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Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 6:39:39 PM

ScienceBoy

Posts: 114
Joined: 11/21/2006
From: Bristol, UK
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What do you do, if you just can't seem to get over somebody?

If you do all the right things (talk about it, don't talk about it, give it time, try to get out and interface with new people, do new things, do old things, eat ice cream, eat healthy, see old friends etc. etc.), and yet every day you wake up and still miss them as much as you did the day before?

Comments along the lines of 'let it go dude' are not helpful in this context unless you can give detailed instructions on how to let it go

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 7:00:27 PM

FangsNfeet

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With just about every break up, I got a hair cut, bought a new pair of shoes, and stayed up late with my friends Jack, Jose, and Morgan at Margaritaville. The next day I found myself moving on. After all, there's no need to throw a petty fit over a break up. There are to many morons who decide to get behind on rent, drop out of school, show up late for work, and moap around like there's nothing to be happy about. I'm not and will never be one of thsoe idiots who punish themselves and look for sympathy.

It's always best to show an X how great you are living without her than to be a dope. It'll make her think twice instead of having her think "I'm glad I left."

So how do you let it go? Well, it's time to go back to the fishing pond. After all, when you catch a bigger fish, you'll throw the old one back and forget about it. Catch my drift? Even if the fish you catch now isn't a keeper, nothing says you can't have it on the boat for a little while.

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 7:06:06 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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One day you will wake up and you won't be thinking of her. Trust me, it will happen. Might be a bit hard to believe right now tho.

(in reply to ScienceBoy)

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 7:09:58 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

With just about every break up, I got a hair cut, bought a new pair of shoes, and stayed up late with my friends Jack, Jose, and Morgan at Margaritaville. The next day I found myself moving on. After all, there's no need to throw a petty fit over a break up. There are to many morons who decide to get behind on rent, drop out of school, show up late for work, and moap around like there's nothing to be happy about. I'm not and will never be one of thsoe idiots who punish themselves and look for sympathy.

It's always best to show an X how great you are living without her than to be a dope. It'll make her think twice instead of having her think "I'm glad I left."

So how do you let it go? Well, it's time to go back to the fishing pond. After all, when you catch a bigger fish, you'll throw the old one back and forget about it. Catch my drift? Even if the fish you catch now isn't a keeper, nothing says you can't have it on the boat for a little while.

I always get a manicure.

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 7:35:30 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ScienceBoy

What do you do, if you just can't seem to get over somebody?

If you do all the right things (talk about it, don't talk about it, give it time, try to get out and interface with new people, do new things, do old things, eat ice cream, eat healthy, see old friends etc. etc.), and yet every day you wake up and still miss them as much as you did the day before?

Comments along the lines of 'let it go dude' are not helpful in this context unless you can give detailed instructions on how to let it go

Reflect on what your payoff for carrying this torch? She is probably moving on happily while you sit there moping. Mostly it's a form of pent up anger.

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Life Lesson #1

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I'm not inflatable.

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 7:42:20 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
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I totally empathize with you. There are no words of advice to give you. Those that say "jump back in", well that is easier said than done. If you do not meet the right person, with the right chemistry, you are left feeling even sadder. Those that say "just move on", well, if you really felt something for the person and the relationship lasted a long time, you cannot just move on.

The only thing I can tell you, is that it will take a long time; it may never go away completely. The ONLY thing you can do is to try and get through every day and do things that are good for you. Don't let anyone diminish your feelings. If you need someone to talk to, if you have run out of friends who are willing to listen to you, then talk to a therapist if possible.

In the end, there is nothing that anyone can say to help you, it is a painful thing to go through and all you can do is find others who empathize.

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 7:42:48 PM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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You accept it and learn to live with it. Some days you can almost forget it's there. Then there are other days that something will remind you and you realize it never left, you just gained the strength to carry it.

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 7:47:28 PM

SweetAndYummy

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/5/2005
From: Rain Central
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I try not to think about the positives, only the negatives. It helps me to move through the grieving process quicker. I never think about how wonderful they were or how happy I was, I would be moping around for months.

