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RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 9:43:07 PM   
mstrjx


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Substitute 'role' for 'persona'.  Do you see any difference?  I believe I do.

I know I said this in a thread of mine a few weeks back.

Whatever I 'am', in this case dominant, I'm not 'that' all of the time.  I CAN be in relationships, but I'm not with a partner 24/7.  I'm out in public a portion of that time.  I don't try to seem 'dominant' in public.

One of the problems that I'm having with our terminology lately, and I might as well bring it up here, stems from when people say that they are just being themselves.  I think that is because they think of themselves as consistently dominant, submissive, mixed.  Fine.

But the terminology that is best served in this type of question (am I 'somethingorother' at all times) is whether your are A dominant or A submissive at all times.  Of course you will say that regardless of the parties present that you are indeed A submissive to your partner, even if your partner is not present, but the fact remains that you are not A submissive to those you encounter.  You pick and choose when those times are.  Presumably, ONLY when you are with your partner.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 10:01:20 PM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
But the terminology that is best served in this type of question (am I 'somethingorother' at all times) is whether your are A dominant or A submissive at all times.  Of course you will say that regardless of the parties present that you are indeed A submissive to your partner, even if your partner is not present, but the fact remains that you are not A submissive to those you encounter.  You pick and choose when those times are.  Presumably, ONLY when you are with your partner.

Jeff

This is kind of confusing to me, because while I am always his slave, even when I am not physically with him and instead out with others, I am still submitting to him in all I do.  I am not submissive to anyone else I encounter as I submit only to him, so that part of your post was not something I could relate to.  As for the rest, let's say you and I meet for a cup of coffee.  In my interaction with you, I will be submitting to my Master.

Maybe I misunderstood your post.

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 10:07:00 PM   
kyraofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
Whatever I 'am', in this case dominant, I'm not 'that' all of the time.  I CAN be in relationships, but I'm not with a partner 24/7.  I'm out in public a portion of that time.  I don't try to seem 'dominant' in public.

One of the problems that I'm having with our terminology lately, and I might as well bring it up here, stems from when people say that they are just being themselves.  I think that is because they think of themselves as consistently dominant, submissive, mixed.  Fine.


The way I look at it is that I am this (whatever this may be) all the time but I do not always demonstrate that.  In my life, the only time that I get to demonstrate exactly who I am with no editing is when I am with my Lord and/or alandra.  In the relationship with them there is no hiding parts of myself, there is just me.  In all my other interactions people only get a part of me.  My Lord and alandra get all of me.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 10:15:29 PM   
mstrjx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
But the terminology that is best served in this type of question (am I 'somethingorother' at all times) is whether your are A dominant or A submissive at all times.  Of course you will say that regardless of the parties present that you are indeed A submissive to your partner, even if your partner is not present, but the fact remains that you are not A submissive to those you encounter.  You pick and choose when those times are.  Presumably, ONLY when you are with your partner.

Jeff

This is kind of confusing to me, because while I am always his slave, even when I am not physically with him and instead out with others, I am still submitting to him in all I do.  I am not submissive to anyone else I encounter as I submit only to him, so that part of your post was not something I could relate to.  As for the rest, let's say you and I meet for a cup of coffee.  In my interaction with you, I will be submitting to my Master.

Maybe I misunderstood your post.


owned,

kyra's response was what I was referring to.

If we were having coffee, you might be His slave, but to me you're just the girl having coffee.  I wouldn't know that you're a slave, would I?  Would I even know that you contain the 'quality' of being submissive?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 10:18:18 PM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

owned,

kyra's response was what I was referring to.

If we were having coffee, you might be His slave, but to me you're just the girl having coffee.  I wouldn't know that you're a slave, would I?  Would I even know that you contain the 'quality' of being submissive?

Jeff

Okay, thanks for clearing it up.  You meant from other peoples' perspectives.  Correct, if we were having coffee, you would only know about me what I chose to share. 

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Roles - 10/27/2006 10:24:27 PM   
Rover


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I prefer simplicity, so in the immortal words of Popeye... I y'am what I y'am.
 
