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Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 7:26:45 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

Original: marieToo
I have found that some people lead completely with their heart and others lead completely from place of 'practicality'. Its really all about a person's priorities and what they place the highest value on in their relationship pursuits.

On my "Interests that don't match" post, marieToo responded with the above post. As I thought about it I tried to ascertain what category I fall into. It didn't take long to realize that I am definitely in the "practicality" group. When trying to determine compatibility with a potential partner, I always think of the practical and the logistics first before I ever let my heart or emotions come into play. I think that it's mostly because I see so many train wrecks occur amongst those who wear their heart on their sleeve. I wonder though, if instead of being firmly rooted in one camp or the other, if trying to find a balanced blend of the two would be a better way to go.

So for all of you out there, do you lead with your heart or with your head? What do you think are the plusses/minuses of your particular style? Do any of you try to balance the two ways of going into things...and if so, what do you see as the benefits or shortcomings?

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 7:30:01 AM

SusanofO

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I am truly "in the middle" on a Myers-Briggs personality test (I am an INFJ, but nobody ever believes me. Some seem convinced I am an extrovert and a thinker, which I am not. I am definitely a Feeler (and an introvert, basically. Just a good faker when it comes to acting extroverted).

INFJ's make good poets, and never work at "real jobs", hehe (just kidding). They make good counselors and nuns. If you are a heterosexual man, and also an INFJ, you are really screwed, as it's sometimes considered not enough of a "macho" combo by some females, apparently (I read that anyway. And of course everything one reads is true, all the time...).

I mention both aspects (extroversion vs. introversion, as well as thinking vs. feeling), because I think they both blend to influence a person's "style" (but I digress. Sorry).

I answered "just enough" questions of the "F" side of the scale to "qualify" as a "Feeler" and not a "Thinker". I am not sure the Myers-Briggs is the "be-all and end-all" of defining on paper what someone's personality aspects are, but it's the most popular and reliable I've come across. I've taken that test three times, and have always come out a "Feeler."

But apparently, I am really both, but more of a "heart person" and if I had to choose, I'd rather be led by someone who uses both head and heart.

But if I had to choose one, I'd say heart. Definitely heart.

This would not mean to me the person is being ruled by their emotions, just combining them with their brains (since most men I know tend to be more "logical and veer toward thinking vs. feeling to begin with, they'd still presumably have enough "logical leanings" left so that there wouldn't be a "deficit" that would maybe help to cause potentially disastrous consequences, within a relationship).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/11/2006 8:21:59 AM >

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 7:32:03 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I do both when it comes to making choices in personal relationships, but more often my head.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 7:34:15 AM

ownedgirlie

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Both. The most excellent leaders, in my opinion, have compassion as well as intellect.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 7:46:01 AM

darksdesire

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I lead far too much with my heart. I don't have much middle ground in that area, and I can say from experience, that's not a very good thing.. My Master would say he leads far too much with his head. I do like the fact that together, we seem to create a middle ground that neither of us has on our own. I rely strongly on him for the logical, rational, reasonable, point of view, and he often says I help him keep his heart open. It could be disastrous but it works out really well for both of us.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 7:49:08 AM

missturbation

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So for all of you out there, do you lead with your heart or with your head?
Both, but mainly my heart.
What do you think are the plusses/minuses of your particular style?
Plusses of following my heart / minuses of following my head - it has occasionally worked out just fine and boundaries / difficulties have been over come due to wanting something so much. If id followed my head i would have thought the difficulties to hard to overcome.
Minuses of following heart / plusses of following the head - i have put myself in the position of trying to attain the impossible and allowed my heart to get broken when my dreams fail. Had i followed my head i could have avoided the hurt.
Do any of you try to balance the two ways of going into things...and if so, what do you see as the benefits or shortcomings?
I try to balance the two but usually my heart wins and i very much wear it on my sleeve. I think both have merits and down sides.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 8:35:00 AM

Devilslilsister

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I think i intially lead with my heart or my lack of impulse control. My head usually catches up to me and i'm like ....... erm..... no? If i'm interested in a guy - i persue it until i become not interested in him for some other reason. I dont worry about all the little stuff. It'll either fall into place or not.

