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RE: New Submissive - 11/30/2006 7:25:46 PM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		We've been together for over two years, and i've yet to get his permanent mark.  A brand, a tatoo, any permanent D/s mark is a huge thing and i'd think you'd want it to be a symbol of a very long term, perhaps life time, committment, and not something you do in the first few months.

The ceremony he creates will be of his own making.  Personally, we love using ritual and ceremony to mark significant transitions in our relationships.   It might be wonderful to have a nice collaring ceremony to mark the occasion, but...boy, if i were you, i'd ask him to delay on the branding thing for a while. 

(in reply to BeautifulRacket)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: New Submissive - 11/30/2006 7:34:54 PM   
FaeSpanks


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/29/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		This sounds like a serious case of anxiousness and ignorance. Please please please don't rush into this. To you (the original poster), if a six month relationship seems to be a long enough time to get so serious, then you have problems with knowing what a real relationship is in the first place. This whole "ceremony" thing is just something he is making up. Unless it's a collaring ceremony (which is still unwise) or something religious (my own has ceremonies to mark...well...everything - we like getting unsober at celebrations), I don't know what it would involve, just as everyone who has posted before me does not know what it would involve. There are no set protocols for such a thing.

I suggest sitting down with your boyfriend and seriously talking ALL of this through. You want details. You want to know what to expect. The element of suprise in this situation is not a good thing and could possibly bring harm to yourself. Put the branding off - do you really want a mark burned into your skin by someone you've only been with for six months, and only TALKED about the kinky stuff for three months? That's just stupid (offense intentional). 

(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: New Submissive - 11/30/2006 7:47:14 PM   
whisperedsighs


Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline 		kikic,

Get a brain, get some books other then the trashy dime store novels everyone seems to thing define a good D/s relationship.  You will regret it if you step into this blind, especially since he is talking about branding and only alluding to what ever else the relationship will entail.

_____________________________

oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

(in reply to kikic)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: New Submissive - 11/30/2006 8:02:29 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I have a question...for anyone...is it just me or do these submissives who have done all this reading and so should have some idea of what D/s is and should have some idea about honesty and communication and should have some big red flags showing up in their brain as to what and what not to do when beginning an exploration of D/s and BDSM still seem to cast all that aside and enter into D/s relationships built on fear, with a distinct lack of communication and lack of explanation from the more (?!?) experienced partner anyway?


More than likely any advice being given will fall upon deaf ears..But IMO many can read about BDSM..D/s and the like and gain much useful info from it.The only factor that is fluid is the common sense factor..you know the one that says...get out of the way of that train, for it will hit you and you will be harmed!..it seems to me that this OP though stated well read...lacks the common sense factor necessary for an informed enlightened submissive.This is my answer to you Creative...but as an aside..she may be into the fear factor as part of her kink..and the Dominant may be into the mind f**k thing as his kink..but again IMO..the kinks should be set aside for the moment in order to be able to map out how their relationship will proceed..it again comes down to communication...and Dominant is not communicating and submissive isnt asking...both will have a wake up call soon..unfortunately in this case the submissive will have a permanent reminder of her ignorance.....Tempting

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: New Submissive - 11/30/2006 8:10:52 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		Dear Kikic -

First off, welcome to the boards, and understand that you get what you pay for here, although most will really try to offer you some good advice.

I think what most people here are trying to say is that you should be very careful of what you are getting into.  While you may feel that your partner is very learned and experienced, it seems that he is rushing into things faster than necessary.  I can only go by my own experience and my Master.  He has also taken me along the bdsm path very slowly, allowing me to absorb the various parts of "what it is that we do" at a pace that felt more like studying for a degree than much else.  We have been together three and a half years and it wasn't until seven months ago today, that I was collared to Him.  That was our pace, no one else's, but I appreciate that He took the time to make sure that it was going to be something that I wanted and not just Him because He was comfortable with a D/s relationship.  There have been times when I wanted to accelerate the pace and go faster than He was taking things - not really sub frenzy - just was excited to move on to the next thing. 

I think that we are concerned that you may not be ready to take a step that really is quite a big one.  You are on the right track, but reading a bit and taking your partner's word as gospel is just not the wisest move, no disrespect intended.  There are some very good books out there (The Loving Dominant, The New Bottoming Book, etc.) and there are some really good people who can take the time to talk to you, esp. other female subs who have been around a while, whom you have come to respect. 

There are many ways to have a collaring ceremony, or to just be collared - without any hooplah at all, from fancy to simple.  My own two cents is that you can't go wrong with waiting a while, learn a bit more, get comfortable with what the future may hold.  The only real way to provide informed consent is to be informed. 

At my collaring, my Master branded me as well.  He was trained years ago and has branded several others before me.  Branding is something that needs to be done by someone who truly knows what they are doing.  (Also, contrary to popular belief, many strike brands that are done as "sears" than like a person branding cattle... are NOT permanent.  My seven month old brand is much lighter than it was originally.)

Please make sure you know what you are committing to before you commit to it.  Talk to him and make sure that he is clear about the relationship and the type of collaring ceremony he wants to have with you, if he wants a ceremony at all.  Education is very beneficial to a new sub, give yourself the best start you can. 

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to kikic)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: New Submissive - 12/2/2006 9:44:25 AM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Daddysredhead, that was a very graceful, wonderful reply 

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: New Submissive - 12/2/2006 10:26:23 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i think there is much to be learned by asking to speak with these other branded slaves from his past.
 
and much more to be learned if his forbids it.
 
 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: New Submissive - 12/2/2006 10:58:13 AM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		The part that scares me the most for you is that you have been told he has branded others, and those others are no where around. You seem to cling to the idea of marrying him as meaning that will make you different, but this guy obviously thinks little of those who serve him. You will be no different.
i speak from experience, being a branded slave myself. Branding is a permanent mark. You may be branded over it, but there is no removing it unless you remove the skin iteself. If this man has branded others who are no longer around, and is already talking about the prospect with you, please think about what this says about him.
My hunch is that he is talking a talk he has never walked before. Everything you are attributing to him screams "newbie" to me. There is nothing wrong with being new, everyone has to start somewhere... it is quite another thing entirely to pretend to have experiences and expertise one does not really have... please be careful... with your heart and your body...

Master's dorei

(in reply to BeautifulRacket)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: New Submissive - 12/2/2006 11:10:08 AM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darksdesire

Daddysredhead, that was a very graceful, wonderful reply 


*humbled by your kind words*   Thank you.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: New Submissive - 12/2/2006 1:15:55 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QuietDom
Since he's only alluding, and not stating outright, it sounds mostly like a mindfuck.  


I would agree with you.  I think there is some mind fuck going on here as well. 

K

(in reply to QuietDom)
Profile   Post #: 30
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