Taming the tongue

Taming the tongue (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Mavis -> Taming the tongue (9/28/2006 6:41:57 PM)
Carried over from the thread "Sir wants to know" in Ask a Master.. The topic of tone and manner came up, and surely there are a few of us who battle this. i tend to speak enthusiastically, and it can lead to me getting so into a topic, i'll forget others are speaking. Items like sarcasm, and biting comments when in a conflict or debate are one thing, and W/we all know those are on the bad list. But other items, like interrupting, raising voice, dominating a conversation.. those might not always be intentionally unruly, but they still need dealt with if we are to be good reflections of our "Handlers" and if we are to be taken seriously as submissives or slaves. i think the reason so many of us have problems in this area is the wide array of what is considered mannerly. The article posted by amayos .. http://humbledfemales.com/tamingthetongue.html ..suggests meekness in speech, but does that mean using a passive, low-toned, barely perceptible mouse-voice? i think not. That still leaves the issue of content un-addressed. The nicest sweetest speaking southern girl i know uses the sweet tones to blast the shoes, purse, and clothing color choices of the other ladies as they enter the room, and the guys think she is just heaven on heels. She spews venom with impunity because she sounds so sweet and demure doing so. This "perfect sub" is basically a mean spirited little witch wearing a halo. So it would seem many Dominants are aware of mannerly speech standards, but then, are also oblivious to the content delivered. So my questions, Do Dom/mes really not pay attention to what is being said, so long as it "sounds nice"? Does anyone have specific things they did to learn to moderate their voice and "curb the enthusiasm"? Does A/anyone think it's a problem to gesture while speaking? anyone been directed to talk sitting on their hands? What about profanity? Is it allowed sometimes? Never? Un-Restricted? (Common sense reigns here, obviously i don't mean flipping the finger at church for "gesturing" or spouting the F-word at clerks in Wal-Mart.) Okies! let er rip. Spout on about all our issues with the tongue!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/28/2006 6:45:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis So my questions, Do Dom/mes really not pay attention to what is being said, so long as it "sounds nice"? For the most part, yes. For the really smart ones- no. quote: Does anyone have specific things they did to learn to moderate their voice and "curb the enthusiasm"? Hmmmm I would say that I've certainly worked hard to learn how to control and use my voice to be most effective in all circumstances and to my advantage. quote: Does A/anyone think it's a problem to gesture while speaking? Depends on the gesturing- body language adds to all communication. The question is whether it's adding something positive or not. quote: anyone been directed to talk sitting on their hands? No, but I've been told to shut up before and have sat on my own hands. quote: What about profanity? Is it allowed sometimes? Never? Un-Restricted? I don't become partners or close friends with people who use profanity on a casual basis. However, it has its place in language and can be used well. Learning to control ones speech patterns really isn't that difficult if one pays attention and has the desire to do so.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/28/2006 7:24:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis So my questions, Do Dom/mes really not pay attention to what is being said, so long as it "sounds nice"? My Master pays attention to every word....and to my tone. I have learned to get my point out there without being insulting, offensive, defensive or otherwise disrespectful to him. This did take some coaching, however. quote: Does anyone have specific things they did to learn to moderate their voice and "curb the enthusiasm"? Yes, I learned to think through what I wanted to say before saying it. I am still enthusiastic - God forbid he would hate if I were monotone (as would I) - but I am more aware of vocal inflections. After all, I'd rather talk about the point we're discussing as opposed to how I am discussing it. quote: Does A/anyone think it's a problem to gesture while speaking? I suppose it depends on the gesture! I grew up in a Spanish/Italian household. You can bet I talk with my hands. :) Mostly I throw my hands up for emphasis. I don't gesture in any way that he finds offensive. quote: anyone been directed to talk sitting on their hands? No. I pretty much have it under control now :) quote: What about profanity? Is it allowed sometimes? Never? Un-Restricted? It's pretty unrestricted, but then I don't swear all that much anyway. It depends on the context.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/28/2006 7:41:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis So my questions, Do Dom/mes really not pay attention to what is being said, so long as it "sounds nice"? Much to the boys occasional chagrin, I pay attention to everything he says. Even when it does sound pretty, which with his southern drawl can be more often than not, he wll be called out for being inapropriate. He is in tech suport, and he will often forget that I am not as tech-stupid as the customers he deals with and talk down to me. Not intentionally, mind you, but it has gotten him reprimanded a time or two. quote: Does anyone have specific things they did to learn to moderate their voice and "curb the enthusiasm"? He is working on that. He just gets subtle reminders that I know what im doing. He is learning to read my reactions and take my sutle hints to watch his tone before he gets in trouble. quote: Does A/anyone think it's a problem to gesture while speaking? anyone been directed to talk sitting on their hands? While he hasnt quite gotten to that point yet, he does gesture unconsciously. I do too, though, so I wont hold it against him unless one fo two things happens. (a) it becomes a scene somewhere, becasue he is drawing unnecessary attention to us. (b) I ever get swatted while he is gesturing. quote: What about profanity? Is it allowed sometimes? Never? Un-Restricted? Completely allowed. He swears almost as much as I do, without taking the Lords name in vain. AS long as he keeps it in check when its time to be serious, I dont mind it. If he EVER swore while we were involved, or while he was serving specifically, he'd be eatting soap and he knows it. There is a time and place for everything. As for me, I never watch what I say. DV

