RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (Full Version)

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QuietlySeeking -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/4/2007 4:01:26 PM)

I don't do casual play, but normally the submissive/slave is cuddled up in my lap at the end of a "scene". 
Mouth kissing is reserved from someone with whom I am involved, but she may get a kiss on her forehead or on the top of her head, just to reassure her and let her know I enjoyed myself.



LadyHugs -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/4/2007 4:16:41 PM)

Dear openmindedslave, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In many cases where I have done demonstrations, presentations, casual scenes, I am usually the one who gives a hug in appreciation.
Not many bottoms, submissives and or slaves initiate giving me a hug.
Old etiquette and protocols I've been exposed to, gives the lady the control of what 'salute' would be given.
 
Salute, is often misunderstood in my mind's eyes I see.  It does not always mean a military salute.  Yet, a salute can be a nod of the head, tip of the hat, the hand extended as to shake hands.  Hugging would not be considered formal as far as the 1950's protocol/etiquettes I was brought up with but, fine for close friends and relatives as it was first a salute and then sign of affection.  In addition, its not practiced much however the way a woman extended her hand was a hint of how it would be handled by the person receiving the offered hand.  If the hand was held like as if to rest little finger on the table and thumb to the sky--it was a signal that only a handshake was to be given.  A lady dictated the pressure by her pressure.  Anybody who crushed a woman's hand was considered a brute.  The hand as if lying flat upon a table was signal for the receiver to kiss the hand.  I can go on and on but--I won't.
 
I am really not into kissing someone I have no affection for.  However, I am a hugging sort.  I love people but, not enough to hop into bed with them, until its a committed relationship.
 
To my personal view of things, after a scene a thank you or other words of appreciation all the way up to familiar scene folks having some bottom time to give me, will be hugged.  Ask permission to hug, will more than not, be granted.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



Carrianna -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/4/2007 4:18:05 PM)

I do like hugs, depends...  But I always chat with toys after playing with them, only after my boot has been kissed then play has ended, then and only then does the conversation start.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/4/2007 4:48:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

In the past, when I have played with someone; I just want them to leave me alone afterwards. No hug, no kisses, no nothing...just walk away


****Please note that I am not flaming Tikkiee.  Her post aroused my curious nature.***

Hmmmmmmmm...this is a new perspective for me.  Most of the posts I've read re: whether specifically about aftercare or more generally about interaction after the scene have been comments on how the dominant behaved afterwards.  Some of these comments were complimentary and some were full of disillusion and / or disappointment and/or confusion.  Usually the posts in the latter category were due to the dominant behaving in the way you have just posted that you do.  The difference being...they were dominants and you are submissive.  I admit to some surprise since it is the first time I have seen this behavior on the part of a submissive.

Does what you want after a scene in terms of aftercare and/or interaction also extend such that you do not want or are able to give aftercare to the dominant?

***"After-disclaimer...please note that my post was not meant to be inflammatory but only for the purpose of edification.  If I have offended you Tikkiee, I apologize beforehand.  The post was not meant to do so. 
Offer void where prohibited. 
You must be at least 18 years of age to read this post.***

I now return you to the regularly scheduled postings



gypsygrl -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/4/2007 4:51:03 PM)

I'm not a casual hugger and I don't like situations where a lot of random free wheeling hugging is happening.  :)

But, the times I've done casual play for its own sake, I would have been fine with the "nothing" option.  I've returned hugs and cuddles  mostly because I didn't want to give the impression that there was something wrong or I wasn't appreciative and the people I've met in the scene seem to have been rather huggy types.  When someone hugs you its usually meant well, and best to hug back because if you don't, people take it wrong.  At least that's what I tell myself. :)



Tikkiee -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/4/2007 4:54:30 PM)

No offense was taken at all CD [:)]
 
One thing that many misunderstand about me is that I am not submissive [8D] I am a masochist, nothing more and nothing less. Play for me is usually very intense in the sense that the more pain I get, the better I feel ( it's a reason that I do not play casually with people who do not know my past in detail, and who know what I am like in regards to this ) So, in that respect, after a good hard beating/whipping/flogging ( take your pick ) my headspace is absolutly perfect [:D] The ones who I do play with know this and are quite happy with the situation. We both get what we want and need.



HatesParisHilton -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/4/2007 5:04:43 PM)

I probably don't fall into commonality here (as I don't play with people whom I am not sleeping with nor play publically or at parties), so ignore this at your leisure since it'll have nothing to do with "PlayParty ettiquette" etc. --

I always do the hug and the kiss, feel really good about that.  Even "first time".  Most women I encounter are not after "burning ass only" anyway.  on the rare occasion of that I would not, but in generala little psychological tenderness after tenderizing her asshole is a good thing.



