RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (Full Version)

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missturbation -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 6:00:38 AM)

How effective do you think people are at communicating... what are you thoughts on communicating in general.  What do you see as some of the challenges of communication.  Where do you think people make the most mistakes in their communication..

In my opinion most people are pretty good at communicating. It's very rare i come across misunderstandings through speech (there is an exception).
 
Communicating in general - i find really easy as i usually in most circumstances say what i mean and pretty much over here everyone does.
 
What i find challenging is speaking other languages and i will even include American here. I have found quite often that i do not understand my american friends turn of phrase and vice versa. For example when i said i was 'minging' to my Sir a few days ago He did not have a clue what i meant. I meant ugly, awful but He didnt know the word as people in the UK do.
There is also the accent and speed which we all talk which makes it hard to sometimes even pick up what someone is saying in English.
I speak 4 languages (well enough to get by and hold a conversation) and taking Spanish as an example sometimes they make a statement which is actually a question and can only be recognised as a question by the way they say it. So along with facial expression and body language as meatcleaver stated there is also the way something is said.

In my opinion most mistakes in communication are made by not saying what you actually mean. If you said to me  "Could I get a glass of water please?" i would have probably replied 'yes we have water would you like some?'. In general over here people would say 'can i have a glass of water please?'
 
In short... how do we become better communicators?..... particularly with our partners!
I haven't got a dolly blue (clue). i very rarely say what i actually mean to my partner but to everyone else i do.



LordODiscipline -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 6:45:15 AM)

If someone asks for a "glass of water" - iontending that a glass of water be delivered to them for imbibing, then it is effective communication... no matter what the translation possibilities are - the communication delivered the intended message *whether through a colloquial filter of the speakers perceptional statement and/or the listeners filter of circumstantial placement* and has to be considered to be sufficiant.
 
The paradigm of realizing that you are using your socialization and cultural knowledge and indoing so defying standard language skills is your realization that communication might be more effective when it is not formalized, but rather losely biased to meet the local norms in order that it be understood there, rather than in a classroom or idealized situation...
 
Just so, if I were to travel to the south or the west of the US or to points outside,  I adopt local language and expression in order that they do not confuse me for an out of towner *no matter where I am from or at*, do not confuse the message, and do not lose the message in the deciphering of what I said as related to what I meant.
 
It is something well noted about humans, who  (for the most part) do this automatically in order to communicate more effectively and completely to people who may not be familiar with their dialect and/or expressions.
 
~J



marieToo -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 7:36:45 AM)

I have a major communcation issue with my teenage daughter.  I say "Put your clothes away and clean up your room" but what she really hears is "Go get something to eat and watch TV".



raiken -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 8:15:47 AM)

quote:

Raiken, I had a similar experience as my grandparents on one side spoke Irish Gaelic as their first language but they spoke English as well albeit with a heavy Irish accent and me and my brother would pick up on some of the words.
On the other side my gr grandfather spoke Irish Gaelic but another dialect from the other grandparents!
And there were THREE "Tommy's" in the house!
Sheesh! Talk about confusion!

Popeye, to this day, i still catch myself thinking in other languages while i am trying to communicate in english.  It is difficult to put my feelings to english at times, but i manage now.  When i was young, i had trouble, for i spoke backwards english.  To use spanish for example, since most folks know some of it now a days, to say "drink your pills" is the literal translation from spanish to english.  But the english version is to "take your pills" which in spanish would sound silly.  Things like that still happpen with me at times.
 
In my house, to say X, would come to mean X, Y, and/or Z, depending on the situation, folks speaking, and the way we each understood one another's cultural expression.  Confusing for those who were in our home and not understanding of our unique "family" speak. *grin  i remember having friends over one time, and they thought my family was arguing and fighting with one another when in fact, they were all joking around and having a good conversation.  It is funny how things appear so differently to outsiders.
 
