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Red Flags - 12/13/2006 5:54:11 AM   
ladyhawk40


Posts: 32
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		I found a very interesting article a while back. In my opinion, we here a lot about Dominant Predators , most the time men. But what about the Submissive Predators out there. So I thought I would post this here, if not for anything but general information.

Red Flags, Warning Signs & Intuition - Learning To Trust Your Instincts
by Mistress Norische
 
[Mod Note:  article replaced with above link.  Please do not paste copyrighted works here in their entirety]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 12/13/2006 6:47:19 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 6:12:17 AM   
swtsouthernsub


Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		question ?
is it not a red flag when only wanting to do something nice for a sapposably Master  that your given a wrong address to send one a special gift to only have it returned ?
as well as two different life stories I agree theres both liars in both sub/slaves as well as Dom/Masters  but sometimes it comes a little to late to do anything about it except demand your release
just a life lesson learned here recently  and my half cents

_____________________________

DEBBIE
Messenger Of Truth
Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and redeemer
Psalms 19:14

Those with a closed mind live a sheltered life.

(in reply to ladyhawk40)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 6:26:47 AM   
Driver1961


Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		He enters, dips His lid to all...

Ah Ladyhawk,  I haven't been here for months and have just enjoyed reading your posted article it contains some astute thinking however it's not about BDSM. iet's about relationships and people, trying to sub-categorize and explain a minority group when it generally apllys to all.

People should be as honest firstly to themselves, then they can as honest to others!

Warm regards to all.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to swtsouthernsub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 6:36:33 AM   
swtsouthernsub


Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		but when one is as honest as one can be and finds the other to have lied and and left bits and pieces out  what is one submissive to do ignore it as if nothing happens as if being lied to is ok because hes a master ?

_____________________________

DEBBIE
Messenger Of Truth
Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and redeemer
Psalms 19:14

Those with a closed mind live a sheltered life.

(in reply to Driver1961)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 6:37:27 AM   
ladyhawk40


Posts: 32
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		You are absolutely right about that one as a red flag for sure. Yes, there are two sides to every story and there is an counterpart to this article for Dominant Predators.

I am a submissive and have some bad experiences, too with Doms I have talked to online. I just thought it was interesting to see what Subs can do, too.

(in reply to swtsouthernsub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 6:42:50 AM   
ladyhawk40


Posts: 32
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		Thank so much , and you are right about it pertaining to all relationships. But this is a BDSM Board and I thought it was on topic.

Thanks once again for your post.

(in reply to Driver1961)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 6:54:28 AM   
swtsouthernsub


Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		thank you so much for your reply wasnt quiet sure if it was right for me to ask for release.
but i was the trouble maker and not abiding by rules because of my questioning him sending wrong address because according to him even when hes wrong hes right pftttt sorry I have to kinda take that with a grain of salt theses days as  do with most Master/Doms  I fully agree there are many types of sub/slave as well as the Masters/Dom types aout there as well as even in the vanilla community
thank you again for your post kudos to you

_____________________________

DEBBIE
Messenger Of Truth
Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and redeemer
Psalms 19:14

Those with a closed mind live a sheltered life.

(in reply to ladyhawk40)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 7:00:47 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Excellent article ladyhawk. Some of these "types" are easier to spot than others, the golddigger especially. Have to laugh at some of the profiles I've read on here particularly when they are so blatant about it. "Take care of my every financial whim and I will shower you with submissive affection" - can you say prostitute?

The cyber is another one, because they will almost never actually follow through on meeting you. A lot of people have wasted months cybering with one of these types before they finally get that a real meeting is never going to happen. It is a particularly thorny one as most subs do want to go slowly and build some trust, as rightly they should.

The one that I think is most dangerous to Doms, and the lifestyle is the legal eagle. I get around this issue by doing two things, I give them a list of Basic Submissive behavior, (it's a very basic list), have them sign & date it that they understand and yield to these rules. I then have them fill out a kink list, what they are into, what they are curious about, what are their hard limits, etc., and that they agree to surrender themselves for use under those terms. I have them sign and date that too. If they ever try to cry fowl, I will simply pull out these forms that they agreed to these terms.

Sir Dominic

(in reply to ladyhawk40)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 7:06:55 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I have long given up on trying to advise submissives.  Heavens! They are on their :"Almighty JOURNEY". 
 
What do we finally tell them all? Oh, it's all good.. take what you want and leave the rest.  Nobody Listens. They may LOOK like they are.. but if they can't get off within the next 10 minutes.. YOU obviously are wrong.
 
(the Collective "you" meaning here)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 12/13/2006 7:47:05 AM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to ladyhawk40)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 7:11:37 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		swtsouthernsub, anytime a Dom tells you he is right because he is the Dominant, I would dissolve that relationship immediately. Any Dom worth his whips is confident enough to admit when he is wrong. Any supposed Dom who allows their sub no input has no understanding of the lifestyle.

That is not to say that the sub can constantly and continually question their Dom, that is another thing entirely, and completely improper. That shows the sub has no real understanding of the lifestyle; but even then I blame that on the Dom. A Dom who knows what he is doing will teach their sub proper fetish behavior. Personally, I encourage my sub to question, but teach her when it is appropriate and when it is not.

