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I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/1/2006 8:14:38 AM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		Hey, how is everyone?  I'm from Belfast in Ireland.  I'm not having a great time here at collarme.  There are just no sub girls in this country using this website.  Most girls around the UK, half of them aren't to my taste, and hardly any respond to my messages.

How do you guys usually meet girls?  I mean, do you go out of your way to find sub girls when you're out in a club or something?  I need help.  I've no experience in the Dom scene despite the fact that I've always been immensely turned on by it.  I've had two girlfriends, the last one didn't like the idea of sex at all never mind the things I have in mind.  The first would have been horrified.

What should I do?  I really want to meet a girl my age or younger thats into the same stuff I'm into.  I'm not even very picky.  She doesn't have to be a 24/7 sub or a pain slut or anything like that.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/1/2006 8:20:09 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		weirdos whose lives revolve around this stuff ... lmao ...

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quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/1/2006 8:42:26 AM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline 		Welcome aboard, KainD!

Yup - there are hardly ever good, available submissives on one's own neighborhood.  Mostly, they get nabbed by some lucky sod who has been here longer than you, read a lot, and developed a reputation for having some clue.

The only way around that here is to hang out, join in on lots of discussions, learn, garner clue, and develop that reputation.  Then, when a good lass from Belfast shows up here, you get to be the lucky sod who got her first.

If there's a quicker way to do it on this (or any) web site, I've never heard of it.

Midnight Writer


_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to KaineD)
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RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/1/2006 9:01:05 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Aye, emdoub has nailed it.  I'll add one other comment: don't be afraid to write to people.  Sometimes you get a response.

Well, since it's free bandwidth, I'll add one other comment: if you're not a fucking asshole, know what you're doing, and truly like women, you'll find someone.  Maybe even more than someone.  Because, frankly, most men are fucking assholes, don't know what they're doing, and don't truly like women.

(in reply to emdoub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/1/2006 12:07:15 PM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		Perhaps because your profile says "I'm not actively seeking to meet anybody."?

*shrugs*

(edited because I'm just a lazy typist today)


< Message edited by Aine -- 11/1/2006 12:19:36 PM >

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/1/2006 12:11:29 PM   
DOM33416


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		Local clubs may be your best chance , just by contact and conversation at least you can tell if they are interested in something a little different

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"Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don't count."

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/1/2006 12:55:09 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		In the words of the immortal Farimir, "I can't get a date. I can't get a date."

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(in reply to DOM33416)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/1/2006 1:02:36 PM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Aye, emdoub has nailed it.  I'll add one other comment: don't be afraid to write to people.  Sometimes you get a response.

Well, since it's free bandwidth, I'll add one other comment: if you're not a fucking asshole, know what you're doing, and truly like women, you'll find someone.  Maybe even more than someone.  Because, frankly, most men are fucking assholes, don't know what they're doing, and don't truly like women.


LOL! i have often believed that to be true of some male sadists i know. *wink

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/1/2006 11:15:37 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

Perhaps because your profile says "I'm not actively seeking to meet anybody."?

*shrugs*

(edited because I'm just a lazy typist today)



My thoughts exactly Aine,  if I was in the same area and was looking I would walk on by when I read this line as an intro to a profile

Owned

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~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 12:39:20 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		You've already assessed things and have deemed that there is no one here.  I guess the next suggestion is to get off the computer and go find RT BDSM people in your area. 

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 12:45:42 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Id start be rewriting your profile to make yoursef a bit more aproachable.  Someone who is going to respond is going to read that, see you arent actively seeking to meet someone, and not bother writing back. You cant meet when you advertise that you dont want to.
Broaden your horizons.  The sub of your dreams isnt always under your nose.  Mine was quite a way away. 
And if CM isnt doing it for you, reallife events are your next step (I know everyone ese already said it)

However, I would definately suggest making it a bit more known you ARE looking, rather than just giving up online right off. 
But thats just me
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 12:51:19 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not sure the internet is the best place to meet someone but then I'm not particularly interested in meeting someone on the internet because it would be pointless meeting someone across an ocean when I've no intention of moving from Amsterdam. Apart from that, so much of oneself is edited out by the nature of communicating through the internet, ones good points might be missed while ones negatives might be multiplied. I don't think there is any substitute for meeting people in the flesh and that means going to the right places. You'll probably have more chance of meeting a kinky sub by meeting a woman who is attracted to you face to face. I've had several relationships with women who have never experienced any aspect of BDSM before I had met them but went on to enthusiastically enjoy the experience and carried on with BDSM after me. But then I'm in Amsterdam and Belfast is not quite the same.

