Dom phobia??

Dom phobia?? (Full Version)

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notjustsomesub -> Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 5:19:39 PM)
i posted in another forum about Dominants befriending new Dominants new to the area and i surprisingly received a couple of very crude and rude replies. This surprised me immensely. Many years ago, i developed an online submissives only Group for my local area. We met monthly and discussed a wide variety of things, with our new members... we welcomed them and informed them of the local activities. With my last post, it seems to me that the responders were assuming I meant to befriend another Dominant, meant to have sex with them. (wtf??) I have known of many Groups where it was a Dominants allowed only (i just am not aware of any in my area) ... i was curious as to how they worked but certainly never expected the negative responses i received... does anyone know how to begin something like this? Without the BS?

SusanofO -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 5:23:53 PM)
Some people can be very rude. I think this stems afrom a lack of brains (not to mention a consideration and manners deficit) more than anything else, to tell you the honest truth. Someone with half of their light-bulb on is more likely (I think) to jump to conclusions about what someone else "really means", not realizing that what is "really meant" is influenced by their 1) own personal experiences, which are - 2) Usually different in many ways from those of someone else. Don't sweat it. I apologize if I sound like a "snob", but I get tired of seeing this happen (although I think it can be amusing, if watched from a distance, or not taken personally - which of course can be sometimes difficult). Then there are people who are mostly just kidding around, they just sound terribly judgmental - but - you have to be around these boards awhile to realize that (gooddogbennji come to mind, here). On the other hand, some people are just: 1) Immature 2) Mean. 3) Arrogant and self-centered in a pretty much non-productive and annoying way. In any case, welcome to the boards, and remember: Your opinion is welcome as much as anyone's. **Yes, there are groups that are Dominant-only and submissive-slave only - discussion groups; but I've seen them advertised in big cities only. Which doesn't mean of course, that you (or someone else) couldn't start one where you live (or try to anyway). - Susan

notjustsomesub -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 5:26:00 PM)
you certainly do NOT sound like a snob! i was just left, scratching my head in bewilderment. Kind of like when the dog gets punished.... and the cat did it! smile Thank you

SusanofO -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 5:30:39 PM)
It's really not you (trust me). I mean, you seem like a pretty classy woman to me - you dont' deserve rude treatment (nobody does, really, I don't think). If someone doesn't understand what you're saying , they can state that. if they disagree, they can be polite about it (or deal w/the "consequences"). - Susan

notjustsomesub -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 5:34:37 PM)
thanks... i knew it wasn't me but, i was disgruntled at the reactions... nor did they answer my question lol.... nuttin worse than a frustrated submissive. (oops... unless it is a frustrated Dom!) <g>

SusanofO -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 5:36:50 PM)
It amazes me sometiems how a main thread topic or question will be completely by-passed in favor of dissecting some obscure point someone insists they are "right about". This fascinates me, too. I've seen it go on for pages. There is a thread in the "Ask a Master" section now where it's happening, as we speak. I can't remember the topic, but I laughed when I read the thread because it was two comments on the topic, and two pages of follow-up comments written on a completely almost un-related point to the supposed thread topic. Funny!! - Susan

notjustsomesub -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 5:52:50 PM)
well, for the record... i had very good intentions when writing that post... i truly meant to ONLY discover ways to arrange meets for relocated Doms to meet other Doms in the Lifestyle. For FRIENDSHIPS.... jeepers what a concept smile

SusanofO -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 5:55:55 PM)
I know you did (least I thought so. You explained exactly what you meant (to me, that was why it amazed me aven more when things got "off-track"). I remember reading that thread. I should have commented on it (sorry). I did know what you meant, and when I saw some of the comments, I just internally sort of rolled my eyes and thought "Whew! Here we go again.... Would it really kill people to be a little nicer and not have to have their opinion be "better" than the OP's, sometimes, I wonder? - Susan

notjustsomesub -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 5:57:58 PM)
i am learning to carefully phrase my words... but i will admit, i am reassured when someone comes to my offense over my lack of wording.... thank you

SusanofO -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 6:01:53 PM)
It's kind of amazing tht this kind of thing has probably happened to many at one time or another, and yet, some seem unable to grow a wee bit more compassion for the possibility they may be "mis-interpreting" someone else. There sometimes seems to be this built-in preusmption that the OP (or another poster) must be the "one who is wrong", rather then the one making the rude and arrogant comments. Why must someone be wrong? Can't someone just have a different opinion, period? This presumption that someone must be "wrong" if another is to be "right" is at the crux of many thread mis-understandings, I believe. - Susan - Susan

bandit25 -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 6:07:02 PM)
Some of the posters just like to kid around and some like to sound like uberdoms. Just ignore the uberdoms. If you have a serious question/inquiry, you'll eventually get an answer.

