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Roles - 10/27/2006 5:05:25 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I see people use the word "role" quite often on the forums in the context of their relationships. To me, I do not consider the relationship that I have as a slave to be a role. It is the one area of my life that I am free to be completely who I am.

I have other roles that I assume, employee, employer or girlfriend because they are things that I do for a limited time and they severely limit me in my expression of self. However being in the relationship that I am fulfills me and allows me to demonstrate behaviors that represent my authentic self. I do not need to step out of role in order to maintain a healthy well-being.

What do you mean when you use the term "role" in this context?

Do you consider yourself to be assuming a role?

Do you think you need time outs from your role to keep the relationship or you healthy?

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus
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RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 5:36:09 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I see people use the word "role" quite often on the forums in the context of their relationships. To me, I do not consider the relationship that I have as a slave to be a role. It is the one area of my life that I am free to be completely who I am.

I have other roles that I assume, employee, employer or girlfriend because they are things that I do for a limited time and they severely limit me in my expression of self. However being in the relationship that I am fulfills me and allows me to demonstrate behaviors that represent my authentic self. I do not need to step out of role in order to maintain a healthy well-being.

What do you mean when you use the term "role" in this context?

Do you consider yourself to be assuming a role?

Do you think you need time outs from your role to keep the relationship or you healthy?

Knight's kyra

No, I am not assuming a role. I am just being myself.

No, I don't need time outs. I enjoy being myself

Often though, I will admit, that I fall back on generalization in speaking and will use the term 'role' to express something.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 5:57:55 PM   
charismagirrl


Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline 		Nope definitely no role here, as far as slave goes or with my Master/Daddy. He is always that and i am always what i am. If we do role play it would be in the context of Cop/prisoner or something like that (those would be role play) but otherwise-no roles.

i think my head would cave in lol if we were to take time outs. i lived in an on again/off again D/s relationship and time outs were waaayyyy too prevailent (sp) soooo time out is a dirty word to me. Besides, we can't take time out from being who we've always been to eachother.

As an aside, this is why i knew i would never enter a relationship with someone who wasn't an experienced Dom or with someone who just wanted to play at BDSM part time.

< Message edited by charismagirrl -- 10/27/2006 5:58:53 PM >

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to Kalira)
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RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 6:18:39 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I see people use the word "role" quite often on the forums in the context of their relationships. To me, I do not consider the relationship that I have as a slave to be a role. It is the one area of my life that I am free to be completely who I am.

I have other roles that I assume, employee, employer or girlfriend because they are things that I do for a limited time and they severely limit me in my expression of self. However being in the relationship that I am fulfills me and allows me to demonstrate behaviors that represent my authentic self. I do not need to step out of role in order to maintain a healthy well-being.

What do you mean when you use the term "role" in this context?

Do you consider yourself to be assuming a role?

Do you think you need time outs from your role to keep the relationship or you healthy?

Knight's kyra


The sense of the word role which you seem to be focusing upon is only one of a number of well accepted senses of the word. I expect that any of those senses might be employed in a BDSM context as well as elsewhere.

This would seem like a case when simply reviewing an array of definitions from various dictionaries would a worthwhile way to begin your exploration.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/role

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 6:19:21 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		While the word "role" paints a picture to me of acting a part, I think many use it simply to differentiate their place in their relationship, and not as a part to be played.  I don't particularly like the word much, but I don't put too much weight on it, either.

(There.  I was brief  )


(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 6:19:35 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Kyra you make an excellent point, one I have wondered about myself.

For me to be myself is just that, being what is most comfortable, just me.

Like you mention, I can also do the roles very well but it is not something I would want to do 24/7. It's rather like having to get dressed in clothes that are uncomfortable to wear. We make look good in them, we make even be able to do it very well. But, when we get home we rush to take them off and wear what is most comfortable for us whatever that is.

I guess I don't understand the idea of using the word role to describe us being ourselves. To me, a role would be pretending to be that which I am not.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 6:23:08 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I understand what kyra is saying and also get the willies when people talk about "roles" in BDSM (because it sounds so artificial), but Noah has a point.  "Role" can mean many different things, and for some people it may just be another way of saying "what you bring to the relationship."

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 6:26:00 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I understand what kyra is saying and also get the willies when people talk about "roles" in BDSM (because it sounds so artificial), but Noah has a point.  "Role" can mean many different things, and for some people it may just be another way of saying "what you bring to the relationship."


