RE: running into people in the nilla world

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/13/2006 9:46:42 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Yea.. I might have walked by as well. Although I do know a perfectly nilla guy who loves carrying around a 9 foot coiled whip. He however, is such a well known eccentric that no one looks twice.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Then again, many people are out, and forget that others are not....

I had a situation, I met someone on here, we agreed to meet at a munch, got along well, then went out for drinks a few weeks later.

She brought a crop.

I walked by as if I didn't know her and went home. We haven't spoken since.

Yours,

benji

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

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Post #: 21

RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/14/2006 3:00:25 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I completely disagree that bringing a crop into a social space is nonconsensually involving people in a scene...but that's a huge gray area which has more than enough threads for itself already.

But I completely agree that it was fine for Benji to decide he didn't want to socialize with her anymore, though I would have thought calling her after leaving and explaining why would be polite.

Well, to answer that point, I had previously told her that I'm in a particularily delicate situation with being outted, and that I would have to be very careful. She acknowledged this, and refered to it a few times afterwards.

So I don't know what she was trying to prove, but it may have worked, or may not have worked, or something.

Yours,

benji

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/14/2006 3:59:00 PM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

Needless to say, I was quite shaken over the experience ... and stayed away from CM for some time.

fergus

And you have been sorely missed... I do miss the pics... but my memory is pretty good...

It's great to see you posting again fergus!!

And personally... I wouldn't mind a bit if someone from CM recognized me and came up to say hello.

Jewel

edited to contribute to the thread rather then just hijack it to say hello to fergus!

< Message edited by ShiftedJewel -- 11/14/2006 4:00:58 PM >

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/14/2006 4:15:04 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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LOL... That is probably the first time in my life anyone has ever assumed something I said was unintelligent.
It was a question posed, NOT because I worried about accidental nilla meetings. I do not. I posed it because it is a huge issue on my list for SOME people who are concerned about outing.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Really, not an intelligent question at all. If someone knows you and have something to risk...why would they tell anything to anybody?

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/14/2006 4:20:45 PM

untamedshysub

Posts: 220
Joined: 2/26/2005
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The first time I met someone in nilla life from BDSM was when I took my dogs to the vet and saw it was a Dom I knew lol my mouth dropped open lol but I just played it off and he did as well.

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/14/2006 4:21:22 PM

medievalwench

Posts: 249
Joined: 10/31/2006
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i was concerned about my folks noticing my collar, but then remembered my Dad's laughter when i called Master Master in front of them -he was amused, my Mum was baffled.

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/14/2006 4:25:35 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

Needless to say, I was quite shaken over the experience ... and stayed away from CM for some time.

fergus

And you have been sorely missed... I do miss the pics... but my memory is pretty good...

It's great to see you posting again fergus!!

And personally... I wouldn't mind a bit if someone from CM recognized me and came up to say hello.

Jewel

edited to contribute to the thread rather then just hijack it to say hello to fergus!

As Jewel said it would be nice if someone from CM recognized me..Of course since I have never had a picture up, that will never happen.Not having a picture does impede ones progress with meeting someone, but it also saves you from inadvertant difficulties..of course no pic in my situation is just me simply trying not to scare prospective Dominants off too rapidly..~g~....Tempting

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Post #: 27

RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/14/2006 6:02:10 PM

fergus

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

Needless to say, I was quite shaken over the experience ... and stayed away from CM for some time.

fergus

And you have been sorely missed... I do miss the pics... but my memory is pretty good...

It's great to see you posting again fergus!!

And personally... I wouldn't mind a bit if someone from CM recognized me and came up to say hello.

Jewel

edited to contribute to the thread rather then just hijack it to say hello to fergus!

Thanks Jewel! :)

To conitue with the thread ;) ... I would be THRILLED if someone from CM said hello (discreetly) .... but this was a person from CM speaking to a DIFFERENT AND VANILLA person. If it were not for that person happening to mention it to me in passing, I may not otherwise have known ... which is also disconcerting.

fergus

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/14/2006 6:34:18 PM

sublizzie

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Joined: 5/26/2004
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I would only be concerned if it happened to be my mother. But she's pretty easy to get around with a "Oh! They're a part of my social group. You know, the one my friend who was at my birthday party introduced me to." It's a great save every time.

There are two people at work who are in the community or on Collar Me. One person and I talk. The other just doesn't "see" me. That's fine. It's whatever floats each person's boat.

