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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 4:41:45 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		Focus on the present and become a "watcher" of your own mind.  When you find thoughts drifting back to her, stop the process then and there.  There is nothing wrong with missing someone, but acknowledge that you miss that person at that present moment, and then turn your focus elsewhere.

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 4:47:01 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScienceBoy

What do you do, if you just can't seem to get over somebody?

If you do all the right things (talk about it, don't talk about it, give it time, try to get out and interface with new people, do new things, do old things, eat ice cream, eat healthy, see old friends etc. etc.), and yet every day you wake up and still miss them as much as you did the day before?

Comments along the lines of 'let it go dude' are not helpful in this context unless you can give detailed instructions on how to let it go



I think some things are not meant to be let go...  Other times I find replacing them is very effective.  Or therapy.  lol

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Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 5:07:05 PM   
ScienceBoy


Posts: 114
Joined: 11/21/2006
From: Bristol, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

All good advice.  Of course, no one has mentioned that you have to want  to get over this person.  You wouldn't happen to be one of those 20-something emo boys who revels in being the one who was left behind, the one who was wronged, the one who stays stuck in the debris of the old relationship and moans "oh woe woe woe is ME", would you?

E.


It is one of my distinctly less admirable qualities (I despise emo in all forms - and as everybody knows, you hate your own bad qualities when you see them in others)

Thank you all, for your wildly divergent advice!

I suppose on some level what I want to know is.. at what point do you stop being broken hearted, and start being a nutjob?

Increasingly I think missing her so badly is more about me than us. I probably just need to grow up and fix one or two of the more glaring flaws in my personality. And possibly get a second assessment for bi-polar personality disorder.

Cheers folks, and again - thank you for taking the time to offer your advice to yaep (Yet Another Emo Ponce).


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"When God gives you AIDS -- and God DOES, give you AIDS -- make lemonAIDS!"

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 8:20:48 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		"I suppose on some level what I want to know is.. at what point do you stop being broken hearted, and start being a nutjob?"

That's what the cold weather is for. It keeps the broken heart frozen together. Beer and Whisky will keep you warm. As Garth Brooks sings: "I got friends in low where the whisky flows and the beer chases my blues away, I'll be okay." It's time to go hang out. You'll realize that you're better off with out her. You're single, be happy and live a little before you hook up again with someone.

As the shortest fairy tale goes: There once was a prince who fell in love. He joust, slayed dragons, and spoke poetry to the maden. When he ask for her hand, she said no. And so he lived hapily ever after playing golf, bowling, and drinking the rest of his days.

If you have feelings and turmoil, I suggest that you write a letter of how you feel. Then write a letter as if it where to her. Read the letter and then rewrite all you have written again. Once it's out of your system, crumple the paper and thow it away or you can submit it to a song writer. Either way, it's a good way to get a thing or two off your chest and point you in the right direction to move on.

Listening to a few Rob Thomas/Match Box 20 CD's will also help as you may find yourself relating your situation to the lyrics.

All in all, you know you're going to be okay. Some say it's better to have loved and lost than not love at all. I say it's best to have love and lost than live with a psycho bitch for the rest of your life.  This is nothing more than a part of life. You'll find yourself being broken hearted again and breaking hearts yourself. It happens.

As for being a nutjob, I think you're already there.  


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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 8:46:31 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

Keep hurting until you are done.  When you're tired of hurting you will move on.

Also consider the possibility that the goal isn't to 'get over' the person, rather it's to allow it to become something new - something that may not be your first choice but is never the less what is.

For me this second step is very helpful in any grieving process.  It enables me to keep and honor the things that were important to me inside, without focusing only on the loss of what I hoped would be or what was.

If you still care for this person then there must be things about the relationship that were dear to you.  No one can ever take those away from you (barring head trauma) regardless of where the relationship goes or how things change.  Keep the good, honor the pain of loss until you are done, and eventually you will move forward retaining the important things still treasured in your heart.  Not a bad deal when dealing with a loss.



