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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 11:19:56 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

I am definitely a Feeler (and an introvert, basically. Just a good faker when it comes to acting extroverted).
Me too!
Being older now, I definitely try to find a balance between the sensible/practical and that which makes me warm and fuzzy, but the fact of the matter is that, no matter how wonderful someone looks/sounds, if he is unable to evoke relatively intense emotions in me, nothing will ever happen between us.    So I definitely lead more with my heart, but with enough mind not to make what I would consider irreversibly damaging or incredibly stupid mistakes.    M

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 11:21:14 AM   
marieToo


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From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MmakeMme

In the past, I let my heart choose directions. However, it led us into dangerous territory, refused to ask directions, ripped up every map we tried to give it, cried and whined and dragged its little heart feet in finding a safer route ... so we (the brain and I) decided to to a heart-decision-ectomy. We still allow the heart to aid in such activities but we make it sit in the back seat (although it clamors to drive on occasion).


lmaoo, This was cute. :)

Im a 'heart' person.  I do what feeds my emotions and I worry about the consequences later.   This doesn't usually render the best results.  I used to think that people who pursued marriages and things of that nature based on things like "We both want kids, he has a good job, he'd make a great father, I get along with his mother" were all the wrong reasons and if you weren't in love and wanting to spend the rest of your life with this person, you'd be insane to commit for "those reasons".

Example:  I have a girlfriend who is recently divorced.  They have a 3 yr old together.  Her ex was the kind of guy who worked a job, then came home and was a couch potato.  He did nothing with the kid, and she would have to give him a bj just to motivate him to put together a swingset for the kid in the yard.  He never lifted a finger around the house and she would have to nag him to get him to even take out the garbage.  He was always wanting to hang out with the guys drinking beer, but didnt do much as a 'family man'.  He wasn't a bad guy, he was just kind of a slug type. But she loved him and felt a spark with him. (They separated when he met another woman that he fell in love with.)
Shortly after this separation my girlfriend joined a dating service.  She met a great guy (I think he was the second or third guy she had gone on a date with).  He has a great job, he is highly motivated and has goals, he wants to buy a house, he is fantastic with her son, and he treats her like gold, their priorities align etc .  But she is between a rock and hard place because she sees how all the practicalities line up but she doesnt feel like theres any real spark with the guy.  She goes back and forth on this, because the guy is talking about marriage.
Honestly, I don't know what to tell her.  Of course it's her decision, but its like so perfect...he's so perfect, it all fits, but she doesnt have the spark.

Sometimes its a bitch.  But I wonder if people who move forward for practical reasons rather than emotional ones, end up happier in the long run.

I dont know.  I also think that vanilla vs Ds has some bearing on this question as well.

I think for some ppl, the Ds dynamic removes some of the complications, as there's already one party who is more than happy to compromise and bend to the interests and will of the other.  I think that may or may not throw a slightly different spin on the examination of the concept of "heart vs head".  I know it does for myself and I approach a Ds relationship with a completely different mindset than I approached my decision to marry with.   

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 11:24:11 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Like a lot of other guys, I tend to lead with my little head.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 11:29:38 AM   
marieToo


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From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

Like a lot of other guys, I tend to lead with my little head.


Oh for Pete's Sake!  (I guess someone was gonna say this sooner or later.)

lol




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marie.


I give good agita.









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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 2:12:35 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		On even days I lead with my heart.  Odd days, practicality.
For the most part, they even each other out.
The days that they don't are either really really good or really really bad.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 2:15:04 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		~quick reply~
In the past I've been notorious for leading with my heart.  It's caused a few cases of heartbreak for me, but nothing life shattering.  I've always felt that you should go with your heart and emotion.  Now I want a calmer life, so I'm making an effort to lead with my head. 


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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 3:40:09 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		I lead with my intellect and let the heart make the final vote in the relationship.  Both are important to be satisfied within myself.  I refuse to let myself be guided intirely by one or the other.  Isolated they tend to get me into trouble.  I use the intellect first to determine if compatability is present in the areas i need them to be in.  Then when the intellect is satisfied that all is good i allow the heart to check out the situation.  The heart makes the final decision but is not allowed a vote until intellectually i am satisfied.  Oh and i also have taken the Myers Briggs and score just a tad higher in the feeling area than the thinking but just barely.

diamond

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 3:49:31 PM   
untamedshysub


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Status: offline 		I lead with my heart which is why I sometimes make the wrong choices but  somethings just cannot be thought through it takes out all the fun.

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 4:26:02 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		When I got married, it was definitely a head decision with hardly any emotion involved.  It was a very practical arrangement, and worked out ok, except for him deciding he wanted someone more emotional and passionate and the divorce.  And, the fact that my heart wasn't in it.

I'm trying to learn how to let my heart lead but its not an easy thing for me.  I'm rational to a fault.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 4:41:43 PM   
KnightofMists


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Status: offline 		It is not a question of one leading over the other for me.

It is a question of each has it's place or role to play.

I find my intellect will provide the direction... and my emotions give me the drive to move in the determined direction.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 4:51:37 PM   
CreativeDominant


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Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:


Original: marieToo
I have found that some people lead completely with their heart and others lead completely from place of 'practicality'.  Its really all about a person's priorities and what they place the highest value on in their relationship pursuits.


On my "Interests that don't match" post, marieToo responded with the above post. As I thought about it I tried to ascertain what category I fall into. It didn't take long to realize that I am definitely in the "practicality" group. When trying to determine compatibility with a potential partner, I always think of the practical and the logistics first before I ever let my heart or emotions come into play. I think that it's mostly because I see so many train wrecks occur amongst those who wear their heart on their sleeve. I wonder though, if instead of being firmly rooted in one camp or the other, if trying to find a balanced blend of the two would be a better way to go.

