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On again Off again - 12/24/2006 11:33:56 PM

MasterFitzwell

Posts: 6
Joined: 12/30/2005
Status: offline

I am trying to understand the physic of those sub/slave profiles that seem to appear and disappear off of this site. I realize that one can activate and deactivate their profile as they please but am curious as to the thought process behind it. I've noticed several profiles are on again and off again. Other than avoiding possible trolls would like some input as to why some subs/slaves do so.

Personally I wonder if that is an indication of the possibility of being indecive. Not knowing what they really want or if they have become so frustrated with the results of who contacts them or is stalking them. Also would like input from anyone about those that have several profiles because they also have become disenchanted.

It makes it difficult to identify which profiles are seriously seeking and those that can’t make up their minds as to whether or not this is lifestyle that they truly seek. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

MasterFitzwell

< Message edited by MasterFitzwell -- 12/24/2006 11:37:05 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: On again Off again - 12/24/2006 11:56:49 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

While I have no real profile on this site beyond the basics (no narrative or information as to what I'm looking for in someone) due to the fact that by the time I found this place, I was already with someone and not looking (here for the forums only), I do have one somewhere else. I have, at times, made my profile private and then opened it back up for more public viewing. So I guess I'd be guilty of what you're describing.

With me, the decision to make my profile public or not rests entirely on whether my ex is on a rampage or not. When he has his moralistic fits, I remove my profile - and when he's calm, I don't mind it being out there. The last time I removed it was when we were going to court regarding guardianship of our adult daughter. Even though he's been largely uninvolved in her life for the last 19 years, he wanted guardianship - it's a money thing - and was willing to do what he could to prove I was somehow unfit for her. So...poof, I disappeared. It's only been recently that I've felt safe enough to "come out of hiding."

That's just my story. Off hand, I can think of some other reasons for disappearing as well:
** You've met someone and are giving that person your full attention until you see it's not working
** You're too busy at work these days to be checking e-mail and you need to focus on things that are not bdsm related
**You have health issues that you are taking care of - either with yourself or with family members
**You have family issues - taking care of a parent, child, etc that you need to focus on
** You are working more than one job and don't have time for all this, but feel it's rude to leave your profile up and not be answering whatever e-mails you're receiving
** You have been searching for a long time for someone and are getting discouraged, so you just can it all and get rid of your profile for a while - I mean, it's not like you owe anyone the presence of your profile if you're taking a break
**Life is just getting in the way
** You haven't had any luck in finding someone through this medium, so get frustrated and say 'fuck it all!" and just get rid of it.
** You have this crazy notion that just perhaps, since online isn't really working for you, that perhaps doing things in real life, face to face just might, and walk away for a while.
** Many others that at 10 to 3 in the morning, I'm not thinking of that are personal to those people who are removing their profiles and later putting them back up that have nothing to do with indecisiveness.

While admittedly there will be some who are indecisive, I'd think others are just busy - not indecisive. I think that a blanket assumption that we're all indecisive would be incorrect. Most of the time, our real lives are just more important than what someone online in _________ (You pick the state or country) thinks of us.

In the end, whether we find the people we end up with via online conversations or real life encounters, the right person for each of us will be better able to guage our level of decisiveness - and it won't matter in the least when someone wants to consider us indecisive, or "not submissive enough" or "not dominant enough" or "not man enough" or "not woman enough" or "not old enough" or "not young enough" or "not fair, dark, heavy, light, tall, short, et all enough"

To quote that famous little girl with the golden locks, "we'll be 'just right'..."

juliet

Edited to add: I really don't think anyone around here gets the luxury of being able to read a profile with the assurances that "he/she's real." You read. You find your interest. You take your chances. You make your contact. Kinda like life. No one said there'd be a roadmap. I rather like it like that.

And to quote another famous character, " Life is like a box of chocolates...." Taste it and make up your own mind. What works for me might not work for you and vice versa.

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/25/2006 12:05:44 AM >

(in reply to MasterFitzwell)

Post #: 2

RE: On again Off again - 12/24/2006 11:58:41 PM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

Well i can answer this one for me. i have only one profile. For a long time, i had never turned it off. But right now, i am quite busy with work, family and the holidays and knowing that i don't have the time right now not only to respond appropriately to emails i receive on my profile, but i really don't have time to give a potential partner the attention i feel is necessary in trying to get to know someone.

i suspect others do it for a mulitude of reasons, but that's why i turned mine off (for the time being anyway).

Daddysgirl

(in reply to MasterFitzwell)

Post #: 3

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 12:31:17 AM

TypeAsub1

Posts: 65
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline

If it bothers you - don't contact them. Seems to me that it's nobody's business why someone chooses to make their profile public or private. You always have the option of choosing to contact them or not. Instead of asking a bunch of strangers on a forum about it - why not ask the people themselves.

I mean if you really want an honest answer - they're the only ones who can provide it.

(in reply to adaddysgirl)

Post #: 4

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 1:27:20 AM

mymasterssub69

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

mine's always on however once the holiday season is over, i'll be spending less time here because the concert scheduling (and/or possible band tours) will be in full force. yet even in my absence, my profile will be still on

_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to MasterFitzwell)

Post #: 5

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 1:57:38 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

you have to have a profile here to use the boards. Some do want to be here but wish not to be contacted. Some their Dominant has told them to turn it off.

