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Integrity - 1/14/2007 6:55:39 AM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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Integrity is a cornerstone of my character. It is easy to look back on my life and see the periods where my integrity has fallen below my expectations. Those periods are filled with heartache and sadness. Telling lies, even small ones, eats at me and lowers my opinion of myself. Integrity for me is more than just being honest with others; it is also being honest with myself.

I actively search for areas in my life where I am not meeting my expectations of integrity and change them. A small example, when shopping I used to tell those people pushing credit cards in stores that “I already had one”. A small little lie to get them off my back; now rather than take the easy way out, I tell the truth that I don’t want one and I put up with the continued sales pitch. Such a small thing but I found I thought less of myself for taking the easy way out.

I am not perfect at this; there are still areas that I struggle with being honest with myself and I also have to still work at not taking the easy way out. There are also rare instances where I think a lie is better than the truth. But it is a consistent exercise for me to search for new ways to live a life of integrity and I find that I even unconsciously expect that from the people in my life. At this point in my life, I am going through a period of deep self-reflection and growth to be a better me.

What does integrity mean to you? Do you actively seek to improve your integrity?

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

Post #: 1

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 7:11:00 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

What does integrity mean to you? Do you actively seek to improve your integrity?

For myself integrity is who I am. I believe it is all we are in life. For instance, we can make millions in life and someone can take it from us. We can have families and be loved, they can be taken. The only thing we are born with that we will die with is who we are inside. Our integrity. Luckily we are the keepers of it, we can choose to throw it away if we want to. We can choose to keep it.
The minute we throw it away it lowers our value.
People don't know how to take me most of the time because I am honest. I feel people really don't want to hear the truth coming from anyone. They just want what feels good to them. I know, very few in life feel the way I do.
Which only empowers my feelings upon how I live my life even further.

I don't seek to improve my integrity at all. I am who I am, like it or not.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 2

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 7:31:11 AM

ThinkingKitten

Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
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Integrity is no.1 on my list of needed attributes for myself, and any partner I may have. For a definition I consider it be honesty towards others, and being true to oneself as long as that truth doesn't negatively impact anyone else. For instance, if you're in a relationship with someone and it just isn't working for you then say or do something about it that either fixes it, or ends it. You'll be staying true to yourself, and being honest with your partner, rather than stringing both of you along until someone gets seriously hurt.

That being said, the occasional bending of the truth on minor matters, is I think permissible. If you're OCD (and you know you're OCD) on having your pencils all lined up in a neat row, and someone (who doesn't know you're OCD about your pencils) dislodges them accidentally and apologizes for it, then its OK to reply "No problem", even though inside you're seething at the disarray and may consider your whole day ruined. Maybe a whacky example, but there you go!

I've also found out (the hard way, as usual), that there is absolutely NO direct relationship between integrity and intellect. Alas, the reverse (or inverse) is quite possible. There was another thread here, recently about white collar women dating blue collar men. Maybe that happens in *some* cases because white collar men *may* tend to have greater ego's and thus have a different attitude towards women (i.e. less integrity), and so those white collar women for whom it is important seek out the less egotistical (and possibly greater integrity) in the blue collar ranks. Bit of a hit or miss affair, but it can work.

I think integrity is a value that has some intrinsic existence in all of us, but whether it becomes important to us is a factor of how we were raised and the social enviroment in which we function. In a dog-eat-dog world it may be nigh on impossible to maintain integrity and survive as integrity comes into conflict with other instincts (i.e the will to survive). For some people lying about anything and everything is second nature, and they sleep perfectly well at night. Me? If I crack and don't tell the truth on a little thing then it can plague me for days afterwards, so usually its just better to tell the truth and be able to face myself in the mirror. Mind you, my response to the store person pushing the credit card is simply a "no thank-you". No lie needed or given.

I don't actively look for ways to improve my integrity, but I do try to make sure that I've at least tried to think before I speak or act - how will what I say impact the other person, and is what I am planning to say or do going to be acceptable to myself now and in the future? We can try to be perfect, but there will always be errors along the way. Just try not to make the same mistake twice!

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 3

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 8:49:54 AM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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What is integrity? Is it just honesty to the facts? Or is it more?