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/28/2006 7:47:04 PM)
As with most women our best offense and defense is verbal.Hand gestures, tonal quality,biting wit or sarcasm, content of the point we choose to make are easily accessed.And truthfully most men usually hear the tonal quality,and tune out the content.But essentially when a man controls a submissives verbal abilities he is in effect taking away the submissives offensive and defensive abilities....just my opinion..Tempting

juliaoceania -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/28/2006 7:47:31 PM)
quote: Do Dom/mes really not pay attention to what is being said, so long as it "sounds nice"? He tells me how to rephrase things when I speak in a way he does not find pleasing which ease communication. Since my purpose is to communicate when I speak this approach works fairly well. If he only paid attention to what I said when I was unnice he would be giving me a wrong message I believe, that to really be heard I need to be sarcastic... that is what you teach someone if you only listen when they communicate poorly. quote: Does anyone have specific things they did to learn to moderate their voice and "curb the enthusiasm"? I can get animated and speak quickly when excited, he reminds me to slow down... He has taught me about how to express my emotions in a positive way so that I am telling him how I feel without projecting or deflecting... not perfect yet, but I try quote: Does A/anyone think it's a problem to gesture while speaking? Not my Daddy quote: anyone been directed to talk sitting on their hands? No quote: What about profanity? Is it allowed sometimes? Never? Un-Restricted? He and I both use profanity...

WetHotGoddess -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 5:47:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis So my questions, Do Dom/mes really not pay attention to what is being said, so long as it "sounds nice"? *Absolutely. A venomous comment in a sweet tone is not tolerated.* Does anyone have specific things they did to learn to moderate their voice and "curb the enthusiasm"? *I do not consider enthusiasm to be a negative quality, so not, I do not try to "curb" it.* Does A/anyone think it's a problem to gesture while speaking? *I don't. I would NOT tolerate a slave that tries to be the center of attention, speaks over others, or gestures wildly. If they do not know how to act they are not going to be collared.* What about profanity? Is it allowed sometimes? Never? Un-Restricted? Absolutely no profanity is tolerated. I feel that by limiting the slave's speach pattern, it keeps it mindful of what it is, and who owns it. This way, they pick and choose each word carefully, and those words are spoken to please me. To bitch and curse about something is not going to please me. I expect a slave to have manners, and use polite speech. Do I curse? yes I do. I talk about things I do not allow the slave to speak of. This keeps them MINDFUL of what they are, what they can/cannot do, and their place in the structure of my life. I have found (through alot of error) that allowing a slave to say and do anything and merely scatching their kink-itch is doing a disservice to them and me.

deltadawn -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 5:58:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis So my questions, Do Dom/mes really not pay attention to what is being said, so long as it "sounds nice"? Does anyone have specific things they did to learn to moderate their voice and "curb the enthusiasm"? Does A/anyone think it's a problem to gesture while speaking? anyone been directed to talk sitting on their hands? What about profanity? Is it allowed sometimes? Never? Un-Restricted? (Common sense reigns here, obviously i don't mean flipping the finger at church for "gesturing" or spouting the F-word at clerks in Wal-Mart.) Okies! let er rip. Spout on about all our issues with the tongue! The one specific thing I did was to watch for signs he gave. When I overstep with my mouth, it is obvious in his face, and i quickly tone it all down. Gesturing can be both good and bad. And yes I have been told to sit on my hands or he will just cuff them behind my back. Profanity is something not allowed here. Not even by him. He feels if something cannot be said without the use of profanity, than it need not be said at all. I tend to agree. dawn

