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RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 10/31/2006 10:24:27 PM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline 		I'm one of those "submissives" that you speak of in your op, I suppose. I'm also absolutely, positively fed up and sick of the expectations and stereotypes that go along with the incessant labeling in the online and offline BDSM community. I'm tired of having to fit into the lines that others in the lifestyle color for me to fit into. I've determined after much thought that I will fit into my own lines and that I'm finished with the kind of idiocy that masquerades itself as dominance saying "Are you sure you're a sub?" "Gee..you don't act submissive.." I'm already yawning at that point. Ho hum..go figure.
 
Color outside of the lines, people. Can we all just freaking be who we are? Why must we all fit into some neat little box with some convenient completely unrealistic label? It's just bullshit and it doesn't even come close to defining who any of us really are.

(in reply to dvart)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 10/31/2006 10:45:44 PM   
nomansdoormat


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I'm also one of those subs who tend to lay out the rules, only because i get inundated with men wanting to * Dom me online*, who speaking to me, tend to start telling me what to do, however because im not THEIR sub\slave i have no intention of submitting to them, just so they can get their jollies.  I have a Dom, who is very happy with me and loves my attitude ( hey it gives him something to work on, and keeps him out of trouble )  and ironically  the more i submit to him, the more mouthy i get and less tolerant of wanna be D's who have no respect for my Dom, and try to Dom me over and behind him.
Of course if people  Dom\me and sub\slave alike care to speak to me like a person, im very happy to reply and talk with respect ...  respect is not submission.

Sirs dea

_____________________________

I read on one of the profiles that submission is not a gift, its a need.
A need it may be, but still a gift none the less, i submit to no one, except my one, my Sir, to him i give the gift i give to no other, my submission.

(in reply to themischievous1)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 10/31/2006 11:39:29 PM   
LadyOunce


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I think for many they are trying to play off the basic instincts of hunter and prey. If they make themselves a challenge, then the dominant that "bags" them and "makes" them submit can be proud of their huge accomplishment.

(in reply to dvart)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 2:30:06 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		My personal opinion is that sometimes people place too much importance on labelling and forget to look at what is behind the label, the substance of a person.  Are you having more contact with a person besides reading their profile? Maybe they were unable to explain themselves clearly by ticking one box on here or writing their profile. Maybe they feel that they are submissive however over time may find that they are a bottom (or top, domme, switch etc etc). Do strangers classifying themselves as submissives when maybe they are something different really make that much of a difference to your life? Simply move on to the next profile.

grins.... my profile probably falls into the category of being misleading ... I admit that I 'insist' on any potential dom's liking Robbie Williams, not only am I possibly not 'really' submissive, I have crap musical taste!

(in reply to dvart)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 3:18:53 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I really don't have the time to tame someone, I've tried it once and it so interfered with my work and anyway, I felt she could take her ball home at any minute if she wasn't getting the attention she seemed to crave which didn't give me much incentive to care. If I have a relationship beyond the purely sexual, she's going to have to bend with the grain of my work, I just don't have the time nor inclination to earn kinky sex by praising the butt off some prima donna who constantly needs confirmation so she can justify to herself for indulging in kinky get down and dirty sex. The truth is you don't have to, which always makes me wonder what people who write posts like the OP are doing wrong. They really ought to get out more.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 3:46:50 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		How should i label myself in the collarme profile system, i am a submissive woman whit slave desires in the prosess of acepting slavery to a man i love, i have a sadistic streak, but i do not consider myself a switch becouse i dont have a Dominant streak. Yes i agree there shouldbe added the bottom/Top and sadist/marchorsist and a just interested or somthing like that options. It is a sad fact that often a bottom will call themself submissive. Somone that only wish to be whipped and tied up in such and such masser or play spesific senes. There is nothing wrong whit those desires, but when matched whit a Dominant that wish somone to obey them 24/7 or at least somone they can have full control over at their encounters, and you have problems. What pepole should do is then to indicate full well in their profiles what it is they realy want, so there is no confusion.

Another problem is the attitude many submissives show all Dominants than their own, one thing is not obeying or not treating in a special way any one claiming to be a Dom, that is fine, but some seam to think, oh look a Dominant, let us be as crass and insulting that we can be so that he/she will understand that i only obey to my Sir!!! The case is that if they spoke to a shopkeeper in that way, or any other buisnisman in the vanilla world they would probably be tossed out of the establishment they were in. Common curtesty aply to submissives and not just to Dominants.

