Honoring agreements. (Full Version)

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Homestead -> Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:31:43 AM)

D/s has quite a bit to do with structure and negotiated agreements. To my way of thinking there are basic morals and ethics a person has-and they need to be made clear and honored.

And if one of the parties later on chooses to violate those without a specific renegotation, it's a deal breaker. What do you think about honoring agreements?



mnottertail -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:36:41 AM)

For the most part, total agreement.  However; there might be a situation can occur that forces you to break an agreement (I shall not contrive one here) that is because of unusual and extraordinary circumstances.




darkinshadows -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:39:34 AM)

If an agreement is made, then it should not be broken unless the circumstances are and were unforseen.
Seeing as you used the word violate - that would make one assume that there was no reason and therefore, unacceptable.  Therefore, contract broken (even if there was no 'written' contract to begin with).
 
Peace and Rapture



diamonddreamlove -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:42:56 AM)

I agree but life does happen and sometimes the rules have to change to allow a relationship to continue.  For instance i have in the past because of being married preferred married Doms.  However my vanilla husband died and now that could create problems within the established relationships because i no longer have a primary vanilla relationship.  Is beyond my control (lol not getting married to vanilla or perhaps anyone else again) and could be a deal breaker because the Dom wants someone who does not need or want more from Him than He is willing to give.  It also may have no bearing on any D/s relationship that exist now.  Future relationships may have different acceptance rules although i seriously doubt it.

diamond



julietsierra -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:43:33 AM)

I've taken the stance that once I've made an agreement, I stick to it. My only concession to this rule is if my health is in jeopardy for honoring such an agreement.

It's worked out quite nicely. Difficult at times, but quite nicely.

juliet



MsKatHouston -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:44:28 AM)

I think agreements should be honored.  But I also think there should be room for review and renegotiation as people grow and preferences change.  Open communication, as always, is the key here.  Anyone who has been in a relationship for a long period of time knows that what you started out with as limits and preferences on day one likely changes, sometimes drastically, by year 5.  So, ensuring there is communication and readdressing the agreement periodically will help.



mnottertail -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:44:35 AM)

What about my beer, you lovely and luscious serving wench and blatant contract violator?

XO,
Ron



sleazybutterfly -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:44:58 AM)

i agree.  i think that people don't take their agreements as serious anymore.  These are the days of the two day marriage, and the one day divorce.  When two people make any commitment/agreement, then it should be followed through, unless there is a major circumstantial change for one of the parties.
 
 
*Andrea*



darkinshadows -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:49:02 AM)

Didn't you have enough last night?
Oh I forgot, they pulled it [;)]...
 
Do I have to wear the outfit again?
Peace and Rapture



Homestead -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:50:01 AM)

There seems to be a modern idea that honor can be trumped by convenience and selfish desire.

The massive amounts of marital infidelity seem to support this. And yet, it is done, even when the conseqeunces to themselves and others are grave. I understand the need for a degree of flexibility. People are dynamic entities. But without SOME degree of foundational stability,what sort of structure will stand?



darkinshadows -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:54:12 AM)

I do agree with you on this.

However your words were chosen specifically. 

quote:

And if one of the parties later on chooses to violate those without a specific renegotation, it's a deal breaker.

In some marriages, divorce is a mutual seperation, therefore not a violation of a contract.  Honouring one another is far more important than any previous contract.  I do not see that as anything more than the desire by both parties to move forward.
 
Peace and Rapture



Homestead -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:56:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

I do agree with you on this.

However your words were chosen specifically. 

quote:

And if one of the parties later on chooses to violate those without a specific renegotation, it's a deal breaker.

In some marriages, divorce is a mutual seperation, therefore not a violation of a contract.  Honouring one another is far more important than any previous contract.  I do not see that as anything more than the desire by both parties to move forward.
 
Peace and Rapture



I covered this by suggesting renegotiation.

Doing it unilaterally is dishonorable.



mnottertail -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:57:42 AM)

I was way to tired to have even one beer last night, I am sprucing the place up for your impending arrival.

you will certainly wear the wenching gear, this could be negotiated down to your not being required to wear anything if it pleases you mistress. (LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL)

Other than that, comere you.............



Contesaluv -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:59:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

I think agreements should be honored.  But I also think there should be room for review and renegotiation as people grow and preferences change.  Open communication, as always, is the key here.  Anyone who has been in a relationship for a long period of time knows that what you started out with as limits and preferences on day one likely changes, sometimes drastically, by year 5.  So, ensuring there is communication and readdressing the agreement periodically will help.


It pays to read before you begin typing because having read your post all I can say is.  I AGREE!...LOL  Well, said and could you please get out of my head now.  Just kidding!



julietsierra -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 8:59:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

I think agreements should be honored.  But I also think there should be room for review and renegotiation as people grow and preferences change. 


And this is why we never actually "negotiated." He said his rules, his bus, my ride. I said that I wouldn't leave until he told me to go. It kind of covers everything.(I also hummed the greyhound theme song)

juliet



darkinshadows -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 9:00:14 AM)

quote:

I covered this by suggesting renegotiation.

Doing it unilaterally is dishonorable.

Agreed.  As a question (hope you do not mind) - do you consider the renegotiation, if it leads to divorce, a new contract - of sorts?
 
Peace and Rapture



Homestead -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 9:00:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

I think agreements should be honored.  But I also think there should be room for review and renegotiation as people grow and preferences change. 


And this is why we never actually "negotiated." He said his rules, his bus, my ride. I said that I wouldn't leave until he told me to go. It kind of covers everything.(I also hummed the greyhound theme song)

juliet


And that WAS the deal. And you have both honored it since then.[;)]



Homestead -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 9:01:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

quote:

I covered this by suggesting renegotiation.

Doing it unilaterally is dishonorable.

Agreed.  As a question (hope you do not mind) - do you consider the renegotiation, if it leads to divorce, a new contract - of sorts?
 
Peace and Rapture



No. It's a dissolution of an old contract.



darkinshadows -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 9:03:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I was way to tired to have even one beer last night, I am sprucing the place up for your impending arrival.

you will certainly wear the wenching gear, this could be negotiated down to your not being required to wear anything if it pleases you mistress. (LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL)

Other than that, comere you.............


Mistress?????????  Oh yike at that Ron - I think we need to re-negociate....[:D]



Contesaluv -> RE: Honoring agreements. (9/4/2006 9:04:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

i agree.  i think that people don't take their agreements as serious anymore.  These are the days of the two day marriage, and the one day divorce.  When two people make any commitment/agreement, then it should be followed through, unless there is a major circumstantial change for one of the parties.
 
 
*Andrea*


I believe this happens because people are not clear about  who they truly are and what they're really willing to accept and enter into.  Clarity is a hard thing to achieve in human communication but it is nonetheless attainable.  It just takes work sometimes. So, if everyone's clear from the beginning then a contract should work well.  However, there will still need to be reviews and renegotiations.  Too many rush into things that they're not sure of or think they're clear on only to find that there understanding of it initially was not the same understanding of the other party.  IMHO 



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