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RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 10:51:37 AM

Travelino

Posts: 34
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

How do your past relationships effect your relationships today? Life experience shapes who we are and how we percieve things - as does relationship experience. How does your past relationships affect you today in your BDSM - M/s - TPE - (or whatever abbreviated version)?

P.S. My spell check went to bed 3 hours ago

In hindsight, I knew nothing about relationships and likely made a tremendous amount of mistakes. Every relationship following that initial one was somewhat changed to ensure its success and longevity. As time went on, less and less had to be changed, and I became more and more particular with whom I wished to be attached to, for the duration of my life. The last relationship I was in was one that would be considered taboo by the majority of people on this planet. Thats right, a lifestyle that included aspects BDsM! At that point, the rules for relationships changed significantly! Up to that point, the relationships were relatively kink-free. Now I find myself starting over again, somewhat, as there are now guidelines to follow, and they are outright put out on the table before a relationship will ever happen, and the roles of each partner are discussed and adhered to.

Since I have past "vanilla" relationships(mostly) to base my future relationships on, I am in the process of weeding out the now-known negative habits that were formed, and integrating the new habits that, now, make more sense to have instilled in myself and my partner. I must admit, though, this weeding process may take some time, trial, and error. Good question, by the way, Devilslilsister.

Travelino.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 21

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 10:52:47 AM

greeneyes1962

Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Littlepita

I learned that when something this good comes into my life to grab it no matter what it takes. I have been in unhealthy relationships most of my life. I won't forget where I've been or take this one for granted.

pita, this is just how i'm feeling right now. i'm finally in a healthy relationship, and i'm going to grab it and run. i will be relocating to NYC this year to be with my Dom.

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 22

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 10:58:15 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

For me, past relationships (vanilla and D/s) help me see red flags far easier. I can put a stop to things before they get out of hand now that I know where tehy can lead if I dont. I know that allowing jealousy to start is asking for trouble becasue I have mostly male friends. I know that stress can cause a partner to act hinky when they are around me, but its usually nothing to worry about short term. I have aso learned that stress can screw everythig up if it ISNT short term. Ive learned to pay as much attention to what someone isnt saying as to what they are.
And the most important thing I have learned from past relationships is that no two people are the same. Comparing them is asking for trouble. EVery time I meet someone new, they get a clean slate, and I try my hardest not to let the things that happened before them color how things are going to go with them unless the similiarities become a little too hard to ignore.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to HollyS)

Post #: 23

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 12:29:17 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

My past relationships gave me a lot to unlearn once I met my Master. I was left untrusting, doubtful, and thinking very little of myself. One thing he was adamant about from the beginning was that I not compare him to every other man in my life.

I do not forget from where I have come. To do so risks taking what I have been given for granted, which I must never do. I appreciate the relationship I have in ways I can never express. Two years ago today in fact, after having submitted to him for six months, he considered me special enough to be given his collar. And as I reflect on the last 2 1/2 years of knowing him, I realize he has given me more than anyone has given me in a lifetime. I would go through all that hell all over again if I knew it would bring me to him.

Perhaps all those past ordeals were necessary for me to truly embrace today.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 24

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 12:40:52 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

My past relationships led me to be more formal in how I examine potential partners. I'm also much more cautious and more inclined to end that formal process if I don't feel a connection.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 25

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 12:46:35 PM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

The moment I realise a woman is high maintenance I dump her, she'll just have too many issues. The moment a woman sets conditions for 'this or that' that are absurd or unrealistic, I dump her. The moment a woman talks about female victimhood or puts herself up as a victim or a champion of women, I dump her. The moment a woman gives me the impression that sex to her, is her giving me something as though her gratification with my dick had never entered her head, I dump her. The moment a woman insists she is honest, moral and has integrity, I dump her.

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 26

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 12:49:55 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

In the past I have overlooked too many negatives. I am a positive person which I think is a good thing, however all the positives in the world won't make the big negatives cease to matter.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 27

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 12:52:41 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

The moment I realise a woman is high maintenance I dump her, she'll just have too many issues. The moment a woman sets conditions for 'this or that' that are absurd or unrealistic, I dump her. The moment a woman talks about female victimhood or puts herself up as a victim or a champion of women, I dump her. The moment a woman gives me the impression that sex to her, is her giving me something as though her gratification with my dick had never entered her head, I dump her. The moment a woman insists she is honest, moral and has integrity, I dump her.

Tired of being lonely yet?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 28

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 12:55:17 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

In keeping with the devolving nature of Dominant male comments on this thread: Past relationships? I just go visit them in the 55 gallon drums out behind the garage.

Happy New Year *SMILE*

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 29

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 12:55:46 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

The moment I realise a woman is high maintenance I dump her, she'll just have too many issues. The moment a woman sets conditions for 'this or that' that are absurd or unrealistic, I dump her. The moment a woman talks about female victimhood or puts herself up as a victim or a champion of women, I dump her. The moment a woman gives me the impression that sex to her, is her giving me something as though her gratification with my dick had never entered her head, I dump her. The moment a woman insists she is honest, moral and has integrity, I dump her.

