Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Taking sub to dinner with friends


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Taking sub to dinner with friends Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 4:01:01 PM   
GirlyDevil


Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		Hello to all,
  I'm pretty sure this is already posted, but I'm gonna try anyways. I want to take my submissive out to dinner with one of my friends and one of his friends. These friends are very vanilla and even though yes they know about both of us, I'm not sure how to preceed. I mean should I subtly play with my sub throughout dinner, or do I try to go vanilla throughout the evening? I. What has other dom/dommes or subs/slaves have done with dining with vanilla friends who somewhat know what they do? Thank you all
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 4:11:15 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Depends upon the friends, I suppose and your intent.  Do you just want to shock them?  Or are you looking for a enjoyable evening out with friends?

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 4:22:08 PM   
GirlyDevil


Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		Mainly looking for an enjoyable night out, but  also I guess you could say train my sub to behave in public. So probably more of an under the table type playing.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 4:29:36 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear GirlyDevil, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see, if I was wearing the vanilla white shoes of your friends, I would hope that good manners at the table would be used and leave the conversation and behavior proper and neutral.
 
As a impromptu ambassador per se, when ever you interact with vanilla, its an opportunity to show the good side of the lifestyle--That is the capacity to be good, kind and considerate when it comes to others.
 
I also am of the Old School and came up in the 1950s; where you didn't play with your toys at the table during meals, discuss religion, politics, death and or sex.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 4:30:28 PM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		under the table play and training in public aren't necessarily the same thing.

it's your dinner...you can do whatever you'd like.  but be prepared that if you take your "vanilla" friends along for the ride, they could end up either extremely uncomfortable or very resentful by the time the evening is over.

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 5:12:04 PM   
TeacherNStudent


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/1/2006
Status: offline 		You should take into account your friends' feelings.  If you're sure they're comfortable, you're home free.  Otherwise . . .

(in reply to pissdoll)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 5:48:39 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline
what do you mean by play ?

There are a lot of things you can do that will look normal  to the outside  world and yet can be very controling.

Example... You order for the sub, sub doesn't eat or drink until everyone is seated and you take your  first bite and drink and nod slightly at them, they fix your ice tea butter your bread, perhaps some under the cloths bondage. a butt plug, a chastity device...

All of these things and so much more can be done without involving or offending others  and the vanilla friend see nice normal people  that have a great understanding of each other, instead of some freaks many vanilla people believe we are

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 7:18:50 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Just taking a stab in the dark here but I think you should behave the same way you would behave if you were anywhere in public.
Because you won't only have your vanilla friends with you but many other vanilla patrons watching along on the antics.
Depending on what games you wish to play it could get you thrown out.  Lose your vanilla friends of even thrown in jail.
So, I'd behave as an adult would.

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 7:23:33 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Funny, when out with our vanilla friends, I never saw a need to play with Angel.  There are times when you do not need to be playing, and this would seem like one of them. Just becasue your friends know what you two are involved in doesnt mean you have to flaunt it in front of them. If you need to train your sub to be presentable in public, then so be it, but playing with him under the table or otherwise is probably ill advised. My friends all know what I am into. Never once have I played while out to a nice dinner with them, if theyve come home with us afterwards and I knew they were OK with it, in the privacy of our own home I might.  But out, you have to take into account the other people around you as well, and how your friends will feel if someone outside your party notices something.  Its a can of worms that might get ugly

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 7:23:38 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear GirlyDevil, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see, if I was wearing the vanilla white shoes of your friends, I would hope that good manners at the table would be used and leave the conversation and behavior proper and neutral.
 
As a impromptu ambassador per se, when ever you interact with vanilla, its an opportunity to show the good side of the lifestyle--That is the capacity to be good, kind and considerate when it comes to others.
 
I also am of the Old School and came up in the 1950s; where you didn't play with your toys at the table during meals, discuss religion, politics, death and or sex.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

I agree with LadyHugs. Good manners should always dictate behavior.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 10:48:30 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Agreeing with LadyHugs in terms of good manners, and ensuring the comfort of all guests at the table and beyond. However, I also second LaMspeach in that there are lots of subtle little plays that people will take for being good manners. Firstly, give him clear instructions as to his behaviour, everything from opening doors for you, to pulling out the chair for you, to how much you expect him to participate in the conversation. Depends on how you want to play it for the ordering ... as a Domme, I enjoy taking the lead and ordering for the man as waiters don't expect that. Playing to the same thing, Master always has me order for Him LOL, though He has chosen what He wants Himself. I would choose for the sub as long as I knew enough about his food preferences and possible allergies. I agree that a subtle reminder (such as butt plug or having him wear a pair of your panties or whatever floats your boat) keeps him aware of you. Master has had me wear a remote controlled mini-vibe ... and then had me collect a plate of food at the buffet for Him by buzzing me for every dish He wanted LOL!  It was huge fun. If it's your thing, make him lean across and whisper in your ear for permission to go to the toilet ... people might wonder a little when you say "yes dear you may" and then he disappears to the men's room, but it's not actually likely to offend anyone!