LadyHugs -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/4/2007 5:06:20 PM)

Dear Tikkiee, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Tikkiee brought up an excellent point as to masochists.  Hugging is like putting a wet blanket over a fire and the fire is pain; so for masochists affection and or hugging will just unravel the whole mind space and processing and shoving pain about in their mind and such, as to drain every last drop out of the S&M exchange.
 
That said, there are all kinds of blends of masochists, to which have slave and or submissive tendencies that may want to be cuddled as they come out of flying or subspace.
 
It is worth a repeating, that before scenes it is a good idea to tell one another if you are a 'don't touch, no cuddle sort' before hand, letting them know it isn't because you're angry--its because you are riding the pain wave as long as you can surf on it.  Communication is a beautiful thing.
 
But, it also needs to be said, that after care shouldn't be one sided.  Often Dominants are dropped like a hot potato and no after care given when it really is needed.  Focus on slaves and submissives getting their after care is wonderful but, sadly--Dominants/TOPS sometime are left like a Service TOP, instead of a person dealing with their drop and the submissive/slave/bottom's drop.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



LordVelvet -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/5/2007 6:41:42 AM)

I do not kiss on the mouth at all. Biting is a different story though. Hugs are ok if they are needed, as not all people need or want them.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/5/2007 7:42:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

No offense was taken at all CD [:)]
 
One thing that many misunderstand about me is that I am not submissive [8D] I am a masochist, nothing more and nothing less. Play for me is usually very intense in the sense that the more pain I get, the better I feel ( it's a reason that I do not play casually with people who do not know my past in detail, and who know what I am like in regards to this ) So, in that respect, after a good hard beating/whipping/flogging ( take your pick ) my headspace is absolutly perfect [:D] The ones who I do play with know this and are quite happy with the situation. We both get what we want and need.



Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....O.K., I understand where you are coming from now.  Your explanation above put together with Lady Hugs' statement about how for someone who is a strict masochist and not a submissive, the affection can be like putting a wet blanket on the fire of pain they've achieved.  This P.O.V. makes more sense to me now, I have learned something more and I always appreciate that.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/5/2007 7:44:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear Tikkiee, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Tikkiee brought up an excellent point as to masochists.  Hugging is like putting a wet blanket over a fire and the fire is pain; so for masochists affection and or hugging will just unravel the whole mind space and processing and shoving pain about in their mind and such, as to drain every last drop out of the S&M exchange.
 
That said, there are all kinds of blends of masochists, to which have slave and or submissive tendencies that may want to be cuddled as they come out of flying or subspace.
 
It is worth a repeating, that before scenes it is a good idea to tell one another if you are a 'don't touch, no cuddle sort' before hand, letting them know it isn't because you're angry--its because you are riding the pain wave as long as you can surf on it.  Communication is a beautiful thing.
 
But, it also needs to be said, that after care shouldn't be one sided.  Often Dominants are dropped like a hot potato and no after care given when it really is needed.  Focus on slaves and submissives getting their after care is wonderful but, sadly--Dominants/TOPS sometime are left like a Service TOP, instead of a person dealing with their drop and the submissive/slave/bottom's drop.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs


You, Madam, are a wise lady.  I love your statement about "putting a wet blanket over the fire of pain".  Eloquent and educational.



Jasmyn -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/5/2007 7:47:44 AM)

Open you've received some great responses to your thread and I'd like to add my own.  The reality of course is going to depend entirely on the participants and the scene they've just played out and their relationship with each other but it is this below that I want to specifically address
 
quote:

The reason for the question is I have spoken to others that feel the hug is acceptable for a good bye , while a kiss is something  more personal. I was woundering how others felt about the importance of  either at the end of playing? Does it somehow ever leave subs/slaves getting the wrong idea or take away from training in some way?
 
For some that I have scened with to hug them or kiss them (and when I say kiss in this post I am referring to a peck on the cheek, a brush of the lips) when saying our goodbyes is completely natural ... quite often I'll spend time after a scene just being 'me', have a coffee, have a chat, enjoy sometime talking 'nilla stuff with them and the intimacy at the doorway is merely a reflection of two kindred souls meeting and sharing something special.  With others the idea of hugging or kissing a goodbye would completely do their heads in unless that kissing was the toe of my boot as I order them to do so as they crawl out my front door on their hands and knees. 
 