jamesthehumanrug -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 6:12:34 PM)
not just some sub, greetings,[:-] you, maybe, correct ,about most thinking some social 'queen bee sub' is raking in all the Doms;i didn’t know anyone could think this way ,till ,when the chips were down ;I found out what everybody thot;but, if you roll out the ritual red carpet ,and ,say, both are welcome you will get quite a get together of Doms, but ,separating the two ,where Doms are concerned ;always caused problems ,and, one Dom may bring a sub along [:o][:o][:o] ,and, someone finds out ,[:o][:o][:o][:o] and, the Top can't be Top (carrying along a "slave" LIKE AN EXOTIC PET ,OR HANDBAG ), and, the one's left out -*squeal* ,on the location of a secret Dom meeting ,and, it's chaos; backstabbing ;sabotage, that’s my experience , and ,it is quite a score, for ANY bottom ,to find a Top get-together; just imagine.... quote: ORIGINAL: notjustsomesub i posted in another forum about Dominants befriending new Dominants new to the area and i surprisingly received a couple of very crude and rude replies. This surprised me immensely. Many years ago, i developed an online submissives only Group for my local area. We met monthly and discussed a wide variety of things, with our new members... we welcomed them and informed them of the local activities. With my last post, it seems to me that the responders were assuming I meant to befriend another Dominant, meant to have sex with them. (wtf??) I have known of many Groups where it was a Dominants allowed only (i just am not aware of any in my area) ... i was curious as to how they worked but certainly never expected the negative responses i received... does anyone know how to begin something like this? Without the BS?

popeye1250 -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 6:27:39 PM)
I can never understand how some people can come off rudely and expect a positive response from the person they were rude to. Are they just trying to be "cute" or something?

notjustsomesub -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 6:30:52 PM)
sadly i agree... almost embarrasingly but, have learned to accept how people are. bandit... uberdoms is a new one for me but i think i like it... good job! (still gigggling) James: i am actually aware of many Groups for submissives.... but few for Dominants, especially single Dominants. i have realized lately that many do desire friendships of that sort... it was just a thought. thank you!!

bignipples2share -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 10:33:18 PM)
james, I think if one of the doms brought along a sub, or a slave, then that sub/slave would have to go to the sub/slave side of the meeting, not the Dom/Top side. ~Big

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/16/2006 11:08:23 PM)
Female subs tend to socialize VERY differently than male doms. Suggesting one method for them all really won't work for the most part. This is why I rarely make friends with females, let alone female subs- how they socialize generally irks the shit out of me.

julietsierra -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/17/2006 1:06:37 AM)
I'm not going to get into the whole "why did they talk to me that way" stuff. However, dominants meet dominants the way people meet people. Around here, they go to munches and take stock of the people there. They get a feel for who is who and who is more closely aligned to how they think. They strike up conversations. They do so over periods of months. Eventually, someone suggests doing something that creates more opportunity to get to know each other and friendships develop. It's not really rocket science and they aren't some sort of alien creatures with strange concepts of friendship and camaraderie - even though it's fun to pretend they are. According to my Master, there have been dominant groups before, but when dominants begin telling other dominants what to do and how to act, in general, those being told, tend to act rather.... um....domly, and walk away from the whole mess. Who can blame them? juliet

MistressRENA -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/17/2006 8:20:42 AM)
I have been part of groups that were made up of FemDoms. In fact it is my preference to socialize with them. And yes we did originally start as part of a pan sexual group. If you want to start a group I don't see any reason why not. Those who are interested will attend and those who are not, won't. And that is the way you'd want it anyway. Welcome.

Voltare -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/17/2006 3:52:51 PM)
A Dom's only club... sounds like it would be a hetero-male only dance club, without the music and beer. Seriously, why the need for separate groups? Occasional Dom type workshops make perfect sense, but as mentioned, Doms have a very different socialization mechanism. I can't picture too many Dominant females would attend such functions (if they were non-gender specific), and het guys tend to avoid 'sausage' parties.

AGORANTE -> RE: Dom phobia?? (12/19/2006 1:29:07 PM)
There are a couple reasons why I don't often socialize with other Doms: So many self announced Doms are just rude jerks. All too often at classes or munches you meet guys who seem to believe that the Dom role gives them a license to be obnoxious. Many actually think it makes them more attractive. Some self declared Doms are so wimpy and sensitive. In the SF Bay Area this seems to be a problem. Many politically correct Doms are frantic to avoid offending anyone. They are super sincere and careful. They make me uncomfortable - I don't want to crush their tender feelings. I'm too competitive. I used to attend a lot of conferences and make a lot of public speeches. Every time I entered a room full of people I set to work to be THE person that everyone remembered and THE person that everyone listened to. Much of the time I did this with wit, sometimes with expertise, but I always did it. In a room full of real Dominants there's too much jockeying for position. Too much effort. Not enough relaxation. Most Doms are dumb. This of course is a corollary of the axiom - most people are dumb. Doms aren't smarter than anyone else but all too often they think they are. Self confidence is generally refreshing but unjustified high self regard is just tedious. There is so little to talk about. A Dom says to me, "I sure enjoy whipping my sub". To which I reply, "Me too". Next topic.

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