I'll leave it to other people to figure out what that means.  I've never had much interest in obsessing about myself.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Roles - 10/28/2006 6:10:41 AM   
catize


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Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:


What do you mean when you use the term "role" in this context?

Do you consider yourself to be assuming a role?

Do you think you need time outs from your role to keep the relationship or you healthy?  


I work in the medical field; I am an R.N.  Even when I'm away from work, I'm still a nurse.  My role at work is to provide nursing care, but at home, at the mall, driving,  I'm still a nurse despite the fact that strangers don't know that about me. 
If I  simply 'play acted' as a nurse during the work day, I would be endangering patients and probably wouldn't be employed for long.
I don't generally provide nursing care to anyone outside of work, but have done so when the situation called for it; an example, stopping to help if there has been a car accident. 
I need time away from work of course, but I am a nurse 24/7. 
I see my submission in the same way.   

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Roles - 10/28/2006 7:56:03 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Presumably, ONLY when you are with your partner.

Jeff


you would presume wrong.... many don't have to be with their partner to behave the way that they are. 



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Roles - 10/28/2006 8:59:07 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Substitute 'role' for 'persona'.  Do you see any difference?  I believe I do.

I know I said this in a thread of mine a few weeks back.

Whatever I 'am', in this case dominant, I'm not 'that' all of the time.  I CAN be in relationships, but I'm not with a partner 24/7.  I'm out in public a portion of that time.  I don't try to seem 'dominant' in public.

One of the problems that I'm having with our terminology lately, and I might as well bring it up here, stems from when people say that they are just being themselves.  I think that is because they think of themselves as consistently dominant, submissive, mixed.  Fine.

But the terminology that is best served in this type of question (am I 'somethingorother' at all times) is whether your are A dominant or A submissive at all times.  Of course you will say that regardless of the parties present that you are indeed A submissive to your partner, even if your partner is not present, but the fact remains that you are not A submissive to those you encounter.  You pick and choose when those times are.  Presumably, ONLY when you are with your partner.

Jeff


i like to think that sometimes our positions are situational....and i would like to use the term 'submissive' only in regards to my partner.
 
For example, i might be sitting in my boss's office and she is telling me something i have to do....and i will have to obey, or defer, to her.  At the same time, my son could call and ask me if he could go to a party and i might have to take control with him and say no.  So i could actually be deferring and controlling right at the same moment!
 
But none of that really has anything to do with being submissive to my partner...which in my heart and mind is 24/7 whether i am with him or not.  And no one outside of my partnership would know i am a submissive unless i told them that (in some way).
 
A teacher may be a 24/7 submissive with a partner but at school, you best believe she better be able to control all them lil chilrin....lol.  But that is really quite separate from her home life.  And unless we are in a position where we would never have to obey another nor take control of others in certain situations, then we do have to spend our days doing both, whether we like it or not.  But i still don't see that as relating to our role (if you will) in our personal lives.

DG 

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Roles - 10/28/2006 9:48:07 AM   
jesskitty


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/4/2006
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i think 'role' is more a clarifcation term. such as with sexuality there are different sets(such as straight,gay,bisexual, lesbian, what have you) there are different sets of bdsm 'roles'. i like saying bdsm clarification to say it..it's better than writing out the majority of roles out there and not listing the ones that are hardly talked about if your going to talk about a group of people as a whole.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Roles - 10/28/2006 10:16:12 AM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Substitute 'role' for 'persona'.  Do you see any difference?  I believe I do.

I know I said this in a thread of mine a few weeks back.

Whatever I 'am', in this case dominant, I'm not 'that' all of the time.  I CAN be in relationships, but I'm not with a partner 24/7.  I'm out in public a portion of that time.  I don't try to seem 'dominant' in public.

One of the problems that I'm having with our terminology lately, and I might as well bring it up here, stems from when people say that they are just being themselves.  I think that is because they think of themselves as consistently dominant, submissive, mixed.  Fine.

