BeautifulRacket
Posts: 70
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Seattle Area
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mons
greeting to all
i need a fast answer my son and my sister husband had it out my son was not paying what he need not helping or anything somewhere along the hollering my brother in law told him to suck he dick my son is telling my family he said this is is hurt you see my son has nver had anyone come here and land down the law a man i mean was this a very wrong thing to say my son is 26 no baby but he is so upset please no sexual jokes i need so help and i would be grateful to all and all thank you for answer yes i grow up in a house of horror drown puppies my father knife my mother in front of us mother was raped in front of all of us i will never forget that sight thanks so
mons
I'm not really sure what you're asking for fast answers to, but I'll assume it's the general situation for this post.
I agree with Juliet - there are lots of free resources out there to help people and families, and it sounds like you really need to tap into them right now and get some professional help before this gets worse.
As for your son and brother-in-law fighting, they're both adults, so I'd advise staying out of it completely. Yes, it was wrong to say, "Suck my dick" to your son, but I'm wondering why your son isn't writing that comment off as coming from a complete loser who has no bearing on his life (at least that's how you've portrayed your B-I-L), instead of getting so upset over it that he needs to run to Mommy for comfort. That's what an adult would do. All of these people sound exceedingly immature; there's no need to involve yourself in their childish actions.
The bottom line is, what you've been doing so far isn't working for you, so you need to make changes. If that means cutting your sister and her hubby loose, and telling your son he needs to grow up and distance himself from people who impact him negatively, so be it. If you need to lay down house rules (I'd suggest writing them down and going over them with everyone who spends any amount of time there, letting them know breaking a rule will get them out of the house) and disallow your son's girlfriend from coming to the house if she breaks those rules, do it. By doing different yourself (getting help, standing up to people, distancing yourself), you'll be setting a good example for your son, too.
I also agree this isn't a D/s issue, but perhaps it'd be good to remember only doormats, not Dominants or submissives, continue to be around people who are disrespectful and otherwise bring negative energy into their lives. Doormats lack enough self-esteem to stand up for themselves, resolve their issues/become healthy and get out of that victim mentality. So, if you want to think about it from a D/s perspective, deciding whether you want to be a Domme or a doormat will be your first step.
Best of luck to you in getting help, making changes and working toward peace and happiness, Mons.
BTW, I'm not speaking for akbarbarian, of course, but I interpreted his comment on spelling and grammar to be simply a statement about his lack of understanding, rather than an insult. To be honest, I've had some trouble interpreting your writing as well, and that's certainly not meant to be hurtful (quite the opposite, in fact - I'm one of many who considers it very helpful when people let me know they're having difficulty with my communication style because I can't try to fix it if they don't tell me there's a problem!). I understand how frustrating and painful learning disabilities can be; I've worked with many who have dyslexia and other troubles and my husband struggles with several of them.
I mention this for two reasons:
1) One of the things that has helped my husband and others communicate more effectively in mediums such as this is writing longer/more complex posts out in a word processing program (e.g. Microsoft Word or OpenOffice [which is free]) that catches most typos, spelling and grammar errors. It's far from perfect, but it has helped a lot. So, that might be something you may consider trying if you believe it's a problem.
2) It occured to me that there might be a similarity in your current situation and how you reacted to AK's comment. I understand how comments on this can touch a sore spot, and we react differently when we're under stress, but perhaps you took something that spoke more about the person who made the comment personally, much like you and your son have with your B-I-L's "Suck my dick" comment. Of course the intent behind "I don't understand you completely" is totally different, but my point is that being so sensitive/internalizing/taking these things so personally may be contributing to your problems and stress. I'm very sensitive, too, and even well-intentioned comments can hurt, but a few years ago I realized it was unnecessary for me to be upset by many things, and a big part of that was my lack of self-esteem and confidence. I'm still sensitive, but life has gotten a lot better since I started brushing off and taking things as they were intended. So, maybe this is something that would be helpful to you also, or at least something you could experiment with now to see how it affects your stress level. Just an idea. :-)
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RE: dominant but not with family - 
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