I was just sitting here thinking about that after reading what Noah wrote. Funny how we can get so stuck in looking at a concept from one point of view and not even think of another until someone points it out.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 6:27:54 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

While the word "role" paints a picture to me of acting a part, I think many use it simply to differentiate their place in their relationship, and not as a part to be played.  I don't particularly like the word much, but I don't put too much weight on it, either.

(There.  I was brief  )




I can appreciate how it can be used to express our place in a relatioship, i.e. my role is to be obedient.  I tend to attach the connotation of "acting" to the word so it leaves a negative impression with me.  Which is why I asked the question; to get other perspectives.

btw, thanks for the laughs this evening.

Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 6:50:11 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

While the word "role" paints a picture to me of acting a part, I think many use it simply to differentiate their place in their relationship, and not as a part to be played.  I don't particularly like the word much, but I don't put too much weight on it, either.

(There.  I was brief  )



I can appreciate how it can be used to express our place in a relatioship, i.e. my role is to be obedient.  I tend to attach the connotation of "acting" to the word so it leaves a negative impression with me.  Which is why I asked the question; to get other perspectives.

btw, thanks for the laughs this evening.

Kyra

Role can also be defined as a "function," and I think that's how most people are using it when they say it.  My role (function) at work is to do the blasted budgets (not a role I am highly fond of).  My role (function) in my relationship is that I am a slave.  Like that.

But it leaves too much up for question and misinterpretation, so I try to stay away from it.

btw, you're welcome, and thanks back atcha :)

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 6:56:16 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

What do you mean when you use the term "role" in this context?


I would consider it the hat I am wearing at that particular moment. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, an anthropologist, a submissive, a girl friend, I have been a wife also. I have been an employee and a student. It is the action that we are taking, assuming a role. Some roles go beyond the action for us though because they become part of our identity.

I am always an anthropogist, a daughter, a submissive, and a mother. The other roles seem ancillary in my life. The ones I mentioned above are more deeply and intrinsically a part of my identity than a mere action and I consider myself these things even when not assuming the role of these things.

quote:

Do you think you need time outs from your role to keep the relationship or you healthy?



I think most people need time out from a relationship. I think that for some this time out only needs to be the time that work and family drag them away, others need time to express their hobbies also. I am the type of person that loves being around my family and my Daddy, but I understand that they need time away and I have never had much trouble using alone time to good  productive use. I usually do just fine being completely alone when I exercise and I recharge myself that way. I do not need extended breaks though.



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 7:05:59 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I think most people need time out from a relationship. I think that for some this time out only needs to be the time that work and family drag them away, others need time to express their hobbies also. I am the type of person that loves being around my family and my Daddy, but I understand that they need time away and I have never had much trouble using alone time to good  productive use. I usually do just fine being completely alone when I exercise and I recharge myself that way. I do not need extended breaks though.



Hello A/all,

The concept of "time out" seems to me to be most commonly used in it's negative connotation.  I was talking to somebody today about my life at the moment, and I basically told them that I was in a "Shrek" phase of my life.  This means I live in a swamp, I put up signs, I like my privacy, I am a terrifying ogre.

She howled with laughter and said "I can totally understand that."

I am not sure this is a bad thing.  But I could be wrong.

On a related note, the adrenalin reaction in human beings consists of 30+ chemicals which flood the blood stream to deal with fight / flight issues.  When these issues have passed, the body secretes a substance called Cortisol to make it all go away.  Cortisol is very hard on the body.  It can eat away at internal organs. 

I get adrenalized when I "fight" (am a mock assailant) and today I had a class at a local high school.  59 fights, 52 students, rape scenarios.  Everybody on the mat, including me, is adrenalized during a fight.

Some nights it is not a problem when I come down off the adrenalin, other nights the post-adrenalin crash can be rather rough on me.  

Tonight would be one of the rough nights.  I had plans, which I cancelled, because I really just need a time out to recover.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 7:12:34 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists


What do you mean when you use the term "role" in this context?

Do you consider yourself to be assuming a role?

Do you think you need time outs from your role to keep the relationship or you healthy?



When I refer to my place in life as a role, I simply mean I add it to the collection of thigns I do on a daily basis that makes me who I am.  My roles in life include sister, daughter, Dominant, friend, lover, teacher and I could go on.  None of these are temporary situations to me.
I am not assuming a role, as an actor. It is simply what I accept as the terminology for what I do in my life.
I have never found a way to TAKE a time out from any of my roles, as much as I would have liked to sometimes.  It would be easier if I could step back from a situation and say "OK,someone else play me for a while, I want to take a break" but I cant do that.

