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Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 4:02:14 PM

KCKitty

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline

A couple of days ago I joined CollarMe and I've been browsing through the profiles of male dominants. I've seen a few that really interest me but before I contacted them I decided to search through the forum to see if they've posted any.

Well, I did find where several had. The only problem is, I've also found recent comments indicating that some already have a submissive. And there are comments from their submissives saying that they belong to them.

Their submissive's profiles clearly state that they aren't looking anymore and even name their Doms. But the Dom's profiles don't say anything like that. At all.

Should I assume the Doms are still looking?

Post #: 1

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 4:03:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Don't assume anything except that a majority of people online are total dorks.

You can email and ask, or you can pass them by and move onto the doms that seem to have NO possible contradiction.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KCKitty)

Post #: 2

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 4:06:46 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

Easy rule: Everyone's dorky but Alby and me.

(in reply to KCKitty)

Post #: 3

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 4:08:55 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

What your going to find is although some have a Sub they have not stopped looking (collecting). If you feel your poly material then there's no reason not to contact them. One as attractive as your photo shows you to be will guarentee a full inbox reguardless of your newness, you'll have pleanty to choose from! Good Luck to you!

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 4:17:02 PM

KCKitty

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

What your going to find is although some have a Sub they have not stopped looking (collecting). If you feel your poly material then there's no reason not to contact them. One as attractive as your photo shows you to be will guarentee a full inbox reguardless of your newness, you'll have pleanty to choose from! Good Luck to you!

::blushes:: Thank you, Quivver. It did cross my mind that they might be poly, though there wasn't any indication of it in their profile. Perhaps most of them are. I do know that a couple clearly state they want a monogamous relationship. Maybe they've just not updated their profile. Thanks!

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 5

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 4:31:23 PM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline

deare kc
always..........

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to KCKitty)

Post #: 6

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 4:51:34 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Because you're smart, you now have one more weeding tool at your disposal. You can simply ask if they are looking and if they're poly. If they say that they are, but aren't poly, you know something odd is up. Good move.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to KCKitty)

Post #: 7

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 5:24:44 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Don't assume anything except that a majority of people online are total dorks.

I don't achieve total dorkness online. That is reserved for real time.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 5:28:24 PM

gretchenS

Posts: 237
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

I was thinking about replying to maybe offer an explanation, since I'm in that particular place with my Dominant and not into poly.
But to be honest... I have no idea why I don't figure in his profile. What I do know is that he's been (according to his profile) 27 years old for the past two and a half years.
I think he doesn't feel like changing it, because he hasn't received many e-mails the whole time he's been a member (over three years or so). There's no point, I guess.

< Message edited by gretchenS -- 12/10/2006 5:36:11 PM >

(in reply to KCKitty)

Post #: 9

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 6:08:35 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

Hey now!

Ok, I'll admit - I hadn't updated my profile now in like two years. I'm also not nearly as active on these forums as I used to be. I've fixed the profile up, n stuff.

KCKitty,

There might be a couple reasons why the sub/slave isn't mentioned in the profile. That you know he has a sub or slave already gives you a heads up. You could, of course, ask him.

In real life, when we first meet someone, we don't automatically know if the person is involved or not, unless they tell us. After spending a couple weeks or months getting to know the person, it becomes pretty clear. Online profiles don't really mean much to me (I figure I have a half dozen of them still floating around in MSN or Yahoo) - anyone who knows me, knows who I live with.

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to gretchenS)

Post #: 10

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 6:12:03 PM

gretchenS

Posts: 237
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

Hey now!

Ok, I'll admit - I hadn't updated my profile now in like two years. I'm also not nearly as active on these forums as I used to be. I've fixed the profile up, n stuff.

KCKitty,

There might be a couple reasons why the sub/slave isn't mentioned in the profile. That you know he has a sub or slave already gives you a heads up. You could, of course, ask him.

In real life, when we first meet someone, we don't automatically know if the person is involved or not, unless they tell us. After spending a couple weeks or months getting to know the person, it becomes pretty clear. Online profiles don't really mean much to me (I figure I have a half dozen of them still floating around in MSN or Yahoo) - anyone who knows me, knows who I live with.

Good to know I know You, Daddy ...

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 11

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 6:38:01 PM

FirmhandKY

Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline

kckitty,

I occasionally notice the disconnect between a sub's profile, where she says she is "taken" and exclusive, and then on reading the dom's profile see absolutely nothing about him having a sub.

There are even a "few" couples that post in the forums with profiles like that.

While there is always the possiblity that there is some kind of "poly thing" going on, and you will never know without asking. But if you aren't already involved, or interested in being involved with either party, the question of the real motivations will always remain an intellectual itch that cannot be scratched.