And i still am not good with translating technical or scientific terminology from one language to another.
 
quote:

Anyone who speaks more than one language who has given this subject a little thought will realize that spoken language is a very crude form of communication. The more languages you speak (I speak four) the more you realize this fact, hence the additional need for body language and facial expression to give a fully rounded mode of communication. Though cross culturally, body language and facial expression can cause miscommunication in themselves.

meatcleaver, Yes they can and have for me and mine.  i am more of a feeling, sensing person, more in my body than in my head, so it is easier for me to understand a person beneath their mere words.  i feel their vibe, energy, and read their body language.  i guess this is because in order to understand my family most of us became good at this without consciously trying, as we were children at the time.  It was a form of non verbal communication that we had to understand about one another, in order to gain the full meaning of anothers verbal exchange, and what they meant beneath the broken english speak.  If that makes sense.





raiken -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 8:19:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

I have a major communcation issue with my teenage daughter.  I say "Put your clothes away and clean up your room" but what she really hears is "Go get something to eat and watch TV".


My teenagers have selective hearing too!  And i believe that sometimes they go into a state of mental catatonia when i am speaking.  i tell them things, and they swear that i never said them.  Then they try to make me think i am nuts, because they tell me "oh mom you only thought you said it" when i KNOW i said it! i hear myself out loud saying them! i swear! Honest! LOL! Trying to always console and reassure myself that they are wrong, and i am not nuts...*grin



Mavis -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 10:15:26 AM)

gypsygirl, i hear ya on the hearing issues.   Hubby is dyslexic, so when he was young, a lot of the sing along with the book stuff they do in second grade got by him.  i think He had ear infections as well, there seems to be a complete disconnect with his 2nd and 3rd grade things.  From the dork files:

i heard Him playing with the dog the other day, singing "Row,Row,Row your boat."   i nearly fell off my chair to hear:

"Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn,
     Life has got a dream"

Marilyn?   GOT??  Oh, you know He's never going to live this down...



nefertari -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 12:12:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Anyone who speaks more than one language who has given this subject a little thought will realize that spoken language is a very crude form of communication. The more languages you speak (I speak four) the more you realize this fact, hence the additional need for body language and facial expression to give a fully rounded mode of communication. Though cross culturally, body language and facial expression can cause miscommunication in themselves.


This is quite true.  My daughter has non-verbal learning disorders and doens't interpret body language and tone properly.  It can make communication difficult.



MistressMelissa -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 4:21:41 PM)

Interesting thread but besides the everyday aspect of this it also carries over into lifestyle communication. Many are here to find others to enrich their personal lives.  How we describe what we seek in our profiles and the thoughts we express in the forums paint a picture of ourselves. Words have meanings. To properly communicate we must be able to agree upon what the terms of this lifestyle mean.

"If everyone who plays bottom is a slave and everyone who plays top is a master or a mistress, then where's the romance of the title? Where's the element of the extraordinary? " ~ The Slave by Laura Antoniou (page 104)

When I read this I thought, wow. How many times have you watched someone get upset when someone else treats them as they described themselves.

I have a degree in Culinary Arts and have worked a kitch or two in my day. While working the line one day, a woman ordered a medium hamburger. Unfortunately, hamburgers seem to be on every menu. Medium means it's still pink inside. The woman sent it back saying it was not cooked enough to be a "medium". I cooked her a "done" hamburger meaning it had no pink and gray all the way through. She sent it back again. The third time I made it into a hockey puck. I received word that the customer was now pleased with their "medium" burger and that the cooks needed some training in what "medium" meant. Funny thing is the menu described a "medium" as pink in the center.

Words have meanings. That's why Webster wrote the dictionary. It was a revolutionary tool in its time and to this day it settles many a disagreement. Many times, we as a lifestyle are misunderstood because our definitions or lingo if you will; our use of words such as "slave" is different than Ole Daniel Webster's. Just because we might use the word one way, does not mean the rest of the world will understand how we chose to define it.



Sinergy -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 4:39:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Anyone who speaks more than one language who has given this subject a little thought will realize that spoken language is a very crude form of communication. The more languages you speak (I speak four) the more you realize this fact, hence the additional need for body language and facial expression to give a fully rounded mode of communication. Though cross culturally, body language and facial expression can cause miscommunication in themselves.

I used to communicate online with someone who often thought I was angry when I wasn't, though her insistance that miscommunication in writing was impossible didn't help but of course miscommunication is easy which is why emoticons were invented.


The actual words used comprise about 7% of the message a person is trying to convey.

