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RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 10:54:56 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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I don't think it's *foolish* to expect the person that you've chosen to have authority over you to do exactly that....anymore than it's foolish to have to obey, if it's your chosen *role*.

Making *all the decisions* is an incredibly broad statement.

I can't imagine being devoid of any decision-making prowess at all.

In individual relationships there's usually spoken and unspoken knowledge of *who decides what, when and how*.........No-one can possibly *know everything* and I've never, ever met a single person that has expected another to make ALL decisions of ALL types for them, in ANY type of relationship.

The entire point of being subject to someone elses will.......is that he will exercise that will.......over whatever he wants to.

agirl

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 21

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 11:52:03 AM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn
Having a say and making a final decision on something are two different things.

Sure - and in my relationship, I often have both.

Sir leaves *many* decisions up to me. And, unless his preference is different - the final decision is mine.

But he *always* has veto power.

(in reply to Jasmyn)

Post #: 22

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 11:53:09 AM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Exactly!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Maybe we handle it differently because I'm not just "the dominant" in my household, I'm the owner. Being an owner gives me lots of authority and power but it also gives me a much wider range of activities (in my opinion).

I can choose to micromanage Fox or not (I don't).

I can choose to exercise my authority over certain things or not.

He is my slave, my property, and I decide what to do with him when it is important to me to do so. The rest of the time, he makes his own decisions and lives his own life just like any slave in any time period would do.

There are times when he knows more than me on a particular subject and I'd be stupid owner if I didn't listen to him and didn't ask his advice. I would also be a stupid owner if I didn't realize that we aren't living in the antebellum south and he can walk out that door whenever he really wants, therefore I am wise when I ask his opinion on lots of things and consider his needs and desires.

Fox would be a stupid and unrealistic slave if he didn't realize that I'm just a human being, similar to him in many ways. He doesn't expect me to make all the decisions about everything, he doesn't expect me to be perfect, and he certainly doesn't expect me to take 100% responsibility for our dynamic.

He does respect my decisions when I make them and abide by them because that is one of the foundations our own dynamic.

I think both doms and subs who don't realize that both of them are just human beings really set themselves up for repeated failure and incredible stress. I just can't imagine why anyone would want to live like that.

I think that was very rambling of me so back to more rationally structured comments.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 23

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 11:56:22 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Simple Scenario:

Master says "What's for dinner Jali?"

Jali says, " Well I was thinking Italian...."

Master's first possible response, "That sounds good" (We have Italian)
Master's second possible response, " I feel like steak and eggs" ( We have steak and eggs).

In either case, who has made the decision? I don't get when people equate making decisions as to some weighty thing to bare, or that not making them alludes to the non ability to make them at all....aren't these relationships about choice of roles when we enter into them?

From my experience I think its entirely possible for someone to make all decisions, I can't think of a situation in my relationship where that couldn't be true.

Maybe the intitial question in this topic though was about someone who doesn't even have the ability to come up with a meal choice to offer their dominant because they think thats part of making a decision...in that case, dealing with that type of person..heck it would be like looking after a baby rather than a submissive/slave.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 24

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 12:10:52 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

I suppose the saying that springs to mind is 'why have a dog and bark yourself' but what is the point of being a dom if you are going to delegate responsibility to your sub, surely you might as well be a sub and seek a dom that is capable of making decisions?

The whole point is that you have the choice TO delegate these responsabilities. What is the point of owning a sub if I have to come home from work, decide on dinner (and not have it waiting for me, since he shouldnt make that decision), and then begin on the housework myself? What exactly is his purpose then?
I delegate certain responsabilities to him, and keep others for myself. I am very lucky in that I can trust my boy to do certain things well, without having to concern myself with overseeing them. When I own someone, they are supposed to be helping to make things easier on me. I dont see how they could fulfill that rle if they were incapable of making any independant decisions. I would actually think they woud become more of a burden if I no longer had to make JUST my own decisons, but every singe little decision for us both. Major things like big purchases, monetary matters and such I make. Things like whats for dinner, what movies to rent and other minor considerations I dont think I have to overly concern myself with. Angel was selected not only becasue of his abilities t serve, and his emotional attachemnt, but aso becasue he is inteligent enough to manage things on his own without my looking overhis shoulder every moment of every day.

