DomSailor
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Joined: 2/27/2006
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re: rainasmiles original post
There is no reliable way to judge a book by it's cover. Sometimes the slick, sexy book cover at the book store designed to have the buyer invest time in opening the book covers what is actually a good book. However more often a slick cover is needed on books which are nothing more than pulp. Hearing about books from others that have read the book is perhaps a way to disregard a book's cover (or a book with a missing cover), yet reviews of books often have less than pure agendas, so one must reserve judgement, particularly on a single review.
In my experience, the most reliable way to judge a book is by opening it, and reading. That takes time and effort of course and ther is the rush and euphoria of the bookstore with shelves of sexy attractive book covers, yet one would be a fool to only look at books with covers that attract your attention.
While there is a law of averages, it is best applied when sampling is from the entire population, not a preselected subpopulation because the preselection itself is not random. In the book metaphor above for example, if one were to select every 4th book on the shelf, open and read a section, then the law of averages has hope. To select based on the cover is simply repeating a process that is flawed to begin with. Though not entirely accurate, the old saw 'repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity' comes to mind.
The suggestion that one delay reading the actual book, while closely examining it's cover doesn't seem to do much other than study the advertising policies and practices of publishers trying to sell you the book. And it doesn't address books with lost or unappealling covers. Certainly one start reading a book, and if the book is not suitable, stop reading it. I have done so on occassion, once after reading 7 pages of a classic book, which i then found was missing pages 8-50. Of course a must be made based on one's own feelings at the time. Another reader may have already read the classic and might be fine with skipping what for me was critical information and pages. And even for me, at a different time, depending on what other books I was considering may decide differently. In the end, it's a personal choice on how we wish to spend our time. Personally, when I read a book where I can not verify claims, or the claims are false I lose interest in the book. And books that are watered down and avoid saying much of anything are less than appealing to me. So I am in a rush. A rush to open the book and read the pages of the actual book. Yes, the forward and introduction are nice, but I often skip that and start reading the book.
Being open to accept what the author of any book has to say, being open to new genre and being aware that authors rarely accurately portray themselves in their work go a long way for enjoying the book for what it is. Its often the case that literature taught in school is done with the students kicking and screaming all the way through the process and the student's feeling that they dislike the genre/author/plot etc. Yet, sometimes years later, they often discover the value in the book, and more importantly the relevance to their lives. So even books that have been put down previously, or passed over as unread may become a cherished experience at a later time.
It's often worth reading a book even with a review or unfavorable impression. I've been delighted countless times after reading a book with a slow or unappealing start. Indeed, some of those suprising books I've retained and will keep close to me, reread and savoried over the years and are among my most prized possessions.
People are not profiles, checklists, personal statements or emails. Prior to actual time spent face to face, spending any amount of effort on the book cover is prone to deception, or false impressions. Spending more time, building more impressions about a book based on it's cover only will add to the discord between a book and it's cover when you actually go to read it. And lastly, people are very much like unfinished books, you can't sneak and read the last chapter (aka one can't preplan how a relationship goes very well). Attempting to do so is a fool's game.
I hope this may help you when you consider the issues of pre-meeting checks, sub-frenzy, time schedules, formatted email exchanges (of substance or not), and deception (both actual deception and lack self-actualization or misaligned self image).
P.S. having to write in the little box is a major pain.. so apologies for any typos or unclear communication ahead of time.
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RE: Is deception the norm? - 
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Have to kiss a lot of frog asses before we find the prince. I usually go with my gut and if I think they are screwing me about, then they usually are. I am with you on the deception thing, it sucks - and unfortunately being online makes deceptions so much easier to get away with. As you are not new to the site (or I presume the lifestyle either) I might suggest joining in more? This might allow people to get to know you better on a different scale than one on one? 
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