pixelslave
Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: purelydevoted
First, a little background: My husband and I, who are now separated, had a 24/7 relationship that failed miserably. Lack of communication doomed us from the start. We tried off and on for 8 years to make it work and finally realized that the trust needed for a relationship of this nature would never be there like it needed to be.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you move past that? In the months since leaving, I searched deep inside myelf, and I know that I need a Master/slave relationship someday. I know, however, that trust and communication have to come first. I would appreciate any views or sharing of experience. Thank you, A/all!
Know that what you describe happens to male subs as well. That the trust was not there, isn't just a D/s or BDSM issue, it surely was a vanilla issue for you as well. I hope that should tell you something about your relationship beyond your lifestyle needs not being met.
One thing I have learned is that there is no quick fix. The vanilla statistics themselves show that those who remarry within a year are more likely to divorce again. I doubt that is any different for those who choose to begin a relationship within this lifestyle. The real question is what does that tells us? 
For me, this all tells me, we need to take the time to heal and get our proverbial "shit together" before we can move-on to the next relationship whether vanilla or the one we know it is that we crave deep within our hearts. We need the time to heal and figure out clearly what is we "want" vs what it is we "need". To me, life is full of compromises and no one is perfect, especially not me! 
I suggest you spend a lot of time reflecting and getting to know yourself, what you really need, what you'd like to have, and where you can compromise between the two of them. As someone else mentioned, this is a time of vulnerability, so don't be in a hurry! Above all else, take your time to get to know anyone that interests you before you take the plunge. If they will not be patient with you, I'd suggest they are not the right one for you to be involved with at this point in your life! 
Someone who really wants you, for the person that you are, will give you all the time you need to get to know them until you are completely comfortable and they will want to know you for the person inside you before the two of you prematurely jump the gun. Its my opinion, that your submission is of great value and deeply affects your emotions, clouding all your decisions when it is fully engaged and active. Giving it up quickly, kind of makes you "easy" to whomever you meet. For most dominants, in my experience, it is like a drug that is more desired than any sexual favors you could ever give them. Take the time to learn about the person in the vanilla sense, before you begin to play (regardless of how much you want to let them have what lies within you and what it is you desire), will help you keep your wits about you to make an informed decision whether they are right for you. It will also make you that much more attractive as something of a challenge to the other person. But that's just my experience and is largely based on my own wiring. I'd summarize by saying, don't give what is vulnerable and of precious value, away to someone who doesn't know you and might take advantage; using you and then tossing you away!
As the EPA says, YMMV and I wish the very best of luck to you! 
- pixel
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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!
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Moving past failure - 
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