Hmm Move to Amsterdam, it's not a million miles away.

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 5:37:59 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Since I've seen Anie I quit actively seeking also. To the OP check your home page. I have talked to women from your area in chat. Is'nt sod grass???

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 5:50:27 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		The whole not looking thing and calling us weirdos might put someone off.  Get into real life and go to clubs but learn about the rules and proper etiquette and protocol before you try to troll and hit on women there.

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 6:11:12 AM   
toy2006


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline 		Don't worry! You are not alone! I have been looking for a Dom in Michigan for a LONG time. There are a lot of women haters in this arena; don't be one of those. But if your profile says you're not looking, you'd better fix that. I had a man from Scotland here once; said he was a Dom, but he turned out to be a submissive. He said the same thing; he couldn't find anyone in the UK. That was probably 7-8 years ago.... He said everyone is too religious to enjoy a good boffing. He did find someone eventually, but shipped her there from the US.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 6:28:41 AM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		There are plenty of interesting people in many areas of the world who have BD/SM scene interests and are seeking partners. However on the internet everyone with reasonable intelligence is scanning for contacts who match their personal wishes. As several folks mentioned, saying you are not actively seeking is going to block some contacts.

Here in the US there are scene discussion groups or social groups in most parts of the country. I do not know about the scene in your area, but I have heard that similar groups exist and are forming in many parts of the world. These groups usually are not play groups or swing groups, although scene people who also share those interests may attend.

Making friends among people in your area who are scene friendly does not guarantee you will find your perfect match, but it certainly gives you a better chance than many other options.

Good luck!

vield

(in reply to toy2006)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 6:30:53 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Since I've seen Anie I quit actively seeking also. To the OP check your home page. I have talked to women from your area in chat. Is'nt sod grass???


Not quite sure how I should take that.....

*raises an eyebrow*


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 8:47:36 PM   
Nitedom


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline 		I think everyone has to find their own path, and I don't mean to question what you enjoy.  But I would suggest perhaps revamping your profile and be a little less ambitious with things. 
When I was younger and didn't have much of anything but my big fat desires, I went through a time of posting ads and going in to chat rooms describing all the things I was interested in.  But I didn't have any experience and also I really didn't have any luck. I mean, why would a submissive lady put herself in the hands of a want to be dom with no experience who had nothing but these desires.  That probably just seemed dangerous.   
But, for me,  eventually and maybe out of frustration if for no other good reason I wrote a few ads that were modest in tone, very honest about my experience level and much less bold in what I was hoping to find in what would have been my first real play partner.
Okay, so I was still unsuccessful in the ads, but I did receive some invites to play parties and to munches that groups that didn't advertise much were hosting.  And it was at a munch that I met the first submissive I ever had real time play with.  Thank god she was patient and didn't expect much from me at that time.   
But that's the key really.  Be honest, start modestly, and show respect to those who will introduce you to a path that may lead you to where you want to be.  It's a journey, and no matter what we all start out with no real experience.  But there are those out there who enjoy mentoring new people.  I think to find them  you have to demonstrate the right attitiude and be ready to accept the humble place from where we all start.

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 10:19:21 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owned1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

Perhaps because your profile says "I'm not actively seeking to meet anybody."?

*shrugs*

(edited because I'm just a lazy typist today)



My thoughts exactly Aine,  if I was in the same area and was looking I would walk on by when I read this line as an intro to a profile

Owned


Near as I can figure, this is the difference between men and women.

Women see a "dont bother me" line in the profile and skip it.

Men tend to not filter this information and send a "lets hook up" email anyway.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl - 11/2/2006 10:19:31 PM   
Dollbecky


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Get out into the scene  or hell; ask your mates whose sister is wild cat in need of taming or whos cousins ex is a freak  in the sack ...dont be chicken to mention  BDSM when you  chat up girls...I meet my partner at a vallina party ...He took a chance and asked outright was I into BDSM  after 15mins of  meeting me ......really its not that hard 

(in reply to Nitedom)
Profile   Post #: 20
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