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Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 1:33:30 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Ok...before I get slammed...I am NOT trying to be a smartass here...I really am curious. I have noticed that it seems that many Dommes require prolonged chastity in their subs/slaves. I am not sure where this comes from. I don't understand why anyone would wish to deprive their partner(and themselves in the process) of the expression of their sexual nature. While I have seen some Doms who are into orgasm denial, I have not seen many of them wish to impose long term chastity. As I said, not trying to be a smartass but are many Dommes simply asexual or in possession of low libidos?...or maybe they don't like to have sex and by taking control of the sexual habits of their men they find it's a good way to avoid having it?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

Post #: 1

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 1:49:12 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

~~~ waits patiently for the answers since it's unclear to me as well.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 2

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 1:53:16 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Putting someone in long term chastity does not necessarily mean you go without sexual gratification yourself. First, if you are poly, there are others, second, a sub can please his Mistress without getting sexual relief himself. The reason I do it is mostly because it is fun. I generally do not do long term or permanent chastity but that's because I am usually sexually attracted to my submissive and want to use him in that manner. However, there are others who have no sexual contact and do it either for fun or a form of control. Dommes are not asexual...(of course there are exceptions) and those who are not are very likely not denying themselves, just the sub.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 3

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 1:56:47 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Putting someone in long term chastity does not necessarily mean you go without sexual gratification yourself. First, if you are poly, there are others, second, a sub can please his Mistress without getting sexual relief himself.

But see.... that IS the fun part for me!! At what point is there less control then when one is getting off whether they want to or not?

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 4

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 1:58:43 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

So it's not for you then...to each their own :)

I understand both sides of the coin. I practice it in moderation ;)

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 5

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 2:04:05 PM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

I had a short term sub, who was not "put into chastity" but kept chaste for 4-5 weeks at a time. I did not stop having sex, and my libido and drive can definitely not be called lacking. Many males lose their submissive pleasing tendancies at the moment of orgasm. It is a reality that it is a shortcut with certain men to keep them behaving enthusiastically, keep them chaste. Also, I think given the typical male's obsession with their own sexual pleasure, that it is a true show of their devotion and affection to want to be chaste and have their pleasure regulated by their domme.

As for why more doms don't do it, I would suspect because being kept chaste is a much different biological experience for a man vs a woman, we don't get 'backed up' so where's the power in it?

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 6

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 2:13:35 PM

ToGiveDivine

Posts: 650
Status: offline

There are many reasons - mostly control I would think.

When the man is locked up, he can still satisfy his Domme orally or with toys. He can allow his Domme to cuckold him - she's still getting laid, just not by him.

A man's penis is VERY special to him (okay, overly special, but let's not split hairs LOL) and in alot of cases it is the very essence of the man (it's a man thing, trust me).

For a man to give control of his very essence to a Domme is a true act of submission and trust and in some cases be a more meaningful gift than anything else he may give or do for his Domme. This is equal cutting it off and giving it to her (not literally, but you get the picture)

It's a way of saying, "your pleasure is more important than mine" and in a sense it is. The fear that she won't let you out and the trust that she will is very intense. I've never done it but my heart is really racing now just thinking about it.

As for cuckolding, that can either take the form of "I'm worthless, find a better man" or "just because my dick is locked up doesn't mean you shouldn't get the sexual satisfaction you deserve" Watching another man having sex with your partner is a sobering experience and it's not for the weak of heart.

Cleaning up after they are done is either a form of humiliation or a physical way of the man saying, "I know what you did and I'm okay with it, I approve, I'm happy you are getting pleased" - actually both.

There are always the thread about men always "thinking with their dick" or "thinking of their dick" - well, it's not that off the wall to think that. So, when a man allows you to lock them up; remember, it can be very traumatic for him. Same for CBT.

Any Domme that has a strong man that allows them to put them in chasitity, perform CBT, or to be cuckolded should feel very special - for me at least, it would be a gift of great importance to be given.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 2:22:03 PM

NakedHouseboy48

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/12/2006
Status: offline

I think from my past experiences it depends on the type of male slave a Domme is interested in owning if a chastity requirement is going to be enforced. In my one long-term D/s relationship for which I was a naked houseboy she required me to wear a chastity device 24/7 for extended lengths of time. My only release permitted was supervised masturbation every 4 - 6 weeks. This is not an easy way for a male to live.