Some people can come out of scenes and immediately be themselves while others need to feel complete and utterly controlled right up until the we have parted ways ...mostly because it allows them to keep the headspace ... they feel it, they want it, they adore me for it ...it's what makes them beg to come back and play again ... they feel safe, they feel secure that I am the dominant and I won't falter and suddenly go 'nilla on their behinds ...and that when they darken my door again ..I'll be exactly that again.  They've called it, likened it to still feeling my control ... that hours after a scene they still feel they are somehow still being controlled by me .. it's a heady space. ..and it sets the tune for our next encounter ..they approach me with reverence and are more likely to be subs that want me to demand of them ... like their time ...to take liberties...to make them jump through hoops etc. 
 
Which, I'm guessing, is what you mean by "leaving the sub/slave getting the wrong idea or take away from training in some way" ...so yes, for some, they would somehow feel it was taking away from their 'training' (eg all the 'you are my slave' dynamics that I established in scene) ...and I'm guessing? that maybe the 'wrong idea' is the sub thinking the person was just playing at being dominant? rather than being the dominant and dismissing the slave when done? ie something somewhat vanillarish in a non vanilla setting?
 
The difference between the two is the former are not submissive, in a d/s sense ... they don't yearn to be 24/7 ... they don't need to 'feel the control of their Mistress' ...the scene itself is enough ... while the latter wants to serve, wants to be pushed, wants to live the fantasy and requires the theatrics to believe they are.



Jasmyn -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/5/2007 8:13:12 AM)

quote:

I guess how do you show that sub or slave that  everything  they  go through for you really matters?  What do you do that really makes the sub/slave feel you are happy with them? 
 
Ooh this clarifies it a bit more ... I tell them, often, in the scene and out, how much they are pleasing me/have pleased me ... and occasionally treat them to something they crave ...thats all about them and their wants ... say a slave has a foot fetish but I've restricted their opportunities to indulge that pleasure ... and when I know they are reaching a point of despondency because they aren't getting it as much as they like, but are putting in all the hard yards despite this, and think this next scene is going to be more of the same, when they least expect it I'll allow them their hearts desire ... that they've earned it ...all those hard yards were worth it.

It kind of describes my byline ... about giving up what drew them to submission in the first place ... some people read that and get the wrong idea, that I am meaning the sub has to serve without ever getting their needs/wants met ... what it means is to serve without expectation ... anticipate yes...but never expect ... only when they reach that point do I considering allowing them exactly what they want/crave ...



subsidize -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (1/10/2007 11:56:39 AM)

proper protocol dictates a hand shake and nothing more...



SATANMAN -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (2/15/2007 8:23:27 PM)

nothing



dirtyfemm -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (2/16/2007 2:15:57 AM)

I am sorry: I find this sad. Empty.

Everything under the sun is peachy, yet a hug is a hard limit.

I am sickened.

JMHO.



Celeste43 -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (2/16/2007 6:09:20 AM)

Even back in the beginning, when we were just play partners we would kiss and cuddle. But we're both touchy feely people and both needed this kind of connection.

I don't think it's a dom/sub thing. I think that there are people out there who can't have satisfying emotionally intimate relationships and use WIITWD instead. There's no reason you can't include this if you need it. Anybody who says that it shouldn't be done is really saying they can't do it. If it's important to you, then talk about it first.



beltainefaerie -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (2/16/2007 7:24:45 AM)

I usually hug my brat afterwards and stroke her hair.  Sometimes I kiss her on the forehead or cheek.  My Master often lets me curl up with my head on his knee afterwards and he strokes my hair.  When we are actually leaving to go home, I hug my Master and His lady and kiss them, though usually on the cheek, whether or not we have played.  With more casual players, like at a party, I have not felt the need for that and aftercare was either on my own or with me scampering back to my Master.



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (2/16/2007 7:32:18 AM)

Always a hug,a warm blanket.some juice and tell her what a good toy she has been...After care is very important part of s m,,,bounty



CreativeDominant -> RE: Kiss or Hug or nothing? (2/16/2007 7:40:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dirtyfemm

I am sorry: I find this sad. Empty.

Everything under the sun is peachy, yet a hug is a hard limit.

I am sickened.

JMHO.


After reading the explanations as to how physical touch of a loving nature can disorient someone who is coming from a strictly masochistic mindset, I can understand a bit more now about why it would not be needed. 

I also know now that I would be less inclined to play with someone who was coming at it from a solely masochistic point of view as I am, by nature, a toucher and scenes...especially those where I have been very sadistic...make me want to eventually touch the person I've done them with when the scene is over, even if it is only a brief but warm hug.  For me, it helps to "break" that sadistic mindset a little and brings me back into focus on people.  This is why...though I have not done so for awhile...I play with people who understand that and can "go there" with me.



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