Ofcourse it is an equal problem whit Dominants that can not respect that most submissives are not universal slaves for everyones use. And many submissives do get anoyed when they get mails reading somthing like this. Hi slut, i gonne fuck all u holes, get your worthless ass over to an airport and meet me at such and such hotel tomorrow you fuking whore. When we then politly reply, for those of us that bother, that no we are not interested in flying half across the world to let a stranger whit leet speatch fuck us in all our holes we usualy get a mail back saying, u fucking fake, u know notning of real slavery. How inspiering. Other problems in men that can not just read the profile of a submissive they are contacting, or just dont care what it says, so that they ask married subs and owned slaves to go live whit them, this get anoying after a while. being submissive do not mean that everyone have the right to call you slut, whore or any other such nicknames or demand anything of you, nor do it mean they is sex crased lunatics that will leve their home and kids for a fuck.

As a final words in this little rant of mine. Op, Sir, there are woman that wish to submit, alot of them, but those of witch you have read the profiles have a right to their own desires to and the right to epress them in their profiles. i hope you find what you are looking for.

P.S. forgive ocasional bad luanguage in this post.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 4:15:57 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Since when is a mouthy submissive a challenge. The only challenge is her trying to find someone willing to put up with it. She will more or less have to lower her standards to find someone who will take her.

(in reply to nephandi)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 4:17:29 AM   
Morrigel


Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi
And many submissives do get anoyed when they get mails reading somthing like this. Hi slut, i gonne fuck all u holes, get your worthless ass over to an airport and meet me at such and such hotel tomorrow you fuking whore. When we then politly reply, for those of us that bother, that no we are not interested in flying half across the world to let a stranger whit leet speatch fuck us in all our holes we usualy get a mail back saying, u fucking fake, u know notning of real slavery. How inspiering.


Lol.  Wow.  Guys actually SAY this in emails?  Holy crap.  That is the stupidest, most un-domly shite I have ever read in my life.

--M

(in reply to nephandi)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 4:28:09 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart

I am not disparaging anyone.
I am totally in favour of high standards and agreed limits.
I was simply saying that is someone who only has a kink to be tied up and doesn't want to submit in any other way  really a submissive ?
Perhaps there should be another category for such a person "kink" for example.

Yes they're submissive -- to their own desires, but perhaps not to another person.

I keep going back to this statement about communication.....why can't we just communicate, feel people out and find out what it is that they want in their lives.  Are we all that bad at reading people that we can't see things like when a person just wants to bottom and receive, but doesn't wish to give up control?  It's always been a really easy thing for me to pick out....

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to dvart)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 4:29:47 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
My Daddy has a rule for me, I am never to state someone is a wannabe dom, I can think it, but I am not to state this in public, why? I am a submissive, how would I know who is or is not a dominant? I may judge them as not being a dominant I would want around, but that does not mean I can judge how domly they are.

You might think it....but even if you said it, what good does it do?  That person is THEIR type of dominant and I'd bet there is someone out there who will get along well with their style...just not you LOL

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 5:00:55 AM   
onlythewindknows


Posts: 259
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline 		personally i think it is better to establish through the tone and language of one's profile that one simply has both higher and deeper standards in the kind of association they want than declare what you will or won't do (beyond hard limits o course.) otherwise, where is the journey of discovery? figure a *good* Dom will take you places you did not think you could go.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 5:23:54 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		She's a person with a life of her own. That means she can only get together when it's convenient for both of you. She works, probably is a single parent and is saying straight out that her job and her family come first.

Why she would have to write it like this? Simple, she's tired of getting "a true sub" would: submit to everyone and anyone, will quit work immediately to move cross country, will hand over control of her minors to someone she just met, will give up her family to serve the same someone.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 7:46:02 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
My Daddy has a rule for me, I am never to state someone is a wannabe dom, I can think it, but I am not to state this in public, why? I am a submissive, how would I know who is or is not a dominant? I may judge them as not being a dominant I would want around, but that does not mean I can judge how domly they are.