Edited to change font size

< Message edited by SweetAndYummy -- 12/25/2006 7:50:17 PM >

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 7:53:01 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ScienceBoy

What do you do, if you just can't seem to get over somebody?

If you do all the right things (talk about it, don't talk about it, give it time, try to get out and interface with new people, do new things, do old things, eat ice cream, eat healthy, see old friends etc. etc.), and yet every day you wake up and still miss them as much as you did the day before?

Comments along the lines of 'let it go dude' are not helpful in this context unless you can give detailed instructions on how to let it go

Hello Scienceboy,

I doubt there is any big secret. I was reading an article in Psychology Today a few months ago which was making the observation that people in people's lives function a bit like a bit of software code in the neural net of the brain.

The person you broke up with is physically gone, but the software runs on. This is true with break ups, deaths, whatever.

Eric Idle gave a review of a book once (I laughed until I stopped) which I often use for almost any situation like this. It will hurt until it stops.

Peace,

Sinergy

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 8:59:02 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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i had this happen twice.

The first time i was 16 and i laid in bed for days, didnt leave the house for months - utterly depressed. But then we didnt break up.

the second time i was stoned for months. I used to get really wild and crazy and force myself to "not" care anymore. The last time, i couldnt even walk to the damn 7/11 with out bawling my eyes out. So i stayed stoned.

Atleast it helped passed the time. And i had good neighbors who used to let me sit stoned and just hang out with them. And a teenage boy (of all ppl) who'd just let me cry on him.

There is no right how........ its just how ever you can manage

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 9:08:42 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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I've nothing nothing better than all the good advice you've gotten already (including the "why are you still carrying the torch", and "it will hurt until it stops.").
I think time is the only thing that will work in this case... It has been the only thing for me anyway in the past, because all the thoughts about how he sucked in certain ways, or it wasn't meant to be didn't work.
Good luck, M

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 9:18:08 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
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All good advice. Of course, no one has mentioned that you have to want to get over this person. You wouldn't happen to be one of those 20-something emo boys who revels in being the one who was left behind, the one who was wronged, the one who stays stuck in the debris of the old relationship and moans "oh woe woe woe is ME", would you?

E.

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"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to ScienceBoy)

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 10:27:57 PM

subfever

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ScienceBoy

What do you do, if you just can't seem to get over somebody?

If you do all the right things (talk about it, don't talk about it, give it time, try to get out and interface with new people, do new things, do old things, eat ice cream, eat healthy, see old friends etc. etc.), and yet every day you wake up and still miss them as much as you did the day before?

Comments along the lines of 'let it go dude' are not helpful in this context unless you can give detailed instructions on how to let it go

You seem like a very sensitive guy who became deeply attached to the object of your affections. If I am correct in my assessment, attempts to bury your pain via "whatever gets you through the night" distractions will not likely work for a guy like you.

Situations like this require a great deal of work. Accept that it is very unlikely that there will be a quick fix for you, and don't look for shortcuts. Perceive this as a necessary project, and then get to work.

The first thing you should do is go to your local library and find a couple books that deal with the different emotional steps that most people need to work through before they are able to emotionally detach themselves from an estranged mate. You will find some valuable information out there.

You will also want to buy a spiral binder notebook to self-analyze yourself via introspection, and to analyze your ex. Write down your key questions and thoughts as they occur. Don't worry about falling short with incomplete answers, making mistakes, or keeping any particular order. Write down everything related to this project that enters your mind. You can always sort things out, delete items, or make changes later.

You will want to ask yourself some probing questions about both yourself and the object of your affections. For example: What is it about this person that has such a hold on you? Does he/she possess an attribute, character trait, or talent that you feel you'll be unable to replace in the future? Or: How do you rate your ability to attract suitable mates? And why? Or: What really attracted you to this person in the first place? Or: Are you getting some sort of a payoff for staying attached to this person? You should get the general idea here.

If you ask yourself enough probing questions, chances are very good that you will eventually come to understand the true emotional dynamics that are working within you... and what drives these dynamics.