So for all of you out there, do you lead with your heart or with your head? What do you think are the plusses/minuses of your particular style? Do any of you try to balance the two ways of going into things...and if so, what do you see as the benefits or shortcomings?


I used to lead with my heart.  Doing that way stood me in pretty good stead but it got my heart broken up quite a bit.  After my divorce, I tried to let my head lead but I could not seem to get involved...except as friends...from a purely intellectual standpoint although it did help me to be much better able to distinguish those relationships which would be casual from those that would be more serious in nature. 
Of course, in the last relationship I had...discussed on here before...I kind of quit leading with my head and used my heart more...and that turned out to be a bigggggggggg mistake.  I am forever an optimist though...I try to learn my lessons but I can never be solely led by my head.  Sadly...though perhaps wisely...I can never be led solely by my heart again either.  For me, it is a matter of all things coming together...the intellectual appeal, the appeal of a longer-term relationship with this person and what that means outside all of the fun stuff = e.g., finances, holidays and what/where/who are involved with them, interests, what they make me feel inside when I see their words or hear their voice or feel their touch or see them bow their head, how do they respond physically and emotionally and mentally to what I do to them physically and emotionally and mentally.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 6:02:01 PM   
lighthearted


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Status: offline 		I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, for better or for worse.  I've tried leading my life otherwise, and I found that I was trying to be a square peg in a round hole...or something like that.  I'm happiest when I trust my heart and my intuition when making decisions.

however, experience has taught me to consider the consequences of all my actions, so I try and keep that in mind always. 

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/11/2006 8:26:02 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


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Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

I'd say I lead with my head in the begining, and keep my emotions out of the equation until such time as I think it's a practical endever to become emotionally envolved.  Then I still have a tendancy to be more practical, but you give more leway to someone you love.

It's not that hard to like someone or care for them as a friend and still remain not overly emotionally involved.

I'll do pretty much anything for a friend, even more for a loved one, but you have to keep life in a respective balance.
Akisha has very aptly described how I begin in any relationship. Thank you Akisha for making my answer easy!..lol...Tempting

(in reply to akisha)
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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/12/2006 7:19:54 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		RE: Leading with the head or heart:
 
I depends on the situation. If Slave has lost his reason.. I take over the situation.  If I  am more in an emotional state.. Slave keeps the mind in check :)  Hense..no one is all head or heart.  It's sort of an "as needed"  :)  (I hope that makes sense)

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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/12/2006 10:15:03 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
So for all of you out there, do you lead with your heart or with your head?


this slave sees it as following your heart OR leading with your head...as, on the surface the two seem to be opposing, like creationism vs evolution.  personally, this slave likes the blending of the two--as in, evolution was created, and similarly it was revealed to this slave that if she ONLY followed the heart and loins and did no head-work, she wasn't fulfilling her potential and potentially causing others and herself unnecessary grief.
 
before Master, it was either following the loins(the unmentioned potential third option), heart or a combination of both---NEVER leading with the head.  Gave up on either option for a loooooong time and then when faced with making a lifestyle change that included new friendships, this slave chose to go with her head first, then consult the other two oracles.  it worked out better than this slave could have ever imagined.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/12/2006 2:27:44 PM   
MistressDolly


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Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: So for all of you out there, do you lead with your heart or with your head? What do you think are the plusses/minuses of your particular style? Do any of you try to balance the two ways of going into things...and if so, what do you see as the benefits or shortcomings?


For the most part I follow my intuition, but on occassion reason and logic or feelings and emotions will influence my decisions.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/12/2006 2:48:06 PM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		Yes me too. It take a bit longer to let someone touch my heart now but when it happens i'm all in with my heart

quote:

ORIGINAL: lighthearted

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, for better or for worse.  I've tried leading my life otherwise, and I found that I was trying to be a square peg in a round hole...or something like that.  I'm happiest when I trust my heart and my intuition when making decisions.

however, experience has taught me to consider the consequences of all my actions, so I try and keep that in mind always. 

(in reply to lighthearted)
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RE: Do you lead with your head or your heart? - 12/12/2006 3:04:00 PM   
Lady Alaria


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline 		I am a very cerebral person. I spend a lot of time in my head, thinking all kinds of thoughts about stuff, analyzing things, and pondering deep questions. And all of it is just to give my head something to do, while it waits for something more interesting to happen. My mind exists for the sole purpose of making all the petty little decisions, analyses, and such that my heart doesn't particularly care about. And of course for constructing communication and remembering stuff.

But when my heart has an opinion, my heart always has the final say. The mind steps aside, or turns to spend all it's resources on accomplishing the hearts every whim. I cannot even begin to comprehend living any other way. Doesn't the head serve the heart, not the other way around? Doesn't joy and pleasure in life always come from the heart, therefor making it's satisfaction the thing of value? Of course, there is responsibility to others, but my heart holds compassion, and knows this.

Then again, I am a hopeless romantic, a shiftless dreamer, and an unrepentant hedonist. And these, too, are the only manners I can imagine living. I will never allow my life to be half-lived, and I feel that allowing my mind make decisions, or allowing myself to be ruled by what was 'practical' would be this.

Reasonable people modify their behavior to suit the world. Unreasonable people change the world to suits their desires. I'm not terribly reasonable.

(in reply to MistressDolly)
Profile   Post #: 38
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