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RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 8:56:39 AM   
amuzingtoyou


Posts: 144
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline 		the power is in both the submissive and dominant. How and when the power is exhanged reminds me of a dance. It is give and take on both sides. One leads, and one follows. Occasionally there might be misteps, or stepped on toes. Or perhaps someones step is off, but then the dance begins again. I don't believe anyone person holds the power more than the other.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 9:56:57 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm a control freak in pretty much all other aspects of my life. I have calmed down alot since I had my little one but on a whole i like (need) to now what is going on, when and where. How things are going to be done, (preferably my way). I run a semi strict budget so that everything that needs to be paid is and on time. I have a scheduler that i input all appointments and such on usually running two months in advance. Now, this is for my work and for organizing the little one and myself on most things.

By submitting I get the balance my life requires by not having to be in control of everything. I am free to give up complete control to another. Right now I am not in a 24/7 live in situation or owned, so I only get to relinquish control every once in a while but it does still help to balance out my life.

You'll find that alot of subs are control freaks in thier "outside" life, it's the relinquishing of that control for other aspects of their lives that keeps them sane.

_____________________________

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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

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(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 10:33:15 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dungengod


Are not sub really the control freaks ????? Is not the power all theirs to give or to take away ???do not us doms just play at control ?? For without their consent we have no one to dominate and if a sub want to be punish they just play up till we give them what they want (much to our enjoyment lol) tell me what you think x


Sure if you let them act up to get what they want, your not in control.  I do not enjoy someone acting up to be punished, I would be perfectly happy to never need to punish or correct someone. If somone pushed me to that they would be in for a rude awakening.  How about you try this, instead of giving them the spanking they goaded you into,  slap them in a hogtie and throw them into the back yard shed for an hour or so .  Then they can either straighten their act up or control themselves right out the door.

Hows that for playing at control?  Sure she can have her power back when ever she wants it, but there are also consequences to that, biggest one being that she would suddenly find herself unowned. 

My question to you is , "What are you doing wrong that they want their power back?"

This does seem like a strange line of thought from someone titled "dungeongod"

K

(in reply to dungengod)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 12:33:10 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		If one person does not have power or control then how can you have a relationship.  What would be the purpose of being a Dom/Domme?

(in reply to KindredTotem)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 4:15:42 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I have always viewed it this way..IMO..the submissive has the power but the Dominant has the control...one without the other is nothing..simply that..nothing...Tempting

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 4:28:38 PM   
OhReallyNow


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dungengod


Are not sub really the control freaks ????? Is not the power all theirs to give or to take away ???do not us doms just play at control ?? For without their consent we have no one to dominate and if a sub want to be punish they just play up till we give them what they want (much to our enjoyment lol) tell me what you think x

when this slave offered herself to Master, she gave up ALL control in every aspect. Master decides when, where, if and why he takes a strap to this slave. Master decides when, where, if and why this slave sits on the couch next to him or kneels at his feet.
 
This slave did not give up her control lightly, it was done after much thought and debate. When she did though, she did it fully, not by halves. And furthermore, this slave will not, and can not take it back unless master decides to give it back to her.
 
This slave would not want it any other way. Master does not just control me; he OWNS me. Mind, heart, body and soul; totally, completly, and without doubt

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to dungengod)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 5:54:55 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dungengod

Are not sub really the control freaks ?????


some are and some are not...... not alot different that Dominants... I do not equate Control as being the domain of the Dominant.  In my opinion... it really depends on what you are controlling.

quote:


 Is not the power all theirs to give or to take away ???


well yes they can give or take away there power all the want... but that is there power... they don't decide what I do with mine.  As a Dominant I can give or take away my power as well.