“No Sir, there are no Jews here” The priest states as he knowingly is hiding Jews in the church. Did this man lack integrity? He lied! He lied about the facts… but this lie showed he was a man of Integrity. Countless times individuals will lie of the facts of the situation but hold true to a principle or belief. The priest was holding true to beliefs that he held higher in principle than being honest of the facts.

Honesty maybe a black and white concept but Integrity is not.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 4

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 8:56:35 AM

afeathr

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From: Southern California
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I completely agree with you, Knight. Integrity is, in many ways, like ethics or values. There are so many "levels" and considerations to be made when considering a persons integrity... it's not as black and white as other aspects of moral code.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 5

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 9:00:37 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

What does integrity mean to you? Do you actively seek to improve your integrity?

I wanted to look at what the dictionary says

Integrity:
1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : INCORRUPTIBILITY
2 : an unimpaired condition : SOUNDNESS
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS

I find the first part is troubling for me, because I tend to question other people's moral codes and resist adopting them as my own. I am still forming my own as a matter of fact.

The second one I do not see as even applicable to human beings, but uses the word in a way that describes a sheet of metal or a horses leg. Some parts of me have more integrity than others...smiles. My teeth have been losing their integrity!

The last one is very deep, and it is the one that I want to explore in what integrity means to me....

3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS

This is something I strive for everyday. To be whole, undivided and complete... is this not what bliss is made of? The ingredients that go into making a person undivided and complete is honesty, especially with ourselves. If we are truly living a complete and undivided life there is no reason for duplicity. If we accept ourselves for who we are there is completeness.

Just some thoughts.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/14/2007 9:02:10 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 6

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 9:03:39 AM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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I think integrity also means being honest with yourself. A step further along that path then is also living with integrity, leaving to accept yourself for who and what you are and living without shame concerning yourself.

My mother was recently in the hospital (again) and one of my nephews came to her to confess some things he was feeling guilty and ashamed about to her. She didn't tell me what (that's not my business) but she did say something that I fully agree with: Being ashamed and feeling guilty is unnecessary if you live your life with integrity.

It was one of those few moments when I see more wisdom in my mother than she shows to most of the world.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 7

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 9:20:53 AM

Devilslilsister

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Joined: 8/3/2006
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quote:

1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. 2. the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire. 3. a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.

Ayep, i had no real clue as the definition. I've a question. Adherence to WHOSE moral and ethical prinicples? Edited to add - it seems we use a different dictionary LOL

I would think i have integrity. I do my best not to lie to myself and to face facts straight up. I try to be real with myself and others. I dont really try, i just am who i am. I do lie, but only when it comes to the greater good of something else in my head.

I once had an indepth, sisterly talk with my half sister. We exchanged secrets, talk, feelings ect. Something she said startled me and i responded with honesty. She said "mom and gma are best friends" in shock i said "wow thats not what she tells us (my mother and me)" so we got into it. My sister let the cat out of the bag later and it came down to me.

Did Gma REALLY say all this or was i lying? I could of said "aye she did and i've proof" but tearing apart our family. Or i could suck it up and just say i lied, keeping the family sane. Ayep, i looked like a piece of whale shit, but i sucked it up and said "i lied because of x,y,z" To me, it was the greater good of the family.

If there is no greater good, i have no problems being honest. Sometimes i am too honest. I look at the sales lady with the credit cards and say "my credit is crap and i dont need to be indebt, thanks anyways" and i keep walking.

To me, its more important to be true to myself and everyone else can take a flying leap over a rolling donut. I do what i think is right to the best of my ability and thats all that matters to me. If i find myself not doing what i think is right, i simply try to analyze my actions and work to change the behavior and move on from there. That is all i can ask of myself.

I have found that MY right isnt everyone elses. Not sure if this is what you mean, but i'm hoping i'm hitting close to what you are looking for.

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 1/14/2007 9:22:43 AM >

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to afeathr)

Post #: 8

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 9:40:31 AM

ThinkingKitten

Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Honesty maybe a black and white concept but Integrity is not.