Hmmmmmm.  Nice thoughts but....

Science boy...she (the above...what MizSuz said) is kinda right, but, it's also very much a girl response.  However, the part that she's right as to is...even though you currently obsess over this chic (yours)...over time it could turn into something else/better.  (I know that probably didn't make a whole lot of sense...but to some, it'll make a pile of sense).

Besides which, why would you want someone who (I presume) doesn't want you?  That one's an endless downward slope that's impossible to climb up from. 

Now, before you go staying on her doorstep, pining, sending candy, flowers, all the shit that when she wants you around she finds endearing, only now she'll see it as stalking (it's kinda like if there's a bunch of great looking women near and you stare, you're a pig, if you don't, surely you must be gay...never ever bother trying to understand women...they don't make any sense...trust me on this), remember to think with your brain more often than your heart.

Always remember the old saw though;  "When a man says it's over, 90% of the time, it's not true.  When a woman says it's over...it's fucking over". 

My advice for your current dilemma is that old adage about if you love someone let them go, if they truly love you...blah blah blah (or something like that)...if she's worth working things out with, it'll work out.

Or, you could just do like I did and keep telling her "I'm not going away, so you might as well get used to me being around" and eventually they realize it's easier to put up with you than it is to fight the inevitable.

(I've discovered I'm an aquired taste anyway).

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 12/26/2006 8:50:45 PM >

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 9:24:16 PM   
CandleInTheWind


Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScienceBoy

What do you do, if you just can't seem to get over somebody?

If you do all the right things (talk about it, don't talk about it, give it time, try to get out and interface with new people, do new things, do old things, eat ice cream, eat healthy, see old friends etc. etc.), and yet every day you wake up and still miss them as much as you did the day before?

Comments along the lines of 'let it go dude' are not helpful in this context unless you can give detailed instructions on how to let it go



It has been 2 years sinnce the man i thought i couldnt live without broke me down and nearly killed what i had left to my rose collored glasses...and then time went by....and well now althout in the back of my brain he still exists...and well each day i survive without him it proves to me that He wasnt the one...after all if he were truly the one...he wouldnt have hurt me and i wouldnt be able to move one without him would i ???  so my answer to how to move on.....it is time my friend  it is just time  and time does in fact heal some wounds and in time they all do heal

i wish you well good luck to you

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RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/26/2006 9:56:25 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScienceBoy

What do you do, if you just can't seem to get over somebody?

If you do all the right things (talk about it, don't talk about it, give it time, try to get out and interface with new people, do new things, do old things, eat ice cream, eat healthy, see old friends etc. etc.), and yet every day you wake up and still miss them as much as you did the day before?

Comments along the lines of 'let it go dude' are not helpful in this context unless you can give detailed instructions on how to let it go



I generally make room in my freezer for her, and wrap the remains in love letters. 

Hey, at least I don't have to think about the guy she's doing now or have fantasies of getting back together, just open the freezer and she's always there.

I love happy endings





(in reply to ScienceBoy)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/27/2006 2:39:18 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

...never ever bother trying to understand women...they don't make any sense...trust me on this), remember to think with your brain more often than your heart.



This is so so true. I think it's one of the reasons men are happy to pursue physics or religion, climb mountains or just drink and gamble, all make infinitely more sense than a woman.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/27/2006 5:22:12 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedToUseYou

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScienceBoy

What do you do, if you just can't seem to get over somebody?

If you do all the right things (talk about it, don't talk about it, give it time, try to get out and interface with new people, do new things, do old things, eat ice cream, eat healthy, see old friends etc. etc.), and yet every day you wake up and still miss them as much as you did the day before?

Comments along the lines of 'let it go dude' are not helpful in this context unless you can give detailed instructions on how to let it go



I generally make room in my freezer for her, and wrap the remains in love letters. 

