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dominant but not with family - 11/13/2006 4:04:06 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings to all
 
i have a problem i am a dominant woman but at home with my twin and my son her husband has returned, but with each one of them i get no respect none i am so sad they take my kindness for weakness, first my twin husband hates me i mean hates me he show so no respect that is do to me as his sister in law he has say thing to me no sexual things but called me greedy i had taken morphine for a month i was so ill i thought i would die but when he came things were not good enough for him, and he knew i was very ill. so i am greedy because i asked them to get apple juice when theuy went to the store now he knows i am a dominant woman, so he drink both thing of apple juice and laughed now i was told this would help becasue i could not keep anything down. my sister my twin told him things and he hollere and scream at me for 15 mintues i am a domme yes but i cry very easy and i did cry . i ask her why did she said this to him " it is true i am greedy and spoiled. then my son i let him use my computer now i have doll house and i am painting it now and i send pciture to another person who has how share the love of taking picutre just flowers trees things i will paint well i open my docments and oh there is a nude women bending over i  want tp scream he has a girlfriend who has made me crazy they fight she push me ocne and then had another fight she slap him right over my shoulder she is taller then i now i wil tell you this i am a fighter i had to stret fight when i was in high school i think what if i turn in =knock her out so what i have is a nightmare. i am sick and tired of the whole bullshit my sister and her husvband are looking for a place thank god muy son will move too but not fast enough how does eveyone who is dominant handle their fmaily it is impossible to handle them the way i would a submissive ! so what am i too do and i have not done a thing to my sister husbnad he will sit in the vbedroom and not say a word then he say he is passing through so so dsirecpectful wtith his wrods and action i must say i am hurt to be so dislike this way oh i am stronger then them in mind but it all so much to handle anyone with an dieal please yes i said please let me know
 
thank you so mons
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RE: dominant but not with family - 11/13/2006 4:47:51 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Mons,

I have seen many posts that you have written regarding your twin and her husband. It sounds to me that you and they just do not get along. In fact I would say that they are toxic to you and sometimes in life you have to cut your losses in order to have a happier life. Its hard to let go of family, but in this case I think you need to put these people out of your life for awhile until either they can learn to treat you decently as one human being should to another, or perhaps they may never come back into your life fully. I'm not saying just cut off all relations with her, obviously you love and care about your sister. But until she can see that your sick and tired of being disrespected and mistreated, I'd keep communication to a bare minimum. As for her husband I would not allow him back into my home, no one disrespects me in my own home.

To me piece of mind is more important then putting up with other people's bullshit.

Good luck,
Lashra


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RE: dominant but not with family - 11/13/2006 5:18:49 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		what Lashra said

E

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RE: dominant but not with family - 11/13/2006 5:23:18 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		Hmm, and here I was thinking that it was time to put your foot down and assert yourself; especially in your own home.

/shrug

That's just me though

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RE: dominant but not with family - 11/13/2006 5:47:33 AM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

Hmm, and here I was thinking that it was time to put your foot down and assert yourself; especially in your own home.

/shrug

That's just me though


Depending on who's home it is. If it is your home, it is time to give them a notice that they have so many weeks to find a new place. If it is thier's, it is time to figure out to leave. i know it might seem finacially hard, but your health and sanity needs it. :) i wish you the best of luck sweety.

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RE: dominant but not with family - 11/13/2006 4:18:51 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Give them all three notice to move immediately.  Don't wait they are dragging you down.  It is not a good situation and with health problems and little or no support you are better off without the aggravation.  Personally even as a sub i would not allow someone to live in my home and disrespect me.  LOL my kid is even aware of that part of me.  Good luck mons and take care of yourself for it does not seem that the others are looking out for you.


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RE: dominant but not with family - 11/13/2006 8:23:43 PM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		I'd have to agree with everything that has been said so far.  You don't need to put up with that kind of crap.  I don't know why your twin does, it almost sounds like she's afraid of him.

If it's your house, do what you need to do to get at least him out of the house (if the situation and your twin doesn't want to go with him that is) even including calling the authorities or some big, burly friends to throw his stuff and/or him out to the curb.

If it's not your house, do whatever it takes to get out.  Perhaps there's a friend who is willing to help you out and maybe even have a spare bed to lend out for a short while until you can find a new place.  Hell, even better, looking for a roomate.

Hope things work out in the end, hun.  We're here for any support we can offer.  Sometimes a little moral support is the kick start some of us need.