Just my 2 cents, if it helps
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 7:26:23 PM   
sxuwallybored


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think of myself as assuming a role. I've just recently assumed who I'm guessing I really am for the first time. I've always been one to take control and guide things. So this is great for me.

My girlfriend/sub/slave is still transitioning I guess. There are times when she likes to be my sub and slave and times she doesn't.

So she plays a role to please me and I live this way because it's who I am. It does make for some frustrating situations though. If anyone has any advice on this I'd be happy to hear it.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 7:47:31 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I am not assuming a role, as an actor. It is simply what I accept as the terminology for what I do in my life.
I have never found a way to TAKE a time out from any of my roles, as much as I would have liked to sometimes. 



Your thinking is similar to mine.  I think we all are the sum total of many "roles".  There are simply times where one particular role we have in life may be at the forefront.  There are times when being a father to my daughters is where my focus is at, and that would be my most prevalalent or noticeable role at that moment.  It doesn't in any way diminish that I'm also a male who is submissive at heart. 

- pixel

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 7:52:34 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Well, sxu, you'll have to be patient.  Angel has times like that too, where he isnt th eperfect submissive I want him to be when I want him to be.  Its frusterating, but I acknowledge I am dealing with a person who has moods and who might not always be in the same mood I am.  Actually, to make this relavent to the thread, he DOESNT play a role.  If he did, whenever I was looking to play, hed jump all over the oppertunity.  Reality in pursuing your lifestyle and life is far better than playing a "role" for someone elsesamuseent, even if that someone else is your Domme. I prefer real heartfelt submission than being humored.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 8:01:00 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
quote:

Do you think you need time outs from your role to keep the relationship or you healthy?



I think most people need time out from a relationship. I think that for some this time out only needs to be the time that work and family drag them away, others need time to express their hobbies also. I am the type of person that loves being around my family and my Daddy, but I understand that they need time away and I have never had much trouble using alone time to good  productive use. I usually do just fine being completely alone when I exercise and I recharge myself that way. I do not need extended breaks though.


Maybe this is just a difference in the connotations of the phrase time out.  When I go shopping with my mother, go to a class, read a book, visit family, play with my cats or any of the other things that I do not do directly with my Lord, I do not consider it as a time out from my relationship.  A time out for me means that I would stop being his slave, but I do not stop being that no matter what I am doing.  Doing these things is actually part of my obedience to him; I am supposed to care for his property and doing things to please myself is me also being obedient to him.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 8:05:31 PM   
playfulotter


Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		To me a role is something i can "act" like with my Dom...a puppy dog is my favorite or a little girl...i am neither of these in reality...You can't live real life as that and be truly functional or get anything really productive accomplished  but it is something that makes You somehow more alive and whole...

PlayfulOtter

_____________________________

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” ― Benjamin Franklin

"Some people are otters, some people are rocks." ~Sheldon Cooper

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 8:21:14 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
A time out for me means that I would stop being his slave, but I do not stop being that no matter what I am doing.  Doing these things is actually part of my obedience to him; I am supposed to care for his property and doing things to please myself is me also being obedient to him.

Knight's kyra

Took the words out of my mouth.  I took what Julia described to be time away, which to me is far different than "time out."  I get no time outs from being his slave.  I wouldn't want that.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 8:27:50 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Maybe this is just a difference in the connotations of the phrase time out.  When I go shopping with my mother, go to a class, read a book, visit family, play with my cats or any of the other things that I do not do directly with my Lord, I do not consider it as a time out from my relationship.  A time out for me means that I would stop being his slave, but I do not stop being that no matter what I am doing.  Doing these things is actually part of my obedience to him; I am supposed to care for his property and doing things to please myself is me also being obedient to him.

Knight's kyra






I need no time out from being submissive or a mother... being a mom one never gets away from it. I will be a mom everyday for the rest of my life even if I am not actively parenting...

I consider being a submissive like that.

I need no "time out" from being Sinergy's submissive in the way you just described. I am that all time even when we are not together or we go a rare day without talking to each other.... it does not change that....

Edited for major formatting problems.. smiles

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 10/27/2006 8:33:20 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 20
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