RE: Speak up Jali... (Full Version)

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dawntreader -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 6:04:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

Or a gentle hand on his shoulder,


God that is so simple I don't know why I didn't think of it..thats probably perfect....


This is exactly what i was going to suggest as well as making sure you stand in front of him at times like this. i love physical language..so much more intimate than spoken words...and i am a writer! lol!




amativedame -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 6:04:35 PM)

I've heard it has a lot to do with societal expectations and the view of women that's existed...

the concept that we're "trained" to speak softer and at a higher pitch, and that's why to gain attention and be "more dominant" women are always taught to speak in lower and louder than they normally would.

Can't say that's the reason for anyone to speak softly, but it is food for thought.




slavejali -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 6:05:57 PM)

Feline, I guess cause he wasn't outed as deaf for a large majority of the period of his deafness...and with all the changes in our lives over the past 4 years..we have just had other priorities getting our life organised and stuff, we have had some big transitions involved in coming together and establishing our life together.




jthorne -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 6:07:14 PM)

Jali--

Think of it as learning to be the husky-voiced, sexy woman from all those old movies. I've yet to see a man who doesn't loooooooove that style.

The sign idea might work too, but don't think of it as ASL. Your Master shouldn't think of it as acknowledging his deafness if he doesn't want to. You could both think of it as a secret communication, just for you two. Make up your own signs. It's YOUR private language, and if you can develop subtle enough signs, think of your Master being able to command you silently, in public ways, or "say" things that just make you go "mmmmm"...and nobody knows he's doing it but you.

Now I've made myself a nice little daydream writing that, lol! It could work.




thetammyjo -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 6:08:09 PM)

Fast Reply:

Fox is hard of hearing and I love to yell across the house. I've had to work on making myself go to his room and knock on his door to get his attention. I've had to work on speaking more slowly so he can get everything I say. For me, part of being the owner here is understanding his limitations.

I don't think this is a slave or owner issue though. It is an issue of dealing with each others limitations regardless of role in Ds.

I second the suggestions of taking voice lessons and with touching your master before you speak to him. If Fox's hearing gets worse, we will get him a hearing aid but I would also have to take further steps in my own actions.




MasterGremlin -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 6:10:38 PM)

My first thought is if He is 70% deaf, why doesn't He have a hearing aid?  Doesn't He have trouble hearing O/others as well?

As for having a soft voice, I have the same problem coupled with asthma so often times my "normal" talking voice is very difficult for O/others to hear and like you, speaking louder feels forced/uncomfortable and it is a pain in the ass to have to repeat yourself over and over.  As a result, I don't speak alot in public.  If we go to a restaurant Master orders dinner for me and in social situations I make conversations only with those in close enough quarters to hear me, otherwise Master ends up "translating".    
At home when I am talking to Master, I make sure I am in the same room with Him and that I have His attention before I start speaking.  Otherwise, I end up doing the same thing you have described...and He isn't deaf [;)]

Sincerely,
minxy [:)]





sleazy -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 6:13:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
What i do/did is LOOK at her when i am talking.  I know that (especially if she has one out) and she is not looking at me, she will most likely not hear me.  When i want to talk to her a simple "MOM" will get her to look at me and from there i can go on speaking.  If that isnt appropriate i'll simply walk up and tap her on the shoulder.  (which can be hilarious as she startles easy)  I always make sure i have eye contact.   They key i think is eye contact.  That way, if they cant hear ALL the words they can still  make out the sentence. 



I too am partially deaf and agree with all of these. It is also quite likely that your master has better response on one side, try find out which and wh together try staying on that side of him.

I also agree with the comments regarding pitch, I have much greater difficulty with higher pitched voices, it may sound like a contradiction, but I have found with one particular friend due to the pitch of her voice I actually ask her to whisper as it makes her easier to hear :)

Nods, touches, even facial expressions are all good ways of communicating without resorting to actually speaking out loud and can often say far more than the words do.




kyraofMists -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 6:18:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jthorne

The sign idea might work too, but don't think of it as ASL. Your Master shouldn't think of it as acknowledging his deafness if he doesn't want to. You could both think of it as a secret communication, just for you two. Make up your own signs. It's YOUR private language, and if you can develop subtle enough signs, think of your Master being able to command you silently, in public ways, or "say" things that just make you go "mmmmm"...and nobody knows he's doing it but you.