The other 93% is all nonverbal.  The way you stand.  The tone of voice.  Etc.

I was having a discussion with my boss at my "Be mean to women" job.  She was saying that I am one of the creepiest mock assailants we currently have on staff.  This was because I had spent quite a bit of time saying,(not overly creepy, that comes in two weeks) things but playing with their hair slimily.  Tracing my wet sweaty fingers over their faces and ears and necks.  Putting my hand on their head (head control) while they were lying on the ground.  Most of the students at the end of class were talking about how much I pissed them off or scared them.

All in a days work, I suppose.

The lead female instructor pointed out to the classes that it really is not about the words a person is saying, as she indicated I was not saying anything too horrible, but how the person was saying them.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy



kyraofMists -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 5:02:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

First, I had to learn New York, Bronx 'speak.' Forget trying to understand what he actually meant, step one was trying to figure out what he said in the first place! His spoken words are often flowered with Yiddish sayings as well, none of which I understood. There are still times when I ask him to spell something for me because I just can't make out what, exactly, he's saying.


This brought back fond memories of childhood for me.  I am from the south and as a child I had a strong southern accent.  I had a friend who would visit Florida each summer and she was a jewish girl from Brooklyn.  Needless to say their was a huge communication gap and there were times that we both had to spell things so the other knew what the hell we were saying.  It also doesn't help that I have a hard time comprehending the sounds if it is not familiar to me.

In answer of the OP...  In the past two years the one area that I have noticed the most change is in my ability to effectively communicate exactly what I mean.  I think I do it very well for the most part and because of this, when I just suck at it, it can create a lot of conflict.  I do not always leave myself room to make mistakes so I am harder on myself than I need to be.

Knight's kyra



ownedgirlie -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 5:26:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis
Hubby:   Are you going out today? 
Me:    i need to mail this package, then lunch with friend, should i bring you home something or do you want to meet us there after work?

To Both M and H..  it was a yes or no question.  A. or B. i consistantly answered A or B questions with "C".


I can so relate to that.

Master:  What are you having for dinner tonight?
Me:  Well I'm going to call Claim Jumper on my way home and order it...God you should try that place, it's awesome.
Master (slowly and deliberately):  What....are....you....having....for....dinner....tonight?
Me:  Oh.  Chicken.

Not so much anymore, but that was kind of the norm for the first 6 months to a year.

One of my problems also, is that I take things very literally (not as much anymore). So when people imply things, or suggest things, I don't always "get it."  Master realized this, when I'd get upset at something he would say, for example, "I like that you did that - that's why I keep you around."  His humorous sarcasm would zoom right past me, and I would start thinking the ONLY reason he keeps me around is because I do such-n-such well.  So I would ask him, and he'd assure me there are other reasons, too.

What's ironic about me being literal, is that my English is not my mother's first language, and she doesn't speak literally at all (I so take after my analytical Dad).  She is from Spain, and they put the adjectives after the nouns.  So I'd hear, "Hand me the towel paper."  Set the table was "Put the table" Turn on the light was "put the light."  I'm bored was "I am boring." (as kids we laughed over that one). Yesterday she was telling me she was being a hypocrit about something: "I am hypocracy."  But I always get what she is saying. So I have no idea why I am so literal with everyone else.

Then again, I don't speak perfectly.  Having dealt with ADD and dyslexia, I would often times feel like a stream of words were flying around over my head and I could not grab them and put them in the proper order to form a thought.  Sometimes when Master asks what I am thinking, I can not easily put it to words, rather I think in terms of images or senses.  He is helping me by having me describe the image then, when I have trouble expressing my thoughts. 

So, I do the best I can.  I can only hope if I don't make sense, the person I'm talking to will ask me to clarify.



ownedgirlie -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 5:28:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

I have a major communcation issue with my teenage daughter.  I say "Put your clothes away and clean up your room" but what she really hears is "Go get something to eat and watch TV".

LOL



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 5:29:09 PM)

Bita, I grew up in Brooklyn NY.  I also tend to toss Yiddish into my conversations, forgetting that not everyone I talk to has heard my expressions.  Thankfully, my accent is not terribly strong, but I do still have it.  I feel for you, since poor Angel has often needed what he calls a "DV to English" dictionary to understand what I say.

