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The power of Power Exchange - 11/2/2006 6:26:11 PM

PiercedDaz

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I'm not really looking for an answer to a question in this thread. Nor am I really after advice. I suppose that what I am really looking for is to see the level of emotions that each respondant has in their disclosure.

I understand that D/s is primarily involved with the aspiration of Total Power Exchange (TPE). I have heard many times from subs that say that they can 'feel' whether a Dom has the power of domination before they ever experience it. I have also heard many Doms state that they can 'feel' when a sub is gifting them with the responsibility of control. I have also heard many real time long term D/s couples state how they can feel the aura of their other half. That dominance feeds on submissiveness and submissiveness feeds on dominance.

For those of you that have been on this road of self discovery to 'understand' this Dom or sub side of yourself....have you ever come across another person outside of the community (friend/colleague/stranger) that you have intuitively felt drawn to as their Dom or sub nature has catalyst the opposite nature in you?

I don't mean a potential partner, but just someone that has inadvertantly sparked life into this beast that is part of you.

I'll give you an example: I know a beautiful and intelligent friend that is in a loving and strong vanilla relationship. When we first met there was an exchange of aura and power that neither of us could explain. As time went on, we came to terms with the fact that her submissive nature was feeding my dominant nature and vice versa. We understand this now and know that it won't change her relationship but it is so strong that we have no control over our instinctive natures.

Strange stuff. Deep and dark basic instinct versus social and ethical ruling and systems.

Thoughts on your own experiences please...?

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/2/2006 6:39:56 PM

Fitznicely

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I can't say I've studied my own nature in regard to being Dominant specifically, but in other areas, I'v spent a good amount of time navel-gazing.

Certain events in my life have given me a certain confidence and self-assurance that I'm told manifests itself in a domineering manner. I can't say it's purposefully or even consciously done, but that's what I've been told.

Consequently, I've never really had that feeling you allude to, the intuitive yearning to dominate anyone. However, a friend of ours has recently told me that I am responsible for her introduction to the BDSM culture. Apparently my girl (way before her submission to me) called me "Master" in passing. Our friend was fascinated by the feelings she experienced at that moment and dedicated herself to fnding out more about the lifestyle.

I have had the pleasure of dominating her in a SM sense since she immersed herself in the culture and I did then feel a very sadistic side of me emerge.

Since taking my girl on as slave, I've felt the same thrill, the innate feeling that this is the way that I'm made right an whole. Perhaps that is the feeling you're talking about?

I'll definitely give it more thought. Thanks, I'd never considered it before...

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/2/2006 6:46:14 PM

PiercedDaz

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Yes! You're spot on Fitznicely. Sorry for my lack of explanation - I have never felt that I have needed to dominate someone. Its just part of what makes me who I am. You worded it much better in that you don't do anything consciously - you just do it because it is what you are.

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/2/2006 7:07:37 PM

crouchingtigress

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i have had that experiance....i went to get my shoes repaired, they were hurting my legs for some unknown reason.

the man at the desk was the store owner and an older gentleman, who very deftly commanded me to "step back" step up" "turn around" and then "turn back around"

i was so completely in his control i was shaking....i paid for my repairs and then went to my car and cried....and touched myself...i was soaked....i have never felt that sort of connection to a stranger....esp a vanilla one....but it was a great experiance...and i cherish it.

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/2/2006 8:26:37 PM

Daddysredhead

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The first person that explained BDSM to me is my Master. I had notions of it throughout my younger years, but didn't have a name for it and didn't know that other people thought the same way as me. I have always been quite the hot head, very fierce when provoked, very protective, and very controlling in just about every area of my life and of other people in my life. I just never felt like other people could do things the right way so I never gave up control of anything. I always wished that I could find a man who would be able to "step up" and "be a man" so to speak, be of strong character, strong body, strong spirit, and strong enough to stand toe to toe with me and not back down when he knew he was right and I was just being a hardass.

The first conversation I had with my then, friend, (Daddy) and I were talking about being right and being willing to take a stand for it. I told Him that I had yet to meet a man who I felt would be willing to stare me down if necessary and not shrink away. It was almost like throwing down the gauntlet, and I almost "knew" that He was the one who would do it. From the first time I met Him, I wanted to hand over the "keys" so to speak and let Him drive. He literally DID look me in the eyes, stood close to me, and talked to me like that until I lowered my eyes and my head, and softened my voice. I told Him at that point that I wish I could allow myself to be submissive and let go just once in my life, but I was too strong to be a weak woman like that. He quickly brought my face to look at His and He said, "some of the strongest and most beautiful women I know are submissive." At that moment, I knew He meant what He said and that there was no belittling or taunting to it. I never felt that with anyone before that and have not felt it since really. It was like a tug at my heart, and my spirit, to believe that this big man (in stature and in heart) could be trusted with every single part of me. He has said that He was drawn to me that way, in wanting to protect and take care of me, from the beginning. It was like a magnet being drawn to reverse pole, too strong to be ignored, and almost 4 years later, I think we got it right.