We have certain hand signals that we use for different things.  He will use one when he wants a drink and then alandra and I use others to obtain permission to ask a question, give information/opinion and to be excused. 

I find them useful because once the hand signal is acknowleged and permission is given, I have his attention and communication is much more effective.

Knight's kyra




slavejali -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 6:47:50 PM)

I had to go and do a few things, thanks so much for everyones responses, they were really appreciated..and to top it off, i've picked up some great ideas from this thread..so thanks!!




juliaoceania -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 7:28:23 PM)

I dated someone who was completely deaf, and sometimes it felt "different" to me when I would communicate with him in sign and speaking (he read lips), and then translate what others had said. When someone you love has a communication disorder it is hard to sometimes "switch" gears between communication with them and communication with others. I found myself signing when he was not even around during that time frame.

You guys have been together for a long time, perhaps you will always feel a little "unnatural" when raising your voice if you are a quiet person. In my case he read lips and could not hear anything without his ocular implant , so I did not have to raise my voice at all. He was that good at reading lips and I could sign what he did not know. I speak in multi syllable words, these were hard to read, and there were no signs for them... so sometimes I would have to spell them out... it could be frustrating because it felt unnatural. I wish I had more I could offer as far as insight.




cjenny -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 8:01:02 PM)

Jali, I relate to the awkwardness in repeating things and sounding stilted. Maybe instead of repeating, just rephrase it.
'It is my pleasure Master' to
'Master, it is my pleasure to serve you'.
That way you aren't repeating but beginning a fresh sentence.
Good luck.




MagiksSlave -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 8:10:21 PM)

My sugestion would be that maybe you talk to your Master and see if maybe if he is gunna be asking you things to maybe make sure he is looking at you so he can see you respond. Haveing a disability like that means some compensation is needed. so maybe you can work on beeing a bit louder and he can work on makeing sure he is looking at you when he inisiates a conversation.. just an idea



Magik's slave




crouchingtigress -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 9:02:08 PM)

i dont know if this helps but my dad was 75% deaf for years and then they came out with a new hearing aid and now we can all talk normal have you tried that?




crouchingtigress -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 9:12:21 PM)

also what about semifore flags?[:)]




marieToo -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 9:36:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

Also, does your Master have a hearing aid?


No, we have talked about that, and probably is on the cards at some point. He doesn't sign either, He only started telling people that he was deaf about 5 years ago I think, he has become really proficient just naturally in lip reading though.

I'm worried about this topic now, Master is out spraying a car, and I'm worried he wont like Ive made it...does it seem ok to you guys? It's really not an issue...I just wanted to get some ideas to serve him better in that way..



I think it's sweet that something like this you are taking on and trying to fix.  Its loving and caring and considerate of you towards your Master.  You are trying to find ways to alter your own speech in order to please him.  Who could find fault there?

On edit to add a PS:  A hearing aid could possibly solve the whole issue.  I would bring that up to him as a way to better improve the quality of communication between yourselves.  And I bet it would make his life more fulfilling to be able to hear music, the TV and people around him.  Like RG said, today they are made very small and discrete looking.

good luck with it :)




FelinePersuasion -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 9:42:27 PM)

Makes sense:D

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Feline, I guess cause he wasn't outed as deaf for a large majority of the period of his deafness...and with all the changes in our lives over the past 4 years..we have just had other priorities getting our life organised and stuff, we have had some big transitions involved in coming together and establishing our life together.




talibahh -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 9:56:03 PM)

hello jali [:)]
 
i havent read the responses yet, so i apologise if i am repeating someone else...
 
i often have to communicate with either deaf or hearing impaired people at work, and i find the best way of avoiding or diminishing such situations as you describe, is this...
 
when He talks to you, asks a question of you, then if the situation is suitable (you're not tied up and He is behind you, for example), then before you even begin to respond, gently touch His arm to get His attention, to get Him to look at You, and then answer Him, while You face Him. This way He knows you have heard Him and are responding, and shouldnt have to repeat yourself and lose the natural flow...
 
hope this helps in some small way
 
tali




Sinergy -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 10:02:07 PM)

I have a question.