Communication is an art that is faling painfully by the wayside.  I am noticing that the net is not helping, ebcasue people are starting t speak as they type. We do not normaly speak and write the same way, but it is getting more and more similiar.  Anyone else notice that?

( I wont even begin to comment on the number of people who for whatever reason have begun refering to themselves either in the third person, or by their screennames exclusively anymore.. which complicates the hell out of things)

DV



Noah -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 5:41:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

communication is a stange thing.  We have a variety of ways to communicate but how often are we saying things in a slang or lazy way.. but yet it is understood.  Meaning... the person we are speaking to understands and we recieve the response we were looking for.  This just doesn't happen with our long term partners but complete strangers as well

for example.... a few days ago as I was consider my thoughts on communication as I was eating my dinner at a restaurant it hit me that I just ask for something from the waitress that didn't result in what I actually stated but did result in what I actually meant.

I stated   "Could I get a glass of water please?"

what I stated  actually required me to go and get the water... but in fact what I meant was

'Could you get me a glass of water please?'  Which is exactly what occurred... the waitress brought me a glass of water.

It dawned on me that the context/situation we are in will have a significant impact on how we interpert what is said.  That we can actually be rather sloppy in what we say... but our specific situation allows us to get away with this type of sloppy communicating. 


I doubt that we disagree about much of consequence here, Knight. Still I'd like to hold this up to be viewed from a slightly different angle.

In the first place I don't see anything even a little bit strange in your anecdote. It is all perfectly familiar. It does strike me as odd that someone would note a communication transaction of a sort that is as common as dirt, employing perfectly conventional expressions, and find the fact that it all works just fine to be strange. What could be less strange than indicating to a waitress with a perfectly common expression that you desire some water, and then getting it?

You said: "...what I stated actually required me to go and get the water." and this really threw me. Required? In the first place that word looks completely out of place. When you "get" something in the mail from L.L.Bean does it mean that you went to their wharehouse yourself and carried the package of socks to your own mailbox? No. Of course not. Because the word "get" means different things in different contexts. A crucial part of just being a minimally competent speaker of English is the knowledge that this is so. This isn't a strange thing about language, unless the notion that the numeral 3 can represent a quantity of fish OR a quantity of fowl is an odd thing about mathematics.

What you said in your anecdote, as I read it, indicated that you desired some water. Meanwhile the whole situation embodied an acknowledgement on the part of all concerned that desires of this type on the part of people in your position are the reason the waitress gets a chance to put on her shoes and come to work.

I mean, wasn't your waitress's response the least strange response we can think to such an utterance by you?

It was mentioned in a recent definitions thread that there exists in some people's minds this quaint but groundless notion that words have a sort of divinely-given singular meaning and that's that. It is as though people agree to be dommed by the language they use rather than mastering that language instead.

Just looking around and listening shows that, of course the meaning of any utterance is dependent on lots of things--as you go on to indicate.

Is this next utterance an in-joke between you and your best friend? If you choose to say it and he "gets" it, does that make you lazy because you didn't instead use the most commonly undrstandable form of expression for the task at hand?

Is this next utterenace an expression well understood in your social circle but not elsewhere? If so is it lazy to use the expression instead of some other more generally understood one?

Is this next utterance an expression which would be taken matter-of-factly in a business setting but taken as harsh if uttered at a funeral service? We acknowledge context and we proceed. I think the Holy Grail would be much easier to find than a set of expressions which would work with perfect clarity regardless of considerations of context.

Is this next uttereance an expression which perhaps no human being has ever uttered but which will indeed almost certainly make it clear to the waitress that you desire some water, and might it put a little smile on her face as well? If so I say go for it if you're in the mood and sense that she likely is too.

If language has one primary set of meanings which anyone aspiring to be non-lazy must honor every time they open their mouth, well which set of meanings can it be?

When we say that dictionaries report the meanings of words, this is short-hand for saying that dictionaries report the ways in which people actually use language. When usages change, dictionary editors scurry to keep up. The dictionary is an archive of usages, not a repository of sacred, immutable meanings.

This isn't some wooly relativism. It is absolutely the case that the meanings of words arise in their use.

