RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging?

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 8:10:27 AM

julietsierra

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

It appears that while the practices of the opposite group may be tolerated, there isn't a real understanding or respect for each other...

..."Why would I want anyone to treat me like that?" "You should have freedom to satisfy your sexual desires with anyone you wish". That sort of thing. It felt like they were trying to convince me to throw out what I believe in....mostly just so they could get a piece. I found that I came away from the experience feeling like everything that I feel so strongly about was disregarded and disrespected or viewed as some sort of game.

Yep. I understand where you're coming from. The thing is...I'd be willing to bet that that person believed strongly in what he was doing and thought your actions seemed more like a game.

I really do think that the biggest part is what you said...there is just not a lot of understanding.

Each group holds on to vestigages of vanilla. For you, it may be monogamy. For them, it may be that no one should be under the dictates of someone else. Neither group wants to admit that the vanilla ideals that structured so much of our early lives still show up in the decisions we make for our lives now. But they do.

I guess, if you're not happy with attending one of these functions,.. you shouldn't attend... but to claim that everyone has their own agenda of fantasy fulfillment when it comes to swingers...um...so do we when it comes to D/s relationships.

What makes things work for me is that our D/s life isn't necessarily a public one. I am far less interested in whether someone respects my choices or not. They are my choices. Take it or leave it. I don't get all worked up when they don't. (not saying you do, just speaking for myself). This life we lead isn't for everyone and even if they are disrespectful when it comes to our lifestyle choices, it doesn't mean we have to behave in like manner when it comes to theirs.

or is it mine...
or...
ok, I'm confused. I like the swingers. I like the D/s-ers. To me, it's like a library. Today, I'm reading something lighthearted and fun. Tomorrow, I'm reading something adventureous...but no matter what I'm reading, I'm still his slave...and what he says goes.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 9/2/2006 8:11:19 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 8:21:50 AM

Homestead

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I left the local scene in seattle over this issue. The owner of the main club there decided that she needed more revenue and allowed swingers in. Now the local swing clubs do not allow stag males to attend. You have to bring a female partner. So many single males began coming to the club. The orientations did not cover bdsm culture very well-and there was a great deal of annoyance from the d/s crowd as these men began hitting on the attached fem subs. Still the owner refused to do anything about this, and many of us voted with our feet.

To this day, I refuse to be at events with swingers.

< Message edited by Homestead -- 9/2/2006 8:22:20 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 8:26:01 AM

PlayfulOne

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Doesn't one think it really depends on the people? Sure you can find swingers in the group who can be overbearing and pushy, one can also find D/sers who are the same way. I don't expect the swingers to understand "protocols" anymore than I expect the couple we met at the hotel pool to understand them. Funny how we tell someone if they are at a munch or event and are approached they may just say no, but if they are swingers it appears we can't just do the same.

Please don't try and tell me when it is only a D/s event everyone there understands and respects protocols and procedures. Howcan I possibly know what your protocols are to begin with. We all have differnt thoughts and opinions inside of our relatinoships.

There is a swing group here which has several D/s couples in it and that group seems to function just fine. As with anything else it simply depends on the people.

K

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 8:31:10 AM

Homestead

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

Doesn't one think it really depends on the people? Sure you can find swingers in the group who can be overbearing and pushy, one can also find D/sers who are the same way. I don't expect the swingers to understand "protocols" anymore than I expect the couple we met at the hotel pool to understand them. Funny how we tell someone if they are at a munch or event and are approached they may just say no, but if they are swingers it appears we can't just do the same.

Please don't try and tell me when it is only a D/s event everyone there understands and respects protocols and procedures. Howcan I possibly know what your protocols are to begin with. We all have differnt thoughts and opinions inside of our relatinoships.

There is a swing group here which has several D/s couples in it and that group seems to function just fine. As with anything else it simply depends on the people.

K

It up to those who host events to educate those who attend them. It also up to the hosts and monitors to enforce the comfort zones that were agreed to when one signed thier waivers.