However, I do get suspicious when there isn't any indication that the "dom" is poly oriented, and/or has things about looking for only a "single unique" sub, and not a play partner. Or if the sub's profile makes it clear that she is monogamously oriented.

Personally, if a sub thinks she is "exclusive", and says so on her profile, and "her" dom doesn't somehow mirror something similar on his profile, yet remains active, then I would tend to question his commitment to any "relationship".

Kind of the next question in my mind would be "Is he continuing to contact other subs, and does he mention that he is involved with a sub already?"

I know that I occasionally contact a sub for various reasons, that has nothing to do with any intent on my part to develop a relationship that would conflict with mine and treasure's. Generally, unless they are someone I've interacted with on the forums, one of my first sentences would be mentioning my relationship with her, or stating that I wasn't "looking" any more.

FirmKY

_____________________________

Some people are just idiots.

(in reply to KCKitty)

Post #: 12

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 6:46:22 PM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KCKitty

A couple of days ago I joined CollarMe and I've been browsing through the profiles of male dominants. I've seen a few that really interest me but before I contacted them I decided to search through the forum to see if they've posted any.

Well, I did find where several had. The only problem is, I've also found recent comments indicating that some already have a submissive. And there are comments from their submissives saying that they belong to them.

Their submissive's profiles clearly state that they aren't looking anymore and even name their Doms. But the Dom's profiles don't say anything like that. At all.

Should I assume the Doms are still looking?

Unfortunately, a lot of them are always looking. The grass is always greener, don't you know.

Personally, I think it's kind of sad when I see a dom and sub get together, and the sub changes her profile but the dom doesn't. Especially when he rarely, if ever, mentions her or her nick in his comments, or phrases them in such a way that it appears he's still looking. I understand that a lot of people here might be very cautious about not wanting to appear attached to someone, only for it not to work out...

But I also know how truly heartwarming and content it makes me feel anytime FirmHandKY proudly proclaims our relationship here. I feel sad for anyone missing out on that.

If I were you, I would be cautious. Like several have already said, it does give you information.

(in reply to KCKitty)

Post #: 13

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 7:06:04 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

A lot of people don't like to go overly public with their relationships, especially on the forums, because it can create a lot of drama.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to losttreasure)

Post #: 14

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 7:27:43 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

While I understand the need for no drama or even advertising a relationship on the forums as this is a personal preference..I feel as though a Dominant should also include the info of his commitment to a submissive in his profile..I am sure as well that, that same Dominant insisted on the submissive placing "taken" in hers.So hence, when you see subbysue with "taken" in hers but her DomlyDon's profile still reflects his search, it definitely makes one think that subbiesue is not his priority but simply his option....Tempting

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 15

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 7:32:30 PM

Naughtygal33

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/24/2006
Status: offline

IMO, if a submissive is requested by her Dom to make comment of him in her profile, then he should recipicate. It only takes a few minutes to change a profile. I would be weary of a Dom who refuses to do so or makes excuses.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 16

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 7:38:27 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

And I think that worrying what other people do with their profiles is a bit like worrying too much about the spanking sounds coming from their bedroom. It's really none of our business.

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to Naughtygal33)

Post #: 17

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/10/2006 7:56:47 PM

FirmhandKY

Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

And I think that worrying what other people do with their profiles is a bit like worrying too much about the spanking sounds coming from their bedroom. It's really none of our business.

Ahh, chill Voltare.

There is also always the possibility that it simply hasn't occured to the dom, and/or that he rarely updates his profile for any reason. Shit happens, and if the relationship is good, and both people are honest, it's not an issue at all. Good to the point that it simply might not occur to the dom to make any mention of something that he and his sub are fully aware of.

You seem to be one of those type of "committed, straightforward" types of doms. Good for you.

I don't think anyone meant to make you feel like they thought you did anything wrong or bad. Hell, I got a chuckle when you posted, and admitted you were "one of those" doms. That instantly removed you from the "may be a predator" to simply a straight forward dom, strong enough in his character to chide himself in public.

Don't go mess up that impression.

FirmKY

_____________________________

Some people are just idiots.

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 18

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/11/2006 4:25:12 AM

KCKitty

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline

Thank you all for your comments!

I can see now that although there may be some good reasons, I'll just have to be watchful but try not to assume anything.

(in reply to FirmhandKY)

Post #: 19

RE: Not sure what to think... - 12/11/2006 4:40:46 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Really I would only worry about it if they contact you or if you contact them, ask if they are single, and they say they are.

Otherwise it's the girlfriend's business why she isn't important enough in his life to be on his profile. And from what I've experienced - it leads to infidelity.

(in reply to KCKitty)

Post #: 20

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