Indeed. Its hard to separate integrity from other factors at times: morality, justice, faith, ethics, to name but a few. Is the CEO of a corporation who casts the deciding vote on the board to allow the corporation to go ahead and pollute the surrounding land (and thus negatively affect the health of a few dozen nearby residents), but which reaps huge financial rewards for the corporations thousands of shareholders (who may be seniors trying to pay drug bills), wrong? He demonstrated integrity in upholding the tenets of the position (the best outcome for shareholders), but at what cost? Are his ethics questionable in doing so? Where's the justice for the poor landowners (except in the pending class action lawsuit that might follow)?

Its a subject that can generate thesis length debates and there really can't be too much in the way of absolute right and wrong when it is such a grey area. And don't even start on the ancient greek concept of the "social contract"!

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 9

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 9:44:37 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten

For a definition I consider it be honesty towards others, and being true to oneself as long as that truth doesn't negatively impact anyone else. For instance, if you're in a relationship with someone and it just isn't working for you then say or do something about it that either fixes it, or ends it. You'll be staying true to yourself, and being honest with your partner, rather than stringing both of you along until someone gets seriously hurt.

I like this statement very much. For my own mind integrity is not about specific values but being able to live up to your own and stated values on a day to day basis, the meat behind the prose. That the people who know you or counts on you will know what to expect from you and not just some arbitrary judgmental statements that may or may not be true through some others eyes.

This is very important to me. To be able to be counted on to live my life in a very dependable and classy way toward the people I interact with.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to ThinkingKitten)

Post #: 10

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 10:05:17 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
What does integrity mean to you? Do you actively seek to improve your integrity?

"Improving" intergirty doesn't ring true for me. Maintaining a certain level of it does. I strive to maintain a certain level.

An exerpt from my manual:
Honesty and Integrity When you give your word, I expect it to be your bond. you will make every effort to follow through. If you can’t, explain it and apologize. Don’t hide things from me or deliberately choose to not disclose information that you feel will get you into trouble. you will be in more trouble if you do. you must strive to never lie to me. As a compassionate person, I understand that sometimes, people just lie. However, I expect you to make a true effort to be open with me. Serious infractions are deal breakers. Integrity speaks about the quality of a person’s character and their “steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code”, according to the dictionary. A moral code can sometimes be difficult to explain. But, the basic premise should be to never intentionally harm anyone. Integrity also means being aware of others needs and placing them above your own lesser desires. you should strive to create that kind of integrity in your life and relationships. This means that you are willing to give up your wants in order to promote the good of the family and your Master. your needs are as important as my needs and the family’s needs. your wants may not be. Integrity also speaks about standing for something. To me, this means being loyal. Given that a level of trust has been established, I expect you to be loyal to me and for you to defend me and the family.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 11

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 10:50:14 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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I view integrity as the ability to know the difference between right and wrong action and making the correct choices around that.

Agree with whats been said, integrity is one of those things inside us that can never be taken away through outside circumstances.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 11:42:08 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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For me, integrity is strength under pressure and consistency.

The old "honor among thieves" bit- I completely understand and recognize that as a form of integrity.

I lie constantly in random social interactions where I don't get to choose directly who I am with or find it necessary to make small talk or endear myself to others for long term gain. I think my co-worker is a domineering insecure selfish brat- but it behooves me to treat her nicely, warmly, and even keep the pretense of a formal friendship within the office.

This is part of why I find it so utterly integral to my actual friends and partners to be completely honest about everything.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 13

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 12:21:49 PM

denika

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Joined: 8/30/2005
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For me intergrity is about moral code of conduct

As an EMT and as a dispatcher our integrity has to be unwavering, we have peoples lives in our hands ,literally.

Each person's code of conduct is going to be diffrent than the others, Knights analogy of the Priest is accurate, it is not just what we say but what we do that can define us.

I think of it as my moral line in the sand, I have a pretty lax set of morals for the most part *s* but there is a line I will not cross. I swore an oath when I became an EMT and tho I don't work in that capacity now I still hold true to the first line. It is very simular to the Hippocratic Oath Doctors swear, and it is a line that, for me, defines many of my actions in life.