Most importantly, enjoy your friend's company, enjoy the little thrills these subtle plays might afford you, and have a great time when you get him home!

Regards
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 11:21:02 PM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs
I also am of the Old School and came up in the 1950s; where you didn't play with your toys at the table during meals, discuss religion, politics, death and or sex.

<insert visual of MW doing Brad Pitt in _Fight Club_, just after the gun goes off>  Whoah!  Whoah!

According to your profile, you are, at most, 2 years older than I - which means that, as the 1950s ended, you were, at oldest, 5 years old.

Helluva interesting age to come up in the BDSM community, eh?

Midnight Bullshit Detector


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 11:27:59 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you and your sub were a vanilla couple, would you jack him off under the table when at dinner with other friends? These people might very well see it that you are, in a sense, doing this. Most people would find that rude, or at least, inappropriate for a public dinner.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 11:51:41 PM   
BigDallasDom


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/13/2005
Status: offline 		OK you need ask this question? one thing to have private life as generally note nillas don't understand (duhhhh)
they wonder how one could treat others like this or how one can stand to be treated like they are.

My god people have we gone insane? lol again you ask this question why? cause you have no moral up brining would you set at dinner table in public with your parents or in-laws and play with your subbie? common sense

and i agree a well place remote vibe egg  is fun but why rub it in your nilla friends faces?    just my rantings

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/15/2006 11:59:30 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		My advice is simple, behave any damned way you want. It doesn't matter the situation, behave however you want, wherever you are.
However, and it is a big however...be prepared to accept the consequences of your behaviour, and if your behaviour is outside of societal norms, there will be consequences.


_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/16/2006 12:08:23 AM   
Hercuckslave


Posts: 103
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline 		goes right back to "consent".  if your friends are vanilla, they would more than likely be uncomfortable seeing displays of your D/s.  you bringing that energy to the table would be non consensual.  not cool.  if you really feel the need to play with her in front of them, even in sublte ways...if there is any chance of them picking up on it whatsoever, you need to ask them first. 

if not, why not just have a nice dinner with friends.  you can still be her Dom without playing.  the roles are implied...that won't change.  i have been Mistress' slave for nearly 6 years.  that doesn't mean we don't go to movies, dinner, travel, dance, etc without an expression of D/s.  the D/s is there.  whether expressed or not.  we could have a "normal" night with nilla friends, and have her tell me to strip and kneel when we get home.  ahhh, ain't life grand???

M's m

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/16/2006 3:19:07 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Going out to dinner is, well, going out to dinner........

I'm wondering why you ask if you *SHOULD* subtly play with your sub.......there's no *should* about it.

If you want to, then it's simply your choice. I don't know what your idea of *playing* is, but regardless, only you know your friends and what will constitute a nice evening for you all.

agirl









(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/16/2006 7:34:27 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		He's an adult and doesn't know how to eat correctly in public?  Why don't you do a mock training session before the dinner so he knows the proper use of utensils and napkins and table manners so you don't have to worry about wasting your friends time and be able to focus on just having a good time out together on the actual dinner date.

Look, you want to play footsie or be cute and have your "inside fun" at a table, go for it.  As long as it doesn't distract from your friends attention or make them feel weird about it, you're fine.  But lets remember the focus of this dinner is for you all to meet and have a good time.  This is also the first impression they will have of your slave- do you want it to be as a smart, well put together, fun loving guy...or some giggling empty headed mess who can barely stop himself from panting through an appetizer?

I'd say your real problem is that you're worried more about how to finger your guy under the table rather than making sure the restaurant has good parking.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 11/16/2006 8:03:58 AM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/16/2006 9:36:24 AM   
WorldofSilence


Posts: 114
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		This gets Me.

I mean before I entered the lifestyle, I had a few vanillia relationships and it was part of My personilty to touch people, when I went to an exgirlfriends parents house, we did footise or I just place My hand on her's when both hands were on the table, I didn't grope her or things like that.

With a bit of imgination and creative thinking you can convey subtle hints, tapping there hand twice then resting your hand on theres, you might laugh at this, but in My vanillia relationships of the past, I helped her to create a kind of morse code using everyday affection touches, even vanillia couples touch each other in some affectionate way when around each other.
I've noticed it, be it a  hand on there lap/shoulder/arm etc.. it's pretty normal. So some common sense and creative thinking is all I can suggest.

WoS

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Taking sub to dinner with friends - 11/16/2006 9:51:11 AM   
PONYSEEKER


Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		You could ask your friends how comfortable they are with the whole thing before hand.  As far as training for public you can practice that at home before hand.  You could pull the whole thing of the way you want it so to speak or maybe even more so if you know exacly how your friends feel. Who knows they might actually be interested in seeing what its like.  I wouldnt push it on them though because then  you stand the chance of loosing your friends. 

(in reply to WorldofSilence)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Taking sub to dinner with friends Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125