I agree, imtempting, this is partly the fault of both sides. More precicely, the ones who base themselves so much on the fantasy of what they wat without the reality of it. The majority of us that have been involved in real situations with our pets understand the concept better, and do not expect to make every decision ourseves. While that may work wonderfuly for a fantasy, and for a short term or scene, it could stil work... long term it would drive someone insane.

My opinion, of course.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 25

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 12:13:29 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySeraphina
The thing is that often a sub is simply upset that they have disappointed their Dominant, which they are more readily able to complain about, or to ask for advice on. I personally have had to battle the urge to 'do it alone' when there is a problem, because a Dominant is 'supposed' to be able to work everything out themselves. That's the trouble with being on a pedestal, it hurts so much when you fall.
JMO.
Lady S

Now this quote made an impact in myself because this is also something I see alot off.

It is something that can be both a Dominant and subs fault. A subs fault as they could want the Dominant to make all the decision's and the Dominant's fault as they want to make all the decisions.

In this day and age it is foolish to think one partner can make all the decisions. With both people working, and other commitments both parties need a say.

As LadyS and many others have implied subs expect the Dominant to know everything. Which is false. Also the Dominants need to give control to subs ( case by case basis ) as some subs are excellent with financial situations and other things. In these cases the Dominant needs to put full trust in the sub and let them make all the decisions.

Which will be hard for some Dominants to do but its a must. As alot of Dominants complain about all the pressure of making decisions well its easily solved. If your sub is not wanting to make any decisions then maybe their not the sub for you.

Btw I do give respect to certain dommes on these boards. The people I respect for their comments and intelligence. I can see LadyS being off intelligence and I respect her.

I delegate duties to bishop to make it easier for Me to work.
I also have her make decisions on her own,I am far to busy to tell her
yes the milk is half empty you should get more...I would expect her to see the milk is low and just go buy some.she always has money on her and her cell phone on,so if I need something she able to do it.I see that as being in control of her,in that she is always available for Me.
I expect that if the coffee pot is empty they would make more...I want a submissive who can think for themsleves.Now this doesnt mean they have free reign to do whatever they want,some report to Me daily,some once a week.Depends on what is going on and what things need to be done.
When patrice(formerly meganmaid) comes to clean,I leave a list that I print out as a general to do list...very often she does things not on the list because she sees it needs to be cleaned...she doesnt come ask she just does it.My life is much easier having smart submissives around.And like someone else mentioned...a different set of eyes can shed new light on a problem that needs fixing.
I value My submissives opinions and them as people.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 26

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 12:21:16 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Credit to my freind slave marsha for this one.
"Which three eggs would you like Master?" Holding open the carton.
"Would you like me to crack the first egg now Master?
Would you like me to crack the second egg now Master?
Ad literally nausium..............
As opposed to I want 3 scrambled eggs for breakfast

We all, reguardless of how TPE we are, leave some decissions to be made by the slave, therwise we would never get anything done ourselves.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 27

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 12:35:33 PM

nighthawk3569

Posts: 283
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

It's simple really.

The sub is Yours to use. The sub brings various skills with them into the dynamic, the relationship, whatever.

Those skills are therefore there for You to use as You see fit.

As a Dominant, I have no problem allowing my girl to exercise her professional and personal skills, even when they outstrip mine. It's a joy to be the Owner of such an intelligent slave.

Well said! My slave has a number of assigned duties she's expected to handle, as she's much better at them than I am. It's my decision for her to do this, although I always know and have final say. I use her talents to my full advantage. Otherwise why have an intelligent slave? I see no conflict between ownership and using a slave's talents. The slave is there to be used in any way the owner sees fit...bottom line.
'hawk

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 28

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 12:39:45 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

The whole point of this thread is so we might be able to get dominants to stop complaining about too many discussions they have to make and how hard it is.

I know it wont stop but I have not seen it discussed before on CM.

It is in alot of posts that Doms say its hard making all the decisions etc ( I can find examples at a later time for those that want )

Well simply don't. Give controll over. As many have stated in this thread they give small things over and others have said they have given larger decisions over as they know their sub is more highly skilled.

This is not a things of handing of power it is actually intelligence on the Dom part. You choose to give it to them remember...

