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Fishing and bait? - 9/21/2006 11:17:51 PM

PrimitiveLogic

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Md.
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Is it just me, or are the numerous requests from submissives or slaves looking for another girl to add to Masters: troupe /harem/stable/family/tribe/et al...simply bait and the master is the one wiggling the fishing pole out of sight? I rarely see the Dominant doing the fishing...is this a trend, an assisgnment ? What was that old saying...give a Dom a sub and he will dom for a night...teach a Dom to get his sub to fish; and he will dom a whole lot more.
I endorse just about what ever anyone can consent to willingly. But for some reason these fishing expeditions just seem an odd way to go. Its also interesting that the Dominants name is rarely mentioned...

Post #: 1

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/21/2006 11:22:23 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

What I always wonder is why they think having the sub do the fishing is a good idea. Chances are, other subs looking for a master arent going to be perusing submissive female profiles...
Or at least thats the thoughts that always occurred to me...
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)

Post #: 2

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 3:51:41 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I also think we see a lot of this. It may be in front of our faces because we are on a bdsm site. I also wonder why the Dom can't look for another sub himself. Why send his sub out on a trolling party? Probably because he wants a 3-way and can't make it happen on his own, so he's making (demanding) his girl do it for him (I've had this happen to me and I refused). And you are also correct, the Dom's name is rarely mentioned, but he is built up as the most wonderful man on the face of the earth....if he's so great why can't he do his own hunting?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)

Post #: 3

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 4:29:22 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Dommes do it also. If a Dom wanted more than one sub why didnt he do it from the start. I've had Dom's ask me to help them find another sub but I have told them to do it themselves. I think that the Doms who have subs looking for them just chose their sub out of desperation and now are trying to find what they think is a more attractive sub.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 4

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 4:31:25 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
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In my previous collar (18 yrs in that one) which was pre internet i often brought women to my owner's attention or brought some home from time to time to meet him for various reasons but never because he asked me to or required this.

We had the same taste in women to begin with and while i never topped any of them i do love women so i brought home what interested me. The other reason is that if they worked out i too had to live with them so it made more sense to find women i knew i could get along with.

As most are aware of i have taken up searching for Jewel's elusive unicorn aka a male subbie. She never asked, she would not ask and at first she was not even aware i was. I took it upon myself to try and keep her from the frustration and disappointment that so often accompanies such a search, as i have no feeling invested in it the blow offs and deleted the next day profiles do not affect me as they do her.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)

Post #: 5

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 5:18:21 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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Yeah you see alot of it. Its the Dom's way of making his "girl" feel better about him bringing in another sub/slave into the relationship. Most of the sub/slaves are told the new "girl" is for THEM lol what a joke, you better believe in most cases it is for HIM. I guess its just another way of sugar coating a pill to make it go down easier.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 6

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 5:23:30 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

It probably has it's own thrill attached to it. It's exciting to make someone do something that is against their instinctive nature. In this case, the general jealousy and insecurity of having a mans attention focused on another woman. It forces her to not only accept that he's going to add a third, but do the trolling herself!

Another plus to it is that if a Dom contacts a potential sub but states he's in a relationship, he might get blown off as a cheater before he even gets to explain the situation. With the sub doing the hunting, it's pretty obvious she is aware and supports the situation.

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 7

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 5:23:41 AM

Silvermoon

Posts: 156
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline

I think often the reason why the submissive does the browsing is less to do with a Master's laziness and more to do with a much simpler fact. Generally in poly or swinging relationships, the true test is how well the women get along, regardless of role. Trying to fit two women together who simply do not get along is pointless. From day one there will be issues, so one of the easiest ways is for the female herself to take a bit of control in the search.

That being said, I WOULD think that Masters/Doms would be more involved, however at times that's intimidating to the potential submissive partner for various reasons. One of the first things I consider when I a Poly Master contacts me, is...is he truly poly, and his girl knows about this, or is he using the label as a mask of his true intentions.

Having the submissive partner make first contact, side-steps these issues.