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/2/2006 8:27:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Mostly my philosophy advisor in college- I smiled and frowned in tune with his praise or rebuke. I often amuse myself pondering that my current partner is EXTREMELY physically similar to him.

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/3/2006 2:22:45 AM

Focus50

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I believe the main thing that sets humans apart from all other animals is that we don't function primarily on instinct, but reason.... But instincts still play a major role in our lives, esp where "animal attraction" is concerned.

Most adults at some stage of their life have found themselves attracted to another without necessarily knowing why.... Indeed, that attraction itself can be a source of confusion and even embarrassment - esp if that person is outwardly someone you wouldn't normally consider to be your "type".

I've found the majority of my previous fem/sub partners either online or at BDSM functions but there's often someone who catches my eye in everyday life because of her mannerisms or esp something "submissive" about her eyes that draw my gaze immediately to her. But if we never actually talk, who's to say she felt the same attraction. But I do believe instinct plays a big part in recognising a potentially suitable partner, even when at odds with supposed rational reasoning. It's totally reasonable to me that there are many submissives out there who have never even heard of BDSM; dominants, too!

Focus.

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/3/2006 9:07:27 AM

Dnomyar

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If a sub is giving me a gift it had better be a birthday or chrismas present.

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/3/2006 12:46:14 PM

gypsygrl

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I'm gonna go out on a limb with my response, here, and want to preface it with the disclaimer that I'm only guessing.

All my adult life, I've been fascinated by power dynamics, though I've only been actively involved with bd/sm and D/s for about 5 years. I'm pretty sure what we call 'power exchange' is simply a ubiquitous fact of human relations. Whenever two or more people come into any kind of meaningful contact with each other, theres always a subtle struggle to establish dominance relations that often occurs just below conscious awareness. Ideally, the reconciliation will be mutually beneficial. Often its not, and the result can be exploitative, abusive or just plain icky.

For some reason, and I'm guessing not everyone is like this, I've always been extremely sensitive to these power dynamics (so sensitive that once, in my early 20's, I did power exchange with a spider). I can't settle into a situation until I get a sense for the implicit hiearchy, and if that sense never emerges, everything feels chaotic and disorganized. Early on in college, I discovered that I could translate my sensitivity into theoretical terms and concentrated heaviliy on social and political theory, disciplines where understanding power relationships is highly functional and productive. (I wrote my Master's thesis on Orwell's 1984 and attended heavily to the dynamic between Obrien and Winston. My dissertation, in large part, explores the structure of authority in the 20th century family.)

One of the areas I do power exchange with no intention of partnering up is as a student, and more recently as a teacher. As a student, finding a professor I can work under is always a challenge, and I've always done a lot of shopping around, but once I find that person, its like an immediate allignment of wills or something. I don't really understand it, but can recognize its benefit in my work.

I used to be really embarrassed by this because it feels like an infatuation, complete with stammering, blushing and being overcome with a basic stupidity but then I started teaching and saw it in my students so I realized it wasn't just me, but part of the basic pedagogical relationship. Its one of the coolest things about teaching, when I can get a good energy flow going and channel it in the direction of a student's intellectual development.

I do recognize the signs of a dominant presense almost immediately. I know, however, that feeling that presence doesn't necessarily mean that its a good thing or that the person who's emitting it is going to be a positive influence. Feeling their presence only suggests that they will be able to influence me, sometimes very intensely but not always in a way thats good for me, in a general sense. So, I tend to be very cautious.

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/3/2006 12:55:47 PM

PiercedDaz

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Gypsiegrl...you are so right! It power exchange is there in every lifestyle. I loved your alignment with teaching. As a teacher myself, I can see that now. Its so true. Thank you.

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/3/2006 1:06:17 PM

fyreredsub

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Greetings,

sure this girl has gazed upon the eyes of a stranger she knew was looking into her and looked down fast and felt that pull on her gut....

May she wish you well

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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/3/2006 2:46:21 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

Greetings,

sure this girl has gazed upon the eyes of a stranger she knew was looking into her and looked down fast and felt that pull on her gut....

And that's exactly the kind of recognition response that'd attract my attention. When going about my everyday business, I'm constantly looking at female eyes for that very reason. (nillas can have the breasts... lol)

Focus.

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RE: The power of Power Exchange - 11/3/2006 6:09:34 PM

adaddysgirl

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It's kind of funny you ask this right now Daz. Just last week, i had to meet with an owner of several local marinas (as part of my job). He was an older guy whom i had never talked with before.

Upon meeting, i introduced myself and asked him how he was doing today. He replied 'better than you think'. i was totally taken off guard, but proceeded to follow him to his office. During the interview, he had to instruct his employees. i can't really describe it other than to say that this guy just exuded dominance. As a result, i could feel myself 'softening'....my voice even managed to go down a couple of octaves. i had to clear my throat quite a few times. And when we were done, he simply got up, walked toward the door and just looked at me, and i got up and followed him like a little puppy dog...lol.

Yeh....that was great! i have run across others who have effected me that way but since this was so recent, it kind of stuck in my mind. Good stuff!

DG

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