tangldupinblue -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 6:17:50 AM)
i was taught a long time ago that i can think anything i want, for thoughts are free. i cannot however say what ever i want.....his exact words to me.....Thoughts are yours and yours alone but once you give them air it is then that they have power, you cannot take them back nor can you change your mind after they are said, so think long and hard about what you wish to say before you say it, because after you give them air they have the power to do so much good or to much damage......i have never since spoken a word that i did not intent to say and yes it took alot of practice to keep my mouth shut. blue

CreativeDominant -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 7:16:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis Carried over from the thread "Sir wants to know" in Ask a Master.. The topic of tone and manner came up, and surely there are a few of us who battle this. i tend to speak enthusiastically, and it can lead to me getting so into a topic, i'll forget others are speaking. Items like sarcasm, and biting comments when in a conflict or debate are one thing, and W/we all know those are on the bad list. But other items, like interrupting, raising voice, dominating a conversation.. those might not always be intentionally unruly, but they still need dealt with if we are to be good reflections of our "Handlers" and if we are to be taken seriously as submissives or slaves. i think the reason so many of us have problems in this area is the wide array of what is considered mannerly. The article posted by amayos .. http://humbledfemales.com/tamingthetongue.html ..suggests meekness in speech, but does that mean using a passive, low-toned, barely perceptible mouse-voice? i think not. That still leaves the issue of content un-addressed. The nicest sweetest speaking southern girl i know uses the sweet tones to blast the shoes, purse, and clothing color choices of the other ladies as they enter the room, and the guys think she is just heaven on heels. She spews venom with impunity because she sounds so sweet and demure doing so. This "perfect sub" is basically a mean spirited little witch wearing a halo. So it would seem many Dominants are aware of mannerly speech standards, but then, are also oblivious to the content delivered. So my questions, Do Dom/mes really not pay attention to what is being said, so long as it "sounds nice"? I pay attention to every word that is said by a submissive that I am spending time with, whether it is in conversation with me or something said to another. Even if she and I are not in a relationship yet, I want to know how she is when she is unguarded. Not because her unguarded speech is an indication of whether or not she can be taught a different way of speaking ... anyone can be, if they desire it... but because it is an indication of her underlying nature. A very tell-tale clue that becomes all the more telling the longer it is observed without anything ever being said about it. ~q.s.~ quote: Does anyone have specific things they did to learn to moderate their voice and "curb the enthusiasm"? I'm very enthusiastic, even after 23 years of practice, of the good that chiropractic and other natural forms of health care can do. I had a patient tell me early on that when I get going about topics like these that my voice tends to become louder and I tend to run on. With some people, this can lead to their being turned off the subject rather than being caught up in it...not what I want. So, I've learned to temper the enthusiasm, using it for specific points, rather than the entire monologue. Does A/anyone think it's a problem to gesture while speaking? As long as it's not excessive, no. I talk with my hands...a lot. As a dominant, I have a problem with aggressive hand actions by a submissive and would have a larger one with my submissive. quote: anyone been directed to talk sitting on their hands? I've never had to tell a submissive to sit on their hands, no. I have had one do it on her own though. ~smiles~ quote: What about profanity? Is it allowed sometimes? Never? Un-Restricted? I have restrictions on the use of a profanity. They involve time and place and content and purpose. I am not big on the use of profanity in everyday conversation. It cheapens conversation, in my opinion. I use it and I try to do so when it will be most effective. Like many things in life, it is most effective when not found in every sentence and when used at a specific time. To me, it is much more enticing and means so much more when a submissive walks up to me and whispers in my ear, "Sir, I really want you to fuck me" when I am not hearing "fuck" out of her mouth every 5 or 10 or 15 or 30 minutes. quote: (Common sense reigns here, obviously i don't mean flipping the finger at church for "gesturing" or spouting the F-word at clerks in Wal-Mart.) You may not have meant it but I have met and seen women in action at this. I don't want to hijack this thread but seeing this reminds me again that the world is not as genteel as it used to be...I know there are those that say that "Yeah, but it's more real". To those, I would have to ask, "Does real always mean more crude?" {quote]Okies! let er rip. Spout on about all our issues with the tongue! Good post, Mavis! I really enjoyed thinking about it as I answered.