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 8:38:17 AM

leila7

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Yes.. I agree. The comment that swingers don't understand protocol overlooked the fact that theirs is a DIFFERENT protocol. They do understand and respect their protocols. Many of the posts seemed to be looking down on swingers for not respecting the DS protocols while at the same time ignoring or disregarding the Swinger Protocols.

I have been to mixed events - it does not always work well because people tend to not recognize the protocols of others. The ones that worked the best were held in large enough facilities where sex could be limited to one area, S/M to another, and in the middle a social area.

People wore name tags - a tag that said Hello My Name is meant this person is a swinger. A blank tag with just a name on it meant NOT a swinger.

It wasn't much but it gave people an idea of what kind of behavior would be welcomed.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 10:05:39 AM

mistoferin

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I enjoy public play at BDSM events. I guess I am kind of an exhibitionist in some ways and it is true that many others there are too. There are also many voyeurs. But all the years I have attended and played could not prepare me for the first time I ever attended a "mixed" party. There was a sub on a cross taking a fairly solid flogging. A couple pulled up a mat and laid down right at her feet and began masturbating while watching the scene. The man even reached up and ran his hand up the inside of the subs thigh. I guess maybe that is deemed to be okay in swinging circles. I've also seen swingers walk into the middle of a scene and begin asking questions to the Dominant or pick up a toy that belonged to the scening couple and walk away with it to use on someone. I guess that kind of stuff is just not my cup of tea, which is why I don't frequent that type of party.

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 10:14:31 AM

Homestead

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It's the lack of respect for property in general that disturbs me about swingers.

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 10:34:51 AM

LaTigresse

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Erin and Homestead I would feel exactly the same way which is why I would be rather hestitant to attend a function unless I was very comfortable with how it would be in advance, especially if I were to bring someone with me. What is mine is mine. I have big issues with a lack of manners and respect. If another person even considered laying a hand on my significant other they would certainly regret it. Granted there would be exceptions, friends warmly greeting friends or something agreed upon by all parties concerned but as a rule......hands off.

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 11:06:31 AM

MysticFireTopaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
My own personal opinion is that I have never enjoyed these types of parties as most of the time swingers don't seem to have much understanding of protocols and tend to view everyone there as possible partners....sometimes causing some friction when approaching the D/s folks. Any thoughts?

I have about the same opinion and tend to avoid "mixed" events. Since BDSM interests Me and swinging doesn't, I attend BDSM only parties.

Lady Topaz

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 7:13:19 PM

Merritt27

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Joined: 8/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
I like the swingers. I like the D/s-ers. To me, it's like a library. Today, I'm reading something lighthearted and fun. Tomorrow, I'm reading something adventureous...but no matter what I'm reading, I'm still his slave...and what he says goes.

I totally agree. What Daddy says goes. We attended a mixed party last weekend and had a great time. The group was a pretty good mix and everyone was respectful of both our being new to the group and our relationship. At one point, a gentleman that was a swinger and "D/s friendly" approached Daddy and asked him what would and would not be appropriate concerning me. It all goes back to manners, tact and good taste...some people have those things and some people don't....if they don't, Daddy wouldn't let them near me regardless.

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 8:29:28 PM

Kree

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Joined: 6/13/2006
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The munch group I attended for awhile lost me when I realized that the people heading up the group were swingers. The fact that they were swingers did not bother me as much as the simple fact that they were using the BDSM world as a way to troll new submissives for sexual activities. They rarely hit on the more experienced people and rarely invited them to the "after the munch parties" because they knew that people with experience would let the new submissives know that what they planned was not a normal part of BDSM munches. When the people running a munch have an agenda that includes luring people in fpor their swinging activities, the munch group suffers and the BDSM world probably loses a lot of people that are mislead into thinking that swinging is wiitwd.

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RE: Mixed functions....D/s and swinging? - 9/2/2006 10:45:10 PM

Sirandlittle1

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We have attended a pansexual nights, which include both sets of folks, and more.
If you can live and let live, it will work. If you want to dissappear up your own asshole coz someone talked to your sub without asking your permission first, dont go.
No thankyou, is universal to all groups.
As for people spanking each other just for fun? heavens forbid eh?
littleone

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