But the terminology that is best served in this type of question (am I 'somethingorother' at all times) is whether your are A dominant or A submissive at all times.  Of course you will say that regardless of the parties present that you are indeed A submissive to your partner, even if your partner is not present, but the fact remains that you are not A submissive to those you encounter.  You pick and choose when those times are.  Presumably, ONLY when you are with your partner.

Jeff


"Roles", or "role" are terms often used by the "other" of an external agent to describe what you do, i.e., how it appears to others, or conversely, to describe a function you perform that is learned, i.e., enculturated, and does tend to comnnote and artificial state: i.e., a personae you consciously study and take on as opposed to acting "naturally".

I do prefer the persona theory, which really isn't an official psychological theory I'm aware of, although the terms are used, and it appears to be based largely on the Maslovian hierarchy - but rather a sort of unofficial psychological theory that has been presented in Science Fiction novels, cyberpunk specifically, and don't quote me but I believe Greg Bear may have first organized it into a cohesive theory, although the idea has been around for a while.

It's basically on offshoot of MPD, or multiple personality disorder, and posits that we are comprised of a number of personality aspects or "agents", with their own speciaties, and behaviors. In the integrated personality, these agents work and flow more or less seamlessly together, whereas in the deranged personality, a specific agent or cabal of agents "hijacks" the personality, presenting  a seemingly cohesive but deranged personality.

In this, there is also what is called the "optimal personae", which represents the totally integrated, self actualized individual.

A personae, naturally, is thus more "personal" than a mere "role", which has the connotation of acting.

Freudian theory, posits a tug of war between superego and id: the superego representing our internalized ideal of perfection, the id representing our base needs and desires, with the ego mediating between them. In this construct, the ego is the only one of these aspects of the psyche that is able to interact and interpret external reality, which is what makes it the mediator - the other two are wholly internal, and disconnected with external reality - i.e., when either superego or id "take over" the psyche, which represents the integrated individual, destructive behavior generally results.

Narcissism for example, represents an imporperly mediated superego, internalizations of high paraetal expectations for instance, that have never been properly mediated through the experience of the ego, and hence pathological Narcissism is characterized by alternating bouts of extreme self aggrandizement and subsequent nadirs of self doubt when the psyche recognizes it cannot live up to the inflated expectations of the superego.

Sorry, got going there, but the upshot is that between these two theories probobly lies something close to the truth - id, ego and superego roughly correspond to the limbic system, i.e., raw, animal needs (id), the paleomamaliam cortex (ego) which contains most of our social instincts, and the cereberal cortex (superego) which is capable of extensive abstraction, and from whence our more abstract behaviors, not always realistic, arise.

Obviously, the cererberal cortex does more, and one cannot entirely seperate it from ego activity, it plays a large role in memory storage for example, language, etc., and the exact functions of the ego would be difficult to place exactly, though I'd tend to associate it more with the paleomammalian cortex, social activity being so key to the survivial of the individual, and necessitating external interaction.

Thus, a submissive or dominant role, or persona, may be the the result of the egos mediation of overactivity in either id or superego, channeling it into (peripherally) socially acceptable forms, or personae, as opposed to seeking a career in politics or even more anti-social forms.

< Message edited by Amaros -- 10/28/2006 10:20:36 AM >

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Roles - 10/28/2006 10:18:07 AM   
thetammyjo


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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I see people use the word "role" quite often on the forums in the context of their relationships. To me, I do not consider the relationship that I have as a slave to be a role. It is the one area of my life that I am free to be completely who I am.

I have other roles that I assume, employee, employer or girlfriend because they are things that I do for a limited time and they severely limit me in my expression of self. However being in the relationship that I am fulfills me and allows me to demonstrate behaviors that represent my authentic self. I do not need to step out of role in order to maintain a healthy well-being.

What do you mean when you use the term "role" in this context?

Do you consider yourself to be assuming a role?

Do you think you need time outs from your role to keep the relationship or you healthy?

Knight's kyra


I see "role" pretty much as you do.

