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RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 8:09:15 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

In the relationship between the three of us we are each others friends, lovers, life-partners, confidants, sounding boards, advisors, etc as well as being in a poly relationship where his is master and alandra and I are his slaves. We are all these things to each other and many more and all of it just enhances the dynamic between us.

As kyra notes we have alot of different aspects within our poly-relationship. However, at the end of the day my girls are my slaves. It is the Primary structure of the relationship. The other various aspects are the roles that play within our dynamics and are secondary to the primary.

The interest thing to consider is that these various roles that exist within our dynamics is an enhancing aspect to our primary M/s structure. I believe that if we didn't have most if not all of these other aspect/roles within our relationship that our M/s structure would have no foundation and would soon fall.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 9/17/2006 8:10:05 PM >

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 21

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 9:17:09 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

I have had relationships within the context or alongside the context of D/s which included an equal component of friendship.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 22

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/17/2006 9:33:13 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Yes, we are friends. I see my slaves as equal human beings with an equal stake in the relationship who happen to choose to defer to me.

Master FIre

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 23

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 3:34:44 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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lol.........My mother never said that to me, but when my sprogs ask, *What kind of mother ARE you?!!* ...I answer * The only damn mother you've got*.

My Master was my friend, my best friend, for years, far longer than I've been owned by him,....that would still be the case if I decided that I didn't wish to be a slave any longer. But I AM his slave.

Being his slave altered the friendship part........ whereas once he would listen, advise and suggest ......now he has authority to listen, direct and insist.

It's different........he's not my friend... the ownership has changed it. Nothing has been lost, though, because what MADE him my friend initially, is there.....but the dynamic means pure friendship isn't possible. All the time that he can alter my behaviour, change my direction and control and direct me, he is my Master, not a friend.

agirl

Lightheartedly.....my friends don't beat me...lol

< Message edited by agirl -- 9/18/2006 3:37:41 AM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 24

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 5:35:39 AM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
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Before Phoenix was my Master, he was my best friend. If something were to happen and we found our D/s relationship unhealthy to one or both of us we would walk away from that aspect of our relationship remaining best of friends. Knowing that our friendship was/is important to use helps us in our D/s roles.

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 9/18/2006 5:49:38 AM >

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Post #: 25

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 6:02:37 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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In my opinion before you can have a relationship with someone there has to be some kind of friendship. That getting to know each other phase where you talk about every day stuff, jobs, hobbies, family etc. In my vanilla relationships that friendship just grew with the relationship and ended with it too lol. In d/s i'm not sure that i am friends with my Sir - we have some kind of friendship - we chat in general just like i do with friends but its not the same. I guess its in the dynamics but not exactly sure how its different.

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Post #: 26

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 7:32:34 AM

Nimkii

Posts: 67
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

all depends on comfort level I would think. Too each there own and best of luck. being my friend would not save ya from you ass being flogged. it just might happen more often cause I know the person I would be playing with very well.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 27

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 8:05:04 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Being his slave altered the friendship part........ whereas once he would listen, advise and suggest ......now he has authority to listen, direct and insist.

Very well said! This is exactly how I feel, only you said it much better. I'd like to add this to my manual, reference included (your screen name here and collarme.com). Is that ok?

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 28

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 8:12:46 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Being his slave altered the friendship part........ whereas once he would listen, advise and suggest ......now he has authority to listen, direct and insist.

Very well said! This is exactly how I feel, only you said it much better. I'd like to add this to my manual, reference included (your screen name here and collarme.com). Is that ok?

Master Fire

You're welcome, Master Fire.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 29

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 9:04:24 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
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i didn't come to Master as a friend.. and although W/we do have friendly elements, i notice when i get those "friendly feelings" i do the peer jump and find myself way out of rank and position and end up in trouble.

On the flipside, if the M/s dynamic gets out of phase, there is decidedly NO friendship there. It's balls to the walls power exchange. He'll power my ass to the curb. lol.

mavis ~ who's done the curb-crawl a bit ...