You might think it....but even if you said it, what good does it do?  That person is THEIR type of dominant and I'd bet there is someone out there who will get along well with their style...just not you LOL


Exactly, who cares what I think?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 7:57:00 AM   
charismagirrl


Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline 		i've seen the profiles that the OP is talking about and sometimes they really make me scratch my head.

i can understand that there are a bunch of "wanna be" dom/mes expecting them to get down on their knees in a first email (this is completely stupid and has no place in reality but "wanna bes" can't be filtered out)...

i am also a slave who is NOT a door- mat and who is able to think for herself and i am always submissive to my Master/Daddy and ONLY submissive to him. BUT...

It seems to me that there is some grey area between being a door mat and being  rude and basically screaming out from a profile how NOT submissive you are or how you'll only be submissive if you don't have to do XYZ and PDQ....

Example:  i can respect someone's profile that says that they can't cook well and that it isn't an area that they'd feel comfortable with. One who then may also say... but if i find the right one i would be willing to learn if it pleases Him/Her....what baffles me are the ones i seen where the sub/slave says "I don't cook, don't plan on cooking and you can't make me cook and if you have any other crazy ideas of what you want me to do, well you can just stick it up your ass, oh and btw don't expect me to do as you ask unless i feel like it." (this is an exaggeration but it comes off atleast that rudely and  screams I'M NOT A SUB, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME BE A SUB but I WANT TO TELL YOU  I AM.)

i feel that we as s types have the choice of who we submit to and if you don't want to submit to someone who wants you to do something you don't like then of course, don't do it. It's just the attitude comes across so harshly and counter-submissive. It goes past being strong and independent and comes across rude. If a Dom/me came across in a similar fashion, rude and nasty then all of the s types would think they were ASSHOLES...that isn't showing Dominance (obviously) it doesn't show strength it shows weakness.

These are just my opinions and how i feel when i've seen some of these profiles and i'm a strong s type. Also, i think i'm really glad after hearing of all these rude D types emailing everyone that i'm listed as seeking females friends only.


_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 7:58:26 AM   
LadyOunce


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		It's just the opposite side of the ones from "true slaves" whom, out of the blue with no introduction, message saying they will relocate and do anything if they can only serve their true mistress and how, like that, they are yours and willing to do anything, no limits.

I get at least one of these a week and I can't even bother with replying to them anymore as they get my dander up so quickly.

(in reply to Morrigel)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 8:54:50 AM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		Not everyone here is given the option of being able to put what they want to describe themselves on the profile page. I used to get enormous amts of mail from people bashing me because I had myself listed as a submissive but yet I was nothing more than a masochistic bottom.. I had no choice in how I was able to identify myself there, with the exception of making a note of my REAL intentions in the first sentence of my profile. By then, people were angry at me because their precious search had brought me up there.
 
/shrug
 
if you really want to know about someone, take the flipping time to talk to them and learn what they really want. It's not that hard, really.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to dvart)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 9:07:31 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Pepole have a tendency to not read one anothers profiles, when i chaeged nick here on collarme, i put it in my profiles first sentece that i used to have the nick nella. In a little time i got a angry mail saying that if i wanted to hide my identety i should not use the same avatar picture, i politly exalpined i was not, and if they had botterd to read ten words of my profile, they would see that, i changed nick becouse i did not feel comfortable using my slave name and the nicname my beloved often use on me as a nick on a webforum so i changed name, but oh no, this person had to read somthing sinister and triky into it.

As long as one is honest one ones profile and say clearly what one want, i dont see the problem, if some label themself as a submissive, but write in their profile they are looking for a girlfrind/boyfrind that like to tie them to the bed and spank them now and then but otherwise have a vanilla relationship, they are nothing doing somthing wrong, but insteand explaining what they are looking for, now if pepole would only read those profiles.

(in reply to Tikkiee)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: I wonder if some "submissives" want to su... - 11/1/2006 9:18:58 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart To put it more clearly: if someone just has a kink to be tied up AND wants control the time,place and method where this will be done AND shows no signs whatsoever of wanting to submit, then is such a person really a submissive ? .

yes of course they are, they are most likely just taking baby steps into what can be a kinda scary new world.
 
last night i went to a haunted house where i knew the folks and knew the whole place was geared up for kids 5-10 years old, but i was still scared....i felt silly about being scared....but i was still scared.
 
new things are often scary, especially scary new things....they can be especially scary

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to dvart)
Profile   Post #: 58
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