I have lots of roles -- daughter, sister, teacher, student, citizen, wife, owner, friend, lover, storyteller, reviewer, etc.

I also use "role" as a way to identify different parts or titles of a relationship. With Fox my role is Mistress but I am not a Mistress or owner when I am without a slave or by myself. I still remain a dominant and a sadist but I am certainly not an owner or Mistress unless someone else answers to me as my sub or slave.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Roles - 10/28/2006 10:43:36 AM   
ClassAct2006


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Yes, when dominant men talk about roles and scenarios I immediately assume they just want to play around and that they aren't into dominating in general in life, in a taking her in hand, being in charge general role which is what I always have needed. I suppose the ordinary word "role" can be used to describe most things however - like my role is to please or submit but it still feels inaccurate. I am submissive. I never felt I chose it. It's as part of me as my freckles and I can't not be so therefore fake roles and the like always feel silly.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Roles - 10/28/2006 12:27:37 PM   
Mavis


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When i talk of who i am intrinsically,  i often use the term "role"..  when i'm talking about a temporary behavior set i will adopt for a short time, that doesn't become part of my overall personna.. i call it "role-play".  

There is also a middle ground, where change happens and becomes part of who you are, even if it wasn't in the intial install.  (Think of the process of going to Med School.   It's both preparation to take on a role, while also planting the seed of intrinsic behavior/ mind-set, and attitudes.)

i love to "role-play" ageism.  i baby-talk with Hubby sometimes.

When Hubby was overseas, my "role" as His wife didn't stop.. i only dropped a certain set of behaviors.. the "in-person wifely things"  yet, i never ceased thinking, feeling, or wearing the label of His wife.  "wife" is internalised, "sub" isn't yet.  Being His submissive is not role-play, but it isn't intrinsic, so yes, i don that role, i'll have to consciously adopt certain behaviors in the "as-if" pattern, until they become part of my being.

As a slave, i am choosing a set of behaviors yes, so in that way it could be seen as "role-play"  but i'm also internalising the mind-set and attitudes, so while the conversion is still in progress, i consider it to be an intrinsic role.

(i know, that's either wayyy deep or waay shallow.)

(in reply to ClassAct2006)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Roles - 10/28/2006 6:48:31 PM   
SirLordTrainer


Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Presumably, ONLY when you are with your partner.

Jeff


you would presume wrong.... many don't have to be with their partner to behave the way that they are. 




My view as well. 'Role' sounds like acting and thats not what I or My girl do.  I prefer the word orientation.

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Roles - 10/29/2006 12:06:00 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

What do you mean when you use the term "role" in this context?

Do you consider yourself to be assuming a role?

Do you think you need time outs from your role to keep the relationship or you healthy?

Knight's kyra


When i hear the word "role" i generally think of role playing.  But i'm trying to change that around in my mind.  Usually i dont like the world in context of bdsm

Nahhhh... i'm not playing a role.  I just am who i am.  I'm not always submissive and i'm not always easy going. I'm not always anything and i dont force myself to be it, because then if i did - i'd be fake.  I could very well play submissive very easily.  Not a hard "role" to fill.  Really, its not hard to fake much.  You just fake it.  i refuse to fake any level of submission in my relationship.  No matter how pretty or beautiful or how well behaved or how what the fuck ever i would be.  I refuse.  I am who i am and i stand behind myself.  Which means, i am not for alot of Doms.

edited because i forgot the last question - (

No, i dont need time outs.  Unless i'm pissy and then i demand it.  And generally my request is refused.  heh.  I am just me and i dont need a time out from me.  Sadly, i do get them quite often.  I find when i am with him, i am myself most.  Generally speaking, around him i dont need to control my world as he has it and i can well sit back and be me.  I can be ALL of me.  I can dance in the rain and sing and jump and twirl, i can do really wierd things, i can pop out with random words and just be whatever i am - no holds bar.  There is nothing in the world like being able to be yourself completely and not having to worry about how others will take it.  Who needs a break from that?


< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 10/29/2006 12:23:24 AM >

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 36
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