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 30

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 9:07:58 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

I'm going to echo this. I was reading the posts and thinking maybe we are in a odd sort of non-traditional way. I really couldn't explain it though. I don't think about it either. It is what it is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Maybe in a very non-traditional sense. I wouldn't call what we have a friendship, although an element of what we have is friendship. Hard to explain. Like OhReallyNow, I have never really thought about it.

Edited to add: My mother used to tell me that, too. Funny in that now I am taking care of so many things for her. She and I have become good friends now, however.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 31

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 9:15:39 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
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Answer two, on the second dynamic.. with HusDom.. He likes the friendship thing. i loathe it. When He says stuff like "but aren't you My little buddy?" i get very upset. i don't WANT to be Your little buddy, i want to be Your sex kitten, partner, submissive, the woman that fulfills Your man-side.. not Your little buddy. good gawd. how demeaning.

Little buddy to me implies i have no investment in outcomes, friends never try to get past your walls, they don't seek or offer transparency, they don't count on each other in more than the most general terms. They're just friends.

That's why we use the term "fuck buddy" for a casual comfortable liason that includes sex. i need that from a primary partner like i need a hole in the head.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 32

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 11:47:47 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

lol.........My mother never said that to me, but when my sprogs ask, *What kind of mother ARE you?!!* ...I answer * The only damn mother you've got*.

My Master was my friend, my best friend, for years, far longer than I've been owned by him,....that would still be the case if I decided that I didn't wish to be a slave any longer. But I AM his slave.

Being his slave altered the friendship part........ whereas once he would listen, advise and suggest ......now he has authority to listen, direct and insist.

It's different........he's not my friend... the ownership has changed it. Nothing has been lost, though, because what MADE him my friend initially, is there.....but the dynamic means pure friendship isn't possible. All the time that he can alter my behaviour, change my direction and control and direct me, he is my Master, not a friend.

agirl

Lightheartedly.....my friends don't beat me...lol

Like MasterFire, I like your answer too. I think you put it very well.

I've tried to explain to some other dominants and several submissives before that I want to be friends with my submissive and partner but not in the traditional sense.
It seems that so often, when you step back and look at some of the relationships that fail, part of the reason...in varying degrees...was an "over-reliance", too many fallbacks, on the "but...we're friends" part. Sometimes, it was used properly...sometimes it was used because something came up that someone didn't want to do. Some can't seem to get past the part that the D/s dynamic is the primary dynamic. Yes, friendship and partnership and love and romance and day-to-day life are all a part of the dynamic but in my mind, they are enhancements of the relationship...elements of it in much the same way that BDSM is an enhancement and an element for many...but the D/s dynamic is what drives the relationship.
For...as you noted, whether the degree of change he can make in your life is big or small, it is something he could not do as "just a friend", whether he was your best friend or not.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 33

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 3:58:23 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

,It got me to thinking about D/s, can a submissive and a dominant be friends within the context of a D/s dynamic?

Some can, some can't.

quote:

Do you consider yourself to be friends with your sub or dom?

Not really.

quote:

Do you think that friendship is antithetical to a D/s relationship?

No.

quote:

Would you like to be friends with your D/s partner?

Nope, that's what I have friends for :)

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 9/18/2006 4:18:28 PM >

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 34

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 4:09:06 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

Would you like to be friends with your D/s partner?

Nope, that's what I have friends for :)

I liked this. I say that a lot, in fact, when friends are so concerned that he & I don't hang out and go to the movies and such: "That's what I have you for!"

And I can't beliiieeeeeve you messed up your quotes!!!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 35

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 4:19:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
And I can't beliiieeeeeve you messed up your quotes!!!

LOL fixed, I'm way off my schedule today.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 36

RE: Friendship and D/s - 9/18/2006 4:22:36 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

For me, I feel that my Dom should be my lover, my love, my best friend, the other half of my soul, etc.

If you are truly inspired to submission, then being friends shouldn't ruin the dynamic in any way.

Personally I could neither love nor submit to a man who was not my friend.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 37

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