And as mutable as words are, string them into expressions and the mutability expands exponentially. That is just the way things stand.

Yes, language is multi-colored and various. The very same piece of language looks different when viewed in different lights. I can't think of a thing that is more basic or fundamental to language as people actually use it--as opposed to some sterile, vain vision of how speech should be. This mutability can be viewed as a detriment only by a peculiar twist of mind, as it seems to me, comparable to viewing mortality as a peculiar thing about human beings. What could be less peculiar?

It seems to me that any being--no matter how much it resembled a person in other ways, could never be considered human if it were not mortal. He might be terrible or he might be wonderful but he would be something else than human. No more could any language that wasn't highly mutable and context dependent be seen as a human language by someone who attends to and appreciates the multi-faceted beauty of language in action, as it seems to me.

Language can be used in all sorts of ways. There are a hundred ways to request some water from a waitress. To deem any one except: "Could you get me a glass of water please?" (or extremely close analogs of that) to be erroneous, lazy, or otherwise deficient strikes me as very far-fetched. Some might be. Others wouldn't.

Out to brunch with your granny and great-aunt you might lean conspiratorially towards the waitress and offer in an Irish whisper: "Honestly, one of us had better remain sober for a change. You don't serve {distasteful grimace} water here, do you?" And I'll bet you'd get a glass of water in response. For anyone who found charm in this little joke, part of the charm wuld arise in the way that the simple request is hidden in a layer or two of misdirection and yet by the end everything is made clear enough, but not, you know, gratuitously clear.

I'll bet that twenty guys asked that waitress for water that day with the same expression you used, and each got his water with no fuss. I'll bet another twenty instead used your "preferred" form of request and got theor water too. Nothing in your posts suggests that you would disagree. If that is the case it makes no sense to me to call you and those first nineteen guys lazy and give approbation instead to those who chose an alternate--and equally (but no more) effective--form for their request.

The finest example I have ever heard of a man making a request of a woman came from Lyle Lovett, ever-so-soulfully delivered in his song "Here I Am." I think it is very important to share it here for those who haven't had the pleasure of hearing Mr. Lovett in concert or on record:

ok
I understand too little too late.
I realize there are things you say and do
You can never take back.
But what would you be if you didn't even try?
You have to try.
So after a lot of thought
I'd like to reconsider.
Please--
If it's not too late--
Could you make it a
Cheeeeeeseburger?


http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/lovett-lyle/here-i-am-1045.html




PiercedDaz -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 5:49:11 PM)

Sinergy is right in that only 7% of our communication is verbal. Because of my work as an English teacher and Expedition Leader, I have had to work over the years on thinking about the communication methods I use to those who do not understand my language. This is a fairly easy thing to get your head around as it makes you think about the muscular movements that you make. You can pre-think it.

As the original post implies, we have a real problem in getting our head around ensuring that our verbal communication is tailored too. After all, we've known how to speak since we were tiny children, we don't even think about it.

Try this little exercise to highlight the difficulties of effective speaking AND listening:

Sit on chairs back to back so you look in opposite directions. Both of you ('A' and 'B') have a sheet of paper. 'B' has a blank sheet and a pencil. 'A' has a simple line drawing on their sheet (a house or tree etc). 'A' can only speak. 'B' can only listen. 'A' then has to explain the drawing to 'B' so that they draw an identical picture. Once finished compare the pictures to see what 'B' HEARD as opposed to what 'A' SAID. This is actually much, much harder than you would first think and really makes you consider the power of words. You could make it harder by introducing 'banned words' that 'A' cannot say, like 'house', 'square', '2 inches long' etc.

Ok, so this isn't very BDSM but it sure makes you think about the power of effective communication! Oh what the hell - you could always do the exercise dressed in latex or TIE 'B' to the chair!!!



Lady Alaria -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 5:53:00 PM)

Hmm, to say what you mean, and mean what you say.

I tried very hard to achieve this for some time. Eventually I came to the conclusion that generally what I meant lay somewhere between the available words. Or the words I had available to talk about what i meant had the capability of meaning something completely different _as well_ as what I meant. So, eventually I decided that the agage of saying what you mean actually meant very little. Especially when much that you mean to say is somewhat abstract.