Plus - i make some great guy friends this way! I wouldnt have a good buddy up in Va who'd do anything for me if i stopped and thought - he is SO not my type. I met him while he was involved in my friends marriage far into the bedroom aspects. He was a good guy - we got along great and after about 2 years of knowing each other we started dating. Eh - why not? If things work out - i've lost nothing. If things dont work out - i've lost nothing. (course i wasnt emotionally involved at all) Things didnt work out and i ended up with a really good friend.

i think if my emotions get involved - i'm a dead man drowning when it comes to logic. i know with my Dom - i feel head over heels in love on the first day of meeting him. I'm one of those persons that if i fall in love - despite all the odds i'm going for it. I will track them down in timbuktu and persue things. (so long as its mutual)

so i dont know!

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 8:37:17 AM

SlaveAkasha

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I used to always lead with my heart first and had both really good experiences and really bad ones.

I now lead with a mixture. When I decided to pursue a relationship with my Master, I did allow my heart to have a say, but I also consulted my brain in the mix to make sure this was something that was right for me and what I really wanted.

I know I have done a lot of growing over the past months and while I do still have an emotional reaction to things, I find that there is a good balance there of making sure my head agrees with the decision.

Kasha

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 9:06:35 AM

Littlepita

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I first lead with my head and then with my heart until there is a balance of the two. When I decided to uproot my life and move to be with my Dom that was HUGE decision and one that I was very careful to make sure that the mushy, gushy heart feelings weren't controlling. Now that I'm sure all is well I let the heart have its way.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 9:06:42 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Hmmm...I think your question is a good one. I'm not sure I feel that one or the other is more, or less, important to me. ;-)

Master Fire

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 9:09:39 AM

LaTigresse

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I think that I have a good balance of both.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 9:17:42 AM

SweetSarijane

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For me it's both but at first more my head, then my heart begins to add to it. I'm a practical romantic I guess you could say. I learned the hard way to listen first to my head.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 9:18:23 AM

LadyHugs

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Dear mistoferin, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes I see, the head leads a tad bit over the heart but, not just one or the other. The heart and head in my mind's eyes takes turns for first place when it comes in making a partner in a relationship choice, but it is the head that ends up saying the yes or no, when it comes to a relationship choice.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 9:25:46 AM

toservez

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I always start off with the head if anything way too much. Eventually though if my heart has not followed suit it makes the final decision.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 9:27:13 AM

whisperedsighs

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When it comes to the online contact stuff, I lead with my head. When it comes to meeting people and pursuing a relationship, my heart takes over, and my head desperately tries to keep up. It is a painful way to go about things, but I can't help to be anything then what I am.

ARGH!!!

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 9:36:23 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

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Sometimes I feel like there's a major battle going on between my head and my heart. I'm a Virgo and tend to be very logical and analytical about things, but I'm also an empath, and deeply emotional. So I'm often in an emotional uproar in my heart, with my head trying to smooth things over by analyzing them and offering a logical solution.

Talk about irritating! Here ya are trying to have a good cry and another part of you is telling you how silly you are for doing that!

Overall, I think I have a good balance between the two, but there are times one is stronger than the other.... such as PMS time when my emotions run amuck!

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 10:17:29 AM

Siona

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Over the years, I've learned to lead with my head first, my heart may follow or not,depends on the situation.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 10:27:42 AM

Missokyst

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I always lead with my head. But it is always my heart that makes the final decision in the end.
Of course, it hasn't always worked out for me, but it is livable.
Kyst

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 10:51:39 AM

MmakeMme

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In the past, I let my heart choose directions. However, it led us into dangerous territory, refused to ask directions, ripped up every map we tried to give it, cried and whined and dragged its little heart feet in finding a safer route ... so we (the brain and I) decided to to a heart-decision-ectomy. We still allow the heart to aid in such activities but we make it sit in the back seat (although it clamors to drive on occasion).

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 11:02:55 AM

akisha

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I'd say I lead with my head in the begining, and keep my emotions out of the equation until such time as I think it's a practical endever to become emotionally envolved. Then I still have a tendancy to be more practical, but you give more leway to someone you love.

It's not that hard to like someone or care for them as a friend and still remain not overly emotionally involved.

I'll do pretty much anything for a friend, even more for a loved one, but you have to keep life in a respective balance.

< Message edited by akisha -- 12/11/2006 11:03:47 AM >

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