MsKatHouston -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 7:53:03 AM)
quote: The topic of tone and manner came up, and surely there are a few of us who battle this. i tend to speak enthusiastically, and it can lead to me getting so into a topic, i'll forget others are speaking. I have no problem with enthusiastic speakers and quite enjoy a rousing debate regardless of who the person is who is talking with me. Where I tend to get irritated is when others forget there are others talking and interrupt and act in a manner that is impolite. quote: Items like sarcasm, and biting comments when in a conflict or debate are one thing, and W/we all know those are on the bad list. But other items, like interrupting, raising voice, dominating a conversation.. those might not always be intentionally unruly, but they still need dealt with if we are to be good reflections of our "Handlers" and if we are to be taken seriously as submissives or slaves. Interrupting and raising your voice to a level that is disruptive is not something I like and will, in fact, make me less likely to take the person seriously. Dominating the conversation can be fine if you are the only one talking and there is a reason for this but if others are trying to speak and there is a purposeful attempt to cut them off to make yourself heard, that I find a bit rude. quote: i think the reason so many of us have problems in this area is the wide array of what is considered mannerly. The article posted by amayos .. http://humbledfemales.com/tamingthetongue.html ..suggests meekness in speech, but does that mean using a passive, low-toned, barely perceptible mouse-voice? i think not. That still leaves the issue of content un-addressed. I don’t necessarily think someone needs to me meek in their approach, just polite. There’s a difference. quote: The nicest sweetest speaking southern girl i know uses the sweet tones to blast the shoes, purse, and clothing color choices of the other ladies as they enter the room, and the guys think she is just heaven on heels. She spews venom with impunity because she sounds so sweet and demure doing so. This "perfect sub" is basically a mean spirited little witch wearing a halo. It wouldn’t fool me for a second. As someone from the south myself I am quite familiar with how to tell someone off in the sweetest of voices. I try to restrain myself. quote: So it would seem many Dominants are aware of mannerly speech standards, but then, are also oblivious to the content delivered. Maybe some are, but I would not make this generalization. The content is certainly as important as the manner in which it is delivered. Batting eyes, lowered lashes and a soft voice while telling me to fuck off is still not ok. quote: So my questions, Do Dom/mes really not pay attention to what is being said, so long as it "sounds nice"? I pay attention to everything that is said. This is very useful to know the needs and opinions of my submissive. It is also fun as hell when they slip and say something I can use for some fun. They just hate it when I pick up on that stuff :P quote: Does anyone have specific things they did to learn to moderate their voice and "curb the enthusiasm"? Well I was raised to be polite. I don’t think it is necessary to “curb enthusiasm. I think it is necessary to remain polite. I believe I learned it through correction and guidance from my parents. I correct both my submissives and my own children in the same manner. Them: “Yea” Me: “Yea?” Them: “er, Yes, Ma’am” However, most submissives I would get involved with to begin with would not need a lot of correction in that department anyway. I choose to enjoy those who are intelligent and polite and can express their feelings and opinions in an adult manner. I do train to particular preferences I have but if a basis is not there already to use acceptable social pleasantries, I probably would not be attracted in the first place. quote: Does A/anyone think it's a problem to gesture while speaking? Only if it is so over the top that it is distracting or funny to a point where the conversation is lost and people are ducking and getting out of the way in case of injury. quote: anyone been directed to talk sitting on their hands? I have not. I have never directed anyone to do this. I have never known anyone who is a really heavy gesturer. quote: What about profanity? Is it allowed sometimes? Never? Un-Restricted? It depends on the context. I do not curtail it completely in my speech or those for whom I am responsible. If I did, I’d never hear a “Please fuck me Mistress.” But anyone who uses profanity excessively just sounds crude and uneducated. There are also certain venues where I would hope people can control themselves. I went to lunch a couple days ago with my family. Apparently there was a problem with another customer who was accidentally overcharged and the guy was cussing at the manager as he was explaining the situation. The guy sounded like a complete idiot and I was not appreciative of my younguns overhearing that. I would hope (sigh) an adult would be able to control themselves enough to recognize their surroundings and behave appropriately. Alas… quote: (Common sense reigns here, obviously i don't mean flipping the finger at church for "gesturing" or spouting the F-word at clerks in Wal-Mart.) Yes, you may not have meant it but sadly, it happens. quote: Okies! let er rip. Spout on about all our issues with the tongue! Now that’s another topic altogether :P

Frank01 -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 7:57:54 AM)
Record yourself and listen. How would you like being talked to in that manner?