(in reply to mymasterssub69)

Post #: 6

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 2:01:35 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Type, you can not contact people on collarme who don't have a profile. It usualy says profile not found.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 7

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 4:47:47 AM

Donnalee

Posts: 339
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

I've changed my name because of getting too much unwanted emails from members I clearly stated I wasn't interested in, and then found that identifying myself as a switch really cleared it all up. I imagine everyone who does it has their reasons.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 8

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 4:59:15 AM

SlyStone

Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

quote:

Seems to me that it's nobody's business why someone chooses to make their profile public or private.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TypeAsub1

I agree. While it may be frustrating for people trying to contact them I think some people are taking a risk just being here and especially posting their picture. In a way it shows just how desperate some of us are to fulfill this need we have, that we are willing to expose ourselves at all and I certainly understand the conflict some people feel that may cause them to turn on and off their profiles.

(in reply to TypeAsub1)

Post #: 9

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 5:03:54 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Mine is an on again off again.
Right now, it's off.
Each off has it's own unique reason, it's never been frustration with an over loaded in box, or the quality of responces. At the moment I am guilty as charged and am redefining my needs. In no way does my redefining make my search less serious, what you are terming indecicive is far from that. How can defining what you need be a bad thing?

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Donnalee)

Post #: 10

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 5:22:24 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I never turn my profile off but then my email certainly is not unmanagable....less that a dozen a week at most. I get a kick out of the relatively new profiles (a few days) that contact me all intensely interested, we exchange a few emails, then a day or two goes by and they have disappeared. I just assume I didn't supply the desired wanker material.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 11

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 6:17:54 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

I am trying to understand the physic of those sub/slave profiles that seem to appear and disappear off of this site. I realize that one can activate and deactivate their profile as they please but am curious as to the thought process behind it. I've noticed several profiles are on again and off again. Other than avoiding possible trolls would like some input as to why some subs/slaves do so

I think that it would be productive to ask them individually why they do this. I have deactivated mine a few times. I did not want to receive emails was the most common reason.

quote:

Personally I wonder if that is an indication of the possibility of being indecive. Not knowing what they really want or if they have become so frustrated with the results of who contacts them or is stalking them. Also would like input from anyone about those that have several profiles because they also have become disenchanted.

I do not know if it would be a good idea to assume things based on a small action of a stranger. Some people only like talking to one person at a time, so perhaps they met someone that they are talking with and want to explore this temporarily?

quote:

It makes it difficult to identify which profiles are seriously seeking and those that can’t make up their minds as to whether or not this is lifestyle that they truly seek. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

MasterFitzwell

If I was the one emailing I would decide who was worthwhile and write them, not based on taking a profile off and online, but by what they presented in their profile, but that is just me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MasterFitzwell)

Post #: 12

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 7:30:15 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I've done this too. Sometimes I just don't want to be bothered. Not necessarily indecisive, just busy or not in the mood. Mostly I am here for the forums.

(in reply to MasterFitzwell)

Post #: 13

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 7:41:05 AM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFitzwell

I am trying to understand the physic of those sub/slave profiles that seem to appear and disappear off of this site. I realize that one can activate and deactivate their profile as they please but am curious as to the thought process behind it. I've noticed several profiles are on again and off again. Other than avoiding possible trolls would like some input as to why some subs/slaves do so.

Personally I wonder if that is an indication of the possibility of being indecive. Not knowing what they really want or if they have become so frustrated with the results of who contacts them or is stalking them. Also would like input from anyone about those that have several profiles because they also have become disenchanted.

It makes it difficult to identify which profiles are seriously seeking and those that can’t make up their minds as to whether or not this is lifestyle that they truly seek. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

MasterFitzwell

I suspect it's entirely due to people re-doing their profile to get rid of horrid spelling, disjointed sentences or as likely, broken phrases so they don't appear as uneducated imbeciles.

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to MasterFitzwell)

Post #: 14

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 8:09:23 AM

TypeAsub1

Posts: 65
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline

Yes but he's commenting on 'on again/off again' - so during an 'on again' moment, he could contact them and ask.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

Type, you can not contact people on collarme who don't have a profile. It usualy says profile not found.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 15

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 8:39:15 AM

simplyelsie

Posts: 2
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

you have to have a profile here to use the boards. Some do want to be here but wish not to be contacted. Some their Dominant has told them to turn it off.

Technically speaking, you do not have to currently have a profile on the other side to use the forum... you only need have had one at one time.

The is a very old screen name of mine... one that I created when I first learned of CollarMe. Shortly after, I deleted the profile, not just deactivated it.

As you can see, while the profile is no exists on the CollarMe side, it is still active for CollarChat. You can also send mail through CollarChat so you can keep in private contact with any posters.

Merry Christmas!

LostTreasure

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 16

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 10:26:56 AM

MasterFitzwell

Posts: 6
Joined: 12/30/2005
Status: offline

I appreciate the feed back and will keep checking back for more. If anyone found my comments or queries to be offensive I won't appologize as what I wanted I indeed got and that was feedback - pros and cons. All were very insightful and again most appreciative. I also found it Interesting the various view points that I received from some that I contacted out of curiosity mirrored much of what was said here.

I also continue to discover that in placing topics that lead to so many immediate responses in and of itself to be helpful and encouraging.

So again much thanks to the feedback thus far.

MasterFitzwell

(in reply to simplyelsie)

Post #: 17

RE: On again Off again - 12/25/2006 10:35:42 AM

asubmissiveheart

Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

Let me add to this that MANY people here
have more than ONE profile.
I have a couple of profiles on here.
People can do whatever they want, for
whatever reasons they want.

(in reply to MasterFitzwell)

Post #: 18

RE: On again Off again - 12/26/2006 3:13:29 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Perhaps those profiles that are active is when that person is online. When they deactivate it perhaps that is when they are signing offline and don't want anyone possibly running across it. IE. married
I know a couple of people who are married and do this

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 12/26/2006 3:15:39 AM >

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to MasterFitzwell)

Post #: 19

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