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RE: dominant but not with family - 11/14/2006 3:13:58 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings to all
 
i want to thank all of you for your words and i am so tired and if i had done something to this man i could see him disliking me and i am kind and a always friendly person but this is too much they will be moving and he said to me i am just passing throught and i told him good i am ready to be alone. my twin and this breaks my heart when i had the chance to be married she had a fit my foolish way i let it happen when he came along to her i push her to go out and now she told me when i said you know i had a chance she said "oh will the kids were littel and anyway " this shock me i told her when she began to tell me after i said the stress of everything was getting to me she said well ( my son name ) i said no no your husband does not like me at all this stress in my own home i can not say nothing to him not a word or he will be upset and he knows i am a dominant woman so strangee all of this is but when i called her on that subject of her husband she hung up on me so ladies and men i am putting my foot down no more shit i will do what i want and i want them my son too out and oh he has a girlfriend hell i wonder where in the helll did he get this girl she would eat and leaves dishes and wet towel all over and get this she uses my towel as something for heavy
bleeding then use all of my loition and never replace anything then oh enough thank you so i need someone who would listen
 
mons thank you so ( just hope i do not punch somone out ) thank so much if ever you need advice i am here

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/22/2006 10:52:28 AM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Give formal notice of eviction. Cover your assets!

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Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/22/2006 11:37:54 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		This really isn't a dominant or submissive issue. It's a how you were raised issue and a need for acceptance issue.

I know first hand about this problem in my own family of origin with my mother.

I exercised control over myself and helped myself greatly when I stopped allowing her to treat me in any way that makes me uncomfortable -- I can't force her to change but I can control myself. If this means not seeing her face-to-face, so be it. If it means hanging up the phone on her or calling her when she begins her abusive language and attitude, so be it.

After a while she learned that she needed to start to control herself if she wanted any further relationship with me. And she has slowly started to change.

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/22/2006 12:38:57 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'm a Domme and my family is F'd up.

I got therapy and I got 1500 miles away. Had my family gotten violent I would have called LE, had violence been the norm around the house I would find any means possible to leave the situation, my home or not.

It's not a Domme issue, it's a very basic health-and-safety issue.

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/22/2006 3:54:39 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline 		I don't really understand 100% of what you wrote due to spelling and grammer, but my instincts tell me you are worried about your relationship to your sister and her husband worstening or disappearing as a result of you making them angry.  Thing is, living in the same place with them I'd hardly call it a family the way you get along so give them the boot right away or at least set boundries and hope after things cool off it will be better.  My guess is it will be.  You'll have your peace and quiet, and sooner or later when tempers have cooled you'll hear from them again.  Besides, if you are going to be criticized for being a hardass you might as well act the part with them especially unless they cool it right?

< Message edited by akbarbarian -- 12/22/2006 3:56:29 PM >

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/23/2006 5:03:49 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings to all
 
update: my son has left he hasd it out with my sister husband the reason was becasue he was not treating me will and not going his part so he told him off in a man's ways and so now he is with my nephew and he not looking to well AK when i wrote this post i am dsylexic i am now much better but please ask other before you comment on someone spelling must know i have a learning disorder many had trouble reading my [post but as you can see none spoke of it and mush had the kindness not to say what was very well seen by my writng. so the update on my sister husband thing were going well and then my twin told me that i was getting on his nerves with my talking, (that was such a warm thing to say ) then he was to sell me his computer with a printer and all i was about to take my computer back and well he changed his mind then it was on again i was so happy and wow what a cpmouter he has . then to my embarssement he changed it for good. i had called the pay and made sure they did not take a payment out and i am lucky i did not take it back. he could not look me in my eyes i sat on thanksgiving eating alone they stood in their room eating that was a nightmare never ate alone in my life on that day. they are going to move soon as they can. i feel so alone i do not think anyone can know how this feels. i am a strong willed woman but with my family i just do not like to have problems come up. i have sleep apena i had the worst thing happen this morning i think i put down how i would ask her to handed me my mask it is when i have a dream like state i can not move and my btreathing is so bad so she would never hand it to me this morning i know my mask was off and and i woke up i stop breathing somehow my body jump up i was not breathing and i know her and her husband had to walk pass and see me. well i take it off when i had a stuffie nose it happne in my sleep. but this was so dangerous i could had die but i oh i am tired and mad and just fucking so damn mad i could scream. my son would tell me put on your mask or he would handed it too me i still feel that feeling of not breathing .
things were going good for awhile now it is back to this. my twin has just left me out to dry i would never thougth she would do this to me in a million years but i am here and wondering why she is acting so bad i am not allowed nea rher door or knock i am not to bother them in form . i had a chanc to married my son dad and she had a fit i do not know if i wrote this or not but i missed my chance now she is married she is and will not let me stay with them she told me he does not like me for reason i do not know and believe me everyone he does not like me at all. if i had did something to him i would see he behavior but i did nothing to himoh well you can grab a horse to make him drink but he may not want too. so i must just wait unil they have their own place. they are treating me like old shit wanting me to move to a smalle place and i said no he is a dominant male i am not his slave or submissive nor his wife no on tell me what to do not him he is good to my sister i will say that but, i am my own person he know about the lifestlye i lead and thought it was funny until he meant me again i am not a pushover. i am quiet soft spoken my son girlfriend tooks this as a weak person she is something out of a mother son's worst nightmare . i had that feeling about her four days after i meant her my sister i told her " something is wrong with this gilr" do you know what she said to me oh are you being mean to her i was again shocked and mad as hell. she chases my son from bar to bar then brings him house and tell him get in the door i was like oh hell no but what good would it do  to knock her the hell out so i did not say anything but she is not to come here again oh thank you all for your help so much i know what to do now and this is my home no one can come and treat me anyway
 
