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ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 7:26:40 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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my bro is fkked in the head.

since he was not able to score a "suitable" turkey dinner over the holiday he is alienating everyone.

i grabbed lasagnya that day. its life.

anyhow on the last phone clal that he took of mine he told me he felt like violently going off on someone.

we finalyy got him on depresssion pills and now it seems that they dont work.

mom who is elderly was in his town [chicago] for 1 week, he did not see her or take calls. my other brother got married over that holiday too.

what a big baby. there are plenty that dont knwo where their next meal are coming from.

im pretty discsuted over this. and by now regulars on this site are tired of hearing about this topic -

-me

Post #: 1

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 7:34:56 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
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From: Central Pennsylvania
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if he had the back pain i have right now he would never ever again complain about his life!~

dammit

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Post #: 2

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 7:35:21 AM

KatyLied

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From: Pennsylvania
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There are many different medications out there for depression. Sometimes it takes trial/error to find the right one. Some people require combos of meds.

Is your brother seeing a psychiatrist. I'm asking because in my opinion, a family doc is not the best choice for the treatment of mood disorders. Often a psychiatrist will treat more aggressively and knows the best med for the specific symptoms. SAD is common during the winter months and the holidays will exacerbate depression for many people.

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Post #: 3

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 7:41:47 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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Hi Katy,

we finally DID get him to a dr in PA. that is why he is on what he is on. this after 12 months of deep depression.

one problem is he doesnt stay in the same state long enuff. he doesnt know where he will be happy. so he goes thru all this running and stuff that seems more dangerous and extreem.

many get depressed over chrismas.

he hasnt taken my calls since before thanksgiven, when i told him it is no big thing. just roll wth punches,

im starting to be very concerned that an injurious bout of road rage is coming. i wish this wasnt the way it is.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 4

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 7:44:09 AM

QuietDom

Posts: 255
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

Sounds like you're in a perfect position to help, with just some openness and honesty. Go tell your brother how much contempt you have for him; how pathetic you think he is. Make sure you throw the words "loser" and "worthless" in there. That's sure to cheer him right up.

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 5

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 7:47:52 AM

NINASHARP

Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
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I don't know if what I can say to help you. The pills can take awhile to work. As Katylied mentioned, it could be SAD, but I don't think he'd go to a tanning salon?

If he wants to hurt someone, maybe you should get him a punching bag for a holiday gift?

The worst part is your elderly mother being in his area and him not seeing her. Who knows if she will be around next year or not. Sounds like you'd loved to have been there if you could of. Lucky him to have an option to be with family and sadly, he doesn't realize it.

If he is taking your calls maybe you can call him and ask him about a song you know will cheer him up. Music is a really great way to cheer up. Unless its country.

I was born and raised from a town 120 miles south of Chi town, it was a pretty depressing place and cold weather makes it worse. Maybe he needs a change of scenery?

Nina

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 6

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 7:48:52 AM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
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depression is a bad thing, yes...but the attitudes of those who do not understand it are typically like yours. getting pissed at the person, hating them and belittling them for being depressed. i'm not saying coddle them, but have a little more understanding of what they're going through. the behavior of people that rant on about how a depressed person acts or reacts to situations really pisses me off. the depressed person isn't the only one that needs help. their families nned help in order to understand depression and not go off half cocked because someone they love is depressed.

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Post #: 7

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:08:06 AM

meatcleaver

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Joined: 3/13/2006
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Depression over holiday periods apparently goes sky high. It is the old 'you must enjoy yourself' or more accurately 'wir haben Weisen, dich dich amüsieren zu lassen plastic smile syndrome. Christmas is another period where depression shoots through the roof. People can't suddenly artificially start enjoying themselves, it's absurd. Get the holiday period over and things will settle down.

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Post #: 8

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:11:35 AM

mnottertail

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Froeliche Weinachten!

Fiel und Gluck,
Goering

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Post #: 9

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:11:52 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

I agree with Michael.

One of the things about depression (I mean depression, which is not at all like feeling a bit down) is that the sufferer becomes isolated by it, which only leads to no improvement or deterioration.

Just as there is depression circle that reenforces depression over and over again in a sufferer, there is an isolation cycle there too, which isolates the person progressively more. The person does not want to see anyone, rejects the advances of those concerned for the person, they then assume hostility and back away. The person is then confirmed in his/her belief that he is not worth knowing, since no one takes any interest in him/her, and so does not want to see anyone.

Breaking that cycle is difficult to say the least. Meds are a way to help with this and allow the person some clarity, but ultimately its in the functioning rather than the chemistry of the mind that change has to be made. I recommend getting some self help books which work using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which in my opinion is the best "cure" there is for this. I could give you the titles, except mine are on loan to someone else at the mo! If you do a search on Amazon though, I'm sure you will find something suitable.

And for the record, telling him what a pathetic worthless loser he is, is not really going to help. He's ill, its that simple. Is someone with cancer or heart disease or a broken leg a pathetic worthless loser? No, and this is no different. One day we might get to a position where mental illness is seen for what it is, but for most that only comes when they suffer it themselves. Take a look at the stats for depression - something like 1 in 3 people will suffer it at some time in their lives.

E

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Post #: 10

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:12:44 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NINASHARP

I don't know if what I can say to help you. The pills can take awhile to work. As Katylied mentioned, it could be SAD, but I don't think he'd go to a tanning salon?

If he wants to hurt someone, maybe you should get him a punching bag for a holiday gift?

The worst part is your elderly mother being in his area and him not seeing her. Who knows if she will be around next year or not. Sounds like you'd loved to have been there if you could of. Lucky him to have an option to be with family and sadly, he doesn't realize it.

If he is taking your calls maybe you can call him and ask him about a song you know will cheer him up. Music is a really great way to cheer up. Unless its country.