Mavis -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 8:39:02 AM)
Thank Y/you so much for the responses E/everyone. i'm really working on my personal ideal and it's not easy! Since i was a teen, i've thought the perfect feminine manner was like Amy Grant. so demure, soft-spoken, etc. Problem is i come in a more Steve Irwin mindset. i love what i love, and i get excited over what i am interested in, and i love people with passion. When listening, i'll get wide-eyed and nod enthusiastically, say "yeah! yeah!" frequently.. and as was just pointed out, "yeah" isn't taken as well as yes.. and uh-huh doesn't fly too well either. Expressions in my house, teen-speek are things like "you already know!" "What the fuuuk?" and "No shit??" i'm sorry if i gave the impression of nearly bombastic, it's not that. it's not quite like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but then, it's definately not Amy Grant. i'm trying to find a middle ground. i think i'll work on just getting "yeah" out of my vocabulary. Project for the week. Thanks!

Bearlee -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 8:56:42 AM)
What a lovely thread! Soooooooo much to consider! Not having a Dom, I've not considered such things; but I like it. Course, I'm the one who started the 'tasking' thread! LOL I think I just like to be controlled; who knew? bearlee

Dnomyar -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 9:12:24 AM)
I guesture or talk with my hands. A long standing habit. I was meeting with a new sub and useing my hands. When I saw her flintching from it I had to stop myself. Sitting on your hand may be a good ideal.

agirl -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 9:45:54 AM)
That's a tricky one......I think my Master quite likes the way I express myself, though it's probably a bit frustrating at times. I'm also very enthusiatic and excitable though he can quell me with a soft Shhhh Occasionally he's told me to sit on my hands as I twitch and fidget horribly. I do swear sometimes but not gratuitously, and he does too. If I'm making a pioint I can swear like a docker. If my enthusiasm was curbed to a great degree I'd simply find it harder than I already do to express myself. I don't have to worry about it as he just does it when necessary. And...he NEVER misses a word I say...no matter how I say it.....it's one of the greatest and worst things about him......lol Regards, agirl

CreativeDominant -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 11:31:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee What a lovely thread! Soooooooo much to consider! Not having a Dom, I've not considered such things; but I like it. Course, I'm the one who started the 'tasking' thread! LOL I think I just like to be controlled; who knew? bearlee ~raises hand~

Bearlee -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 11:37:18 AM)
<grinz at CD> LOL Thank you, Sir! I wanted to mention I am close with an M/s couple up in Denver. Sid has a rather unique (to me) way of 'settling' his slave. She's a delightful girl, but can get loud when she's talking excitedly about something. He will lean in to her and tell her to put her hands on his arm and look at him. When she has done this...he tells her simply to "settle!"; it works wonderfully! (I'm soooooooo jealous...) LOL, bear edited cuz Cm must have some program that erases the 'At' sign...

CreativeDominant -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 11:47:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee <grinz at CD> LOL Thank you, Sir! I wanted to mention I am close with an M/s couple up in Denver. Sid has a rather unique (to me) way of 'settling' his slave. She's a delightful girl, but can get loud when she's talking excitedly about something. He will lean in to her and tell her to put her hands on his arm and look at him. When she has done this...he tells her simply to "settle!"; it works wonderfully! (I'm soooooooo jealous...) LOL, bear edited cuz Cm must have some program that erases the 'At' sign... You're welcome...~s~. Yes, I've seen Sid do that. My former submissive who went dom has a real habit of nodding very enthusiastically when she is reallllllllllllllly into something. That can be funny but quite distracting. I never tried just telling her to settle but I leaned over one time and asked in her ear "What are you going to do when all that bobbing breaks every single muscle and ligament thread and your head goes rolling?". It stopped her bobbing for the rest of the night.

Bearlee -> RE: Taming the tongue (9/29/2006 11:52:21 AM)
Yeah well...MOST pals o' Sids' are wicked, wicked ppl!!! LOL

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875