mons ( i hope my son learns from this

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/23/2006 5:10:00 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I've learned that being alone and feeling lonely is MUCH better than being surrounded by abusive people. It doesn't matter if you're Dom or sub, you can be abused by nasty people. I'm glad they are leaving so you can be safe.

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/23/2006 7:07:37 AM   
patina


Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline 		iItoo am a twin, my sister has tried to control me all my life.  I am a sub to the males in my life but to her I do not like being controlled.  To have peace in the family, I did always give in though.  Until a few years ago.  I suffered a stroke, a divorce, was diagnosed with bi polar, all in 6 yrs, I decided I was through with her bossiness I told her she could kiss my rosey red cheeks, among other things. 

Needless to say we are not speaking now.  twice I gave in and made peace but she both times would turn around and just start in on me again.  Her hubby is a total horses ___ too and her son tried to threaten me one day.  I told all of them to me they are dead, they do not exist.  It hurts she is my twin but my own peace of mind is more important than her crap.  I had to accept that she would never change.  I had to accept that that special bond was broken a long time ago it did not exist, and I had to face reality and get away from the evil spiteful selfish person that she was.  She was jealous that my life had been better than hers, even with my problems I was still doing better or so she felt.  She was never happy with her lot.   

You must do the same thing.  I know as a twin it is hard we do not want to turn out back on that other half.  You are not doing that It has been done to you, you are merely walking away with the chance to reconnect later.  If you continue to stay you will lose that chance.  Lose the battle to win the war.

I wish you the best.  It is especially hard now, embrace your son he should come before her.


Patina
 

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/23/2006 7:22:26 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Give him the old Heave Ho.
The "Bum's Rush."
"Out the fucking door you go!"

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/24/2006 2:39:19 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings to all

i have another problem my twin husband is very dominant yes he trys to rule over me but no i will not let him when things are not his way and he did this two years ago they are married so a man gave her a gift and he lost it and said as he did two years ago i am leaving.

a week ago on this day my son was not acting right not being the man who should be so my twin husband scream and they had it out no fist but with words now i am pissed off he told my son how to act like a man but he is wliing to leave again and he the most full og shit man i ever no wait i know why i do not care for how he acts my son father pull the i love you so and left when i needed him must right on the holidays i made sure i never let that happen again to my son if he is such the man he wanted my son his nphew to be what in he hell is he doing my twin is hurt has no ideal what to do but i must say she told me not to ever come near their bedroom door. do not knock and why do you need to assoicate with him???? this is what she told me she will blame someone for him leaving but this time i will not be the target at all what a mess i am so tired of all of this. i have a neighbor she worked as a bartender and made very good money she meant a man they have dated and now they got an apartment she has a small child and i have no thing i did i never brought men home to my son i may had did wrong but to many abuse on myself and others made me not want too but this woman did this and he did not like the child he never abuse him the child stole 200 dollars from another person who live here he was placed on punishment and the child told me the man was made at him. then he left this woman he told her to leave her job he came back which is the worse part now on  new years day he is leaving she was selling food for 6 dollars a bowl. i find that my sister thing with her husband and this woman are so sad. to make someone love you and make them believe you will stay with them is like a cowards way out of things why bother coming back and this woman has a place that no way could she afford it alone i heard her crying this night and it made me profoundly sad . she wanted someone to love her and did all he ask no makeup job os gone. my twin he did not wish to talk with me and she made sure i did not ever say a word oh yes she said " all you ever need to do is say hello and goodbye that is it i wonder if she will ever say i am sorry i hurt you over him . that is my family now i wonder what he said to my son if he can just up and leave without a ounce of remorse then i wonder and i get upset what did he say to my son i may never know what a coward thank good my twin has a very well paying job. i will let everyone know what has happen i am so sad and wondering what will happen . please telll me what you think on this subject it is sad it has made me somewhat cold in the area of love