Sincerely
Silver

_____________________________

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 8

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 5:29:06 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Yeah you see alot of it. Its the Dom's way of making his "girl" feel better about him bringing in another sub/slave into the relationship. Most of the sub/slaves are told the new "girl" is for THEM lol what a joke, you better believe in most cases it is for HIM. I guess its just another way of sugar coating a pill to make it go down easier.

Not in my case, they were not for Him exclusively, they were cherished additions to our household, everybody in the household had to agree to the new addition and hell yeah i got to play them too, i like women. Somebody to share a bubbly bath with, to shop with, to play with, i loved it.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 9

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 5:38:25 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

It probably has it's own thrill attached to it. It's exciting to make someone do something that is against their instinctive nature. In this case, the general jealousy and insecurity of having a mans attention focused on another woman. It forces her to not only accept that he's going to add a third, but do the trolling herself!

I reiterate, i was not forced, i was not asked, i liked pussy as much as he did!

Jealousy and insecurity are emotions i did not then nor do i currently suffer from.

A poly home is about LOVE, love that each shares with all in the family. The more love you give away the more you have, it is funny how that works.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 10

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 5:38:39 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Yeah you see alot of it. Its the Dom's way of making his "girl" feel better about him bringing in another sub/slave into the relationship. Most of the sub/slaves are told the new "girl" is for THEM lol what a joke, you better believe in most cases it is for HIM. I guess its just another way of sugar coating a pill to make it go down easier.

That's how it was for me. It was basically "I want another girl, you make it happen." I don't think so. There is a limit to what I find acceptable. If the girl is for me, then sure, I should do the work. But I'm not going to troll for another girl for you. Even if you sugarcoat is with "you'll always be #1" or "come on, you want one too."

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 11

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 6:20:15 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

In theory, having subs participate in the fishing expedition is exactly the best way to go about things. Unless you're planning on procuring a sub that you are going to ship off someone to help at your summer home, this person is going to become an integral part of your existing relationships and everyone involved should be actively welcoming that and part of the selection process.

In reality what it usually means is that the dom is lazy, or convinces himself that it's a sign that the sub has accepted and desires another to enter into the relationship if said sub is willing to go find another for him. It's usually the sub who has NO experience in poly before, is attacking this as she would if the dom had told her to go find a good pair of jeans- a pair of jeans she never really wanted but grudgingly accepted because she thinks that's what good subs do.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 12

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 7:09:55 AM

Silvermoon

Posts: 156
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline

In the house, and several others I've found, It's actually BEST for the sub female to talk with/meet others. It's not best for every household, but in this one, it's definately the way to go. Perhaps in several of theirs it is as well. As much as a Master is in control, he can't control if two women do not get like each other. So why not avoid it from the start?

Silver

_____________________________

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 7:23:53 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Silvermoon
As much as a Master is in control, he can't control if two women do not get like each other. So why not avoid it from the start?

Silver

Frankly because they think they CAN control it and pressure the subs to get along/become “sissies” to eachother and make the dom happy above all. I’m not saying it works in the long term, but plenty of doms make the attempt.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 14

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 7:33:07 AM

Silvermoon

Posts: 156
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline

I agree LA (there's a shock)

Silver.

_____________________________

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 7:55:24 AM

charismagirrl

Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

In my previous relationship, my ex and i were new to BDSM and learning the ropes togehter, unfortunately, it was a need for me and a form of different play for him. We would flow and out of doing things, always to my heartbreak and pain at having to push to have my needs(to serve etc) met.....

It almost never failed, the first thing on the list for him to show his dominance was to say "Tonight, you're going to bring home a girl." ...it became almost like a barter thing...."If I give you some domination then you'll have get me a girl." What i realized in his case was that unspoken statement should've continued to say, "Because I'm really not a Dom, I really don't even like it and I don't have the balls to go get another girl on my own."