Hey, at least I don't have to think about the guy she's doing now or have fantasies of getting back together, just open the freezer and she's always there.

I love happy endings







lol.  I ate Mine..  Everything she ever did turned to shit anyways, so I thought it was a fitting end.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to NeedToUseYou)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/27/2006 5:35:47 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline 		you still ain't over her?
Took me six months my first time, and it wasnt fun at all. I posted this in another thread (what is Love????) and it truly was what seemed the catalyst to make me realize I really didn't need her as bad as I thought:

"Love is a teacher
it teaches us we are alone
we came here alone,
and shall all leave this place,
all ALONE
What joy love may bring
as we endure our short time here,
should be cherished
as our chance to Give our love
Whether it lasts 4 minutes,
or 49 years,
in the end, and always
we must re-learn the lesson:
that love is but illusion."

Weird thing was, years later, after she's married the doper hippie she left me for, she of course got sick of his ass, and rang me up one night out of the blue, ready for fun, just like old times. Thinking I should likely  hit it, went and picked her up, and took her home....only by the time we got there, and she got undressed, I realized I no longer wanted her, was ever so thankful I wasn't granted what I thought I'd wanted so long, and had to take a pass, because she was sleeping in the bed she'd made for herself, and "love" had taken its toll. - she was now skank...or maybe was all along.

Careful what you wish for man, you might just get it.

...And if none of that, or anything else is workin for ya, she likely left a few hairs, fingernails and personal effects around, so gather 'em up and make a lil voodoo doll of her. then take the ice pick to it, and do your best nut-job number.

That'll fix her....lol.


edit: DON'T listen to fric and frac above man, NO bitch is worth goin to prison for, trust me..
geesh, whatsamatter with you 2 boneheads?...lol


< Message edited by mgdartist -- 12/27/2006 5:47:00 AM >

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/27/2006 6:46:05 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

...even though you currently obsess over this chic (yours)...over time it could turn into something else/better.  (I know that probably didn't make a whole lot of sense...but to some, it'll make a pile of sense).


Patience pays, eh?


quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

...remember to think with your brain more often than your heart.


Physician heal thyself.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

(I've discovered I'm an aquired taste anyway).


<grin>  Nothing a good mouth wash can't fix.



_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/27/2006 6:58:49 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mgdartist


"Love is a teacher
it teaches us we are alone
we came here alone,
and shall all leave this place,
all ALONE
What joy love may bring
as we endure our short time here,
should be cherished
as our chance to Give our love
Whether it lasts 4 minutes,
or 49 years,
in the end, and always
we must re-learn the lesson:
that love is but illusion."


Very well said.

I have long maintained that much of our problems with the word "love" are grammatical in nature.  Most folks say "love" and they mean the noun - meaning love is a thing.  They mean the emotion they feel when they are using the word love.  Bearing in mind that emotions are largely biochemically and thought based they are, therefore, transient and manipulable.  Not exactly the best foundation for any relationship beyond the 'burn hot and fade away fast' sort.

"Love" as a verb, however, is a horse of a different color.  In order for it to be 'love' it must be in action.  That means you give or receive love in your actions, regardless of your feelings.  This is the stuff that life times are built of and gives credit to the notion that love is a choice.

Love as a noun is an illusion.  Love as a verb is one of humanities finest traits, limited only by personal choice.


_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/27/2006 8:57:30 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline 		never thought of it that way, but do believe I agree.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/27/2006 5:02:52 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

...never ever bother trying to understand women...they don't make any sense...trust me on this), remember to think with your brain more often than your heart.



This is so so true. I think it's one of the reasons men are happy to pursue physics or religion, climb mountains or just drink and gamble, all make infinitely more sense than a woman.


(GAWWWWWWD...I never thought you and I would ever be on the same page...but...you're speaking to the choir here Brothah!)

