people and maybe, just maybe, for those who were single, to meet someone they could become involved with and live happily ever after (or at least till the relationship ended). These days, I'm not so comfortable with all that. I don't know...it might be because even though I'm in a relationship, I attend these munches alone for the most part and the dancing and dodging of those searching is getting old. But the dodging and dancing is par for the course I suppose - whether it's a munch I'm attending or going to the bar with friends - except... I don't go to the bar, and if I do, it's not a bar where people are hitting on each other. (I guess the flip side of all that is if I'm ever "single" again, I might be very happy people are pursuing each other at these functions) At the same time, some of the people at the munches are friends of mine and I cherish my time there seeing, talking, laughing and all that with them. Life gets in the way for all of us and so efforts to get together during off-munch times have not been as successful as any of us would like - hence, the munches we attend are valued because of our friendships. Like others that have already written in, the munches were wonderful when I was first getting started, but eight years later, I am at a different place in my life and find myself attending less and less, and feeling more out of place when I do attend. While I was very active, they were great placed to be though and at times, I found it funny that when asked out on vanilla dates, if the choise was the munch or the date, invariably, I chose the munch. So, in the end, I guess that "local community" events are what you make of them. When I was first starting, they were wonderful. Now, when my friends and I can be there at the same time, they're even better...but when we're not all there, I'm not so enamored. Doesn't make them bad places and for the right reasons, they're a fantastic way of getting to know people. juliet

MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 10:59:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Miss_Meowu4 I'm curious as to others experiences in the local community - ie local BDSM community. I've gotten more involved in the offline community since I relocated to the DC area. I've had good experiences and horrible experiences - I'm hoping that others will share thier experiences in their areas. M My experiences in the local community over the last 6 years have been overwhelmingly positive. I have made many wonderful friends, gotten to attend a lot of fun events, and learned a tremendous amount that I would not have learned otherwise through demos, discussion groups, and private conversations. I am an avid reader as well and read anything I can get my hands on regarding the lifestyle, but the active participation in the community has been equally valuable. There are a few downsides. I was in the lifestyle about 8 years before choosing to take part in the local community. Prior to getting involved, friends constantly told me I would find more sincere and reliable submissive males in the local community than I encounter online, but I have met my share of flakes in person at local events. I also had a rather unpleasant experience with a potential stalker type person that I met at a local event that I would not care to repeat. Another downside is that when my former sub and I were part of the local community, then broke up, the breakup was more difficult because people were constantly asking about it. True, I could (and sometimes did) say that I'd rather not discuss the matter, but just being asked about it brought painful memories back up to the surface. When I only played in private, only a few close friends were aware when a sub and I broke up, so people did not keep asking about it all the time, and I feel like I healed faster. Probably the only other thing I can think of is the petty gossiping and backbiting. That goes on anywhere there is a group of people--work, neighborhoods, churches, families, etc., and is certainly not unique to the BDSM community. All in all, the positives outweigh the negatives, so I am sure I will be involved in the local community for a long time to come. Lady Topaz

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 11:46:38 AM)
How could I sum up 8 years of active scene experience in a reasonable length online post? Some was great, some was crap. I look back at my early years and realize how much crap I put up with because I thought "slaves have their place" and was too young to be able to tell a rock star dom that it was quite obvious to everyone what a dumbass he was being. So I kept my mouth shut. The later years were more about comfort and exploring actually- with clothes, with scene people, finding a place in many different types of scenes and groups. My ex dom was very connected to the "celebrity scene" and I got to know a lot about the history and background of events at that point. Nowadays, it's pretty much just a take what I want sort of deal. Austin doesn't have the resources that DC/MD/VA has- BR, BESS, BlackBeat, TNG, Bondage, Crucible, ClubFem, MAsT, Playhouse, and more. So I find my schedule less busy and hectic and with a far smaller pool of people to engage with or find interesting. But there is a scene here and we enjoy when the craving arises.

classykindasassy -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 1:22:45 PM)
To me there are some components to the scene: Munches, parties and administrative meetings. I live in Houston and there is a good-sized community here with several factions and groups. We also interrelate with the Austin and Dallas groups. I don't care for munches, and my desire to participate in admin functions would be connected to the attitude of those in charge. One faction here has a lot of infighting and bickering and a stance that they can't accomplish finding venues for parties. I don't care to have much to do with this group and canceled my membership on their listserv because of all the BS and flaming. Other groups haven't the time for BS and keep it light and fun, low protocol and informal. I'd get involved with admin in those groups. They make good parties happen, and the listservs (if they exist) only contain things of interest to the group and not venting and flaming. The parties are what it's all about anyway and myself and my Dom agree that they are a key part of our social life. We overlap a few different groups and so do several people we know. As neither of us can do much real play at our homes due to being possibly overheard, the play venues are as important as the social aspect. And we like to have good places to invite new people to, as both of us share an interest in mentoring people new to the lifestyle.

