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SusanofO -> RE: Sour Grapes (12/22/2006 11:30:47 PM)
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It can be pretty hard to move on, sometimes, it seems. But what is to be gained by hurling disguised or actual blatant venom at someone else in public? In one's own heart one always knows the real, true story (if there ever is a "dissonance" between what is said and what happened) - unless one is self-delusional, that is.
Why fan any potential flames of hatred or hurt? Well okay, maybe it's sometimes tempting. But it probably won't be, in the long-run (my opinion) very wise or productive.
If the goal is to cry, let it out, and let it go - then I do think that's that's okay, if it's done in either a very vague way (no names at all mentioned, and if ya think other people (a few, or a lot of them) are gonna know who you're talking about, then don't say it at all, or say it to a different off-line third party who might be able to be your "shoulder" instead).
This "lashing out" kind of thing might make someone feel temporarily better but, hey: From just a purely practical standpoint, I think it probably 1) Prolongs any anguish (and maybe on both ends) because it may 2) Fuel a desire for retaliation 3) Who's that gonna help, ultimately?
So -you've got a "situation". You have the power to make a choice to be a kind, growth-oriented, "I-can-get-past-this" kind of person, or a vindictive, hurtful, less mature person. That's a lot of power, believe it or not. It's not as small a decision as it might look like, on the surface either, I don't think. It could possibly take every ounce of strength one can muster to not lash out in anger in a personally hurtful way. Then again, who ever said life was always (or ever, perhaps) easy?
This for some, can be in the "easy to say, hard to do" category. So?
That excuses one from even trying? Not really (as my mother used to say).
If that sounds pious or like I've never been there, it's not meant to. I definitely have "been there." (hurt and tempted to lash out and hurt someone in return). Nobody is perfect. The human heart is not immune from ache, that's for sure. I know some things can really, really hurt.
But - life does, ultimately go on and move forward. You won't be able to stop it, no matter what you do. One can maybe find some comfort in that, if nothing else. Time really can be a great healer. Belief in oneself helps tremendously, I think.
Search for that core of yourself that survives, no matter what happens. That little (sometimes very teensy, under such circumstances) tiny part of you that is always hopeful things will actually get much better soon, and that the sun shall indeed rise.
Screw your courage to a sticking place (Shakespeare).
And get on with things. Life is just happier, that way. Or, write lots of bad poetry instead, maybe.
- Susan
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