First, do no harm

it's a very simple rule but it is a very good one and can be applied to most aspects of life.

denika

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 12:52:29 PM

zumala

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Integrity goes beyond just the words that we speak. We are answerable for our actions as well. To me, integrity is one of several items found in the ethical moral code that I try to follow. It also seems to be somewhat ingrained in my personality. Integrity is when you know what is right, and you have the guts to do it, even if it isn't easy or costs you in some way. It's right up there with honesty, faithfulness, and honor. It's being a worthwhile person. Someone that others can depend on safely because they know that you won't let them down. It's also being someone that a person with bad intent knows to avoid, because they cannot be corrupted. You'd be surprised who may ask you to lie, cheat, or steal. I was. That's when you quietly inform them that they are on their own.

zuma

< Message edited by zumala -- 1/14/2007 12:53:14 PM >

(in reply to denika)

Post #: 15

RE: Integrity - 1/14/2007 12:59:12 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
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Another component of integrity, in addition to telling the truth to yourself, comes full circle to what the OP pointed to in how telling lies does not work for her.

That component is: having your actions line up with who you say you are, and what you say you want. For me, this is where the baseline is in relationships. Oh, you say you want, or are ________, but yet you do________ that does not line up with that, for yourself in truth, or in anyone else's view. That lacks integrity or wholeness.

Whole and complete, nothing hidden, things done as well as you know they are meant to be done, or better, and if not to be done as expected, you communicate as soon as you know you are not doing something the way you said.

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to zumala)

Post #: 16

RE: Integrity - 1/15/2007 8:46:52 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

What does integrity mean to you? Do you actively seek to improve your integrity?

Believe it or not it means freedom and peace to me and security when I find it in others.
When you ahve integrity you've already stopped a lot of drama people cause themselves they have to waste their energy on.
When I see it in others it draws me to them as I want friends whos actions meet their words.
If not I have no idea where I really stand.

I would rather befriend a selfish ass that had integrity vs someone who seemed giving and kind who had no integrity as you'd be wondering what's real and what's not.
suzanne

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 17

RE: Integrity - 1/15/2007 11:21:55 AM

Kondolinni

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Joined: 4/2/2004
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I was very happy to see the post here from julianaoceana. Opinions are wonderful things, but it is important that an agreed upon definition of a word or an idea be offerred before we begin a debate/dialogue on such a subject.

I agree that the third definition in her post is the one that applies to human beings best. Integrity is the condition of being "complete", in whatever form that wholeness may take, according to the ideological needs/drives of an individual.

Integrity, like many aspects of what we can call here "the human condition", is personally defined, and, on a more general level, applicable in the commonly accepted (albeit ill-defined) usage, only in a very specific sense to each situation as it unfolds. In the example offerred of the priest who shelters jews, I agree that his actions were morally and ethically proper. For him to act in such a manner when his own sefety was certainly also in joepardy further suggests he enjoys a high personal standard of integrity. Such acts of defiance in the face of peril are not within the abilities of those who are ruled by negative self-image issues.

However, the actions of the preist remain subjective to the point of view of the observer. Would a Muslim priest sheltering Osama Bin Laden from a search conducted by U.S. Marines be any less the act of a man of deep integrity?

Know, and remain true to your own standards, and you will have re-enforced your personal integrity. Act in discordance with your true nature, no matter the external conditions of the moment, and your personal integrity declines.

Hitler, Stalin, Mao Tse Tung, even Saddam Husein, at the beginnings of their careers, were men of tremendous personal integrity. They were also decidedly evil, by most standards.

Integrity is not synonmous with ethics or morality, which are terms, incidentally, that also suffer ongoing redefinition according to the extent of circumstances of the human condition. It is, in my humble opinion, another example of western hubris that we believe unquestioningly in the accepted definition of moral or ethical behavior our history and literature teaches us to accept.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 18

RE: Integrity - 1/15/2007 11:30:18 AM

asassylilslave

Posts: 93
Status: offline

I must say...nicely stated Kondolinni

(in reply to Kondolinni)

Post #: 19

RE: Integrity - 1/15/2007 11:33:31 AM

afeathr

Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline

And see... I would tend to think that 3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS applied to "things" rather than people... mostly because I don't think that there *is* any such thing as a "complete" person... when you think about it, that is an impossible goal to attain. In my mind, only 1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : INCORRUPTIBILITY could apply to humans.

MHO.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 20

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