I have different view on the D/s concept compared to most.  Many are wrapped into that concept that a submissive gives their power to the Dominant.  I don't buy that and never will.  In my opinion we each have a power of self that is given into the relationship.  In effect... the power of those in the relationship is melded together.  I don't see it as an exchange but as a melding and a Power Enhancement. 

quote:


do not us doms just play at control ??


some do...  it's why I have the opinion that some live an illusion of D/s... but some do not.


quote:


For without their consent we have no one to dominate and if a sub want to be punish they just play up till we give them what they want (much to our enjoyment lol) tell me what you think x


And without our consent they have no one to dominate them.  Consent is mutual not just one way... many seem to forget that fact.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to dungengod)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 6:01:35 PM   
BrokenDoll


Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline 		Ok if you really need to disect things like that then yes at the very core the sub slave is the on that ultametly in controll as their controll comes from their consent BUT ones they have consented to a Master that they are giveing their controll to them takeing that controll back usualy means the end of the relationship.

_____________________________

Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

(in reply to KindredTotem)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 6:09:00 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		OK.. "dom" yourself and see how you like it.

(in reply to dungengod)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 6:11:38 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I have always viewed it this way..IMO..the submissive has the power but the Dominant has the control...one without the other is nothing..simply that..nothing...Tempting


Hello A/all,

I disagree.

I have my own personal power.  I worked hard for it and I earned it.

My submissive has her own personal power.

My submissive enjoys me controlling her, I enjoy controlling her.

We exchange power with each other making the individual more powerful than they are without the other person in their life.

Otherwise we are each spending our time holding on to the other person's sword arm. 

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 6:13:38 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

We exchange power with each other making the individual more powerful than they are without the other person in their life.

Sinergy


Let me see, high school science..... two thing brought together being greater than the sum of their parts......

Isn't that synergy?

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 6:22:10 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dungengod


Are not sub really the control freaks ?????


Ya know, it just occurred to me to pay attention to this term "control freaks"...used here in the OP (and enlarged thanks to OhReallyNow, thanks OhReally :-) ) as if either the Dom or the Sub has to be 'the one who is the control freak].

I would not describe my Daddy as a "control freak". I do not believe he would describe me as a "control freak" either. It's just not the way either of us approaches the Universe.



_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to OhReallyNow)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 6:38:13 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline 		There is no power-only what we choose to share with each other.

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 7:00:49 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I wouldn't say that I am a control freak. I'm kinda freaky in wanting to be controlled though. Does that count?

(in reply to dungengod)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 7:22:10 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		You can "play at" anything you desire - and, apparently you do (from your writing and inference) -
 
But, the fact is,
 
in a dominantion/submission relational dynamic,
 
one person dominates -
 
the other submits.
 
If you have to wonder who is in charge
 
and who is playing games,
 
then you are definitively not doing something correctly -
 
and/or - you are definitively playing games with the relationship you are in.
 
I am not sure where that is cloudy,
 
or,
 
where any sort of rhetoric that may be spewed
 
by weak kneed
 
self flaggelating apologists
 
for "who they are"
 
dominants
 
can possibly 'ding' that logic.
 
You are either dominant in your relationship - or, you are not dominant in your relationship
 
No matter what you would call it and yourself.

~J 

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to dungengod)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 8:00:52 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline
You are either dominant in your relationship - or, you are not dominant in your relationship

No matter what you would call it and yourself.

~J 

Or you're both  :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LordODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 8:02:49 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline
You are either dominant in your relationship - or, you are not dominant in your relationship

No matter what you would call it and yourself.

~J 

Or you're both  :)


And usually at the same time.

Which amuses the HELL outa me.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: subs in control - 9/21/2006 9:22:09 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I have always viewed it this way..IMO..the submissive has the power but the Dominant has the control...one without the other is nothing..simply that..nothing...Tempting


Hello A/all,

I disagree.

I have my own personal power.  I worked hard for it and I earned it.

My submissive has her own personal power.

My submissive enjoys me controlling her, I enjoy controlling her.

We exchange power with each other making the individual more powerful than they are without the other person in their life.

Otherwise we are each spending our time holding on to the other person's sword arm. 

Just me, etc.

Sinergy
Very nicely put Sinergy...I will be thinking on this viewpoint....Tempting

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: subs in control - 9/22/2006 12:09:03 AM   
GentleDominantx2


Posts: 34
Joined: 12/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline 		don't have the time for games. they want to play them they can find another Dom to do it with.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 39
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