I was born and raised from a town 120 miles south of Chi town, it was a pretty depressing place and cold weather makes it worse. Maybe he needs a change of scenery?

Nina

Hi Nina, I grew up on Chicagos south side.

A change can be good indeed. :-)

(in reply to NINASHARP)

Post #: 11

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:19:15 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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From what you described I don't really think that it sounds like depression but more like Bipolar disorder.

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Post #: 12

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:20:23 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

my bro is fkked in the head.

since he was not able to score a "suitable" turkey dinner over the holiday he is alienating everyone.

i grabbed lasagnya that day. its life.

anyhow on the last phone clal that he took of mine he told me he felt like violently going off on someone.

we finalyy got him on depresssion pills and now it seems that they dont work.

mom who is elderly was in his town [chicago] for 1 week, he did not see her or take calls. my other brother got married over that holiday too.

what a big baby. there are plenty that dont knwo where their next meal are coming from.

im pretty discsuted over this. and by now regulars on this site are tired of hearing about this topic -

-me

Feeling blue around the holidays or for other reasons is not the same as being diagnosed as "depressed". Depression, I think, is an actual chemical imbalance going on that can be treated with meds. If the meds didnt work for your bro....He may not have been taking them long enough. From what I understand, and Im not depressed so this isnt expert testimony here, but I think those depression meds like prozac and whathaveyou, take a couple weeks or so to begin to have an affect.

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marie.

I give good agita.

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Post #: 13

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:21:37 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Froeliche Weinachten!

Fiel und Gluck,
Goering

Getting drunk on German Beer is NOT the answer, Ron.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

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Post #: 14

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:21:44 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

depression is a bad thing, yes...but the attitudes of those who do not understand it are typically like yours. getting pissed at the person, hating them and belittling them for being depressed. i'm not saying coddle them, but have a little more understanding of what they're going through. the behavior of people that rant on about how a depressed person acts or reacts to situations really pisses me off. the depressed person isn't the only one that needs help. their families nned help in order to understand depression and not go off half cocked because someone they love is depressed.

We are going into year number 2 of this.

When he was last here in PA= 640 miles away. I got him into my dr and into my chiropractor. we seen good resulst for about 5 weeks.

Im afraid he has already shut me out. i myelf am on effexxor.

he doesnt seem to want to face that life is not a pool party with friends galore like in the commercials. he has reached teh "is that all there is in life" mode.

one can not negotiate the aging process. one can not change the rotten world. one must roll with the punches.

we have a new born in the family now. we have gram with important needs.

he is choosing to cut off his nose to spite his face.

meanwhile- he has a handgun and a bunch of valium.

im almost waiting from a call from state police per next of kin.....

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 15

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:22:05 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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I cannot write anything that has not really been written on this topic. Finding the right medications and dosage for people who require medical treatment is not an exact science. It is trial and error and it is over a longer period and not well it worked for a week type thing.

Also another big thing is there is quite a difference between the disease of depression and depression as a symptom of another disease like Bipolar just for example. A very big difference.

< Message edited by toservez -- 11/30/2006 8:29:25 AM >

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Post #: 16

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:27:03 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuietDom

Sounds like you're in a perfect position to help, with just some openness and honesty. Go tell your brother how much contempt you have for him; how pathetic you think he is. Make sure you throw the words "loser" and "worthless" in there. That's sure to cheer him right up.

until last week he talked to me. so i think im on his shtt list. i have talked hours on hours to him trying to help him. i dont want to kick someone while he is down.

the family as a whole has just run out of ideas to fix this.

he used to be "the man" of the family.

this illness has moved him out of that slot.

(in reply to QuietDom)

Post #: 17

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 8:57:32 AM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

Boy is this frustrating. Hes gone from Golden boy to outsider. Now the family has to work thru their own anger over it. I do understand the problem. But its really out of your hands. Perhaps just pray to help you ge thru it.

Im sorry but it sounds like if your brother cant make the desicions he needs to, then eventually the state will make those desiscions for him. Im very sorry for your heartache. Concentrate on you. You maybe need to fill the shoes that stand empty. Yes its hard. Very very hard. I wish you well. In some way I hope good things come your way. Chin up. You are not alone. Perhaps a support group for yourself?

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 18

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 9:23:23 AM

Lorelei115

Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline

Oh how well I understand your pain. I have a brother I have been dealing with for YEARS that has been diagnosed with everything from bipolar to depression to schizophrenia.

Finally there came a point when I could not help him any longer. I had come to the end of my rope, and it was choose between living my life and living his for him. So I told him. "I love you, I am your family, I am here if you need me and I want to help you, but you need to help yourself first. I cannot take responsibility for your life anymore."

It a year later and he is now living on his own, taking his meds regularly and getting his life back together.

You can't MAKE your brother change, he has to want to do it himself. Its true that the holidays tend to send depression skyrocketing, but it sounds like this has been an issue for a lot longer than that.

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But by the realization
Of who we are.

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Post #: 19

RE: ideas needed depression - 11/30/2006 9:32:57 AM

diamonddreamlove

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Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Medication and talk therapy separately do not work nearly as well as the two combined do. Frequently folks will start feeling better and then stop the meds that helped them way too soon. Also their are different kinds of antidepressents that work in different way and perhaps a medication doseage or change of med completely will help. With those this out of control i recommend hospitalization to get them stabilized. Is only a suggestion. Remember as a comerical i have seen Depression effects everyone and everything. While his dr can not tell you about what is happening with him due to privacy laws the dr can listen to your input. Perhaps that is another way to get the information and help he is need of it. Family does need to remember that the disease is not of his making and his behavior is part of the disease. Does not mean forgiveness has to happen just go on with it and keep trying.

Good luck and take care!

Diamond

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Post #: 20

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