RE: Curious as to "Time limit"

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RE: Curious as to "Time limit" - 11/28/2006 5:04:17 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: notjustsomesub

I have spoken to many a Dominants, and submissives.. most are very "eager".... sometimes too much so.... what exactly is a "Proper" Courting period, before a collar would be offered?

In retrospect, i have been offered a collar within 2 weeks of "chatting" online... HOW do you secure the intentions of a Dominant (or submissive) online?

Jeannie- always curious
aka- always a smidge

I would say if I were single I'd want to wait at least a year (and a year of real life dating and even playing) before committing to ownership, and probably a couple of years at least before committing (frankly I think they are earned more than anything else) to things like collars or permenant marks. And those are really bare minimum for me.

In my relationship it was probably over three years before ownership was really committed to, and about five years before the piercing, and seven years before the brand (all counting from the begining of the relationship).

C~

Edited to add: I can't really speak to how long you should wait online because I think ownership and signs of ownership are really more appropriate over a significant period of time in real life.

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RE: Curious as to "Time limit" - 11/28/2006 5:51:07 AM

Lashra

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I didn't collar my sub until we'd known each other for nearly 2 years. We did one year online/phone, the second year he moved near me. So that second year was the really getting to know each other time period.

I don't think there is really a time limit as each couple is different. You just have to take your time and not rush things because these, like all relationships, take time to form and grow.

~Lashra

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RE: Curious as to "Time limit" - 11/28/2006 6:55:39 AM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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How long would you wait before commiting in a vanilla relationship? This length of time is different for different people. Only you can decide what is appropriate for you.

Master Fire

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RE: Curious as to "Time limit" - 11/28/2006 7:04:59 AM

damia

Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: notjustsomesub

I have spoken to many a Dominants, and submissives.. most are very "eager".... sometimes too much so.... what exactly is a "Proper" Courting period, before a collar would be offered?

Jeannie- always curious
aka- always a smidge

What exactly is the "proper" courting period before marriage is proposed? Because i see a collar is equivalent to marriage. The truth is, there is no proper amount of time. It's a bond that requires dedication and sincerity, and shouldn't be taken lightly. To me, taking back a collar is the same as divorce, and i feel too many people are taking the easy way out these days by getting divorced. Too, many people get into a collared relationship too quickly, and then don't take it seriously.

i've known my Master for six months now, but five months of that was a friendship, getting to know each other, understanding who we are. i have been His slave for one month, and i can sincerely say that both He and i gave the relationship a LOT of thought before entering into it, and i do not feel that i am anywhere near earning His collar. That will take a lot of work and understanding, and probably years. But that is only my personal relationship. i have a friend whom was asked to marry her now husband on their first date. she said yes, and they've been married ever since (not sure exact years, but i know they've already had their 10th anniversary). Then there's others who are together for well over a decade, and not yet ready for the "big day". Different strokes for different people.

damia the Kat >^-.-^<

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RE: Curious as to "Time limit" - 11/28/2006 7:12:41 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

have spoken to many a Dominants, and submissives.. most are very "eager".... sometimes too much so.... what exactly is a "Proper" Courting period, before a collar would be offered?

In retrospect, i have been offered a collar within 2 weeks of "chatting" online... HOW do you secure the intentions of a Dominant (or submissive) online?

Jeannie- always curious
aka- always a smidge

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RE: Curious as to "Time limit" - 11/28/2006 7:59:48 AM

Celeste43

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From: NYS
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There is no set amount of time. However I am a firm believer that you should go as slow as the slower partner requires. So if someone knows you're their one after a month, and you need three months to feel the same, there should be no ultimatums.

With that said, I think it's common in a dominant person to go after what they want, when they want it. What I used to judge was the response I got when I told them they were going too fast and I needed them to slow down. Most of them ignored my discomfort and that told me I couldn't trust them. He apologised and did slow down, making an obvious effort to not push me so hard.

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RE: Curious as to "Time limit" - 11/28/2006 8:21:31 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
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quote:

i have been offered a collar within 2 weeks of "chatting" online.

The proper courting period depends on which chat room you are hanging around in as well as they type of collar offered.

For example, in the european houses of chat rooms a sub may be offered a training collar of consideration after 5 minutes of chatting; if the sub proves worthy after one week of chatting, then this can be upgraded to a training collar; after two more weeks of (successful) training in chat, this is upgraded to a collar of consideration; after one more month of devoted service in chat, then this is upgraded to cyber slave collar, along with a cyber ceremony having candles, furs, goblets of mead and other cyber accessories.

Note that this is the proper courting period only for the european houses of chat rooms because their sense of protocol and decorum are much higher than elsewhere. The american chat rooms lack that formality and sturcture so there is simply nothing proper about them. I'm sure Lady Hugs can provide all the references about the european protocol and rituals if you want more info.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 11/28/2006 8:22:03 AM >

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