Needless to say, after that whole fiasco for a very long time, it's a very difficult thing for me to think about having to "get a girl" ....the idea makes me panic. my feeling is, "Aren't you the Dom? The one in control of things?" It always made me lose some respect for my ex, it seemed soooooo weak.

my Daddy hasn't asked this of me, because he knows how deeply it bothers me and it would be emotionally bad for me. At this point we haven't added anyone else into our play, and wouldn't be having a poly house, but the occasional 3rd party to play. He has stated that it's always easier for the girl to approach another girl but he knows me well enough to know that it's something i am not comfortable doing (that is putting it mildly)

Part of what i like about the concept is knowing that my Daddy/Master could exercise his right to have another for a few hours and that he'd take the initiative to have that need met. There are other psychoogical and emotional factors as well but, i don't want to drone on about that.

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)

Post #: 16

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 8:16:14 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Master conducts his own search. Always has. There has been an occasion or two when I forwarded him a profile that I thought he might find interesting, and he suggested I approach her and talk to her, probably knowing I would blunder it and it wouldn't work out, lol. But he wanted to see me do that for him, as he knew it was an awkwardness for me to work through, and he liked the fact that I would do that for him. I have also been contacted by other girls, completely unsolicited, and I will talk to them and get to know them before bothering to introduce them to Master. If they are not someone I respect much, why would I waste his time with them? There have also been times a friendship has sparked between a girl and I, and the conversation eventually made its way in this direction. Sometimes it is seriously discussed, and sometimes just something in passing.

I do not feel like I am "bait" at all, but if he chose to use me as such, well that's his perogative.

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)

Post #: 17

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 8:28:45 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Many people state up front they want more than one...doesn't mean they get them immediately. So having one at the beginning is not usually practical. It also does not mean that the first one is lacking. Some people want more than one, some don't. As evidenced by the "how can I find a..." threads it is not always easy to find a compatible partner much less more than one. It takes time.

There could be many reasons a sub is looking for their dominant.

-It could be a service, they know their dominant's taste and have the time to peruse profiles to screen potentials. I doubt most dominants agree to taking on the submissive without having interaction with them at some point. But the beginning stages might be the sub's responsibility
-It could be a kink they both enjoy
-It could be because it is important to have both (all) submissives get along it might be easier to start off with a good relationship between subs before the dominant gets involved.
-It could be to put the potential at ease by reinforcing the fact that yes, this is ok with the existing submissives and there is no deception occurring.

I don't do it, personally...I like to do my own research. However, I can see why some do. To each their own. :)

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 18

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 9:16:54 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrimitiveLogic

Is it just me, or are the numerous requests from submissives or slaves looking for another girl to add to Masters: troupe /harem/stable/family/tribe/et al...simply bait and the master is the one wiggling the fishing pole out of sight? I rarely see the Dominant doing the fishing...is this a trend, an assisgnment ? What was that old saying...give a Dom a sub and he will dom for a night...teach a Dom to get his sub to fish; and he will dom a whole lot more.
I endorse just about what ever anyone can consent to willingly. But for some reason these fishing expeditions just seem an odd way to go. Its also interesting that the Dominants name is rarely mentioned...

Many times, the Master will ask the slave or sub to do the fishing because the slave has to be able to get along with the new person as well. A wise Master has the forethought to acknowledge this if Master wishes to build a real family, etc. This is in place to save both Master and slave and the new person, from many issues of contention and resentment later on.

Also, it can be a form of delegating the task to a slave or sub who may have more time to sit and pateintly fish, while Master is working, or whatever. Once the slave finds another who they feel will be a good catch for both slave AND Master, the slave will then introduce this person to Master and Master will take over the task at that point.

Just one way of looking at it with honorable intentions in mind only.

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)

Post #: 19

RE: Fishing and bait? - 9/22/2006 9:52:52 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I think in the sincere couple that both want to bring in a third then the woman taking the lead is a good idea as they key almost always is how the two women get along, but if she is the only one ever to write or talk then that is not good.

From what I experienced my first time online I am always suspicious of most of the ones I recieved. It often seemed many of the females were mailing it in because they wrote some of the worse profiles and messages and might have only been relucantly trying to find a third or I often suspected that it was a male thinking this would give them a better chance to find someone and a bait and switch eventually. There were many sincere but the majority left me wondering.

(in reply to raiken)

Post #: 20

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