Unless you constantly carry around a laptop/notebook computer, be sure to make this a written project... as writing will be far more effective than just daydreaming your way through this. Keep your notebook with you as often as possible.

Good luck.

(in reply to ScienceBoy)

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/25/2006 10:53:19 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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i'm a sub, but i found if you have a friend that is really into cock worship, you can have a few drinks and just relax and watch a movie while she enjoys herself for a few hours... trust me, you won't think about the ex at all

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 8:13:37 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

i'm a sub, but i found if you have a friend that is really into cock worship, you can have a few drinks and just relax and watch a movie while she enjoys herself for a few hours... trust me, you won't think about the ex at all

.. that would work...

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 9:00:43 AM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Keep hurting until you are done. When you're tired of hurting you will move on.

Also consider the possibility that the goal isn't to 'get over' the person, rather it's to allow it to become something new - something that may not be your first choice but is never the less what is.

For me this second step is very helpful in any grieving process. It enables me to keep and honor the things that were important to me inside, without focusing only on the loss of what I hoped would be or what was.

If you still care for this person then there must be things about the relationship that were dear to you. No one can ever take those away from you (barring head trauma) regardless of where the relationship goes or how things change. Keep the good, honor the pain of loss until you are done, and eventually you will move forward retaining the important things still treasured in your heart. Not a bad deal when dealing with a loss.

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 9:01:29 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
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From: Santiago, Chile
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It's not just a question of time. Anyone who's been through boot camp knows that three months can fly like water - as long as you're not being subject to 18 hours a day of physical and mental torture.

Point is, if you fill your day with challenging and interesting activities, this person's importance in your life will be replaced by your new activities. I used to speak Japanese fluently, because I spoke it for several hours a day. Now I'm lucky if I can count to ten. Get involved with something, volunteer at a homeless shelter, read a heavy book, get addicted to a very complicated video game for a few weeks, or write a movie. All of these things will take every ounce of your free time and energy, leaving whats-her-name in the vague recesses of your mind along with your first grade gym teacher's first name.

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 9:06:30 AM

CreoleCook

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
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I can think of more than one way to get her out of your head... find the scariest roller coaster you can, and ride it blindfolded while thinking about her; sex can help clear your thoughts; a bullet through the frontal lobe can do the trick, but hopefully yer not THAT stupid; or if all else fails, call him or her up (assuming he/she is not dead) and just talk to her... no sex, no whining, no begging for attention, just talk, like normal adults do, and see if there is a possibility of friendship.

I can't speak for anyone else. I know for me the hardest part of breaking up is losing the close friend I started out with. Maybe the sexual tension is tough, thats true enough. But the loss of having someone you can talk to, intimately or not, is even tougher.

my 2 cents,
CC

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 9:16:32 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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For me work worked. Every time I hammered a nail in a piece of wood, burnt paint off wood or chiseled a joint, I imagined it was the bitch's face. I still feel I owe the bitch though. Needless to say, it was a little more than breaking up with me but her dishonesty. I have her picture on the wall in my studio and I throw darts at it from time to time and imagine her suffering unbearable pain. It doesn't stop me from thinking about her but it makes me feel better. I think of her now and I wonder why I ever bothered about her, I was just delusional. However, I still hope some bloke is using her as a fuck toy and she eventually finds out she is way down his list behind boring soap operas and he gives her genital warts as a gift.

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 10:02:02 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScienceBoy

What do you do, if you just can't seem to get over somebody?

If you do all the right things (talk about it, don't talk about it, give it time, try to get out and interface with new people, do new things, do old things, eat ice cream, eat healthy, see old friends etc. etc.), and yet every day you wake up and still miss them as much as you did the day before?

Comments along the lines of 'let it go dude' are not helpful in this context unless you can give detailed instructions on how to let it go

Trust me on this, brother.... Lady FRIENDS, multiple lady friends, are the key.....talk to them, take em' out, treat them good, talk to them some more. Just don't fuck any of them - Keep them as friends, always.

- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 12/26/2006 10:11:17 AM >

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Post #: 20

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