warm wishes to all

mons (excue my spelling it was getting better LOL stress makes it worse )

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/24/2006 3:00:35 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings patina and all

i am so tired of all of this she was mad at him and oh i was the one getting the tail end of her angry she has been so mean with me over this man i would never do this to her never it has been a nightmare for me he is rude she is rude i wrote in the others letter how she did not wish me to even talk with him. someone she i must face it will do not get along i must telll you i never done anything to him or her but when i work i gave and gave i paid many many thing for her i did it for love not to be remember as the one who gave all of my money to her i did this oout of love i even gave him 500 dollars he needed it he had to go home he makes very good momey but at that time he was in need. but if i even ask for a dollar i am told oh this is so much for to write i never learn to drive so whne it is something big she must get it for me but no i must write a note i write this note but each dat passes i am not with what i ask for he does this with the door i am not alot there i am not to come and knock for any reason . it is a game he plays he was to seel his printer and computer a new on for 400 dollars and he changed his mind 4 times andcould not look me in the eyes a coward. i have had it i wanted them out move find a place so i can do what i want no no he does not stop me at all it is sad i feel for my twin but she did not ever want me to say anything to him then yesterday which hurt me deeply she told me now jane you must not talk to him your getting on his nerves! it is human nature to want to talk to be like his is my brother in law but i am a greddy spoiled brat as i been told when they move i will be fine but until then it a nightmare it is to cold to put anyone out guys i am not a mean person what goes around comes around one thing she will not do is hand me my sleep apena mask when i can not get it i woke up and i was not breathing at all i thought i would die i could not even call anyone my airways was toally boxed i it was so scary thank you all for letting write and talk i am sad

thank you can anyone tell me what is going on in their minds i can not even ask what is wrong to them
mons

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/26/2006 2:20:46 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greeting to all

i need a fast answer my son and my sister husband had it out my son was not paying what he need not helping or anything somewhere along the hollering my brother in law told him to suck he dick my son is telling my family he said this is is hurt you see my son has nver had anyone come here and land down the law a man i mean was this a very wrong thing to say my son is 26 no baby but he is so upset please no sexual jokes i need so help and i would be grateful to all and all thank you for answer yes i grow up in a house of horror drown puppies my father knife my mother in front of us mother was raped in front of all of us i will never forget that sight thanks so

mons

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RE: dominant but not with family - 12/26/2006 2:45:14 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		mons:

Seriously, you all need some counselling. The problems you're relating here are simply too big and too involved to be somehow solved by going online to a  bdsm forum for solutions.

Please contact a shelter or some organization in your area that specializes in providing help for families in trouble and/or those in abusive situations. You speak a lot about how you're a dominant and others are submissives, etc. There's a lot more to what's going on here than just the fact that you dominate, and I don't think you can explain away the behavior that describing with just a standard "he's submissive" or "I'm dominant." It seems everyone is aware of your lifestyle choices and I don't know, perhaps it's because of this that they don't seem to respect you in the least. I certainly don't know your family, so I can only guess, but either way, you need some help to figure this all out, and while it's only my opinion, I don't think we're qualified to give the level of assistance you need.

I'm no therapist, but there seems to be a SERIOUS dysfunction that's in operation here and in my untrained opinion, it's way way way too big to solve through advice given in a bdsm forum. And mons, the dysfunction is really pretty much throughout the entire house. I don't think that anyone's exempt. You are all adults living in one house - at least until everyone moves, and you're going to have to find a way that is not so negative to live together. If no one else will go to counselling with you, and even if every single person moves away, I still think it'd be a good idea to go on your own. Family has this interesting way of continuing to pop back into each other's lives and you need some boundaries, some techniques of dealing with all of the personalities you've described here in a different and more healthy manner. You've been trying this on your own, but evidently, whatever you're trying is just not working. You really do need to get some help with this.

Good luck to you.

juliet

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