My being in a chastity device did not prevent me from providing oral service to her when I was directed to do so. From her perspective keeping a male slave in a state of constant frustration helped to keep his mind focused on the correct thing - her. An she was certainly correct about that.

She also had a relationship with a vanilla man who satisfied her need to have intercourse so all of her needs were met which is what is really important in the final analysis.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 8

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 2:28:20 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Ok...before I get slammed...I am NOT trying to be a smartass here...I really am curious. I have noticed that it seems that many Dommes require prolonged chastity in their subs/slaves. I am not sure where this comes from. I don't understand why anyone would wish to deprive their partner(and themselves in the process) of the expression of their sexual nature. While I have seen some Doms who are into orgasm denial, I have not seen many of them wish to impose long term chastity. As I said, not trying to be a smartass but are many Dommes simply asexual or in possession of low libidos?...or maybe they don't like to have sex and by taking control of the sexual habits of their men they find it's a good way to avoid having it?

I have no clue here.

When I have sex with my slave I frankly don't care if he masturbates or what not -- I expect and get the same level of service and submission regardless because that is how I trained him and the type of relationship we both want.

If I don't have sex with my slave, again, I don't care about the type of sex he has elsewhere as long as it does not interfer or potentially interfer with his service to me.

Personally I think it is all part of buying into the stereotype that men have to want sex all the time. That isn't true and I find it harmful to believe in that stereotype because I think it limits and constricts people.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 9

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 2:59:28 PM

MistressTexas

Posts: 425
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

Personally, I say no sex of any kind because I'm a Pro Domme, and just because a guy can shell out the tribute for my time, doesnt mean hes getting laid. He can go buy a hooker if thats what he wants. However my relationship with my personal slave will most definately be sexual. I'm too sexual to let someone in my life that intimately, and yet keep that part of myself separate.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 10

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 3:10:15 PM

NakedHouseboy48

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/12/2006
Status: offline

Demistress - your term of "backed-up" described the feeling i had when in chastity 24/7 perfectly. Real 24/7 chastity training was very difficult for me but also very rewarding for me.

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 11

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 4:15:39 PM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

yeah I'm curious about that too...and also I saw somewhere..or read..or something, that chastity didn't work when it comes to females, is it just that the chatisty device doesn't work..or is it because females can simply live easily without sex and aren't so driven to it? or?? anybody knows??

(in reply to NakedHouseboy48)

Post #: 12

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 4:55:20 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I am nympho and my sub is a sex fiend, we have lots of sex so that rules out the asexual or avoidance theories. However I do use short term (3 or 4 days) chastity for him in order to deepen his submissive feelings, more control for me AND to intensify his orgasm. He loves it and so for him it is a treat, it most certainly is not something he is squeamish about.

Actually some male Dom's use female chastity belts on their subs/slaves for the same reasons and sometimes as punishment.

It is just another tool that Dominants use.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 13

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 4:59:04 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear mistoferin, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Each dominant is different. Their motives or 'intent' on putting male genitals into chastity devices, can vary from dominant to dominant.

I find that it is difficult to have men remain in chastity. Most who do want a 'key holder' are into self denial, humiliation already and the dominant is just an enabler for the man who loves chastity devices.
But, men's phallus is very pliable, to which it can fit or actually squirm right on out of most chastity devices if they really want to. The more modern chastity devices for men are a bit more difficult.

In my own mind's eye, I prefer to have a man have the control over his sexual behavior and keep his peter in his pocket per se, until I want access to it. In my own mind's eye, I cannot trust a man servant/slave to keep his sex exclusively to me, then I don't want him. Those men who insist on chastity, in my own mind's eyes cannot be trusted; as they imply by the need for chastity; they cannot trust themselves--so, I shouldn't trust them either. I won't use one on my slaves.

