I'm having trouble just finding a girl (Full Version)

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KaineD -> I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/1/2006 8:14:38 AM)

Hey, how is everyone?  I'm from Belfast in Ireland.  I'm not having a great time here at collarme.  There are just no sub girls in this country using this website.  Most girls around the UK, half of them aren't to my taste, and hardly any respond to my messages.

How do you guys usually meet girls?  I mean, do you go out of your way to find sub girls when you're out in a club or something?  I need help.  I've no experience in the Dom scene despite the fact that I've always been immensely turned on by it.  I've had two girlfriends, the last one didn't like the idea of sex at all never mind the things I have in mind.  The first would have been horrified.

What should I do?  I really want to meet a girl my age or younger thats into the same stuff I'm into.  I'm not even very picky.  She doesn't have to be a 24/7 sub or a pain slut or anything like that.



Jasmyn -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/1/2006 8:20:09 AM)

weirdos whose lives revolve around this stuff ... lmao ...



emdoub -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/1/2006 8:42:26 AM)

Welcome aboard, KainD!

Yup - there are hardly ever good, available submissives on one's own neighborhood.  Mostly, they get nabbed by some lucky sod who has been here longer than you, read a lot, and developed a reputation for having some clue.

The only way around that here is to hang out, join in on lots of discussions, learn, garner clue, and develop that reputation.  Then, when a good lass from Belfast shows up here, you get to be the lucky sod who got her first.

If there's a quicker way to do it on this (or any) web site, I've never heard of it.

Midnight Writer



Lordandmaster -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/1/2006 9:01:05 AM)

Aye, emdoub has nailed it.  I'll add one other comment: don't be afraid to write to people.  Sometimes you get a response.

Well, since it's free bandwidth, I'll add one other comment: if you're not a fucking asshole, know what you're doing, and truly like women, you'll find someone.  Maybe even more than someone.  Because, frankly, most men are fucking assholes, don't know what they're doing, and don't truly like women.



Aine -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/1/2006 12:07:15 PM)

Perhaps because your profile says "I'm not actively seeking to meet anybody."?

*shrugs*

(edited because I'm just a lazy typist today)



DOM33416 -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/1/2006 12:11:29 PM)

Local clubs may be your best chance , just by contact and conversation at least you can tell if they are interested in something a little different



ExSteelAgain -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/1/2006 12:55:09 PM)

In the words of the immortal Farimir, "I can't get a date. I can't get a date."



raiken -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/1/2006 1:02:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Aye, emdoub has nailed it.  I'll add one other comment: don't be afraid to write to people.  Sometimes you get a response.

Well, since it's free bandwidth, I'll add one other comment: if you're not a fucking asshole, know what you're doing, and truly like women, you'll find someone.  Maybe even more than someone.  Because, frankly, most men are fucking assholes, don't know what they're doing, and don't truly like women.


LOL! i have often believed that to be true of some male sadists i know. *wink



Owned1 -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/1/2006 11:15:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

Perhaps because your profile says "I'm not actively seeking to meet anybody."?

*shrugs*

(edited because I'm just a lazy typist today)



My thoughts exactly Aine,  if I was in the same area and was looking I would walk on by when I read this line as an intro to a profile

Owned



MisPandora -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 12:39:20 AM)

You've already assessed things and have deemed that there is no one here.  I guess the next suggestion is to get off the computer and go find RT BDSM people in your area. 



DiurnalVampire -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 12:45:42 AM)

Id start be rewriting your profile to make yoursef a bit more aproachable.  Someone who is going to respond is going to read that, see you arent actively seeking to meet someone, and not bother writing back. You cant meet when you advertise that you dont want to.
Broaden your horizons.  The sub of your dreams isnt always under your nose.  Mine was quite a way away. 
And if CM isnt doing it for you, reallife events are your next step (I know everyone ese already said it)

However, I would definately suggest making it a bit more known you ARE looking, rather than just giving up online right off. 
But thats just me
DV



meatcleaver -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 12:51:19 AM)

I'm not sure the internet is the best place to meet someone but then I'm not particularly interested in meeting someone on the internet because it would be pointless meeting someone across an ocean when I've no intention of moving from Amsterdam. Apart from that, so much of oneself is edited out by the nature of communicating through the internet, ones good points might be missed while ones negatives might be multiplied. I don't think there is any substitute for meeting people in the flesh and that means going to the right places. You'll probably have more chance of meeting a kinky sub by meeting a woman who is attracted to you face to face. I've had several relationships with women who have never experienced any aspect of BDSM before I had met them but went on to enthusiastically enjoy the experience and carried on with BDSM after me. But then I'm in Amsterdam and Belfast is not quite the same.