Have you expressed your concerns about the hearing issue?

Have you asked him/her/it what he/she/it thinks can be a solution?

Sinergy




slavejali -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 10:55:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

I have a question.

Have you expressed your concerns about the hearing issue?

Have you asked him/her/it what he/she/it thinks can be a solution?

Sinergy


From time to time we do..and now that I think about it.... I dont think I have actually "asked" about a solution from his perspective regarding this aspect....thats a bit remiss of me huh....hrmmm




BitaTruble -> RE: Speak up Jali... (1/13/2007 11:23:52 PM)

Jali,

It sounds as if your Master has a conductive hearing loss (as opposed to a sensori-neural loss) but he'll need to see an audiologist and be tested to be sure.  An audiologist does the diagnostics , and if it is conductive, he can go on and see an otologist if necessary. If, on the other hand, the loss is sensori-neural, an otologist won't be able to do a damn thing for him, but an audiologist can still fit him with aids which may be of great help.

He'll need an audiogram if he hasn't had one already and a competent audiologist will take a complete medical history. The questions I would ask your Master: is the hearing loss unilateral or bilateral(one or both ears)? Are there issues with speech discrimination? Does background noise infringe on his hearing or is it strictly volume related?

There are three different style of hearing aids to choose from: BTE (behind the ear), ITE (in the ear) and ITC (in the canal) .. depending on the impressions, he may be a candidate for an ITC which is so small as to be virtually invisible to anyone who doesn't know it's there. Hearing aid technology is so advanced, that someone with a 70% conductive loss often times only has to remain deaf if they choose to do so.

Here's some good news. It costs about $130 - $150 to make a single hearing aid (in general, the smaller the aid, the more expensive it's going to be with ITC being the smallest and BTE being the largest and most noticable) and they retail for 1 - 2000 dollars a piece (not a pair) depending on what style you get .. if you go to an audiologist or hearing aid dispenser, he's going to be paying the manufacturer about $1000 - $1500 for a pair (that's top price for the latest and greatest ITC digitals) and anything above that is going to be his profit, so don't tell them I told you this, but BARTER .. and the odds are, he'll come down on price for the pair (if your Master actually needs a pair rather than just a single unit) because a smaller profit is better than no profit. Also, shopping around is going to benefit you because while there are literally hundreds of audiologists, there aren't all that many manufacturers and most of them have the same sort of technology with a few exceptions. So, if you go to the audiologist or dispenser and he tells you $3500 for a pair of aids (pretty standard retail price), offer him $2000 and see what he says. ::winks:: If he says no, tell him you're going to shop around and that might be enough of a nudge to get him to come down on price as he's still going to be making a nice profit if he sells them to your Master for the discount. You've been given some great ideas already and I agree with them as far as getting his attention before speaking, making sure you're in front of him ect, but how great to really help him by saving him a ton of money while also helping him to hear your natural speaking voice in all it's submissive beauty by finding him a great audiologist who might just be able to alleviate his hearing impairment with relatively little effort. [:)] 

Oh, one last thing - Hearing aids are made to order, so depending on the manufacturer, it can take from a week or two to several weeks before they'll actually be delivered and he'll be able to be fit. Also, most audiologists and dispensers will allow for a trial period (it's the law in the US, 90 days is standard, but not sure what the law in your neck of the woods would be) so if he finds that they just don't work as they are supposed to, he can take them back and get a refund. (Check that out for your area though as, again, I'm only familiar with the USA laws for hearing aids.) In the US, an adiologist can ask the patient to sign a wavier if they choose not to go see an otologist .. but that's generally for a sensori-neural loss where an otologist is not going to be of any assistance. I truly hope your Master decides to go get tested and see what, if anything, can be done. From the way you've described his loss here, I've be surprised if he had to live with the loss though he may choose to live with it but only an audiologist will be able to tell you for sure.

Celeste




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