Ds has had to evolve overtime. Its time its started to evolve again. You have many intelligent people who are very well educated coming into the lifestyle.

It would be foolish to think you know more about the stock market then someone who has been in it for 15 years.

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 29

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 12:58:14 PM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

imtemping, don't waste your time.

One of the first things I learned about the BDSM community was that most of the Doms you'll meet are dickheads.

One lone voice ain't gonna change that. I applaud you for making the attempt/stoking the fire, but I do think you need to accept the futility of what you're attempting.

Or to look at it another way, it IS actually hard making all the decisions, a lot of the reasons I signed up with CM is to have a place to go where I could bitch and moan and maybe get the advice of someone wiser and more experienced. The sentiments expressed in your contribution to this thread won't stop me.

While this remains an open forum dedicated to free speech, I suggest that while you're free to post whatever you want, you don't have the right (and neither do I) to try dictating - even by suggestion or reasoned argument - what gets posted here.

In short, was this more than a whine about how much Doms complain, or was there more to it?

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 30

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 2:33:48 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Fitznicely is wise. [snip] I just read his profile and he is basing his play around [snip]Gor

Absolutely fantastic straight line -

I will avoid it...

I will.

I cannot... no... no...

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 31

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 3:30:28 PM

emdoub

Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline

If they're not better at *anything* than I am, why would I want to own them? Owning a slave who, professionally, designed and built stage sets was wonderful when I had to rebuild the west wall of my house.

Working on the project, he had some trouble getting into the role of straw boss - but it simply made more sense for me to work as his assistant and let him run that part. Once he was able to break free of the preconceptions about who should boss what, he learned - it didn't matter if he could tell me to pass that box of screws, or tell me he needed me to hold something - he was still my slave, doing my will.

Midnight Writer

_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to SirLordTrainer)

Post #: 32

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 4:16:32 PM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Fitznicely is wise. [snip] I just read his profile and he is basing his play around [snip]Gor

Absolutely fantastic straight line -

I will avoid it...

I will.

I cannot... no... no...

~J

LOL

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 33

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 7:39:48 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

In short, was this more than a whine about how much Doms complain, or was there more to it?

Considering that this is #6 or #7 thread Just on this forum! Bitching about I'm a sub, kink my way or no way. You guys better shut the club down because you're doing it wrong...I think you might be onto something.
Best is he wonders why no one wants to play with him. Might be because he removes all doubt of what kind of toy he'd be and gives us the joy of blocking him right off the bat. Freakin time saver is all I can say. Why can't more be this considerate? Saves us the effort.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 34

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/29/2006 11:38:28 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

In short, was this more than a whine about how much Doms complain, or was there more to it?

Considering that this is #6 or #7 thread Just on this forum! Bitching about I'm a sub, kink my way or no way. You guys better shut the club down because you're doing it wrong...I think you might be onto something.
Best is he wonders why no one wants to play with him. Might be because he removes all doubt of what kind of toy he'd be and gives us the joy of blocking him right off the bat. Freakin time saver is all I can say. Why can't more be this considerate? Saves us the effort.

Where do I complain about not finding someone? I am the opposite. I openly say I am not worried about finding someone on here. If I was like I said in previous posts I will just re-join and pretty much agree to all the un-realistic demands of the Domme's on these boards.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 35

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/30/2006 3:05:34 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

So you're just a stirrer, then?

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 36

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/30/2006 3:45:38 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

So you're just a stirrer, then?

No.. I like to question the so called system, I believe in being honest. My threads has made people question things. Like I said in another post alot happens via emails...

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 37

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/30/2006 4:23:50 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

I like to challenge the system, too.

I also believe in being honest - and blunt, which some may have picked up on. If you look at my posting history, you won't find any longwinded posts. Neither will you in the future.

Oddly enough, I manage to avoid coming across as a whiney stirrer.

As for emails...I could care less.

You carry on doing what you want, chum.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 38

RE: Sharing the duties - 10/30/2006 9:45:29 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

The whole point of this thread is so we might be able to get dominants to stop complaining about too many discussions they have to make and how hard it is.

i honestly don't see many Dominants complaining about Their lot.. i see a lot of Them enjoying what They do and motivated by challenges. But then, i tend to see more good than bad or i wouldn't keep coming here.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 39

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