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Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 5:04:32 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		My mother used to tell me, "I am not your friend, I am your mother, you will always get new friends, you can only have one mother"

It got me to thinking about D/s, can a submissive and a dominant be friends within the context of a D/s dynamic? Do you consider yourself to be friends with your sub or dom? Do you think that friendship is antithetical to a D/s relationship? Would you like to be friends with your D/s partner?

I know that different dynamics have different needs so I am supposing that everyone will have a differing view.. I have no "should be" view on the subject... I was just curious about what others think

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 5:10:55 PM   
OhReallyNow


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		interesting question, and one this slave will admit to never having really thought about
 
Are Master and I friends? This slave would say no, not friends in the way that you seem to be inferring. In this slave's eyes, friendship would mean that both are equals; and this slave does not see herself as an equal to Master.
 
Does this slave wish that she and Master were friends? Again, no. This slave is quite happy with the dynamic that is shared and would not wish to change it.

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~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 5:11:54 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


It got me to thinking about D/s, can a submissive and a dominant be friends within the context of a D/s dynamic? Do you consider yourself to be friends with your sub or dom? Do you think that friendship is antithetical to a D/s relationship? Would you like to be friends with your D/s partner?



Absolutely.  I say if you can't dress him up and go out in public, what good is it all :)  ... and we have lasted over 9 years.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 5:12:05 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		 
In the relationship between the three of us we are each others friends, lovers, life-partners, confidants, sounding boards, advisors, etc as well as being in a poly relationship where his is master and alandra and I are his slaves.  We are all these things to each other and many more and all of it just enhances the dynamic between us.

Knight's kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 5:17:14 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, my Daddy and I are friends...I would even go so far as to say best friends. Sure, there are times when the dynamic of our relationship prevents a high five for a touchdown, but it's always an underlying foundation. Our friendship makes for a jumping off place for the rest of our relationship. It keeps us grounded when neither of us is feeling particularly "dynamic" at that moment. He's always there as a sounding board for me and I would imagine that He feels the same way about me. Each of us with our different perspectives can often come up with an orginal solution to the same old problems. I think our friendship is the strongest thing to come out of our relationship if not the most exciting.

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~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 5:23:14 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I'd say we're friends.  Just the other night we both said how neither of us like to talk on the phone much, but we love talking with each other.  I ask his opinion on many things and he asks mine on some...it's kind of hard since we are in totally different types of businesses.  I don't think I could have a relationship with anyone I didn't like and if I like the person, I consider that person a friend.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 5:42:28 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, we are friends. Incredibly close in that area actually. We are also in love with each other. He is still my Dom no matter what is going on. I love that we can have so many wonderful dynamics to our relationship.

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“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to bandit25)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 5:46:57 PM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Single now but when the next time comes around we'd better start out as friends and end up being best buddies/partners/lovers,etc. or it ain't going to work.......

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 6:22:07 PM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		I believe and know it is possible and it is what I seek. Heck, I already have friends that dominate me in subtle ways but not actually or ever will be for various reasons in a D/s relationship.

-mellian


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Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to stockingluvr54)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 6:46:38 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Best Friends, Lovers, Partners in Crime, Master/slave,  Daddy/lil girl,  Dom/switch

We've got a lot going on, lol, but we both love it and could not immagine things without one another.  The way we live might not be for anyone else but it works great for us.

K

(in reply to mellian)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 6:53:41 PM   
subinside


Posts: 233
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Toronto, ON
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

My mother used to tell me, "I am not your friend, I am your mother, you will always get new friends, you can only have one mother"

It got me to thinking about D/s, can a submissive and a dominant be friends within the context of a D/s dynamic? Do you consider yourself to be friends with your sub or dom? Do you think that friendship is antithetical to a D/s relationship? Would you like to be friends with your D/s partner?


Pardon my french.. but my first reaction to this question was "i sure as hell hope so!"

I would expect my Dom to be my best friend.. end of story.

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~si

You want me to call You what?... i'll take it under advisement.

000-150-313

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 7:01:06 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Well I consider my Dom my friend too everyone...

I just thought I would ask because 1) I thought it would be interesting 2) I thought there might be more people that felt the authority within their dynamics would be threatened by friendship. Friendship and companionship are beautiful things though

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to subinside)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 7:10:18 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I consider my Dom my friend too.  I can't imagine having a relationship any other way.  But I understand how some people would prefer a purer version of D/s.  D/s is important to us, but it isn't always the major thrust of everything we share.  We have some great times just hanging out and doing what vanilla (shock!) people do.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 7:17:54 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

We have some great times just hanging out and doing what vanilla (shock!) people do.


Does that mean you are only in it for the kinky sex and the vanilla fun??? Wow paint me flabbergasted (WEG)

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 7:20:07 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Does that mean you are only in it for the kinky sex


Shhhh, don't tell on me.




_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 7:23:09 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think D/s is any "purer" if you aren't friends or lovers, it's simply different. I feel our friendship and romance enhances our D/s. He IS my very best friend- the first person I want to share news with, commiserate with, celebrate with. He is also my one great romance..I've never felt so intimately connected with anyone else, and of course, he is my Master, and I am his slave. All those things together create a dynamic that works for us. 

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 7:29:44 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe in a very non-traditional sense.  I wouldn't call what we have a friendship, although an element of what we have is friendship.  Hard to explain.  Like OhReallyNow, I have never really thought about it.

Edited to add:  My mother used to tell me that, too.  Funny in that now I am taking care of so many things for her.  She and I have become good friends now, however.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 9/17/2006 7:30:57 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 7:35:57 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		While I don't have a Master at this point I could not see myself happy in a relationship where I was not friends with my Master. When I finally do choose a Master I want my best friend, my soul mate, my lover and my Master. Some would say I want to much and that I am limiting myself and dening myself the opertunity to serve. But I refuse to settle for less.

aurora

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 7:47:13 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Know that old saying "To everything there is a season and a time.,,"?
 
When you are with your dominant you CAN be a friend.. the situation determines the appropriateness of it.  Slave and I shift back and forth during an activity.
 
Let's say, we are shopping or in a restaurant and chatting, when the situation warrants it where he should behave in his capacity as my slave, he does.    It's a permission to be "at ease" until service is required.
 
This is what training is all about to begin with...no? :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 7:50:38 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I am thinking that this will be another case where there will be many varying viewpoints.To my viewpoint you need at least some form of friendship with your mate, face it you will always have that underlying D/s thing but I certainly cannot imagine that you would want to spend anytime with your mate if you didnt like them as well when in vanilla land.And for the most part from what I have observed most Dominants want to be all to their sub/slaves so why not friends as well?...Tempting

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 20
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