Sir Dominic

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 7:15:54 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		The Quote "Every Action Has An Equal And Opposite Reaction" comes to mind.
No matter who you are in life Karma has a way of keeping balance in all things.
suzanne

(in reply to ladyhawk40)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 7:16:45 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyhawk40

I found a very interesting article a while back. In my opinion, we here a lot about Dominant Predators , most the time men. But what about the Submissive Predators out there. So I thought I would post this here, if not for anything but general information.

Red Flags, Warning Signs & Intuition - Learning To Trust Your Instincts
by Mistress Norische
 
[Mod Note:  article replaced with above link.  Please do not paste copyrighted works here in their entirety]


I read through the article.  I have had experience with the "Legal Eagle"...scared the hell out of me.  In my opinion, this type of 'submissive' is the most dangerous type because you cannot take away the marks you've left and if you've left your fingerprints anywhere in her house or wherever the two of you were... 

I've met several of the other types but their actions were more blatant, at least to me, and so I never became involved with them.

(in reply to ladyhawk40)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 7:29:00 AM   
swtsouthernsub


Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you so much for your response agreed and ended the relationship there were other red flags I felt I should respond to but just let them slide off my back like water to a duck because as you stated one shouldnt constantly be questioning there intentions  I am much wiser and stronger for ending it when I did  even with the loneliness and tearful nights I know what was the right thing to do and just prayed the answer would come to me and so it did   thank you

_____________________________

DEBBIE
Messenger Of Truth
Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and redeemer
Psalms 19:14

Those with a closed mind live a sheltered life.

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 7:31:40 AM   
swtsouthernsub


Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		waving hello dear  agree to quote fully

_____________________________

DEBBIE
Messenger Of Truth
Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and redeemer
Psalms 19:14

Those with a closed mind live a sheltered life.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 7:55:43 AM   
whisperedsighs


Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I have long given up on trying to advise submissives.  Heavens! They are on their :"Almighty JOURNEY". 
 
What do we finally tell them all? Oh, it's all good.. take what you want and leave the rest.  Nobody Listens. They may LOOK like they are.. but if they can't get off within the next 10 minutes.. YOU obviously are wrong.
 
(the Collective "you" meaning here)


Don't give up on giving sage advise.  Some submissives actually listen.  Although you can't reach them all, there are those who do, and in my opinion, that is worth it.  I kind of equate it to being a school teacher, you won't reach all the kids in the class, but what about the one you do reach.

_____________________________

oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 8:52:32 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I read through the article.  I have had experience with the "Legal Eagle"...scared the hell out of me.  In my opinion, this type of 'submissive' is the most dangerous type because you cannot take away the marks you've left and if you've left your fingerprints anywhere in her house or wherever the two of you were... 

I've met several of the other types but their actions were more blatant, at least to me, and so I never became involved with them.


They concern the hell out of me, I really don't want to have to explain to my friends in the legal system the whys and whats of what I enjoy doing in my basement. I also prefer to not have to worry about personal posessions, money, etc. coming up missing. This is probably one of the main reasons I am in no big hurry. I really want to take the time to get to know the person before bringing them into my life. I think that the described troublemakers probably will not have the patience for my slow pace and will move on to easier prey.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 9:50:54 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I've experienced a high maintenance sub that can do no wrong, very cyber and always had excuses why we couldn't meet or conditions I needed to jump that were waaaay high. I should have seen the red flags right at the beginning but I was new to the internet and so missed them. When there was no more reasons not to meet she finished our relationship and I realised she was just a sexually frustrated cock tease and was probably scared of a real cock, though she masked that with all her talk. Later I found out she enjoyed showing her ass to the gallery but whether it ever got further than that I don't know. It wasn't as though she was a young woman either, she was 40 odd and a director of a drug clinic which I foolishly took for credibility.

I would never have an online relationship again and even offline I look out for the red flags right from the beginning now.

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to ladyhawk40)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 10:11:19 AM   
swtsouthernsub


Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		This one gentlemen took the time to get to know me so it seemed but then when i wanted to send a simple birthday card to him was gven a false address then there were other red flags i  just shook them off like a duck to water not wanting to constantly challenge him on them I just realized a little to late he wasnt who he was cracked up to be hell I even went as far as googling is sapposably buisnesses and name never came up with anything now theres your red flag   be well 
God Bless Happy Holidays

_____________________________

DEBBIE
Messenger Of Truth
Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and redeemer
Psalms 19:14

Those with a closed mind live a sheltered life.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 10:14:11 AM   
swtsouthernsub


Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		i find that rather dishearting to know others  have that attitude because some of us are willing to honestly listen to someone thats more experienced in the lifestyle saddens me imho

_____________________________

DEBBIE
Messenger Of Truth
Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and redeemer
Psalms 19:14

Those with a closed mind live a sheltered life.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Red Flags - 12/13/2006 10:44:29 AM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtsouthernsub

but when one is as honest as one can be and finds the other to have lied and and left bits and pieces out  what is one submissive to do ignore it as if nothing happens as if being lied to is ok because hes a master ?


No you do what you would do in a vanilla relationship. If YOU (not me or anyone else) if YOU feel he is a lyer and you cannot trust him, than do what you think you should. Being submissive means you have a choice in who you select as your Dom just like he choses you. Make sure you have done your homework and given a person time to show their true colors before stepping into his ownership next time. There is less heart ache that way.

(in reply to swtsouthernsub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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