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ORIGINAL: Contesaluv

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ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

i agree.  i think that people don't take their agreements as serious anymore.  These are the days of the two day marriage, and the one day divorce.  When two people make any commitment/agreement, then it should be followed through, unless there is a major circumstantial change for one of the parties.
 
 
*Andrea*

I believe this happens because people are not clear about  who they truly are and what they're really willing to accept and enter into.  Clarity is a hard thing to achieve in human communication but it is nonetheless attainable.  It just takes work sometimes. So, if everyone's clear from the beginning then a contract should work well.  However, there will still need to be reviews and renegotiations.  Too many rush into things that they're not sure of or think they're clear on only to find that there understanding of it initially was not the same understanding of the other party.  IMHO 

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra

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ORIGINAL: amayos

If all did this, we would cease to hear most of the incessant whinning and horror stories imparted in the BDSM community.

But then, what would we have to talk about?

juliet

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ORIGINAL: Homestead

D/s has quite a bit to do with structure and negotiated agreements. To my way of thinking there are basic morals and ethics a person has-and they need to be made clear and honored.

And if one of the parties later on chooses to violate those without a specific renegotation, it's a deal breaker. What do you think about honoring agreements?

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ORIGINAL: amayos

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra

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ORIGINAL: amayos

If all did this, we would cease to hear most of the incessant whinning and horror stories imparted in the BDSM community.

But then, what would we have to talk about?

juliet

What a great question. I feel there would be plenty to talk about if misinformation, bad choice and lack of accountability were to somehow magically go away: the honing of techniques, training, psychology, philosophy and the enrichment of all the designs one can imagine.

Perhaps we could actually begin to speak with a more unified coherence, and through embracing responsibility, accountability and honor in our choices and actions, show to the rest of our fearful fellow man that what we do is not simply a realm of dysfunctional "adult fantasy games."

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ORIGINAL: marieToo

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ORIGINAL: Homestead

D/s has quite a bit to do with structure and negotiated agreements. To my way of thinking there are basic morals and ethics a person has-and they need to be made clear and honored.

And if one of the parties later on chooses to violate those without a specific renegotation, it's a deal breaker. What do you think about honoring agreements?

I believe that all relationships have to do with structure and negotiation.  Even if its not the 'in your face' type that might take place in some BDSM relations. 

Your statement of basic morals and ethics, in my mind, would apply to any and all types of relationships.  Am I missing the heart of the matter in your post?

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ORIGINAL: amayos

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra

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ORIGINAL: amayos

If all did this, we would cease to hear most of the incessant whinning and horror stories imparted in the BDSM community.

But then, what would we have to talk about?

juliet

What a great question. I feel there would be plenty to talk about if misinformation, bad choice and lack of accountability were to somehow magically go away: the honing of techniques, training, psychology, philosophy and the enrichment of all the designs one can imagine.

Perhaps we could actually begin to speak with a more unified coherence, and through embracing responsibility, accountability and honor in our choices and actions, show to the rest of our fearful fellow man that what we do is not simply a realm of dysfunctional "adult fantasy games."

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ORIGINAL: Homestead

The base idea is that you need to know yourself to honor such a contract. Which is why I prefer those with experience in these realms. It usually takes several years to sort yourself out in D/s. Some use flexible structures that allow for change, others do not.

The exit option is always open in any.

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ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

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ORIGINAL: Homestead

The base idea is that you need to know yourself to honor such a contract. Which is why I prefer those with experience in these realms. It usually takes several years to sort yourself out in D/s. Some use flexible structures that allow for change, others do not.

The exit option is always open in any.

The basic idea in any relationship is you need to know yourself.  People go into a marriage expecting it to be a contract that lasts forever.  50% end in divorce because they didn't know themselves well enough to negotiate with a full understanding of themselves and that contract.

From what I have seen here (not scientific) more than 50% have been in at least one D/s relationship that ended in an unsatisfactory way.  Why?  Because one or the other party did not know themselves well enough to know what they wanted in a D/s relationship.

Of course, as long as you hold open the "exit option" as a renegotiation, then your question is moot as change is ALWAYS understood as a renegotiation.  The only contract I will ever get into again in my life will be one which is D/s in nature and which will be forever, without an "exit option".  Which is why I am living with, serving and loving my Dominant without being collared.  When (or if) that happens, there will be NO exit option. 

Consequently, serious time is necessary to understand whom each of us is and how we relate over a long term. 

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Agreements should be honored.  But as others have pointed out, life changes, desires change, circumstances change, etc.  Relationships either adapt and evolve with such curves, or suffer distress.  Master and I have had conversations about "giving one's word" because to keep one's word just for the sake of keeping it can ultimately become detrimental. 

This is not to say there ought not to be a basic foundation laid out that all parties can rely on.  Perhaps it is that basic foundation you are speaking of when you presented this subject.

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ORIGINAL: Homestead

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Agreements should be honored.  But as others have pointed out, life changes, desires change, circumstances change, etc.  Relationships either adapt and evolve with such curves, or suffer distress.  Master and I have had conversations about "giving one's word" because to keep one's word just for the sake of keeping it can ultimately become detrimental. 

This is not to say there ought not to be a basic foundation laid out that all parties can rely on.  Perhaps it is that basic foundation you are speaking of when you presented this subject.

The foundational aspects are simply basic precepts that allow for functionality in day to day life. Very few have anything to do with kink.

I don't "found" on silly sexual impulses. I do it on core natures and needs.

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ORIGINAL: Homestead

D/s has quite a bit to do with structure and negotiated agreements. To my way of thinking there are basic morals and ethics a person has-and they need to be made clear and honored.

And if one of the parties later on chooses to violate those without a specific renegotation, it's a deal breaker. What do you think about honoring agreements?

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

Perhaps we could actually begin to speak with a more unified coherence, and through embracing responsibility, accountability and honor in our choices and actions, show to the rest of our fearful fellow man that what we do is not simply a realm of dysfunctional "adult fantasy games."

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: Homestead

D/s has quite a bit to do with structure and negotiated agreements. To my way of thinking there are basic morals and ethics a person has-and they need to be made clear and honored.

And if one of the parties later on chooses to violate those without a specific renegotation, it's a deal breaker. What do you think about honoring agreements?

I have a different point of view on this than those that were expressed. I believe in personal growth and with that comes the possibility that someone will have a change of heart, thought, or focus. While these things may bring pain to me and a certain degree of anger. I don't believe in keeping someone in a situation or relationship they no longer wish to be a part of. It is impossible to predict where we will be five or ten years from now. In a perfect world we hope our partnerships will be fulfilling and long lasting but that isn't always the case. Depending on the nature of the violation and the ramifications of such, renegotiation may not be possible. If parting is the only means that is feasible for one or two, I still believe I'm better off in the long run. I'm free to live rather than exist in a lifeless pairing.

porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra

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ORIGINAL: amayos

Perhaps we could actually begin to speak with a more unified coherence, and through embracing responsibility, accountability and honor in our choices and actions, show to the rest of our fearful fellow man that what we do is not simply a realm of dysfunctional "adult fantasy games."

I LOVE this idea.. I really do.

But...unified coherence? We can't even agree on what we all call ourselves (and I am NOT starting a sub vs. slave discussion here). I think we have a ways to go before we get to a unified coherence... unless of course, you'd all like to agree with ....

me.

*laughing* (gawd, I am so submissive!)

juliet