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/14/2006 6:57:44 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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Yeah, I think people should just learn to be quick enough to avoid the "fluster factor" Your tip on how you get around your mom is great.

For myself, I never even consider explaining who that person is or how I know them. Maybe I am self absorbed but I cannot conceive a reason to share my business with a nilla I am hanging out with.

Now, If I was a loved one who knew about my lovestyle, I MIGHT give them a little data. But not much.

If I was with a fellow bdsm'r, then no issue comes up at all... and I am STILL unlikely to give details on how I know someone. Why? Because there is no "need to know".
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

I would only be concerned if it happened to be my mother. But she's pretty easy to get around with a "Oh! They're a part of my social group. You know, the one my friend who was at my birthday party introduced me to." It's a great save every time.

(in reply to sublizzie)

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Post #: 30

RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/14/2006 10:17:10 PM

amalie

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Joined: 9/7/2004
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That has always seemed a pretty reasonable assumption to me: if someone "discovers" me online then they must have some degree of interest in the subject or they wouldn't have been there in the first place.

i have met scene people by chance in everyday life circumstances and in every case everyone was both discreet and normal. In one case when asked by a vanilla companion how he knew me the gentleman replied "we met at a business convention in Vegas." (In actual fact we had met at BondCon Las Vegas. :)

Of course i am pretty much "out" and can understand the hesitation of those who aren't.

(in reply to nikaa)

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/15/2006 6:29:26 AM

sub4hire

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

LOL... That is probably the first time in my life anyone has ever assumed something I said was unintelligent.

Then I should say get used to it. For clarification purposes only. I did not say you were unintelligent...I said the question was.
For a person to assume another would behave in a different fashion they would when it would also hurt them is ignorant.
More often than not in today's society it would not hurt anyway. It is people's phobias that make them believe it would. Sure, in very few occupations now it still would.
I know teachers now who are totally out with their superiors. It is not the days it was 15 year's ago when people did need to be quiet.
There will always be the bible thumpers who will cause issue as well. It is intelligent to be a little on guard. Though with those whom you have enough info on to ruin as well, it just makes little sense.

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/15/2006 7:09:01 AM

princessrn

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Joined: 7/23/2006
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i have seen my landlord on another site lol i just sent a hi message and left it at that ...
not that i have any thing to hide but there is always a right time and place for things and while at work showing a client things i wouldn't like some on to shout over " had a good flogging lately" as well as being tied on the st Andrews cross and some one saying do you have the recipe for them brownies you made at kiddies clue the other day ... as i said time and place for things

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/15/2006 11:02:14 AM

MagiksSlave

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Reading this again just made somthing pop in my head.. What if you run into a venilla friend in the BDSM world!!!

I think that would freak me out more then running into a BDSM friend in the venilla world just because you know for a fact everyone you meet in BDSM lives on the venilla world too!!

Magik's slave

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/15/2006 11:22:52 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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I don't run around advertising all of my personal interests as I take care of daily business. I do not see a need for it. I would not mind if someone in my daily life found out I just do not see it as my responsibility to tell them. My personal style does not in anyway reflect any specific lifestyle interests.

However, there are a few locals on collarme that I have seen around town. I get the look of confusion of "why do you look familiar?". Except for the creepy cab guy that knows why I look familiar, fortunately he is a spooky lil fella and scared of me.

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RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/15/2006 11:28:31 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Do you worry about being outed if you run into someone you know from the bdsm world and they dare to talk to you in your nilla life?

Currently I have a thread running on my list about whether it is dangerous for someone you know in the BDSM realm to acknowlege you in some way in a nilla setting.

I have my own stance on this which I will hold back for a bit to get some feedback from you all.
Kyst

No-anyone who knew I was into the lifestyle would already be lifestyle friendly or at least not bothered what I liked so it would automatically make no difference.

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Post #: 36

RE: running into people in the nilla world - 11/16/2006 8:14:29 PM

theRose4U

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

I completely disagree that bringing a crop into a social space is nonconsensually involving people in a scene...but that's a huge gray area which has more than enough threads for itself already.

I'm guilty of having taken a crop into a nilla setting and not even realizing. I had a riding lesson with a rather tempermental mare. For her I kept a crop in the top of my boot for quick access. When I went to the grocery store on the way home I couldn't figure out why people were staring and one group of boys were following me. I thought that my breeches were split or something equally bad until the group comes up giggling and asks if I know how to "use that" and points at the top of my boot. Whoops!

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