RE: Is what we say actually what we mean?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/28/2006 4:05:57 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

If someone asks for a "glass of water" - iontending that a glass of water be delivered to them for imbibing, then it is effective communication... no matter what the translation possibilities are - the communication delivered the intended message *whether through a colloquial filter of the speakers perceptional statement and/or the listeners filter of circumstantial placement* and has to be considered to be sufficiant.

The paradigm of realizing that you are using your socialization and cultural knowledge and indoing so defying standard language skills is your realization that communication might be more effective when it is not formalized, but rather losely biased to meet the local norms in order that it be understood there, rather than in a classroom or idealized situation...

Just so, if I were to travel to the south or the west of the US or to points outside, I adopt local language and expression in order that they do not confuse me for an out of towner *no matter where I am from or at*, do not confuse the message, and do not lose the message in the deciphering of what I said as related to what I meant.

It is something well noted about humans, who (for the most part) do this automatically in order to communicate more effectively and completely to people who may not be familiar with their dialect and/or expressions.

~J

This sums it up well for me. I deal in an area where precise communications are critical. I also instruct others at times and when they say anything slightly out of the norm, I tell them not to. It may be the most grammatically correct, brilliant and witty observation, but if it only makes those you are speaking with slightly confused, don't say it. Say it the way others do and it will be received the right way.

PS...I will add this after thinking a bit more. There were undercurrents at play when you asked for the glass of water. Ritual, were the other diners blue collar, flirting, personality and other factors contributed to the way you said it.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 10/28/2006 4:21:20 AM >

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/28/2006 4:31:51 AM

polyandry

Posts: 33
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline

Oh, and I hate when someone claims that their definition of a word is the correct one. I don't believe that the dictionary definition is IT (*the* definitive and only definition) either. Even dictionaries evolve and there are many dictionaries. I love the concept of UrbanDictionary.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/28/2006 4:33:18 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

Omg! The urban dictionary rocks!

(in reply to polyandry)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/28/2006 5:47:42 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Some people get caught up in semantics and some of us are Anti-Semantic

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/28/2006 8:32:21 AM

patina

Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline

Add to that a brain injury that makes you think you said or wrote one thing but it was actually something else. It can get really frustrating at times. There are a lot of spelling errors as my comp won't download the spell check program right. I try to proof read it but I just keep seeing it the correct way even though it is wrong. Add to that I am dyslexia it is really fun. I have learned to compensate for most of my shortcommings. At least I have a good sense of humor most of the time about them. I go through skads of post it notes though.

There was a study done on communication I will try to find it and will post a small part of it how the human brain can fill in missing or incorrect pieces of words to complete a sentence. I think we can do the same thing with the vocal one too.

Patina

_____________________________

a diamond in the rough

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/28/2006 2:37:57 PM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

Good communication takes patience. And its difficult to get someone who is a poor communicater, to understand that they need to communicate more effectively. The poor communicaters in my family become impatient and annoyed when others ask them to repeat what they have just said.

I think it causes a lot of problems. You cant force someone to examine their communication style. And trying to get that message through in one way then another, just becomes exhausting.

So I try to make myself as easily understood as possible through self awareness and patience. I give up trying to fix the rest of the world.

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/28/2006 2:42:00 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

There was a study done on communication I will try to find it and will post a small part of it how the human brain can fill in missing or incorrect pieces of words to complete a sentence. I think we can do the same thing with the vocal one too.

Patina

I would be interested in seeing the complete study... if you could send me a email of it or post a link to it.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to patina)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/28/2006 4:29:39 PM

polyandry

Posts: 33
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline

There's this study about jumbled up words: http://www.mrc-cbu.cam.ac.uk/~mattd/Cmabrigde/

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/28/2006 4:34:03 PM

angelspassion4u

Posts: 632
Joined: 7/17/2006
From: Angels
Status: offline

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
amzanig huh?

Is this what you mean?

_____________________________

Recommends books by Victoria Morris through Pink Flamingo publishers.
"You can PLEASE some people some of the time, most people most of the time, but NEVER all the people all of the time."

(in reply to polyandry)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/28/2006 4:59:59 PM

MstrFury

Posts: 77
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline

KoM...another interesting and very thought provoking post...thank you for putting this out there...

pulling my cloak around me and stepping back into the shadows

_____________________________

Fury

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/30/2006 9:44:27 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lady Alaria

Hmm, to say what you mean, and mean what you say.

I tried very hard to achieve this for some time. Eventually I came to the conclusion that generally what I meant lay somewhere between the available words. Or the words I had available to talk about what i meant had the capability of meaning something completely different _as well_ as what I meant. So, eventually I decided that the agage of saying what you mean actually meant very little. Especially when much that you mean to say is somewhat abstract.

For me, more effective communication involves an ongoing learning process. More patience in listening. More clarity of speech. More forgiveness of perceived slights, as they may not mean what i think they do. Finding ways to be certain that what I heard was what was meant without, by asking clarification, changing the original message in the mind of the sender. Heisenburg meets communications via subconcious conditioning. Oh, and learning to be more concious of the manner that people are subconciously affected by the manner of my speaking. And more....

Oh and Syn, to add an interesting sidenote, just reading that gave me the creeps.

Lady Alaria, you hit that nail on the head, listening is the most often overlooked part of communication.
Many times people "think" they know what you said.

(in reply to Lady Alaria)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/31/2006 3:35:42 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Some people get caught up in semantics and some of us are Anti-Semantic

That was pretty funny and fit perfectly on this thread.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to eyesopened)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? - 10/31/2006 9:56:18 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Some people get caught up in semantics and some of us are Anti-Semantic

That was pretty funny and fit perfectly on this thread.