For me, more effective communication involves an ongoing learning process. More patience in listening. More clarity of speech. More forgiveness of perceived slights, as they may not mean what i think they do. Finding ways to be certain that what I heard was what was meant without, by asking clarification, changing the original message in the mind of the sender. Heisenburg meets communications via subconcious conditioning. Oh, and learning to be more concious of the manner that people are subconciously affected by the manner of my speaking. And more....

Oh and Syn, to add an interesting sidenote, just reading that gave me the creeps. [:D]



subjected2006 -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 6:19:58 PM)

Even people who hear well will often flavor what others say by their experiences.
Just the other day in another thread someone said something about slaves having it easier.
And right away some one took an offense to it.
I didnt  because I felt no hostility, only some exhaustion.




kyraofMists -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 8:13:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Where do you think people make the most mistakes in their communication..


I had another thought about this... one area that mistakes are made is in having different connotations of words.  An example is the use of indirect vs. direct service.  My Lord has one interpretation of that and I have another. 

My interpretation:

Direct service - has a direct benefit to him, i.e. doing the laundry
Indirect service - has an indirect benefit, i.e. doing something to please/take care of myself

His interpretation:

Direct service - has direct interaction with him while performing the task, i.e. putting his shoes on
Indirect service - little to no interaction with him while doing the task, i.e. doing the laundry

Both interpretations have merit but in a discussion over the types of service, not understanding where our differences lie will cause miscommunication.

Knight's kyra



Sinergy -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/27/2006 8:38:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lady Alaria

Oh and Syn, to add an interesting sidenote, just reading that gave me the creeps. [:D]


Thank you for the lovely compliment, Lady Alaria

Now I am going to hide under my covers and cry for a while because some nights recovering from the adrenalin crash of being a complete nasty and heartless bastard hell-bent on pissing women off is more difficult than others.

Just me, and yeah, Im probably wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy



polyandry -> RE: Is what we say actually what we mean? (10/28/2006 4:00:29 AM)

I think the desire and pressure to communicate clearly can go too far. We have to make some assumptions in order to be efficient. (This was touched upon, but...) You'd be assuming that the waitress knows that you wish clean, potable water at a reasonable temperature for drinking, among other things. If you were in a different situation, and asked the same exact "Please bring me a glass of water", what you get could be completely different. (Perhaps if you were a painter/whatever and you had an assistant who regularly brought you water to clean your brushes/whatever. It's not the greatest example I'm working with, LOL.)

Well I'm guessing my opinion will be unpopular, but personally I think having my sub/slave be able to interpret well, when I'm vague, is part of the joy/benefit. I'm not decrying that we could all benefit from keeping an eye on our communication, but this is a big part of serving me. (Plus, what I'm saying goes for my platonic friendships as well. I find that some people are more naturally in tune with my style of communication, and we enjoy the ease.) I would want to afford them some extra patience while they're learning. With a little practice, a sub could/should, learn that some random hand gesture (which the Dom invents) means to do a certain action, so why not have them learn to interpret my style of speaking. That when *I* say I'm thirsty, it means to go get me a glass of water now. Whereas their previous Domme may have wanted them to ask what she'd like to drink, with me that'd be a wrong thing to do (in my example). Sure it's vague, someone who has zero experience serving me wouldn't know that, but that's part of what makes my sub special to me. (Again, this works better when the example is not regarding water, heheh!) And the sub should give me the type of answers that I want, if I ask why they did something, it doesn't mean they're supposed to apologize and give excuses for it, they should answer the question!

I believe some languages have less room for certain types of misunderstandings. But that's part of the fun too, allowing for humor.

Intellect plays a definite part, IMO. Obviously, especially if it comes to vocabulary words which one isn't familiar with, (my own vocab is lacking), but I think some people just have the skills to more quickly sort through multiple possible meanings/implications and the subtle nuances, and so on. Of the actual words. And other people are better at intepreting the body language, etc. Obviously people often tailor their language to their audience (talking differently towards 5 year olds). Love this part of Lady Alaria's post "Finding ways to be certain that what I heard was what was meant without, by asking clarification, changing the original message in the mind of the sender."



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