RE: Cheating (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid



Message

UtopianRanger -> RE: Cheating (12/18/2006 12:12:55 AM)

quote:



well i cheated once....i am not here to judge you...but i will tell you it will come down on you like a ton of bricks, and that will be a differnt sort pain then any you have ever known.



Pretty much the same way here. Cheated once.... it completely destroyed the trust built over a very long period of time - Tried and tried to work things out, but the trust just couldn't be repaired. Having reflected many times.....it was never worth it.


The others are on the money.....I'd go talk to someone.



 - R
 




FelinePersuasion -> RE: Cheating (12/18/2006 1:49:20 AM)

my advice is quit cheating on him and speak to him and get clearance for the extra liasons, no guilt, no one is decived.



SlaveAkasha -> RE: Cheating (12/18/2006 4:00:40 AM)

I have been cheated on, and been the one someone was cheating with. 
 
There can be a great thrill and very hot sex on the cheating side, but it is only hurt and pain on the other.
 
I am sure you are enjoying what you are doing.  It's exciting, fun, hot, and someone new.  I know you say you are happy in your relationship and it's very possible you love your spouse very much, but there seems to be something missing if you are looking for it with someone else. 
 
I know the one that cheated on me, she did it because she liked the "fantasy" of what life was like in a relationship, but didn't take into account the details of what it was like with work, bills, stress..etc..it was more fun when it the thrill was there.
 
The men I have been with, they cheated for different reasons.  The one I was with, he loved his wife and his family very much.  There was no doubt in my mind that he would not ever leave her.  That was something I was fine with and accepted. 
 
I think the guilt will start getting to you, and you will either quit what you are doing, or tell your spouse.  No matter the choice you make now, it will always be there between you, whether you think so or not. 
 
I had to evaluate how I would feel if I were her and found out my husband was with someone else.  That's when I stepped back from the "fun" and said it was enough.  You have to take responsibility for your actions, no one else will.  Maybe you are happier with more than one person, or perhaps you can be just as happy with the one you have now.
 
I won't judge you, that's not my place...but please just think about what you are doing and how hurt your spouse would be if they found out.  I think that most do at some point, or most even know if we think they don't.
 
Kasha



cjklyn -> RE: Cheating (12/18/2006 12:38:21 PM)

Whether you are comfortable with cheating or not isn't the question.It's the impact on your partner when he finds out, and he will. you need to consider how imporant your relationship is, and how you'll feel if your cheating does result in your relationship ending. Be honest with yourself. Is your sex life really better because of your cheating, or are you trying to justify your cheating that way. Next time you consider cheating, imaging going home and your husband not being there. Then make your decision. Some things arent easy but are worth the effort.



LotusSong -> RE: Cheating (12/18/2006 12:45:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

You ever heard of sex a holics?  Something like that?  there are literally people addicted to sex - no joke. 

   That's sex addiction.  I tend to agree with RiotGirl here. 



sophia37 -> RE: Cheating (12/18/2006 1:17:46 PM)

This is the wrong site for you with this question. Go to www.philanderers.com. Seriously. No one on this site will take you seriously. Its pretty much a closed discussion. 



sophia37 -> RE: Cheating (12/18/2006 1:20:32 PM)

Better yet go directly to the Philanderer chat board. You'l pretty much be able to talk about what you need to talk about with people who are/have been there. .http://www.network54.com/Forum/3551/



slavejali -> RE: Cheating (12/18/2006 1:23:02 PM)

yes, you should also go to www.itsoktocheat.com too, they are in affiliation with www.itsoktobeamurder.com and www.itsoktobeansbuser.com . These sites have an amazing support network with lots of handy hints.

(umm I really hope those links don't exist lol)



acctonthelook -> RE: Cheating (12/18/2006 1:59:25 PM)

I can tell you from being with and being a cheater that all will not end well.  I used to stand on high moral ground with this topic until I too found myself a cheater due to extreme lack of happiness and pure honesty with myself that I was NOT happy in my relationship. There was a STRONG part of me that was not fulfilled with the partner I cheated on.  I had to admit that no matter how close to sainthood she was " I " was not happy.  It had nothing to do with her.  I'm bisexual, that's why I was not happy.  No room for an open relationship with my ex.  I was starving inside for male attention, bdsm attention.  I have a huge need to have a "Master/ Dom" in my life. 

" I " was not happy!  You need to listen to your inner core no matter how much it may hurt another.  You need to stand tall and be honest.  Who knows he may shock you...He may welcome the idea of following you one night without your knowing.  Watch you, Watch you cheat on him.  Maybe he'd get into the voyarism (sp?).  Maybe he'd like to see another really fuck you without you knowing.  Maybe you should give him permission to have some guy court you, mind fuck you, get into your pants without you ever being the wiser to HIS game. 

Let him in or Let him GO!



acctonthelook -> RE: Cheating (12/18/2006 2:02:57 PM)

I think that offering anyone help is better than not helping.  Sometimes people help others no matter their affiliation or topic of trouble.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37
This is the wrong site for you with this question. Go to www.philanderers.com. Seriously. No one on this site will take you seriously. Its pretty much a closed discussion. 



swtnsparkling -> RE: Cheating (12/19/2006 1:44:35 AM)

quote:

domiguy
monogamy has nothing to do with commitment.


A Commitment is Doing what you said you would do/
long after the moment you said it in is gone.



thompsonx -> RE: Cheating (12/19/2006 6:05:08 PM)

I quit being the one cheated with as a pragmatic sanction. I realized I was too old to be exiting through a bathroom window with my boots in one hand and my nickers in the other.
thompson



Quivver -> RE: Cheating (12/20/2006 2:03:07 AM)

Cheating, such an odd word when you think of it. 

We all know ~what~ it means and in most cases it's pretty cut and dried. 
The reason's ~why~ are many and varied.  Bottom line is it's a break in a promise even if the promise was never spoken out loud, the assumption of a contract of marriage was there.  I'm with Merc, it lessens your credibility which plays hell with your intriguity.  I'm not judging you, but I think your judging yourself or you'd not have come here asking.



justaquestion -> RE: Cheating (12/21/2006 4:15:21 AM)

Thank you everyone for your opinions.
I really wish there was a way that I could stop.  Maybe it is that I'm feeling guilty, I don't know.  I have tried to stop, even going so far as quitting my job (the affair was going on with an individual from my work) and getting a new job in the next town over.  I stopped for a while, but then found myself doing it again.  I know it sounds so easy, but for some reason it just isn't. 
Maybe I do need professional help.  Sometimes I wish there was a cheater's anonymous

Maybe I am just a horrible person and unworthy of the great love that he gives me.  I really hope that's not the case, but it sounds like that's a common opinion.



MrrPete -> RE: Cheating (12/21/2006 5:10:45 AM)

If there's a will there's a way.

Yesterday is gone
tomorrow isn't here
decide not to cheat for today

remember TODAY is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

One day at a time I'm now 8,330 days sober [23yrs 10 mo]
Everyday I can say I've never been sober this long before.

Treat your cheating as an addiction. The 12 steps will work
Especially the first 4



Arpig -> RE: Cheating (12/21/2006 9:07:53 PM)

quote:

my gf and i have discussed this subject at length and we both agree that it's only cheating if it's kept a secret. we also firmly agree that the species known as humans are not, by nature, monogamous. we're just "programmed" to believe we should be.

I agree with Michael 100%. If it is a secret, it is cheating, and I am sorry but a cheater has no sympathy from me whatsoever.
I also agree about the monogamy not being natural as well...but a little honesty is what is required. Fess up and take the heat.



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.015625