Miss_Meowu4 -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 1:27:05 PM)
Thanks for the feed back - I've tried a couple of times in different cities and I've found good and bad. I relocated a few months ago and found that the local community for the most part to be great - but I also had some disappointing experiences that come from when you get a bunch of dominants - in particular a bunch of dominant women. I think the biggest issues stems from lack of respect and drama mongers. I still participate in some local activies just take is small bites and careful selection of who I let into my inner circle. I love the aspects of sharing experiences, issues, techniques but the rest of it I could do without. Its taken a lot of patience to wade through the crap to find the gold. I've bailed out of the community in S. Florida - because I couldn't stand the drama and bs. I was so fed up I bailed from lifestyle. Took me awhile to get back into it. I know its a personal decision on how much crap is worth it to you.

onestandingstill -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 2:08:05 PM)
Search the topics fort the word community this just had al kinds of info about DC I don't want to tye again in several threads last week. suzanne

dawntreader -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 2:49:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: topcat Begs the question: Which local community? On the other hand, some of smaller, more tightly knit groups are some of my favorite people in the world, and I greatly enjoy the chance to see them... Stay warm, Lawrence i have unsuccessfully looked for these smaller groups in my area...i guess it requires networking in the bigger groups to find the smaller ones.

topcat -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 3:57:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dawntreader i have unsuccessfully looked for these smaller groups in my area...i guess it requires networking in the bigger groups to find the smaller ones. Dear DT- That does seem to be the case. And of course, the "first rule of fightclub is..." Mostly it's just very informal groupings, mostly couples, having small dinner parties for people that have been around long enough to be known qualities. Stay warm, Lawrence

SweetSarijane -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 5:43:25 PM)
While I'm on the list and read posts on one of the larger groups in my area, I do not attend their munches and events due to bs and drama. I stay with a few smaller groups and I think it's due to that, and the specific small ones I chose to join, that I avoid the drama and bs and have kept my experiences very much positive. There are some really great people in the smaller groups and the drama queens and a**holes tend to quickly get run out of the smaller groups around here.

Littlepita -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 7:26:42 PM)
I have been getting involved with the community for several months now. First with a local group in my town where I have met some fantastic people that I consider true friends and who my Dom and I socialize with on a regular basis. We are also branching out to the big city and going to attend some well organized groups and see how that goes. I have a lot to learn as a submissive in the community and both look forward to it and am wary of it. I have this strong "do it my way" mentality and protocol is a new way of life that will take some adjusting to I think.

RedSavageSlave -> RE: Local Community (1/14/2007 8:58:21 PM)
When I lived in Vancouver WA I was involved in the local Portland OR/ Vancouver WA scene..I thought it was wonderful. Had great people, lots of activities and a very diverse set of personalities. Now that I am in the DFW Tx area, I have not had as much opportunity to get out there and get involved, mostly due to transportation issues..but from the few activities I have been to and the online local group I would say it too is a wonderful resource. I have recently joined an online community for the TN area scene where I hope to be relocating to in the not too distant future with the idea of becoming active when I get there. I always recommend the local communities for those who have access to them.

bipolarber -> RE: Local Community (1/20/2007 2:45:36 PM)
I got into the Denver local community in the mid-1990's, helping to create and run a chapter of Nancy Ava Miller's PEP support group. It was a great way to get out, meet others and learn. I was able to meet with a lot of potential play partners, and even started a couple of mid-term relationships while there. The downside, however was the fact that the group began to take over my life. For a group that met one weekened a month, I would end up spending two others organizing, producing and distributing newsletters, interviewing new members, running orientations, setting up demos, etc., etc... After awhile, I had to bow out, just to have some free time to play.

WyrdRich -> RE: Local Community (1/20/2007 3:03:54 PM)
I met the woman I married at a local group event. There have been a few strange and awkward moments (as with joining any kind of group I suppose) but the positive events and real time education far outweigh the those. I encourage others to participate. Get out there.

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