Hmm Move to Amsterdam, it's not a million miles away.



Dnomyar -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 5:37:59 AM)

Since I've seen Anie I quit actively seeking also. To the OP check your home page. I have talked to women from your area in chat. Is'nt sod grass???



MsKatHouston -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 5:50:27 AM)

The whole not looking thing and calling us weirdos might put someone off.  Get into real life and go to clubs but learn about the rules and proper etiquette and protocol before you try to troll and hit on women there.



toy2006 -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 6:11:12 AM)

Don't worry! You are not alone! I have been looking for a Dom in Michigan for a LONG time. There are a lot of women haters in this arena; don't be one of those. But if your profile says you're not looking, you'd better fix that. I had a man from Scotland here once; said he was a Dom, but he turned out to be a submissive. He said the same thing; he couldn't find anyone in the UK. That was probably 7-8 years ago.... He said everyone is too religious to enjoy a good boffing. He did find someone eventually, but shipped her there from the US.



vield -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 6:28:41 AM)

There are plenty of interesting people in many areas of the world who have BD/SM scene interests and are seeking partners. However on the internet everyone with reasonable intelligence is scanning for contacts who match their personal wishes. As several folks mentioned, saying you are not actively seeking is going to block some contacts.

Here in the US there are scene discussion groups or social groups in most parts of the country. I do not know about the scene in your area, but I have heard that similar groups exist and are forming in many parts of the world. These groups usually are not play groups or swing groups, although scene people who also share those interests may attend.

Making friends among people in your area who are scene friendly does not guarantee you will find your perfect match, but it certainly gives you a better chance than many other options.

Good luck!

vield



Aine -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 6:30:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Since I've seen Anie I quit actively seeking also. To the OP check your home page. I have talked to women from your area in chat. Is'nt sod grass???


Not quite sure how I should take that.....

*raises an eyebrow*



Nitedom -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 8:47:36 PM)

I think everyone has to find their own path, and I don't mean to question what you enjoy.  But I would suggest perhaps revamping your profile and be a little less ambitious with things. 
When I was younger and didn't have much of anything but my big fat desires, I went through a time of posting ads and going in to chat rooms describing all the things I was interested in.  But I didn't have any experience and also I really didn't have any luck. I mean, why would a submissive lady put herself in the hands of a want to be dom with no experience who had nothing but these desires.  That probably just seemed dangerous.   
But, for me,  eventually and maybe out of frustration if for no other good reason I wrote a few ads that were modest in tone, very honest about my experience level and much less bold in what I was hoping to find in what would have been my first real play partner.
Okay, so I was still unsuccessful in the ads, but I did receive some invites to play parties and to munches that groups that didn't advertise much were hosting.  And it was at a munch that I met the first submissive I ever had real time play with.  Thank god she was patient and didn't expect much from me at that time.   
But that's the key really.  Be honest, start modestly, and show respect to those who will introduce you to a path that may lead you to where you want to be.  It's a journey, and no matter what we all start out with no real experience.  But there are those out there who enjoy mentoring new people.  I think to find them  you have to demonstrate the right attitiude and be ready to accept the humble place from where we all start.



Sinergy -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 10:19:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owned1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

Perhaps because your profile says "I'm not actively seeking to meet anybody."?

*shrugs*

(edited because I'm just a lazy typist today)



My thoughts exactly Aine,  if I was in the same area and was looking I would walk on by when I read this line as an intro to a profile

Owned


Near as I can figure, this is the difference between men and women.

Women see a "dont bother me" line in the profile and skip it.

Men tend to not filter this information and send a "lets hook up" email anyway.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy



Dollbecky -> RE: I'm having trouble just finding a girl (11/2/2006 10:19:31 PM)

Get out into the scene  or hell; ask your mates whose sister is wild cat in need of taming or whos cousins ex is a freak  in the sack ...dont be chicken to mention  BDSM when you  chat up girls...I meet my partner at a vallina party ...He took a chance and asked outright was I into BDSM  after 15mins of  meeting me ......really its not that hard 



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