Those men who don't practice good cleaning of their genitals, are prone to issues. The band that goes into the buttocks crack does promote solid waste to linger under the band, of course that isn't fun to find or touch either. One reason why I carry some latex gloves for men who are in chastity. One cannot clean their poop chute well with a chastity device in the way. I just don't feel chastity devices sanitary.

I see myself as an individual who doesn't need sex. I'm not interested in sex. I get more sexual giggles and grins out of service, such as getting my beverage, carrying my toy bags, being 'there' at my bidding and someone to be a wonderful companion, when I'm not torturing him out of his noodle.

Respectfully submitted with a wee bit of wit,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 14

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 5:00:03 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
It is just another tool that Dominants use.

yep.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 15

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 9:06:46 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

can i be a smart ass???

Its because Domme's know what sluts men are and that if they effectively cut off the penis - men will start to think with their brains again, therefore majikally turning into worth while humans.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 16

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 9:19:12 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

yeah I'm curious about that too...and also I saw somewhere..or read..or something, that chastity didn't work when it comes to females, is it just that the chatisty device doesn't work..or is it because females can simply live easily without sex and aren't so driven to it? or?? anybody knows??

Oh helllllllllzzzzzzzzz no. My Dom is one of those guys who adores chasity and i swear he is on a mission to lock up the female world. I am technically restricted from taking care of my own needs. Which is all fine and good until about 2 weeks (tho i have gone longer) rolls around. i get all jumpy and brush up against me and i'm well soaked. It becomes this constant ache and i swear to God (and to my Dom as well) that my vagina is literally talking to me. Its saying "i want i want i want.. touch me touch me touch me touch me" over and over.. every second of the day. i end up getting alittle snippy and well the rest i dunno because i get so pulled into that need that well it drives me bonkers. But its not that i need to go out and get laid, oh hell no - let me just cum for gods sake!!! Let me get that horrendous bodily need out of my body!

Course i can only go so long and well i do end up disobeying as the vagina chant always gets me. He does and pretty much tells me quite often that i am going to end up in a chastity belt or chastity piercings.. or some such contraption that its taken completely out of my hands.

(in reply to MissyRane)

Post #: 17

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/12/2006 9:23:15 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Thank you for all of the replies, they have been interesting to read. I don't know that I can wrap my head around the concept though. When I read things like they can still provide oral service...or there can be others that provide intercourse...or there are always toys....that is where I fail to understand I guess. Intercourse is the most fulfilling means of expression in a relationship to me. To say I could be fulfilled by any other means would be like saying that I could be as satisfied by eating a few chocolate sprinkles as I would be if I ate a hot fudge sundae. Even when I hear that it is done to keep their submission focused...well, I just feel that if I had to play the "your on dry dock" game to keep my partner focused on me, I'd feel like there was some sort of a serious failure somewhere if that is what was required.

In another post that is currently on the boards there is one Mistress who said that she sometimes keeps her sub in chastity for the entire duration of their relationship. My thought is....why bother having them for a partner then? I don't need men in my life for many things. I can take care of myself, I can change my own oil, I can mow my own lawn, I can take out my own trash....but the one thing that I have not been able to figure out how to do without a man is have intercourse and all of the emotion that goes along with that. For that, at least for me, there is no comparable substitute.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 18

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/13/2006 1:30:08 AM

hsagnev

Posts: 188
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

I like experiencing chastity because it makes having an orgasm more intense. I have come across some doms that absolutely do not want you to have any gratifying orgasm whatsoever. I like the idea of severity, but lean more toward waiting a week or two before an orgasm. I mean, to me, the whole chastity thing is an erotic game designed to really drive you crazy until your finally free to orgasm at which time the tension has really built up quite a lot. It's a beautiful thing!

As for your question mistoferin I really cannot say why some doms go to the extremes - it scares me though.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 19

RE: Dommes, chastity and sexuality - 10/13/2006 4:38:34 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Well he must enjoy it if he does it, otherwise he could leave or at least one would hope he would if the relationship didn't meet his expectations.

Alot of male Dom's use alot of the same tools to enhance those submissive feelings in their female subs. Some put them in chastity, some make them wear short skirts and thigh hi's all the time or run around in no underwear, hell some of them make them run around naked at home all the time. All it is is different tools that you use to fulfill your own kinky relationship.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 20

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