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 12/27/2006 5:07:26 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

...even though you currently obsess over this chic (yours)...over time it could turn into something else/better.  (I know that probably didn't make a whole lot of sense...but to some, it'll make a pile of sense).


Patience pays, eh?

(It's been said).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

...remember to think with your brain more often than your heart.


Physician heal thyself.

Shhhhhh....(I thought that was my idea).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

(I've discovered I'm an aquired taste anyway).


<grin>  Nothing a good mouth wash can't fix.

(Why....I oughta......).



(Dammit....You're outa the will).

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 12/27/2006 5:36:27 PM >

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 1/13/2007 7:54:36 AM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline



Carey

The wind is in from africa
Last night I couldn’t sleep
Oh, you know it sure is hard to leave here carey
But it’s really not my home
My fingernails are filthy, I got beach tar on my feet
And I miss my clean white linen and my fancy french cologne

Oh carey get out your cane
And I’ll put on some silver
Oh you’re a mean old daddy, but I like you fine

Come on down to the mermaid cafe and I will buy you a bottle of wine
And we’ll laugh and toast to nothing and smash our empty glasses down
Let’s have a round for these freaks and these soldiers
A round for these friends of mine
Let’s have another round for the bright red devil
Who keeps me in this tourist town

Come on, carey, get out your cane
I’ll put on some silver
Oh you’re a mean old daddy, but I like you

Maybe I’ll go to amsterdam
Or maybe I’ll go to rome
And rent me a grand piano and put some flowers ’round my room
But let’s not talk about fare-thee-welis now
The night is a starry dome.
And they’re playin’ that scratchy rock and roll
Beneath the matalla moon

Come on, carey, get out your cane
And I’ll put on some silver
You’re a mean old daddy, but I like you

The wind is in from africa
Last night I couldn’t sleep
Oh, you know it sure is hard to leave here
But, it’s really not my home
Maybe it’s been too long a time
Since I was scramblin’ down in the street
Now they got me used to that clean white linen
And that fancy french cologne

Oh carey, get out your cane
I’ll put on my finest silver
We’ll go to the mermaid cafe
Have fun tonight
I said, oh, you’re a mean old daddy, but you’re out of sight




< Message edited by Fawne -- 1/13/2007 7:55:37 AM >

(in reply to ScienceBoy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 1/13/2007 8:05:52 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Fantastic song. Love the whole damn album. A classic!

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Get... Out.. Of.. MY.. HEAD!! - 1/13/2007 9:58:29 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		If you can, try to think of some negative qualities she had, and I'm sure she had SOMETHING that irritated you.  Find something and then focus on IT, and ban all thoughts that she was some kind of goddess-like perfection out of your mind.  If they creep in, force yourself to clear them back out.  Then, focus on the fact that she cracked her gum, or scratched you with her toenails in bed or was a horrible cook, or something.  Anything.  Call her nasty names IN YOUR MIND.  I've found that it's a lot easier to move on when you're angry at them.  Later on, when you are "over her", you can reconcile all the negative thoughts and roll them into a philosophical package of embracing something you once had, but let go of and moved on.  But for the moment, do what you have to do to get through the pain one day at a time.

It's true that time is the biggest healer, and you just have to learn how to mentally psyche yourself through the days, one day at a time, until one day, you do realize that the pain isn't as bad.  A dull ache, maybe, but that is manageable. 

Don't sabotage yourself by mooning over fond memories, listening to "your songs"....turn the radio off if you have to and load your ipod with stuff like "Love Stinks" and "Bye Bye Bye".  Put away the collection of movie tickets and trinkets and baubles that make you think of her.  Take a box, put them all in it, put her pictures in it, too, then bury the box in the attic or a closet out of sight, erase her from your environment.  That will help eliminate some of the reminders that keep the sorrow bubbling just below the surface.  Right now, your brain is programmed to missing her and aching over it, and you need to start re-programming it to living a life without her in it.  It is possible, I've done it many times  

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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Profile   Post #: 38
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