OMG Meat, thank you! I just love your posts. I don't know why the psycho in your past was such a piece of work but she does make for some great humour today.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 30

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 4:35:55 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

My past relationships taught me about myself.
That my needs and wants are valid.
Not to be the "martyr" To ask or speak up if something bothers me or concerns me.
To never assume you know what the other person wants or means.

That i do actually need to have someone in my life, but it has to be the right someone not just the "ya, you'll do" someone.

Most of all, my last relationship taught me that settling is never a viable option. It just leads to fustration, irritation and unhappiness.

Oh ya, and it's ok to show weakness sometimes

There are many other things as well, but those are the main on.

_____________________________

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It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 31

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 6:03:08 PM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline

Since my last and first relationship, and how it effects my relationships today...not sure, despite added to the evolution of who I am and how I deal with life, as well further improved and evolved friendships later on, but can't say about any current relationships I haven't been in one in 2 years now, and probably won't for sometime unless the Universe decides to surprise me.

-mellian

_____________________________

Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 32

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 7:59:12 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

well the true of it is you need get rid of your ghost learn from the past and DONT DO IT IN THE FUTURE any how thats it

(in reply to HollyS)

Post #: 33

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 10:22:48 PM

acctonthelook

Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

Experiences develop us and make us wiser in all aspects. I learn from my mistakes so next time I don't waste the energy. *smiles*

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 34

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 10:40:00 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

My past relationships have caused me to become a wee bit more cautious and a whole lot more savvy...life is and always will be the perpetual learning experience,and that darn curve keeps smacking me in the ass!....Tempting

(in reply to acctonthelook)

Post #: 35

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/1/2007 11:00:33 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

*fast reply*

After a 23 year emotionally abusive marriage and a couple of relationships since, I've learned that my submissive nature can be a curse as well as a blessing.

I've also learned that when a married man says he's going to leave his wife, he doesn't mean it. I jumped straight in to a relationship a couple of months after I left my ex and I was emotionally vulnerable and believed everything he told me. I'm a lot wiser now

I've learned that online relationships are not for me......there was much more time apart than time together and I found it frustrating and at times depressing.

I've learned that I can't have casual sex. I found it unfulfilling and it made me feel used. I also found that having a casual relationship with an older man with heaps of money is much less fulfilling than the one I have now with my Master/Husband, who has no money to speak of but has the biggest and most loving heart.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 36

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/2/2007 8:36:23 AM

Mellicious

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline

My past relationships have taught me that there's really no such thing as a bad relationship if you can carry away a lesson, and you don't find yourself in the same situation ad infinitum. I've learned that Mom was right, honesty is the best policy, and that the most important person you should be honest with is yourself.

I think the hardest thing I ever learned is that you can't really save people. You can find someone who's drowning, but if they're not ready to come out of the water, they'll just pull you down with them.

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 37

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/2/2007 8:50:29 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

The moment I realise a woman is high maintenance I dump her, she'll just have too many issues. The moment a woman sets conditions for 'this or that' that are absurd or unrealistic, I dump her. The moment a woman talks about female victimhood or puts herself up as a victim or a champion of women, I dump her. The moment a woman gives me the impression that sex to her, is her giving me something as though her gratification with my dick had never entered her head, I dump her. The moment a woman insists she is honest, moral and has integrity, I dump her.

OMG Meat, thank you! I just love your posts. I don't know why the psycho in your past was such a piece of work but she does make for some great humour today.

Did that woman have issues! And she had a sense of humour by-pass amongst other things. I can't figure out what I saw in her now. Boy, she provided more lessons than ten life times of dating normal women would.

I saw her profile on Bondage.com and one her deal breakers is 'honesty, honesty, honesty, did I mention honesty?' I nearly choked on my coffee when I saw that and it wouldn't surprise me if that was her intention.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 1/2/2007 8:55:49 AM >

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 38

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/2/2007 8:58:31 AM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

Oh, yes, Mellicious! It's only a truly bad experience if nothing was learned. I've always said- we don't choose where we come from, but we can choose where we're going.

The most imortant thing I've learned is to forgive myself. I've forgiven my lack of judgment, my too-trusting nature, my unquestioning loyalty and my thinking that things will change if I love him/her enough.

Master has taught me not to regret the mistakes or the lessons. He says that if we change one thing, one little mistake that either if us had made on the way, we would not be here, together, and in the best, most intimate and honest relationship of our lives.

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
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"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to Mellicious)

Post #: 39

RE: Past relationships and today - 1/2/2007 1:31:09 PM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

The moment I realise a woman is high maintenance I dump her, she'll just have too many issues. The moment a woman sets conditions for 'this or that' that are absurd or unrealistic, I dump her. The moment a woman talks about female victimhood or puts herself up as a victim or a champion of women, I dump her. The moment a woman gives me the impression that sex to her, is her giving me something as though her gratification with my dick had never entered her head, I dump her. The moment a woman insists she is honest, moral and has integrity, I dump her.

Oh really??? hmmmm - well get ready for a L O N G, L O N E L Y, L I F E. And you've been pronounced god by who? The moment he sticks one of those fired dildoes into his mouth (cuban cigars) or raises whiskey to his lips to dull whatever is left of his senses, i dump him. geeeeeeeeeesh.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 40

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